Is dance a singles club?

[MacMoto]

This question has been inspired by my ex's comment. There are certainly plenty of mentions of relationship-related matters on DF, and it seems many of you have met your SO through dance or are hoping to meet (or at least open to the idea of meeting) someone in the dance scene. Is dance essentially a form of singles club then? What do you think, and what is the general perception of dance in society in your view?

[pygmalion]

I believe a lot of outsiders think so. Maybe with good reason.

At least where I am, there are some "dance" venues that are basically a meat market (pick-up place for singles.) Ironically, most of those places don't have any serious dancers. Just grope and sway people, and lots of drinking.

The real dance scene does have its romance stories, yes, but the main focus is dancing. There are a lot of singles and divorcees, but few of them are out there making love connections. They're just dancing for the fun of it or dancing to feel connected to a community, in my observation.

I think outsiders often don't know there's a difference between a pick-up joint where you can dance and a dance venue where you might meet a romantic interest by chance. Understandable that they'd be confused, I guess. :?

[Sagitta]

I agree with Pygmalion.

This is a random, but somewhat related thought....I just realized that by dancing AT I have a new crowd to introduce to salsa and rueda. Just as I've told half a dozen people about AT. For those that don't, or just don't do it well. :lol:

[Pacion]

The same thing could be seen about the workplace, depending on where you work or the type of work you do, but how is it that those who question dance, don't see there are lots of similarities with the workplace :roll: :lol:

[Sabor]

i dont know what society may percieve.. but to me, dance is food for soul and or art.. period.. wherever it may take place .. other social considerations are just bi-products of people's personal agendas and so i dont pay much attention to that cause i just can't be bothered.. unless its to add to the enjoyment of the scene

[pygmalion]

This question has been inspired by my ex's comment.

You know what I find ironic? People who go around making dancers' lives miserable, sometimes create a self-fulfilling prophesy. I didn't start dancing to meet guys, no, but you can bet that, is I get romatically entangled again, it will most likely be with a dancer. Hence, my ex's paranoid belief that I would replace him with a dancer will come true. Because of my ex. Now that's irony. :? :roll:

[Tasek]

I'd guess, that the non-dancers (said scoffingly ;) ) base their assumptions on the dance-scene mostly on the meat market type of places (these do tend to have a more widely known presence), and have little to no knowledge of the 'serious' dance scene and the places where the serious dancers come. Hence the misconception of alot of people about dance being just about picking up.

Ofcourse amongst the serious dancers some relationships are to be expected; for them dancing is a large part of their social structure, it's where they meet alot of new people, you have one shared interest to get things started so it's only natural that some will 'click' and get together.

[Spitfire]

Pygmalion's comment sums it up pretty well; this is true of the bar and nightclub scene, but where serious dancing is concerned dancing is the focus. Given the highly social nature of dancing the potential for meeting someone is certainly there, but I feel that most people who are into dancing don't come into it with that expectation in mind.

The people who attend the dances are a blend of singles and couples who just want to do one thing and that's dance and anyone who does come along thinking they are going to "score" is likely to be in for a dissapointment.

[Chris Stratton]

It's my feeling that dance is no more (and possible less) of a 'singles club' than other activities involving single people of both genders spending lots of time close together. For example, while college dance teams have a lot going on after practice, so do music and theater groups, who aren't constantly stepping in and out of the kind of formalized gender interaction we have in partner dance. In the real world, seriousness as a dancer tends to lead to permanence in the dance community, such that there isn't the kind of rapid turnover of people and anonymity that might be associated with a meat-market like club. I'm sure things still go on, but not at any faster pace than in the rest of society. Again, I wouldn't be suprised if dance-seeded relationships actually develop more slowly, since dancing itself consumes so much attention.

[DWise1]

I'm largely repeating what several others have here, that dancing is no more of a "singles club" as any other social situation that brings former strangers together. That includes work, school, clubs, and even church. I've heard of and even known a few people who joined a church just to look for a mate. And a single engineer I knew used to enroll in volleyball at the local community college every single semester just in order to pick up girls. I will not even mention the old stereotype of women going to college just in order to earn their MRS.

Let's face it, each of these social situations form a kind of a community for us. And we are more likely to seek a mate from within one of our communities.

So why is dancing being singled out by outsiders more than those other really hot singles clubs of school and church? Perhaps it's because there is a noticeable pairing off for those "three-minute relationships" on the dance floor.

[etchuck]

Even though I agree with the consensus, can I be contrarian to say I wish it were more like a singles club? ;)

I do think some people get the idea that finding a dance partner is equivalent to finding someone to date. That and how close one's body is to another's does tend to make people think. Not to mention all those movies that seem to want to put in a romantic relationship into every dance relationship.

[Chris Stratton]

Even though I agree with the consensus, can I be contrarian to say I wish it were more like a singles club? ;)

That sounds more like being single than being contrarian!

So yes, I would agree that at times it would be nice if dancing could live up to the stereotype (but in a way appropriate to the style of dancing in question - I see standard for example as implying quite a bit more than a casual hookup)

[Genesius Redux]

So why is dancing being singled out by outsiders more than those other really hot singles clubs of school and church? Perhaps it's because there is a noticeable pairing off for those "three-minute relationships" on the dance floor.

Or maybe it's just because that people's non-dancing SO's, fearful because they don't have the connections to their partners that they want, just say hurtful things.

Personally, I don't think the dance world is a singles club at all. I haven't dated anyone I've met dancing, and honestly I have more substantial relationships with many people on DF than I have with those inside the studio where I dance.

[DancePoet]

I have not found dancing at the local studio's social dances a place to pick up a date. It is definitely more about dance and the social interactions, friendships, and even the teamwork that develops as folks are progressing through their dance education.

I actually entered the dance world knowing and certainly liking that it would put me in contact with single women, and at the same time I met my current SO outside the dance world. Unfortunately she does not have a current interest in dancing, but she gives me freedom to attend the social dances. If for some reason, the current relationship would end I wouldn't rule out finding a special connection with a dancer, but I wouldn't go out of my way to only look for a dancer either.

[etchuck]

Personally, I don't think the dance world is a singles club at all. I haven't dated anyone I've met dancing, and honestly I have more substantial relationships with many people on DF than I have with those inside the studio where I dance.

Hmm... I'm sure that's a compliment, but it's scary in a way too.

[DanceMentor]

My wife and I go out dancing about twice per week. We dance with others some too, but we mostly dance with each other. I think there are quite a few couples like us. Go couples! :D

[Sagitta]

My wife and I go out dancing about twice per week. We dance with others some too, but we mostly dance with each other. I think there are quite a few couples like us. Go couples! :D

You know this is interesting. When I've had a girlfriend, a SO, I've always insisted on dancing with others, even when she was into dancing too. I did spend more time with her then other people, and we did spend a lot of tiem outside dance together. That should be enough, and was. :)

[squirrel]

GR... don't you try and socialize with the people at the studio...?

[MacMoto]

This question has been inspired by my ex's comment.

You know what I find ironic? People who go around making dancers' lives miserable, sometimes create a self-fulfilling prophesy. I didn't start dancing to meet guys, no, but you can bet that, is I get romatically entangled again, it will most likely be with a dancer. Hence, my ex's paranoid belief that I would replace him with a dancer will come true. Because of my ex. Now that's irony. :? :roll:
I know what you mean. I started dancing purely for the joy of dance, but after the misery I've just been through, I'd be very reluctant to go out with a non-dancer.

To answer my own question, I don't see the dance scene as a singles club. There are of course always people seeking relationships like any other social situations, and some (though not all) clubs where dancers and non-dancers mix can have more of a meat-market aspect, but I don't think the dance scene actually works all that well as a singles club. As many have mentioned, dancers are in it primarily for dance, and dance couples tend to stay in the scene rather than going away somewhere else. If you go into the scene with the purpose of finding romance, I'd imagine it could be quite frustrating, considering the amount of time. money and effort you need to put in to be a half-decent dancer, and all that physical closeness with people who have no interest in taking it any further. You'd have much better luck at ordinary night clubs.

[foursquare]

My wife and I go out dancing about twice per week. We dance with others some too, but we mostly dance with each other. I think there are quite a few couples like us. Go couples! :D

Yea couples! You always have a dance partner!

foursquare

[MacMoto]

Personally, I don't think the dance world is a singles club at all. I haven't dated anyone I've met dancing, and honestly I have more substantial relationships with many people on DF than I have with those inside the studio where I dance.

Hmm... I'm sure that's a compliment, but it's scary in a way too.
GR has a point though. With the majority of the fellow dancers, I only dance. Dance venues are not really ideal for having a proper conversation (with loud music and the urge to go look for a partner for the next dance rather than sit and chat), so you end up dancing with someone every weekend without saying much more than "hi, how are you?" to each other.

So why is dancing being singled out by outsiders more than those other really hot singles clubs of school and church? Perhaps it's because there is a noticeable pairing off for those "three-minute relationships" on the dance floor.


Or maybe it's just because that people's non-dancing SO's, fearful because they don't have the connections to their partners that they want, just say hurtful things.
And of course some dances (like salsa and other latin dances) are sold to appeal to this preconception about dance. How often do you see words like "sexy", "sensual", "passionate" and "hot" to describe salsa, for example?

[Genesius Redux]

GR... don't you try and socialize with the people at the studio...?

The ballroom world (at least among students) is considerably more conservative than I am. I tend to socialize with instructors.