just kinda need to vent

[mr bixx]

this is something thats been on my mind for awhile now. i havent really known anyone with the same common interest where i can express myself to. anyway heres the deal. for those of you that compete do you have a dedicated partner? i would assume so.. anyway my partner is also my girlfriend. at the studio where i workis the owners married, then a guy and a girl who have a child together then me and my girl, and finally a single girl. well the guy with the kid, his partner is out on maternity leave because of the child. heres the deal he thinks he can just grab my girl and dance and practice with her whenever. then dont even do anything productive. we have a national comp in july we are preparing for and its bothering me because i would like to do well there. really need to get that off my chest. when i'm in the studio and it happens i just go learn something by myself and then she asks why i'm mad. anyone ever been in a situation like that before? how did you handle it.

[SDsalsaguy]

Seems like two different issues to me mr bixx....

Especially with an upcoming nationals I'd say that he should be more considerate of your practice time together if he's interfering with that.

To me the more troubling question has to do with your partner/girlfreind and the fact that she and you clearly don't see eye to eye on this issue. Both as a partnership and as a relationship I'd think it important that you two work out the apparent differences on this front.

Best wishes...

[cocodrilo]

this is something thats been on my mind for awhile now. i havent really known anyone with the same common interest where i can express myself to. anyway heres the deal. for those of you that compete do you have a dedicated partner? i would assume so.. anyway my partner is also my girlfriend. at the studio where i workis the owners married, then a guy and a girl who have a child together then me and my girl, and finally a single girl. well the guy with the kid, his partner is out on maternity leave because of the child. heres the deal he thinks he can just grab my girl and dance and practice with her whenever. then dont even do anything productive. we have a national comp in july we are preparing for and its bothering me because i would like to do well there. really need to get that off my chest. when i'm in the studio and it happens i just go learn something by myself and then she asks why i'm mad. anyone ever been in a situation like that before? how did you handle it.

Hi Mr Bixx
Seems to me like you need to communicate more with your lady! Being mad isn't productive at all! Maybe you should talk to the guy who you think is (is this correct of me to assume?) interfering? Could it be you are irritated, even a bit jealous, or just angered that he is wasting time you & your girlfriend/partner could be using for practice?! I have never been in said situation although I have heard about similar situations quite often. Good luck to you, and let us know how you end up dealing with the problem- maybe it can help others in the future!

[pygmalion]

Hi Mr. Bixx.

Sorry I'm late in saying welcome. Welcome. :D

I agree with others that there are two separate issues, so I'm going after the easier one -- that is, finding you practice time before your comp in July.

Is there some practice time where you and your partner can get to the studio, but the other guy won't be there?

I've had some teachers who went in and practiced routines in the middle of the night. Could that work? How about going out,"social dancing" with your girl, away from the studio? You couldn't do actual routines, but you could get in a lot of practice with individual moves, your connections, etc, without the other guy there to interfere.

Let me keep thinking. I may be able to come up with other suggestions.

Good luck. 8)

[mr bixx]

hey thanks for the replys so far. being jelous isnt a issue. i could careless who shes out dancing with. its just when we have time set aside to be practicing and he grabs her and starts dancing then i get a bt annoyed. i guess i just gotta man up and tell him that we are practicing. every week i go through both of our schedules and and when we arent teaching i booked us out for dance sessions. this way i know we can get good practice time in. anyway thanks for listening to me all. its great to have this forum.

[pygmalion]

Good luck, guy. 8) :D

[Sagitta]

hey thanks for the replys so far. being jelous isnt a issue. i could careless who shes out dancing with. its just when we have time set aside to be practicing and he grabs her and starts dancing then i get a bt annoyed. i guess i just gotta man up and tell him that we are practicing. every week i go through both of our schedules and and when we arent teaching i booked us out for dance sessions. this way i know we can get good practice time in. anyway thanks for listening to me all. its great to have this forum.

There also is the issue that if this is time that both of you have set aside for this purpose why doesn't she tell him, no, another time as I've set aside this time to practice with someone else. And if he persists, say I need this time to practice with him, No can do.

[Vince A]

mr bixx,
Your words do make you sound like you are jealous, but if you are not, then she needs to speak up and/or you need to keep her dancing. You are at a d-a-n-c-e s-t-u-d-i-o, and if you are not dancing with her, I think she is fair game . . . until the point that she says "NO."

Sorry if I sounded harsh . . . I just believe that jealousy should not be in the life of anyone who dances . . . you cannot dance with each other for ever!!! Screw the jealousy and learn to bite your tongue!

[JohnK]

Ditto what Sagitta said. You need to verify that your girlfriend's goals are in line with yours, ie does she want to compete in July *as much* as you? If so, why does she agree to dance with this yahoo at the expense of your *mutual* focus and pre-scheduled practice time? If this is really about the competition, then it's a time management issue, not necessarily a territorial thing.

If she's too passive to refuse this guy, verify with her that's what it is really going on, and go put the guy on notice yourself (diplomatically of course). Besides, shouldn't he be at a Lamaze class or something :roll: ?

[mr bixx]

mr bixx,
Your words do make you sound like you are jealous, but if you are not, then she needs to speak up and/or you need to keep her dancing. You are at a d-a-n-c-e s-t-u-d-i-o, and if you are not dancing with her, I think she is fair game . . . until the point that she says "NO."

Sorry if I sounded harsh . . . I just believe that jealousy should not be in the life of anyone who dances . . . you cannot dance with each other for ever!!! Screw the jealousy and learn to bite your tongue!

i totally agree there shouldnt be any kind of jelousy in the dance world. when i am teaching and she inst teaching she dances her heart out with anyone and everyone. i'm glad she does choose to dance rather then sit and do nothing. the problem is when it interfers with our SCHEDULED dance time. i had a stressful day yesterday and jsut wanted to blow some stream off when i got home from work. thats why i made this thread, because thats exactly what happened yesterday. at 8 and 9 pm i had blocked us out for 2 hours to prepare. i arrived at the studio at like 5 til 8. she was there dancing with him. anyway i waited adn sat around til almost 8:30 until i was like so are we practicing or not. i hope i dont come across as a dick to you guys.

[SDsalsaguy]

I'd actually say that the bigger issue is with her. If 8-10pm was *scheduled* practice time for the two of you it was incumbent on her to cease practicing with him by 8pm. I think you need to talk to her about this... especially if, as your first post indicates, she doesn't understand why you were upset.