Receiving compliments individualy.....in partner dancing

[salsachinita]

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: This is a fairly new occurance I've noticed........

I've been receiving compliments, as we were getting off the dance floor.

In the past, I've always taken kind words ("You two looked great!") from others with a grain of salt & always grabbed my partner (various social partners, not anyone in particular): "That's because I have a great partner!"

Lately, the line had become: "You are a fantastic dancer!" directed at me only :shock: , often in the presence of my partner (social ones AND official ones as well). I would still say: "He made me look good!"

This line doesn't seem to work now.....as people continue to compliment me :oops: :oops: :oops: ........

While it doesn't seem to bother the boys, I'm wondering about a few things:

Seeing salsa (I don't do anything else) is a partner dance, the desired feedback from people should be received as a couple. True of false?

If one person gets complimented more than other, is it a sign of bad partner work.........? Is it reflection that my following skills need work (there's always room for improvements anyway :oops: ) big time?

I know I risk sounding like a show-off by posting this, but I would like to know from all the other genres of partner dancing, aside from making one feel good, is receiving compliments individualy a good thing in the partner-work context.......?

:oops: :oops: :oops:

[Vin]

Not to try and show off like some, just kidding. I have noticed this phenomenon as well.
Some people have gone so far as to compliment my so's dancing by saying "you taught her to dance so well." Essentially taking away any credit she might get for actually being a good dancer.
It is really irritating. I am in the same boat you are in, I like to say my dancing is only a reflection of my partner.
Compliments from onlookers are great but honestly I think compliments from people you dance with weigh alot more. For me the greatest dance compliment I can get/give is another dance.

[salsachinita]

Some people have gone so far as to compliment my so's dancing by saying "you taught her to dance so well." Essentially taking away any credit she might get for actually being a good dancer.

:shock: I had been on the receiving end of this for years.......my salsa mentor/ex would get this line all the time........to a point where I believed that I would be nothing without him :roll: ........

Of course, this was in the past 8) ..........

[MacMoto]

Seeing salsa (I don't do anything else) is a partner dance, the desired feedback from people should be received as a couple. True of false?

If one person gets complimented more than other, is it a sign of bad partner work.........? Is it reflection that my following skills need work (there's always room for improvements anyway :oops: ) big time?
I think people compliment on the person who draws their eyes.
Since the leader's job is to show the partner off and make her look good, your partners are obviously doing a good job in that respect if their lead makes people look at you and go "wow!" If the leader looks good but the follower doesn't, then I'd say the leader isn't good; he's just showing off.

As for partner work issues, I'm sure you and your partners know much better than onlookers if there is any problem...

Compliments from onlookers are great but honestly I think compliments from people you dance with weigh alot more. For me the greatest dance compliment I can get/give is another dance.
I'm definitely with you, Vin. I'd much rather hear people say "I love dancing with you" than "you look great".

[DanceAm]

I had a coach say that the best compliment a guy could get is if the woman gets complemented and noticed.

If the guy is the frame and the woman is the picture, who notices the frame of the picture first? Most see the picture and get an impression from that, but the frame is what enhances the picture.

If the woman is getting noticed like she should, she is on balance, able to show off, use her arms and relax, smile and have a good time. If the leader is not doing his job, how can she possibly look good.

My wife gets compliments all the time, and why shouldn't she. She smiles, spins, accents her turns with body motion and arms and hands. I don't try to out-spin her or out dance her in any way. I know what my responsiblities are and I do them. She is also the one wearing a skirt, showing some skin and she is in shape. I am not wearing overalls with my gut hanging out, but what I wear just isn't made for attracting as much attention.

By the way, if another lady compliments my wife on how she dances or even how she looks in general, that is still something ladies do. Wouldn't a lady feel awkward about complimenting me, especially in front of my wife? As for other guys, guys just don't compliment each other.

In conclusion, I would rather hear my partner get complimented all by herself than to hear someone say to her, "You're a great dancer!" then look at me and say "Oh, and you're good too." And my wife is gracious enough to give me credit, but she knows I feel I can share in her compliment without anything being said about me.

[Kitty]

I had a coach say that the best compliment a guy could get is if the woman gets complemented and noticed.


So you are saying if a woman gets complimented on her good dancing in part it is because of her partner. So knowing that why do people say that she looked good and not that two of you looked good?
And how do you complement other couples: just the girl or the couple overall?

[Lita_rulez]

OK, let me start by saying I have only been dancing for a litle over a year, and I have never danced anything before salsa, so my opinion on this may be a bit candid.

Her we go :

I had a coach say that the best compliment a guy could get is if the woman gets complemented and noticed.

If the guy is the frame and the woman is the picture, who notices the frame of the picture first? Most see the picture and get an impression from that, but the frame is what enhances the picture.

If the woman is getting noticed like she should, she is on balance, able to show off, use her arms and relax, smile and have a good time. If the leader is not doing his job, how can she possibly look good.

Up to this point, I can not find any good reason to argue, I agree with what you say, could argue on some of the wording, but hey, maybe it's just me not getting the right impression because english is not my native langage.


My wife gets compliments all the time, and why shouldn't she. She smiles, spins, accents her turns with body motion and arms and hands. I don't try to out-spin her or out dance her in any way. I know what my responsiblities are and I do them. She is also the one wearing a skirt, showing some skin and she is in shape. I am not wearing overalls with my gut hanging out, but what I wear just isn't made for attracting as much attention.


Now there, I am bewildered beyond what I could have expected reading the title of this topic :shock:



You have to show some skin to look good ?looking good is not about how much cleavage you show, it is as much about musicality as expresing what feelings the music conveys, and though I do agree that it is hard for the lady to look good by herself if the lead is terrible, why should they not both look good ? Why shouldn't the lead be able to express himself as well ?


You have to do less than your partner for the both of you to look good ?
So what if your partner can only do doublespins ? you are supposed to only do single ones ???
That you should not purposely make her spin twice and right away show that YOU can do 6, I agree, but why could you not use that somewhere else in the dance ?
Interpreting a music right is also about using both dancers capacities to fit the music as best as possible, not only the ladys...



By the way, if another lady compliments my wife on how she dances or even how she looks in general, that is still something ladies do. Wouldn't a lady feel awkward about complimenting me, especially in front of my wife? As for other guys, guys just don't compliment each other.





Why should a lady feel awkward complimenting you in front of your wife ?
I mean, we ARE talking dance here, right ?


Why could guys not compliment each others ?
I mean, if you go to a ball game, every player can come down from his macho stand and compliment the guy who just scored an amazing point.
If a guy remodels his place, his friends are going to come by and compliment him on the wonderfull work he has done on the rooftop or the new fence.
Why should it be diffrent in dance ? Is it to girly already to ad a complimenting party in the end ???


And now that I am sure I do understand what you say but do not agree, I can come back to what bothered me in the begining of your post :

I had a coach say that the best compliment a guy could get is if the woman gets complemented and noticed.

This is not "Hollywood and the wonders of Special Effects" where the best comliment is when nobody can tell wether this was actual footage or was enhanced.

This is a couple dance, there is supposed to be two of you, not one. If one goes unnoticed, then in my books, something is not quite right there...

Besides, if the best compliment to a lead is a compliment on the woman, how does the woman feel knowing that this compliment does not mean "you are a great dancer" but "your partner is a great dancer" and how do you actually compliment the lady ?

[tsb]

my sentiments are pretty much like those already stated. on top of that i will mention that there are times when i've gone out of my way in a social situation to tell a leader "you really made your partner look good" if i've seen her dance before & can tell that she's not that experienced a follower. so i guess i will notice a "frame" when it makes the picture look better within a context of how the picture looks within other frames.

about ten years ago, a friend of mine who is of japanese descent had to travel to minnesota to attend a funeral. i was pretty amused to hear that during his visit a number of people had complimented his mastery of english. (the guy was born & raised in the valley & has a master's degree for god's sake.) sometimes just smiling and saying 'thanks.' is the best response.

[peachexploration]

....Seeing salsa (I don't do anything else) is a partner dance, the desired feedback from people should be received as a couple. True of false?...

Salsachinita, another side to this could be that it's just human nature to single people out. Even though it's a partner dance, people will still tend to see you individually. It could be a turn that you do, the way you play with your partner, accenting your hips, the list could go on and on. Whatever "it" is, people are gravitating towards it and like what they see. :D

[jenn]

... If one person gets complimented more than other, is it a sign of bad partner work.........?

i dont think it necessarily means that the partner is doing bad work...i think that sometimes, one person('s dancing) gets noticed more.

personally, when i watch people dance, one partner can catch my eye more than the other. it really depends.
at other times, a couple just dances so well together its hard not to admire the two of them 'together.'

i have to admit, though, the ones whom i tend to compliment more frequently is the female. maybe its easier to compliment the woman than the man(?), due to the fact that im a female. hmmm...

nevertheless, i do feel bad getting a compliment when i know that my partner and i both deserve it equally. :evil:

[etchuck]

Usually how it goes in my observations:

I'd compliment women on how they look when they dance... because face it, I'm a guy, and that who I pay attention to. (How good is she, and should I dance with her on the next occasion... check out that hip motion, etc.)

Now it seems that if I get complimented, it's at least on how "smooth" I look as a dancer if my technique looks good enough. But women's compliments are more on how they dance otherwise (visual/aesthetic appeal, responding as a follower, etc.).

[DanceAm]

You have to show some skin to look good ?looking good is not about how much cleavage you show, it is as much about musicality as expresing what feelings the music conveys, and though I do agree that it is hard for the lady to look good by herself if the lead is terrible, why should they not both look good ? Why shouldn't the lead be able to express himself as well ?


You have to do less than your partner for the both of you to look good ?
So what if your partner can only do doublespins ? you are supposed to only do single ones ???
That you should not purposely make her spin twice and right away show that YOU can do 6, I agree, but why could you not use that somewhere else in the dance ?
Interpreting a music right is also about using both dancers capacities to fit the music as best as possible, not only the ladys...



Quote:
By the way, if another lady compliments my wife on how she dances or even how she looks in general, that is still something ladies do. Wouldn't a lady feel awkward about complimenting me, especially in front of my wife? As for other guys, guys just don't compliment each other.






Why should a lady feel awkward complimenting you in front of your wife ?
I mean, we ARE talking dance here, right ?


Why could guys not compliment each others ?
I mean, if you go to a ball game, every player can come down from his macho stand and compliment the guy who just scored an amazing point.
If a guy remodels his place, his friends are going to come by and compliment him on the wonderfull work he has done on the rooftop or the new fence.
Why should it be diffrent in dance ? Is it to girly already to ad a complimenting party in the end ???


And now that I am sure I do understand what you say but do not agree, I can come back to what bothered me in the begining of your post :

DanceAm wrote:


I was just responding to the original post with my point of view and how a guy should look at it when he danced his heart out and she gets the compliment. I think I have been misunderstood and taken out of context. I am just saying, he should expect not to get noticed and feel good when just his partner does.

First I never said you have to show skin to get noticed, I am just pointing out that my wife and other women in our group sometimes dress to get noticed. That is just a simple fact and it works for them. They make whold shopping trips to look for dance clothes. Not only is my wife a "hottie" and after 21 years of marriage, I think she finds that as compliment from me. But adding that to her dancing, I am not the one getting looked at on the dance floor, men adore her and women want to be her in those few minutes we are dancing. But what really matters is that we enjoy it together. We work together on our dancing, we help each other, we put the same amount of time into it and for whatever reason on a team effort, she gets more compliments on her own than we do together, and I rarely get any on my own. Should I take that to mean I am not a good dancer? I don't think so. Should I not get credit when I put as much time into it as she does, in all fairness maybe I should, but in my world it just doesn't happen. My goal is to make her look good. My body motion drives her body motion, the movement I make translates to our connection what she should do and her feedback lets me know if I am clear. We are "one" out there and the reason would seem mystical that for something we were both doing together, why should one get the complement by on-lookers. The reason it is not mystical is because that is the effect we are going for.

I never said I had to do less, it is a choice how I dance and how I lead and that is my style. I don't think it is right for the man to "out-dance" the woman, but I never said he should do less. If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't out dance my wife, but I could out dance some of the women in our group and I just don't see the point. How is that fun for them if I do multiple spins while they are just standing there? I, like others, want them to dance with me again, and they won't if I make them feel uncomfortable. I enjoy dancing and I enjoy it when they do too.

I never said that the compliment on the woman belongs to him, I am just saying he can share in that, especially if he needs that validation. And as often as my wife gets complimented, I get included in only a fraction of those. But it is the woman they saw, the woman they are impressed with and the woman is who "I" want them to notice. Don't tear me down being a gentleman as something so bad. Dancing unselfishly is just my style and a choice I made. I think it should be that way, but that again is my choice.

That should conclude the what you said I said that I didn't say.

To answer your questions:

The way guys compliment each other, "nice fence", "nice roof" or more commonly, "nice car" that is not complimenting the man, that is complimenting an object. (Indirect to say the least.) Team sports is one environment that men touch, slap, hug and bond together. But a man who dances, it would be best for him not to start slapping and hugging other men, there is already a stereotype to overcome. And I am trying to figure out when there is a bar full of single women, why men feel compelled to hit on my wife. Either she really looks good or they think I am her gay friend or both.

It is simply not often where I am from that strange women will come to me and tell me what a good dancer I am with my wife right there next to me. Although after a few drinks, some women have shed their inhibitions and have actually gotton between my wife and I and wanted to dance with me right then and there. But in 5 years that has only happened twice.