View Full Version : Does going out dancing really make a good date night?
pygmalion
07-18-2004, 05:50 PM
From the perspective of a dancer, I mean. When you read women's magazines, which I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I do, they all recommend that established couples schedule a "date night," and pretty universally, they suggest dancing as a good date night. As a dance person, I think that's a questionable suggestion. I mean, you have crowds, and noise, and dance technique, and other partners to worry about. So, to me, a night out dancing isn't a good "date night," for a couple who needs to get away and spend time together.
What do you think?
Not if you go to your regular dance hangouts.
ThatHaitianSwede
07-18-2004, 06:17 PM
I know what you mean cuz you usually go out dancing to dance with a whole lot of people, but dancing is also one of the best ways to connect with a person. It might be harder for a guy cuz he won't know how to lead, and so will prolly be sitting out most of the night, but for a girl it'd prolly be real fun. Just save all of the more romantic dances for your partner or all of them if you want. I mean the noise and crowds are what make the setting so good for dancing. Because it's a whole lot of people coming together as common folk to enjoy the beauty of dance, and I don't think that has to cut into your 'personal get away time', when your dancing it's still just you two :together:
Of course this all depends on what type of dancing your going out to do. If it's grinding :? ... you might not want to share your partner with others. If it's ballroom and your partner is inexperienced then it might be dull for the guy but fun for the girl, and if it's a latin nightclub then it's just perfect! :mrgreen:
considering the source, the perspective seems to be that if a woman is with a guy who is disposed towards dancing. it's a good date night, the goal not being to dance but to spend some romantic time together where dancing would facilitate enjoying each other's company.
i imagine that those who see dance first & foremost as a means of social interaction experience little cognitive dissonance with this idea as compared to those who tend to view it as an individual accomplishment or as something to compete in, etc.; i have a friend who's competed at blackpool and her view of dance is entirely that perspective. we've talked about it - it doesn't bother her that her boyfriend doesn't dance, doesn't care if he never does, nor does she do any sort of social dancing. i've known her for almost a year now & i have yet to dance with her. (i think i'd be kinda intimidated now that i think about it!)
DancePoet
07-18-2004, 10:16 PM
I'd say a night out dancing would make a good date with the right person.
Probably makes sense to have a meal together. Either staying home to cook something nice and easy or dining out, would both likely make a good preface to an evening of dancing.
I'm not sure I'd take someone on a first date dancing unless things were going real well or perhaps if I already knew they liked dancing. If the person was more of a newcomer to dancing, I'd likely be very attentive to the person's feelings regarding how long they'd like to dance so as not to overwelm the person.
Since my recent ex had little interest in dancing, and I had only started to learn dancing during this relationship, I suspect I'm missing part of the picture here, but would like to learn what other's experiences have been regarding dates and dancing.
cocodrilo
07-18-2004, 10:38 PM
I've never dated any men who are dancers(i.e. know dance steps), but I liked going out for dinner on dates, followed by going to a place with live music for drinks and dancing there with my date.
I'd say a night out dancing would make a good date with the right person.
Probably makes sense to have a meal together. Either staying home to cook something nice and easy or dining out, would both likely make a good preface to an evening of dancing.
I'm not sure I'd take someone on a first date dancing unless things were going real well or perhaps if I already knew they liked dancing. If the person was more of a newcomer to dancing, I'd likely be very attentive to the person's feelings regarding how long they'd like to dance so as not to overwelm the person.
Since my recent ex had little interest in dancing, and I had only started to learn dancing during this relationship, I suspect I'm missing part of the picture here, but would like to learn what other's experiences have been regarding dates and dancing.
there are lots of threads on that sort of topic in the archives.
one substantial one is:
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=2285
etchuck
07-18-2004, 11:28 PM
For what it's worth: I did take someone out on a first date to a dance. Now I met this person at a vintage dance, so I took her out to another vintage dance. I think she had a great time.
But as it stands, she likes swing dancing a lot, but she knows a lot of people at those dances, including her ex.
For what it's worth: I did take someone out on a first date to a dance. Now I met this person at a vintage dance, so I took her out to another vintage dance. I think she had a great time.
did you use dance cards & cross pollinate or did you dance together the entire evening?
Dancegal
07-19-2004, 12:24 AM
I think it depends where you go. If it's meant to be a private romantic evening, the spots where the "scene" hangs out may not be the best choice. Of course, this depends on how involved the party(ies) are in the local scene. I am not involved in the local salsa scene so a salsa dancing date would be great for me :D . There are several places in town where you can have dinner & salsa dancing, some are more geared to couples than others. The key is to find a venue geared towards couples. I personally don't consider swing/lindy romantic. Blues is another story :D, but latin is my favorite in the romance department.
I know of one couple active in the lindy scene where the wife would have rather done anything BUT dancing for their 1st anniversary. They do blues and lindy mostly. I think she knows salsa, but don't think he knows how.
DanceMentor
07-19-2004, 12:42 AM
My wife and I always look forward to going out dancing. We both have a passion for dance. Its especially good when we feel like we danced well. Sometimes we leave scratching our heads, but most of the time its a blast.
salsachinita
07-19-2004, 03:23 AM
Ok, there are several determinate elements here:
Are the two people dancers? Or just one of them? None?
What stage of the relationship are we talking about? First date? Or has our couple here already been dating for a while?
How related to the 'scene' is our couple? Would 'being seen together' be a big deal, or would privacy be more appropriate?
I've learnt from experience that during a first date, going salsa dancing after dinner (or meeting at a salsa club for a drink) may not be a good idea.......if the guy is NOT a dancer.
Disclaimer: I would be on my best behaviour (read: not dancing all night with everyone, as I normally would) in cases like this.... but the sheer number 'kiss & greet' I have to do generally puts the non-dancing date a bit on the unsure side :? .
So the result (apart from the fact that I completely give up my chance of getting my fix for the evening)? He usually never calls again :roll: !
These days, I find myself meeting dancers/musicians (or people related to the salsa scene some how) all the time, so they are generally quite aware of the role I play & what it means to be with me. This way I can just relax & be myself.........
ArtsySalsera
12-19-2005, 08:53 PM
Ok, there are several determinate elements here:
Are the two people dancers? Or just one of them? None?.........
I'm the dancer, he is not.
What stage of the relationship are we talking about? First date? Or has our couple here already been dating for a while?
It's the beginning of the relationship. We are 5 dates and several phone conversations behind us.
How related to the 'scene' is our couple? Would 'being seen together' be a big deal, or would privacy be more appropriate? I am the one who is very related to the scene. He isn't at all.
I've learnt from experience that during a first date, going salsa dancing after dinner (or meeting at a salsa club for a drink) may not be a good idea.......if the guy is NOT a dancer. Yeah, I've decided on this route too for now until I can learn how to lead a bit and then show him how as he doesn't have time for classes. He said he'd be willing to learn...but I don't know if he'd practice or give up when getting just a little frustrated or push on.
Disclaimer: I would be on my best behaviour (read: not dancing all night with everyone, as I normally would) in cases like this.... but the sheer number 'kiss & greet' I have to do generally puts the non-dancing date a bit on the unsure side :? .I can't just be there and hold myself back from dancing with others as I am limited to the times I get out during the week to dance as it is.
I know that it would drive me nuts.
So the result (apart from the fact that I completely give up my chance of getting my fix for the evening)? He usually never calls again :roll: !.Yeah, that's what I don't want to happen. I don't want to mess this up because I don't meet potential romantic partners in salsa clubs. That's just the way it's been for one reason or another.
These days, I find myself meeting dancers/musicians (or people related to the salsa scene some how) all the time, so they are generally quite aware of the role I play & what it means to be with me. This way I can just relax & be myself.........Wish I could say the same for meeting potential romantic partners but then again sometimes I think maybe I don't want someone too fanatical about it....Bah....I don't know, I don't know. I switch back and forth on this one. I am going to really try to strike some kind of balance here though.
Sabor
12-20-2005, 10:14 AM
"Does going out dancing really make a good date night?"
for me-oh-my.. yep, sure does.. hehe
whenever my wife and i go out we always make sure to at least bring our dance sneakers. we never know when we might encounter some music out and about that we can dance to.
if we're a little dressy then we bring along a shoe bag in the car.
usually we always try to plan a little dancing into our evenings. we don't like dancing at studios as much as we love dancing ballroom in bars and other social settings.
our favorite has been dancing to Christmas music in the outdoor courtyard of a local mall. you would think that we were hired by the mall to entertain the shoppers. :D
diputs
12-20-2005, 12:13 PM
Once you own dance specific shoes, is it still possible to dance in whatever shoes you have on at the moment?
I got really into cycling last year. Now I no longer ride my bicycle unless I am in full biking kit. And to think I used to ride in shorts and sneakers.
i bike as well and only use my clip-in (any of the 3 pair that i have on my two racing bikes)... plus... i only go running in my running shoes... or swim in either my race spedo or half body suit for cold open water.
as well i also... hike in my hiking boots, down hill ski in my ski boots (though i can't think of any other way to do it), skate in my rollerblades, and play raquetball in my court shoes.
so when dancing in public i ususally try to bring along my dance sneakers for dancing on unfriendly surfaces or my shoebag for dance friendly floors. i usually don't dance in my birkenstocks (my usual daily shoe). dancing would tear them apart.
the right equipment for the right purpose.
diputs
12-20-2005, 12:20 PM
We humans sure are funny creatures!
our favorite has been dancing to Christmas music in the outdoor courtyard of a local mall. you would think that we were hired by the mall to entertain the shoppers. :D
That sounds great!
I don't have a regular dance partner, and as I said over on the 'Dateless on DF' thread, I'm not ready to date again yet, so I don't go on dance dates.
If only! :(
But when the time comes, I would love to. :rocker:
Rosa :)
our favorite has been dancing to Christmas music in the outdoor courtyard of a local mall. you would think that we were hired by the mall to entertain the shoppers. :D
That sounds great!
I don't have a regular dance partner, and as I said over on the 'Dateless on DF' thread, I'm not ready to date again yet, so I don't go on dance dates.
If only! :(
But when the time comes, I would love to. :rocker:
Rosa :)
we strive to find those "moments" that bring out "the real reason" why we love to dance.
when all is said and one and we are old and past our prime we will still be dancing in court yards and fountains to street bands and festive music.
fascination
12-20-2005, 02:09 PM
is there some other kind of night out?;) is there some other kind of date;) ?
dh and I love to dance...as for dating...dont know...but I probably wouldnt suggest it unless I either knew the person's level of dancing or their degree of open-ness to learning...now that could be fun:cool:
Medira
12-20-2005, 02:44 PM
Once you own dance specific shoes, is it still possible to dance in whatever shoes you have on at the moment?
My Dad and I waltzed through Union Station to the music of a subway performer the other day. We were both in boots. You can definitely notice a difference, but I don't have a problem with it as long as it's only every once in a while...
ArtsySalsera
12-20-2005, 04:43 PM
Dtas, sounds awesome!! I'll bet you get applause and everything.
Rosa, you're time will come.
Swingolder
12-20-2005, 04:44 PM
My Dad and I waltzed through Union Station to the music of a subway performer the other day. We were both in boots. You can definitely notice a difference, but I don't have a problem with it as long as it's only every once in a while...
My dh and I were out the other night. Great blues band so we got up to dance and I had on some smooth souled sneakers. I thought I would be all right, but the first couple of steps, I almost fell over my head. I got kind of used to it, but I wish I would have had my dance sneakers in the car.
SuzieQ
12-20-2005, 05:05 PM
It depends on the situation. If we go someplace for dinner that happens to have music and a dance floor, we can have a good time doing that just with each other. If we "go out dancing," I like to dance with lots of different people, but my husband doesn't particularly, so it causes some friction.
Twilight_Elena
12-21-2005, 03:20 AM
Not if you go to your regular dance hangouts.
So, so, so agree. The few times I've gone to practice parties of other schools I've had a great time. 99% of it was due to the fact that there was nobody I knew watching! No teachers, no friends, no anything! I could do whatever I freaking wanted!
So dance dates. If you're both dancers and want to have a good time, go to a club that you've never been before and where no one you know is hanging out, and rock the scene. ;) Otherwise you could just go for a non-dancing night and get dancing out of yrou system for a few hours. Detox, ya know?
If one of you is not a dancer, I'd say its risky. The non-dancer might get freaked out by other dancers, etc.
Twilight Elena
ArtsySalsera
12-21-2005, 07:11 PM
http://www.online-thecatsmeow.com/images/Emoticons/hmm.gifGood tips!
Thanks!http://www.online-thecatsmeow.com/images/Emoticons2/way2go.gif
bjp22tango
12-22-2005, 04:32 AM
From the perspective of a dancer, I mean. When you read women's magazines, which I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I do, they all recommend that established couples schedule a "date night," and pretty universally, they suggest dancing as a good date night. As a dance person, I think that's a questionable suggestion. I mean, you have crowds, and noise, and dance technique, and other partners to worry about. So, to me, a night out dancing isn't a good "date night," for a couple who needs to get away and spend time together.
What do you think?
I would bet that most of these established couples know a few basic steps at the most, and don't regularly attend what we would consider a dance.
They go out to a restaurant with a lounge attached with a postage stamp dance floor and they dance only with each other, letting the stress of the day, the kids, etc. float away for a few hours while they reconnect.
There was a dance instructor who retired to our neck of the woods. He only taught couples. They did not rotate. He did not teach lead and follow, only patterns. Most of the couples he taught used and still use those patterns for their date nights out. They don't know anything more about "dancing" and they don't care to. It is enough that they are doing something together.
For us DANCERS, it would be another story completely as has already been discussed. Most of us go to dances to socialize with other people, not spend it as a romantic couple.
Sabor
12-22-2005, 08:09 AM
plus ofcourse .. its a good excuse for her to be all over me
many of my friends go out dancing to socialize but still only dance with thier SO. we all get together as friends to talk but when a song comes on we just dance with who we came with. these are my non-instructor friends.
when going out with instructor friends we always "change-up" and play with our dancing. i suppose the difference is your main reason for going out. are you going out to go dancing or to socialize and talk with friends where dancing is a side event.
and the same applies to going on a date. you can go on a date and have the main emphasis be to go dancing or you can go on a date and have the main emphasis be to connect and share with the one you're with. that doesn't mean you couldn't dance but you could also just sit and talk or go for a moon lit walk, or watch a movie, etc. dancing is not the emphasis here.
redhead
12-22-2005, 12:04 PM
I never went on a dancing date because dancing entire night with just one person would drive me insane. I'd do that if the guy was a really good salsero, but then I already knew everyone who was good in my neck of woods and wasn't interested.
I still go on "friend-dates", when one of my old dance buddies and I go out together, dance with each other for 1/2 hour and go on our own merry ways... not an option for a real date though is it.
i recall another thread about something like this. something about taking your date out dancing and then dancing with other people.
i still look at it like i did in that other thread... if you are on a date then you are with that person to get to know them and share experiences with them.
why else would you go on a date with them.
now... you could go out dancing, and they could come along and you both could dance with a bunch of other people. but where's the "date" part in that? in essence you both have gone out dancing at the same place, but not really gone out with each other.
i think we as avid dancers need to separate ourselves from dancing (only for a moment) and look at it from a different point of view. dancing is not the only social event in the world. dancing is great! we all love it and many of us can not see life without it. but it is not the only great thing in the world. (yes that is obviouis but i'm trying to break the image that i seem to see formed in peoples heads)
you don't have to go dancing to have a good time. though for us it REALLY HELPS! it helps others too, but not in the same way that it helps us. we love to dance for dancing, others love to dance to be with someone and connect with them.
true we love to connect with people... but we don't have a romantic interest in whom we are connecting with (in a dance). actually we have more interest in the "connection" itself than in the person we're connecting with.
so... are you on a date with a person? or are you on a date with "dancing"
ArtsySalsera
12-22-2005, 04:51 PM
I think you hit the nail on the head. http://www.online-thecatsmeow.com/images/Emoticons4/claphands.gif
apostle
07-06-2006, 11:56 PM
Probably not. Because you want to dance with only your partner - your date. It makes those who go out solo a bunch of losers. If everybody goes out with their date, I will not be able to dance with anyone. How about going out dancing for the purpose of dating/relationships?
DennisBeach
07-07-2006, 12:22 AM
My wife and I always look forward to going out dancing. We both have a passion for dance. Its especially good when we feel like we danced well. Sometimes we leave scratching our heads, but most of the time its a blast.
We are the same way. Some places we go are better than others, but except for the occasional bad night, we really enjoy going out dancing together. That was the primary reason we tried ballroom dancing 5 years ago. The great exercise and meeting some really nice people, have been the icing on the cake.
Except for mixers, we just dance with each other, if couple dances prinmarily with others, I would not consider it much of a date. We have met a lot of other couples who use ballroom dancing as their main way of going out together.
fascination
07-07-2006, 08:22 AM
is there some other kind of date?
DWise1
07-07-2006, 10:51 AM
is there some other kind of date?
Of course there is! Going to see a dance movie. [duh!]
[grin]
But seriously, if the purpose of a date is to get to know that person, then the dance floor is not a very good place. That date will also need to include some time in a quieter place (eg, coffee shop) where you two can talk.
AzureDreamer
07-07-2006, 04:49 PM
I think it does make a pretty good date, especially if you don't know the dance in question. I'd always be sort of on the look out for dates that emphasize my willingness to try new things, ability to socialize, and my wide range of interests. Its also a good way to assess the physical potential of the relationship.
I think there is a lot of downside if one of you is a much better dancer than the other... and its definately not a great first date. On the other hand, flying to Vienna for a waltz in the wonderfully gothic town hall... its an excellent way to escalate things.
kayak
07-12-2006, 04:50 PM
If you are a good dancer going out dancing with someone who is not a dancer, be really really patient. The two of you are going to hack up the dance floor whenever he is willing to give it a shot. It takes a while for a guy to learn to dance and lead. As long as you are ok with looking goofy and missing lots of steps for a bit, you two should have a great time. If you two enjoy each other's company enough, his dancing will take off down the road.
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