Smacking/spanking children

[Pacion]

I know that some members here are parents/grandparents so I am curious. There has been a lot of debate over the last few years, here in the UK, and more so this week. I think plans are a foot to make smacking/spanking your child "illegal".

What do you think? "Spare the rod and spoil the child"? "We are trying to teach our children not to be violent but yet we proceed to smack them anyway?"

On a radio station phone-in, a woman said that in her house they had a "stair of disgrace". If one of her children was naughty, instead of hiting/beating the child, she would make them sit on a stair at the bottom of their staircase. They soon got to hate being there because everyone else had to ignore them if they were on this stair of disgrace. She was laughing and said that it was quite funny to see them sitting them, heads bowed. I think this is potentially a good way to discipline one's child, without the hitting, but I could see the child being traumatised and not wanting anything to do with stairs at the bottom of the staircase, in later life :shock: :oops:

Other suggestion on how to discipline your child?

[pygmalion]

I think that hitting, particularly in the heat of anger, is bad. All it teaches kids is that, when you're the biggest, you can get away with hitting smaller, defenseless people. LOL.

Of course, I don't have grown children telling me how bad my decisions were, so I guess I'll know later... much later. :lol: :lol:

[youngsta]

All I know is that it worked great on me and my daughter is an angel sooooo....

[peachexploration]

I think that hitting, particularly in the heat of anger, is bad.

I agree Jenn however, I got two good(for the lack of a better word) spankings in life out of anger that were quite violent. That's all it took for me. After the last one, I never had to get another one. It also made a nervous wreck but that's another psychiatrist session. :lol: But I also believe that "If you spare the rod, you spoil the child." But spanking is the last resort and not done in anger. Most times after you calm down, you don't need/want to spank anyway. On another note, recently I've been watching quite a few news reports and programs about children being bullied or violently assalted by other kids. Now, on that note, I may make an acception. Some kids just need it. Just my opinion. *shrug* :?

[Sagitta]

I never had a hand lifted to me in anger. Words and facial expressions can be just as devastating, or even worse then beatings - not to trivialize corporal punishment, either.

[Larinda McRaven]

I was spanked. I don't have kids but I do have two cats and a dog, and they have been spanked. (And reptiles, but I can't really spank them, and they don't really do anything good or bad anyway.)

But the mammals around here still might recieve an occasional swat when they deliberately do something that they know is wrong. Sometimes you need to make a point, and discussions just won't work.

Ultimately I don't think think there is right or wrong. Each household is different. One sibling of mine spanks and the children in that house are the most incredible kids. It is hard to imagine them ever doing anything to deserve it.

My other sibling would never spank, ever. And yet if there were ever kids that needed it the most, those are the ones, completely out of hand.

Hahaha, I remember once when I was very small my Mom sent me to my room and told me I woud get a spanking later. So I put on every pair of underwear I had. Then she forgot to spank me, and we went shopping with one of her friends. She wondered why my butt was so big, and then she realized... We had to leave the department store immediately because she was afraid people would think we were stealing childrens underwear! Hahaha :lol:

[SDsalsaguy]

Hahaha, I remember once when I was very small my Mom sent me to my room and told me I woud get a spanking later. So I put on every pair of underwear I had. Then she forgot to spank me, and we went shopping with one of her friends. She wondered why my butt was so big, and then she realized... We had to leave the department store immediately because she was afraid people would think we were stealing childrens underwear! Hahaha :lol:
That's hysterical! :lol:

[danceguy]

Great story Larinda! When I was young I got spanked a lot (and deserved it most of the time), usually my mom would give me a gentle swat with a wooden cooking spoon. Most of the time I'd hide all of them and then she could never find them.

But one day I just stood still and relaxed, and she broke two spoons in a row on my butt, earning me the name "Irona$$" as a youngster. :D

Or maybe I was already a Tai Chi Master and didn't know it. ;)

SG

P.S. My mother's mother used to wash our mouths out with soap if we swore in front of her...ugh...but I used to love to swear just to see her facial expression! As I recall she'd leave the soap in our mouths for a minute per word (she used her wristwatch to time it). :shock:

[ShyDancer]

I used to get a smack on the butt when I was really bad, not very often though.

I rarely smack my children, I cant think of the last time I smacked them.

I prefer to use "The naughty corner" which is a child size chair in the corner of the lounge, facing the wall. They hate it and the threat is enough to make them behave!

[TemptressToo]

Myself, I was raised in a spare the rod, spoil the child household. We weren't beat (as in abused)...but when we did something bad enough to warrent it...our butts were toast (not really toast, just an expression).

Mom and Dad even had this nice little paddle. I used to steal it and hide it. ;)

Honestly, in today's world everyone is afraid of being arrested for spanking their kids. It is unfortunate. It is essentially a Biblical and tried and true method of correcting one's kids. Most every day I see kids in stores just being atrocious, running all over, making noise, and backtalking their parents. Their parents wag their fingers and say stuff like, "Bobby, do you want a time out???" That's bullcrap! That isn't correction, hell...give me a time out, I'll take a nap! Had it been me at that age, I would have gotten a spanking or even worse, the dreaded, "just wait til your Father gets home." (this meant I got a spanking, but Dad did it).

I think kids would be more mindful if their parents did give them spankings. I see it all the time.

Recently, as I stood in line waiting to order food, the lady in front of me had a four year old who turned around, grabbed me by the skirt, and shoved his sticky little hand up it. I am standing there with my mouth open in horror. What does one do with a small child groping them? My first reaction was to smack it...but maybe I should scream...or run away or freeze? This lady finally turns around and says, "oh no honey, that isn't Mommy." OMG...is this normal behavior? Does this kid normally do this with Mommy? Again, a couple taps on the butt with an open palm and a stern explaination that one JUST DOESN'T DO that to strangers would better have served the purpose...even with a four-year-old. He got a half-hearted scolding while I felt embarrassed and violated.

People spank your kids...they'll grow up to be better people!

[Vince A]

I am a Dad and a Grandad, and have both living under our roof at the same time (I have custody of my 13 year-old Granddaughter.

When I was single a few years back, and had my Granddaughter living me, I spanked her if she deserved it. Since being married three years ago, my wife does not believe in spankings, so her Son (age 12) does not receive spankings, and I no longer need to spank my Granddaughter - although I'd like smack the hell out of some of her friends!

Final story . . . I have never been in trouble with the law, nor have been a bad person, nor an alcoholic or druggie, and am a very good Christian. My Mom ruled with an iron fist. I remember one time at age 18, mind you, I was still living under the same roof with my parents, and I came home 10 minutes late - my Mom had told me to be in at a certain time! My friends dropped me off at the street, and my Mom met me outside, and she proceeded to give me a spanking in front of my friends . . . it did not hurt, but it sure embarrassed the hell out of me. I never forgot that spanking! It shaped the rest of my life!

My Mom died a few years ago, and I always call her on Sunday nights to say "hello" and to see how she was doing. This one Sunday night, I thanked her for that spanking, and again thanked her for raising me "right." I was grateful that I was able to thank her that night, as the the next morning, she passed away! She is the greatest Mom! Thanks again, Mom.

[pygmalion]

I love this thread. I'm not against spankings, per se, but I am strongly against hitting anyone in anger. It's just not productive, in my mind. Interestingly, my parents were spankers. I just never got any spankings, because they weren't needed. As Sagitta mentioned, there are many ways to discipline children that can be equally effective, depending on the child of course.

[Pacion]

Hahaha, I remember once when I was very small my Mom sent me to my room and told me I woud get a spanking later. So I put on every pair of underwear I had. Then she forgot to spank me, and we went shopping with one of her friends. She wondered why my butt was so big, and then she realized... We had to leave the department store immediately because she was afraid people would think we were stealing childrens underwear! Hahaha :lol:
That's hysterical! :lol:

:lol: It is. My innocent mind initially thought that it was because they were laughing so hard! :lol:

I definitely am not in favour of a hand raised "in anger". However, a smack delivered when the smacker is "in control"? Well, it seems that those who have been smacked are better behaved than those who haven't been smacked (but with higher therapy bills?). I think though, the problem is the "in anger" part. :( Parents (or anyone else) might unwittingly take their frustration out on the child/situation and I think that is what the law is trying to prevent. BUT on the other side of the coin is: how do you then discipline the child? Who/how is the force with which the smack is delivered to be assessed? Children are human "of course" and some will take the spanking as a big joke and others (even amongst siblings) will take it a lot harder. There are times when I am glad that I am not a "law-maker" or "therapist" :(

[stan]

Interesting thread!

Although I'm born in Canada and raised here, my parents are very, very traditional Chinese - especially, especially my dad. I think I've been beating with everything in my house (broomsticks, dusters, etc.). Of course that's a lot funnier-sounding now that it was 15 years ago. ^_^

Ever since I turned 16, my dad has stopped using force to discipline. It was almost like an on / off switch. It turned into my mom's job of working things out verbally. Boy was that a treat! I longed to make things right but talking things out!

Anyways... my point is that if my mom tried to talk and reason things out with me when I was 5, it probably wouldn't have worked. Even to this day I'm still scared of angering my dad and I respect my mom greatly. I think they've worked out an interesting system. ^_^

[Sabor]

put me in the naughty corner quick! :lol:


I was spanked. I don't have kids but I do have two cats and a dog, and they have been spanked. (And reptiles, but I can't really spank them, and they don't really do anything good or bad anyway.)

umm.. did that read a tad wierd to anyone.. huh.. anybody? lol

[motardmom]

I am not against spanking if you can do it without loosing your head. I was spanked as a child and I turned out ok. *shrug* I have spanked my kids, but I generally reserve spankings for dangerous situations (like when I had a kid wander off in an airport or almost dart into traffic.)

However, I have found that for my kids, spanking isn't always the most effective form of punishment. Both of my kids are very social, they like to be in the center of the action. (One kid more than the other, actually, but it works for both.) I know that if they need discipline, it is much more effective for me to send them to time out where they are removed from where there are people to interact with. Being deprived of the social stimulation is very unpleasant for them and they correct their behavior very quickly.

I think discipline is much more effective when you tailor it to meet the personality of the child and/or the needs of the situation. Thoughtful parenting rather than reactive parenting. It also really helps if you have the foresight to prevent a scenario from happening in the first place. If I have taught my kids to clean up after themselves, I may still have to nag them to get started, but they will usually get on the ball before it comes to doling out punishments for not having the task done. And, if they choose to not do their task, they are already prepared for the consequence, knowing what was expected and that they chose not to complete what was asked of them.

[pygmalion]

Wow. Another great parent. :D

[Sagitta]

I think discipline is much more effective when you tailor it to meet the personality of the child and/or the needs of the situation. Thoughtful parenting rather than reactive parenting. It also really helps if you have the foresight to prevent a scenario from happening in the first place. If I have taught my kids to clean up after themselves, I may still have to nag them to get started, but they will usually get on the ball before it comes to doling out punishments for not having the task done. And, if they choose to not do their task, they are already prepared for the consequence, knowing what was expected and that they chose not to complete what was asked of them.

Complete agreement with you here motordmom. :)

[foursquare]

Judging by the poll, I am obviously doing something wrong in my parenting (being able to discipline my daughter without slugging her.)

In fact, it might be a good idea to take it a step further:

My girlfriend is acting up when we go out. *WHACK* That ought to get her attention!

Grandma's talking too loud at the movie. *WHACK* She'll think twice about doing that again!

My boss is tired and irritable and whining today. *WHACK* Give her something to whine about!

No more of this civil society crap... you get on my nerves, you get out of control, you don't behave...

*WHACK*

foursquare

[Bob]

My father used to tell me to "knock it off or I will rip your arms off and beat you with them!!!"


I never understood how funny that statement was until I told that to my daughter who was on the 212th verse of Henry the 8th.

She looked at me for a bit with a slightly put off look on her face and then she thought about what I said. She couldn't suppress a giggle, and then suddenly she and my son were laughing so hard they had tears streaming down their faces...

Apparently I am not the imposing figure that my dad was :?

[Swingolder]

Final story . . . I have never been in trouble with the law, nor have been a bad person, nor an alcoholic or druggie, and am a very good Christian. My Mom ruled with an iron fist. I remember one time at age 18, mind you, I was still living under the same roof with my parents, and I came home 10 minutes late - my Mom had told me to be in at a certain time! My friends dropped me off at the street, and my Mom met me outside, and she proceeded to give me a spanking in front of my friends . . . it did not hurt, but it sure embarrassed the hell out of me. I never forgot that spanking! It shaped the rest of my life!

My Mom died a few years ago, and I always call her on Sunday nights to say "hello" and to see how she was doing. This one Sunday night, I thanked her for that spanking, and again thanked her for raising me "right." I was grateful that I was able to thank her that night, as the the next morning, she passed away! She is the greatest Mom! Thanks again, Mom.
I don't have anything to add about the spankings, but I love this mother story.

[Bob]

I like that story too!

[pygmalion]

Vince. That's a great story. 8)

[ShyDancer]

put me in the naughty corner quick! :lol:


You have to sit there alone, cant have anyone sitting on your knee, nor can you sit on anyone elses! :lol:

[clave]

Pacion wrote:
> There has been a lot of debate over the last few years, here in the UK, and more so this week. I think plans are a foot to make smacking/spanking your child "illegal".

I would be hard pressed to find greater irony than a government that sends your 19-year old into a war of colonization preventing you from disciplining your 6-year old. Is the UK going the way of Germany, regulating how many times per day one may allow flatulence? :shock:

The idea that spanking is bad is plain stupid. Some kids are unreasonable or prone to hysteria through an accident of genetics, and no amount of legislation is going to change that fact. The superficial pain and embarrasment of spanking may be by far the most effective method for raising such kids into healthy and responsible adults. The idea that this decision should be left to anyone other than the parents is abhorrent. A very tiny percentage of all parents are incapable of making such decisions; I'm sure there are plenty of laws in the UK for dealing with those special cases in the event that the broader family doesn't step in first. A state that is worried about bad parenting should invest into educating the bad parents instead of finding ways to punish them. Being a parent is not something you switch on and off as fancy strikes. You're stuck with it for most of your adult life and on some days you need all the help you can get.

On the subject of ridiculous laws, I think a law against overeating might have a great positive social impact in the US. Quick, let's all write our senators! :twisted:

[pygmalion]

I think laws against spanking are just plain dumb. On the other hand, laws against physical abuse are needed. On the other, other hand, there is sometimes a fine line between the two. So what are legislators to do? :?

I, personally, don't believe in spanking, for reasons I stated earlier (I think. This is a long thread, and I'm too lazy to re-read.) But I understand and respect the right of parents who choose to spank, to spank. I don't think there's an absolute right or wrong, as long as we're talking spanking that doesn't raise welts or draw blood. A reasonably stinging paddling on a well-padded backside doesn't hurt anyone, long term. I'll never do it, but I can understand why some parents do. Some kids do need stronger discipline than others.