Sympathy Dances

[pygmalion]

So here's a question for you. Ever given a sympathy dance? I mean, have you ever danced with an undesirable -- someone nobody else wanted to dance with -- out of the goodness of your heart (or the inability to get away LOL)?

What happened? How did it work out? Did you feel good or bad about it?

[Sagitta]

Quite a few of my dances, I guess, could be called sympathy dances. There are many ladies who sit on the sidelines as they have danced once or twice and don't know how to dance. Being still a beginner I know what that feels like, so I make sure that I spend some time doing dances with them. The results are a mixed bag. I've had some wonderful dances, and some not so-wonderful ones. The wonderful ones get added to my list of people to ask on a regular basis and the not-so-wonderful ones to ask much less often, much less.... By the way, when I say wonderful I'm talking about the connection, not how many moves a person can follow. If the connection clicks I'm happy to just dance the basic with a follower if that's all she wants, or just do left and right hand turns and back breaks...I just want one thing....connection.

[Sabor]

Ever given a sympathy dance? I mean, have you ever danced with an undesirable -- someone nobody else wanted to dance with -- out of the goodness of your heart

hmm.. i never percieved them that way.. there is beauty in each/all.. and i'm going find it and enjoy it.. even if it takes a little while sometimes..

[youngsta]

I wish I shared Sabor's sentiment! :lol: There are only three women on this list and it has nothing to do with their level of dancing. They are just people I don't like to be around period. So yes I do it, but I'm getting real good at avoiding them!!

[Angelo]

I haven't ever asked anyone to dance out of 'sympathy' but I have asked one or two ladies to dance once because a teacher asked me to. But now that you mention it, I wonder if anyone has ever accepted my dance invitations out of sympathy


Hmmmm....................................

[Flat Shoes]

Never. But I often dance with beginners. Dancing is not only about the perfect dance all the time, it's about having fun and enjoying one self. An earlier dance partner thought me this, she always laughed the most when we did a lot of mistakes.

I enjoy dancing with beginners, they often appreciate it more and are in general happier and smilier. Also I do it for the sake of the community. If the beginners sit most of the night only watching the good dancers, they will stop coming to dances and find something better to do.

[Flat Shoes]

But if there's someone I don't want to dance with, I don't ask that person to dance.

[youngsta]

Dancing with beginners is another issue entirely. If I don't like you as a person I won't ask you, but if one of those people ask me I'll dance. Hence I call it a sympathy dance...don't really wanna be there.

[tsb]

i do work at avoiding eye contact at times, buti never turn down an invitation to dance. i may want to skip a particular song, but i always make sure i dance with the person who's asked me before the evening is over.

the thing is that nowadays i spend a large portion of my time dancing functioning as a dance host/escort (& dancing with a lot of people who fall into this category but getting compensated for it), so my altruistic tendencies tend to be limited to vintage/historical dance events where there are even a smaller percentage of leaders who are familiar with victorian/ragtime/whatever era dance steps (though i recently turned down a gig to dance at a victorian event down in san diego later this month).

[DiAnAoN1]

I would'nt call them sympathy dances because I always learn something new each time I dance with a different person even if the guy is a beginner, I also never turn down anyone who wants to dance salsa w/me (unless its merengue and bachata, but I make sure to tell them that I will dance salsa with them).

[Sagitta]

I was just going along with the definition -- someone whom no one else dances with, and many beginners sit alone and people don't dance with them. I don't there is anyone that I would literally ask out of "sympathy". In fact I would wholeheartedly agree with Flat Shoes and say that beginners are often more willing to work to meet me half way in establishing a connection then advanced dancers are. There are many advanced (meaning they can follow really well many moves that are led) followers who dance their style or try to no matter whom they dance with. And like him I don't ask with those whom I don't want to. I've had the response that DiAnAoN1 gives of I don't like bachata/cha cha/ merengue but I'll dance the next salsa with you. I like all dances, but I do give a response on those lines to some people. For instance, there is one lady whom I'll dance forro with any time, but any other salsa dance is pure torture. I'll dance all half the forro dances of the night with her, if she wants to, but not any other dance. If she asked me for another dance I'll reply, "Can you save me the next forro dance instead? I love dancing forro with you." As sabor says, there is something beautiful in everyone, but to that I add, sometimes that beauty can only be found in one or certain dances.

[Vince A]

So here's a question for you. Ever given a sympathy dance? I mean, have you ever danced with an undesirable -- someone nobody else wanted to dance with -- out of the goodness of your heart (or the inability to get away LOL)?

What happened? How did it work out? Did you feel good or bad about it?
Has anyone "really" answered your question yet???

Back, when I was much younger and an a**hole . . . yes, I have done such sympathy dances! In fact, that is exactly what we used to call them. Three or four of us guys would make it a betting/drinking game! We would get together at a club . . . three guys would pick out one female in the entire club . . . and the bet would be that the one guy would approach that female and try to get her to dance and flirt wirh her during the dance. If she said 'yes' to the dance, the one guy would win . . . if she said 'no' the three would win. Either money or drinks were involved. I usually got pretty wasted, as I rarely was refused because most people at the club knew I loved to dance.

Did I feel "good" or "bad" about it!
I felt really bad about doing it . . . but I "had to be one of the guys."

I felt bad then . . . I feel even worse telling that story today . . . maybe, since I confessed, it might weigh less on my chest - some of the things that I'm not too proud of - and may have to answer for someday!

[pygmalion]

I've gotta admit that was pretty ... uh ... bad, Vince. But it's in your past, long past, and we all know you're a very, very good person overall. You were even then, I bet. 8) Even then, your conscience was bugging you about it, and I'm sure that, since then, you have more than made amends with all the kindness you've shown to dancers all around you. 8)

Hugs, sweetie-pie. :D

[DanceAm]

Sympathy dance sounds really bad. But probably not much better is the dancing I do out of a sense of duty. Sometimes at our Friday night parties, I make it a point to dance with every lady. Since my wife and I are part owners in the studio, I want to make sure the ladies have a reason to show up. I usually enjoy the dancing or I wouldn't be involved in it. I don't mind beginners or ladies that can't really dance. If all we did was a foxtrot basic and have a pleasent conversation, that is all I need to enjoy it. I once danced with a lady who had hip replacement surgery and really didn't know how to dance. Even if she knew how, it would have been tough. I will have to admit, that was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I couldn't lead even a Rumba basic with her without it feeling like she was going to fall.

[Vince A]

I've gotta admit that was pretty ... uh ... bad, Vince. But it's in your past, long past, and we all know you're a very, very good person overall. You were even then, I bet. 8) Even then, your conscience was bugging you about it, and I'm sure that, since then, you have more than made amends with all the kindness you've shown to dancers all around you. 8)

Hugs, sweetie-pie. :D
Thank you, Jenn . . . you're truly made my morning . . .

[Sagitta]

Hmm "sympathy" seems to be attached to a dance depending on ones attitude. If one dances from a sense of duty/obligation, or even because of a bet, or any situation where one wouldn't normally ask a person to dance. It looks as if the compulsion element must be there. This does not apply to me at all. As a dance host at the Ithaca Social Dances one is supposed to seek out those sitting on the sidelines etc, but since I used to do that before I ever was a dance host, I don't ever feel any sort of compulsion.

[pygmalion]

I agree Sagitta. I didn't mean obligation or bets when I asked the question. I meant genuine sympathy -- whatever label you want to put on it -- kindness to another person who might not otherwise have a dance partner.

I've done quite a few sympathy dances, myself, usually with the older gentlemen at dances who really don't dance or lead well, but who are out for an evening of socializing. Lots of widowers who, quite frankly, aren't always enjoyable dance partners. You know, the push and pullers, and the arm yankers. No fun to dance with, from a physical perspective. But they can be lots of fun to dance with, from a person-to-person, spiritual perspective. Giving them a little joy almost always gives me joy, too. 8)

[Vince A]

. . .kindness to another person who might not otherwise have a dance partner . . . Giving them a little joy almost always gives me joy, too. 8)
I know this one young lady, who attends just about every function that Care and I attend . . . because of what (her size, her looks - I don't know) . . . she rarely gets asked to dance.

I try to dance with her ofter . . . it's not a sympathy dance . . . I really love to see that smile on her face . . . it is "PRICELESS."

[Genesius Redux]

Hmm, I wish I could share Sabor's perception. But the fact is, there are many times when I've danced with people out of a sense of obligation. I consider that very different from going to a party or a club and picking out the wall-flowers and getting them on the floor--that's just being polite in the dance world. When I talk about obligatory dances, they are usually with people I know can't dance, but social pressure or kindness makes you dance with them. It's like Dance-agatory, and no, I don't like it.

[Kitty]

There are many ladies who sit on the sidelines as they have danced once or twice and don't know how to dance. I just want one thing....connection.

Connection can be developed too. Check back on the one's who didn't have good connection in half a year, you may be surprised.

[Sagitta]

There are many ladies who sit on the sidelines as they have danced once or twice and don't know how to dance. I just want one thing....connection.

Connection can be developed too. Check back on the one's who didn't have good connection in half a year, you may be surprised.
I do and do and do. :)

[ShyDancer]

I do it every week.

Sounds terrible doesnt it? But there is one guy that has a disablity, one arm doesnt function and he limps with the leg on the same side (kinda like cerebral palsy)
I dont dance with him because I want to dance, I dance with him because I would feel terrible saying no.
I dont mind doing the latin where its easy just to hang on to his arm, but doing the New Vogue where many dances are in shadow or semi- shadow position in which you rely on your partner heavily to remain in contact is near impossible with him as he cant place his hand on your hip or hold your right hand.


Other than that there is nobody I would danec with out of sympathy..Id dance with a store mannequin if it meant I could dance :lol: :lol:

[etchuck]

Hard question... I think that those courtesy dances are nice to make people feel welcome (especially the "seasoned citizens" demographic). I have danced a few times with one person here who certainly loves dancing. She does not really glide along the floor, and you do have to do more "walking" and basic steps than you may want to, but she is a wonderful person who supports the dance community. So I try to dance with her on occasion, and especially when she asks me.

(When I first saw the title of "Sympathy Dance" I was thinking you were having some sort of dance after a funeral. Hence change the nomenclature above.)

[pygmalion]

Sorry about the confusing nomenclature, etchuck. :oops: :wink: To me, sympathy means fellow feeling, so the title made sense. Not true with everyone, it seems. *shrug*

[Sagitta]

It is interesting how one person's perception of a certain word and what it means can elict such a varied and thoughtful discussion. :) In general if anyone used the word sympathy I would associate it with the word "pity". I always, always dance with people because I want to enjoy their dance company for a few minutes. Actually, there is one exception, a person who gets really sweaty and somehow when I dance with her I'm thinking "icky" feelings. I can't help it. :oops: So I enjoy my dance with her as soon as she comes in when she is relatively dry. Thne it isn't a sympathy dance. If she isn't when she comes in...she gets a sympathy dance.

[pygmalion]

That's hilarious, sagitta! Icky feelings? I can SO relate.

Words and shades of meaning can be tricky.

[tj]

I give the occasional sympathy dance. Usually it's someone who is sitting all alone looking like she's not having any fun. Often, we'll have fun struggling thru a dance, sometimes not. But as an experienced dancer with lots of friends, I find it important to reach out to those who are new to the scene unlike my friends who only dance "with those they deem worthy". Lol! :roll:

[salsachinita]

I find it important to reach out to those who are new to the scene unlike my friends who only dance "with those they deem worthy". Lol! :roll:

I wish more would share this sentiment, TJ!

Having said that, 'sympathy/courtesy' dances are something I give & receive on a regular basis :oops: .

I give it when newbies ask me, or they seem to need a bit of introduction to the scene. I have been hand picking newbies (the ones who are open to me.......you'd be surprised how many out there are not :roll: ) & work on bringing their own sabor out. I must say it's been a very rewarding experience (eventhough it can be hard work)....as one of my favourite protegees is now good enough to teach 8) .

As for receiving these myself, I've got numerous friends who dance totally different styles (personal style we are talking here, not styles in the old LA/Cuban/NY sense) to me, we mutually admire one another (dancing with other people), we like hanging/talking, but when it comes to dancing we just don't seem to do so well with each other.

So we will still ask/accept dances amongst ourselves, which generally end up being more hilarious than elegant :lol: :lol: :lol: ......!

Do you call that sympathy dances.....?

[MacMoto]

It is interesting how one person's perception of a certain word and what it means can elict such a varied and thoughtful discussion. :) In general if anyone used the word sympathy I would associate it with the word "pity".
That's how I interpreted the word "sympathy" -- dancing with someone because I feel sorry for them. I don't think I've ever done that. Plenty of courtesy -- or shall we say goodwill -- dances, but not sympathy dances. I always try to make a point of asking beginner leaders to dance with me. I also sometimes dance with women who are absolute beginners but look as if they want to try (moving to the music, standing by the dancefloor and trying to copy the step, etc.). Since I'm a lousy leader, all I can do is to show the basic steps and maybe give a single turn or two, but I really enjoy doing that because I can see they are enjoying the experience. I get a kick out of seeing their beaming smile. No pity.

[tj]

I give it when newbies ask me, or they seem to need a bit of introduction to the scene. I have been hand picking newbies (the ones who are open to me.......you'd be surprised how many out there are not :roll: )


Lol! Tell me about it! What I'll bring to the table will be a nice dance so that a newbie can feel what it's like to be lead properly and on time. It surprises me when a newbie gets all huffy. I even (one memorable occasion) had a newbie get offended because I was smiling at her! She took it entirely the wrong way, and thought I was laughing at her mistakes. Her problem, not mine! :roll:


So we will still ask/accept dances amongst ourselves, which generally end up being more hilarious than elegant :lol: :lol: :lol: ......!

Do you call that sympathy dances.....?

Lol! I don't. Even though there are a few ladies who are far too hard on themselves when we dance. I really don't want a partner who's constantly apologizing every 3rd 8 count.

[squirrel]

tj... some girls (beginners) and even some leaders are shaking when you dance with them... you can feel their bodies shivering all over! :? :shock:

but I guess I do the same with someone far more advanced... :lol:

[pygmalion]

It can be scary. :?