Should I...dance with my...son?

[3wishes]

Would LOVE some input here. My son, who dances Am Smooth and some Rhythm, has a very limited budget. He's 22, living on his own, sharing costs of apartment, etc. However, his job was almost on the chopping block until the family of employees came up with a plan of work furlow days which saved the company from laying off. Small company - 6 employees. He really misses dancing...it has been suggested to both of us, that we might try dancing together. Mom and son. Saves money, he'll continue learning, etc. I could use some input here...thoughts...I've never heard of an adult son dancing with his mom in competition. Lessons are a different thing, even showcase hmmm, that's ok too as there is a variety...but competition????! Come on, parents/teachers:o of adult ballroom children..chime in.

[Chris Stratton]

I know of someone who danced with his mother in the past at a fairly high level. And I can recall seeing a father/daughter combination in gold? at some collegiate comps.

My gut feeling is that it should be up to the adult child to decide if it's something they want to do as the subtleties of comfort, image presented to peers, whatever from that perspective are not and probably should not be fully visible to the parent.

[3wishes]

oh, he's the one suggesting it. Very free spirited child of mine. It's me, I'm the hitch in the getty-upp! I've just never heard of such a thing.

[fascination]

my pro dances with his daughter...i don't see any difference or problem with it

[Chris Stratton]

Maybe you could try it at one of the smaller, less well attended competitions and see how you each feel about it afterwards.

[Katarzyna]

My partner danced with his mom back in Atlanta as he could not get a partner there.... its an option :)

[tanya_the_dancer]

I've seen some father-daughter couples, so mother-son should be fine. Hey, if my son wanted to dance, I'd dance with him.

[madmaximus]

There are many dimensions to this question.

1. A father-daughter partnership (I used to know one) works fairly well, since the "authority figure" relationship (the daughter's words, not mine), are reflected very easily into the dance partnership. One must consider how that would work when it is a mother-son dynamic.

2. The only opinion that matters is yours. How do you personally feel about it? If you have discomfort around it (which seems to be the case), then that discomfort will show up in the partner relationship, your own personal relationship, and in the dancing. The discomfort may go away over time, or it may not. Only you may answer that effectively.

3. Ask yourself why you are entering into the partnership. It might not be fair (depending upon the level of your son) if your only purpose is to help. To put it bluntly, a dancer needs to have a partner with the same raison d'etre in order to achieve what they need to achieve. A disparity in purpose is a cross-purpose and will eventually lead to discontent and a separation.

4. If the reason for the partnership is to maintain your son's skills at a reasonable level while things improve, then this might be a viable alternative IF your skills are higher than or equal to his. Otherwise, you will be dragging his skills down instead. At which point he is better off finding a suitable (even if temporary) partner with the appropriate skills.

5. Like it or not, competitions, and the preparations for them, create stress. Are you (and your son) ready to deal with them together? I would echo Chris' suggestion of trying it out in a smaller, relatively less attended comp and evaluate how you would move forward.

6. Dance Competition is about effectively working with someone to improve one's skills and competing to win. Approach it from that perspective, and I think you'll be okay. Opinions, doubts, and socio-cultural views notwithstanding.



At the end of the day, all these questions may fall to the wayside. And when the dust settles down, you and your son might find a mutual point of interest that puts you closer together, and have a stronger relationship.





m

[pnoisette]

I remember competing against John Selby and his mother and they were beautiful together!

[Christel M.]

I have to say, I am in hopes of dancing with my son at some point. Of course he is only 2.5 right now:-) But, IF he wants to dance I would encourage him to dance with me in pro/am and then with an amateur partner in the appropriate age category.

I think I remember at one time on a Ohio Star Ball Pbs taping, Bill Davies danced with his daughter Wendi... am I correct on this?

[etp777]

Knowing that family, I wouldn't be surprised in the least, Christel.

[Angel HI]

...I've never heard of an adult son dancing with his mom in competition. Lessons are a different thing, even showcase hmmm, that's ok too as there is a variety...but competition????! .I have known several, both personally, and from judging. If it feels right for the both of you...go for it.

[3wishes]

Whew, thanks to all - so ultimately it is not "uncommon." Madmaximus, you brought up several dynamics that we have thought about and discussed previous to my posting. Yes, we get along well. Sometimes his sense of humor drives me (as a mom) to distraction. We're both use to the challenges of preparation for showcases, competitions as he's competed with other partners, as have I and in life experience itself - we've both experienced extreme stress as adaptive ski/snowboard instructors sometimes partnering on a ski slope in what would be considered very scarey situations with our adaptive clients. Yes, he's levels below me and wants to continue learning and improving until things get better. The postings completely reassure me that this is not out of the ordinary - I just had no knowledge of it. Now, if I could just get him to wash my truck! Again THANKS for all the input!!!

[DanceAngel]

I have to say, I am in hopes of dancing with my son at some point. Of course he is only 2.5 right now:-) But, IF he wants to dance I would encourage him to dance with me in pro/am and then with an amateur partner in the appropriate age category.



I have the same hopes... my son turns 3 on Monday.