Practicing for competitons and dating

[hala]

I'm a collegiate bronze level dancer facing a little dilemma.

I've had 2 dance partners so far. We were good friends, learned a lot together then went our separate ways - wherever our studies lead us. Ideally however I always wanted to meet a boyfriend/dancer combined in one!
Ironically I did and we really click. We recently started dating and we have a great time dancing socially together. However, he has this theory that practicing for competitions together is harmfull to a relationship. He does occasionally compete with other girls, and the whole situation is very discouraging to me. He seems to respect the ability of those other dancers more than mine. He is a silver / open dancer but it seems to me he could help me catch up with him if he wanted to do.

I need to know if it commonly causes problems for people who are dating to train together for competitions. What makes people want to spend all this quality time training with someone else than their favorite person?

Hala

[ratherbdancing]

It really is up to how you view it. Some people are completely against dating a dance partner and others would only be involved with their dance partners. So can you be partners and date? of course......many champions are married to each other. BUt i think it does depend on if you think the realtionship is strong enough to stand that test of being together ALL THE TIME.

[Elizabeth]

I need to know if it commonly causes problems for people who are dating to train together for competitions.


Yes it does. If you go to a competitors practice regularly and watch the married/dating couples who compete together, I guarentee that sooner or later (usually sooner) you will see every one of them have a major argument about the dancing.

Of course some of us still do it anyway.


What makes people want to spend all this quality time training with someone else than their favorite person?


The don't want to give up dancing, but they don't want the angst that comes with trying to mix a romantic relationship with a dance partnership. I also wouldn't think of it as "quality time". Since you say you're in collegiate bronze I'm assuming that you haven't yet gotten to the point where you're spending hours and hours trying to fix a flaw in your technique for a single figure. Trust me, that's not "quality time" as most people understand the phrase.

[sunderi]

I've chosen to not compete with my husband. (He is a professional at the studio where I take lessons, but I compete with another instructor. Disclaimer: we were together BEFORE I started dancing! People always ask about that. :wink: )

We just decided, that for us, it would be too much stress & strain on our marriage. We dance socially together, but no competing.

He is just starting to train with a professional partner for pro competitions. It's hard to be away from him for that time, but I know how important it is to him, so I deal.

It makes me think about going pro, though -- but even if that happened, I'm still not sure it would be a good idea for us to compete together.

Whenever people ask why we don't compete, we answer the same way, "We'd like to compete together, but we'd like to stay married even more!" :wink:

[etchuck]

Well, I'm one who does not like to be involved in relationships at my workplace(s). While I would really like to have a relationship with a dance partner, the fact is that if one is that serious about dancing, it's essentially a workplace instead of a social floor.

It's not to say that it's impossible to have a romantic relationship with someone you work with because there are examples where it does happen of course. However, you have to know your limits and when to leave things "at work."

[hala]

thanks for all the replies, although it seems to me that practicing only becomes tuff when dancers go professionals. Amators who try to keep improving - and who have a ton of fun in the process! - should be able to dance and date at the same time, don't you think?
It also seems that an amator planning to never give up dancing needs their dance partner to also be their other half. If not it seems that they gradually give up dancing as it becomes more and more difficult to find a dance partner. I'd personnaly really hate to have that happen to me!

[DanceAm]

My wife and I were married 15 years before we start dancing and I have heard of dancing putting stress on a relationship. But when I got the whole story there were two common things, the relationship was already on the rocks or the relationship was still rather new.

My wife and I practice 10 to 15 hours a week and we know we can get frustrated and usually one does before the other. When comp time is getting close, we feel even more stress. But having been married so long in a good marriage, what ever happens in the studio stays in the studio and whatever happens at home, stays at home. She knows I don't hate her and I know she doesn't hate me, or at least not all of me, just sometimes the dance partner me.

But we see ourselves together long after the next comp or the next Nationals because our relationship is not based on dance. The key element is "we".

If your relationship is based on a dance partnership, it will only last as long as the partnership. Dance partnerships take work, common goals, empathy for the other's situation just to get along. As I said, frustration will happen in dance practice, and that is when a person is at his/her worst. Plus, what if you two never become the dancers you want to be, that can't be good for the relationship.

So I wouldn't say a dance partnership is bad for a relationship, I actually think it will tell you if it will work or not. And if both of you want it, it has a better chance of working. If only one of you wants it, good luck.

Both individuals should ask themselves if there was no dancing, would I still want to be with this person?

One more thing, there are dance partnerships that have outlasted the romantic partnership. But I would never be the next guy, I don't think I could handle my girl with her old guy/dance partner for many hours a day or travel to other places so they could compete and me nowhere in site. I would just find it hard to be secure in that relationship. Well, that is unless the old boyfriend/dance partner was gay and didn't know it when he was dating his partner.

[Another Elizabeth]

Actually, I am an amateur competitor, as are most of the people who have responded to you in this thread. I had one long-term relationship that constantly had problems with the dance relationship affecting the personal relationship and vice versa. When my husband and I started to run into similar problems, we stopped dancing with each other. We both compete with other partners now, and we prefer it that way.

As a collegiate bronze competitor, I'm not sure you appreciate what a "serious" dance partnership entails. It's not always "having a ton of fun in the process." Once you get past some basic material (e.g., learning figures and footwork), you spend a lot of time trying to figure out who's doing what wrong and how to correct it. Since no one really likes to admit that a problem is his own fault, there can be a lot of blaming things on the other partner. Even if you don't fall into that trap, you can easily disagree on the "right" way to do all sorts of things.

Also, having one partner "train up" another is fraught with peril for the relationship. It can work all right during the training process, but once the partnership is getting close to equal, you need to totally redefine your dance relationship to one another. This is very hard on a partnership, and I only know a few couples who have managed it. Usually the dance partnership breaks up at this point. If you're also in a personal relationship, it's very difficult to keep that when the dance relationship breaks up. Your boyfriend may fear that trying to dance with you would actually cause you to break up.

For now, I personally would advise you to dance with someone of your own level. If you improve to be on a par with your boyfriend, then you can talk about dancing together, but you will have a more realistic perception of what it entails at that point.

Besides, it can be very convenient when you and your SO are not dancing in the same events - there's always someone to hold the water bottle and shoe brush for you!

[tasche]

Hala,

I think you need to talk to Kitty about this I seem to recall she was in a similar situation awhile back and she may be able to give you personal insight

[Violet]

hala! Being a former dancer and teacher now I believe dating with your partner and trainings depend on personal characteristics and relationships. As for me my partner refused dancing after 3 years of dating. Then after a year I didn't want to date. our relationships weren't well so we couldn't train together without quarells and my partner decided not to put money into dancing. but there are some good examples. Some of my couples are husbands and wifes and they admire dancing together. one of them consider dancing without dating is impossible. I think the reason is that partners spend much time together when training and become closer to each other. Thus I can't say if it is good or not to date with a partner and take part in competitions at once. Do you agree? What do the others thinks according my point of view? :)
Violet

[Elizabeth]

although it seems to me that practicing only becomes tuff when dancers go professionals. Amators who try to keep improving - and who have a ton of fun in the process! - should be able to dance and date at the same time, don't you think?


Where are you getting that its only pros who have problems? As Another Elizabeth said, most of us replying are amateurs. And the thing is, you can try to keep improving, but you can't always count on it working. When you stall out and aren't improving things get unfun really fast and its really easy to get frustrated and blame the other person.

I don't know how I could be more clear on this. If I had a dollar for every time I got so frustrated that I wanted to do serious bodily harm to Warren I'd have enough money for a bunch of lessons. Much as you might not want to hear it, your boyfriend has a legitimate concern.

[DanceAm]

If two people are serious and spending a lot of time practicing, it would seem just by the logistics of it that they could easily get into a relationship. (if both are single)

Professionals or Amateurs, pros usually teach to make money and Amateurs usually have school or full time jobs, so once you add practice on top of that, who has time for a relationship outside of dance? It is possible, but I am sure it can cause problems if someone is working 40 hours and dancing at least another 15, add in personal responsibilities and sleep, there is not much time left for that other relationship. I see that as the number 1 problem when a dancer has a partner that doesn't dance, the non dancer is always battling for time.

[MacMoto]

Hala,
Since I'm a social dancer who has never competed, I cannot say whether or not competing with your boyfriend is necessarily harmful to your relationship. But where I do see a problem is this:

He does occasionally compete with other girls, and the whole situation is very discouraging to me. He seems to respect the ability of those other dancers more than mine. He is a silver / open dancer but it seems to me he could help me catch up with him if he wanted to do.
This sounds like you are basically asking him to act as your teacher as well as your compention partner. This would make your partnership unequal. I have had an SO acting as my teacher (not in dancing), and I can tell you this can make things very, very difficult for you. He would feel he would have to train you to be good enough as his partner, and no doubt he would have to criticise your dance, point out problems you have, what you are doing wrong, what you should be doing instead, etc. This I think would be very harmful to your relationship -- since you are personally involved, it would be very difficult not to take these criticisms personally. You already sound rather hurt by the fact that you feel he thinks you are not good enough to be his partner. Competing together, with him acting as your teacher, would make it worse. It would be so easy for the unequal power relationship of your dance partnership to spill over and start affecting your romantic relationship.

For now, I personally would advise you to dance with someone of your own level. If you improve to be on a par with your boyfriend, then you can talk about dancing together, but you will have a more realistic perception of what it entails at that point.
I think Another Elizabeth gives good advice.

[Warren J. Dew]

He would feel he would have to train you to be good enough as his partner, and no doubt he would have to criticise your dance, point out problems you have, what you are doing wrong, what you should be doing instead, etc. This I think would be very harmful to your relationship -- since you are personally involved, it would be very difficult not to take these criticisms personally.
Finally, a woman who admits this.

[Kitty]

I'm a collegiate bronze level dancer facing a little dilemma.

I've had 2 dance partners so far. We were good friends, learned a lot together then went our separate ways - wherever our studies lead us. Ideally however I always wanted to meet a boyfriend/dancer combined in one!
Ironically I did and we really click. We recently started dating and we have a great time dancing socially together. However, he has this theory that practicing for competitions together is harmfull to a relationship. He does occasionally compete with other girls, and the whole situation is very discouraging to me. He seems to respect the ability of those other dancers more than mine. He is a silver / open dancer but it seems to me he could help me catch up with him if he wanted to do.

I need to know if it commonly causes problems for people who are dating to train together for competitions. What makes people want to spend all this quality time training with someone else than their favorite person?

Hala

Sounds so familiar, I was there few months ago, in an almost identical situation.

I will say 2 things.

1) the most important thing in your partner is that he has same goals as you. The problem with a boyfriend who is also a partner is that if your goals are not identical and you have partnership problems it becomes personal. For me and my partner/bf (ex bf now :shock: ) this was the biggest issue. "Why don't you want to spend time with me doing something other than dancing?" - he told me many times that he got a girlfriend not with a purpose of dancing so much, but to spend time together doing other things too. My complaint was that "dancing so much" for him was less than 3 hours a week!!! thats not my idea of competitive training! Levels, fixing things, trusting coaches are all possible problems, but if you and your partner have different goals it is most stressful!

2) My idea of a perfect partner and perfect boyfriend is when the two are combined in one! When my boyfriend did not want to notice that I was as good or better and much more devoted than his competition partner and did not want to dance with me I took it very personally and felt unappreciated. Now I know that he doesn't have a good understanding of most dances and most technique, so his opinion on who is a better dancer is irrelevant! If he doesn't notice you and has low opinion of your dancing while you feel it should be higher it is either that he doesn't know what to look for and his opinion is then irrelevant (good coach could help) or he does have a high opinion of your dancing just doesn't want to dance with you yet for some other reason, or your dancing is indeed not as good as his partner's, which in short term might be important for him. In any case, no need to feel unappreciated...
The process of me trying to convince my bf to consider me as a dance partner was the most stressful thing that ever happened to our relationship! You could avoid the stress if you just practice hard on your own and wait... If you too will be equally devoted and will be on a comparable level, sooner or later you'll probably end up dancing together. I did not want to wait... but now after I have gone through all of this I know that even though I want my bf to be my partner, that doesn't mean today. That means when it is less stressful and convinient, when both are sure about our goals, if goals are compatible, if levels are comparable, if we feel comfortable competing together. I think I'll never feel unappreciated again, after my bf/partner experience. I'll be smarter.

By the way, about the level difference between me and my ex-bf/partner: I was beginning bronze and he was low silver. Now, after 3 months, I am at least as good as he is... So this kind of level difference doesn't matter in relatively long term (but in collegiate world he might not want to wait for 2 or 3 months...).

I improved not because I danced with him, but because I took classes and worked my butt off on my own. (I danced with him 3 hours per week max, as I mentioned above).

since it probably won't take long for you to catch up, why wouldn't you want to wait? As Another Elizabeth wrote there are certain problems that a partnership with one partner training another entails. You could avoid all this stress if you wait...

I did not listen when I was in your situation. I tried it, and I pushed it (not just for my own advantage - as I said I was better than his ex partner, he just didn't realize that, so I was the best partner available for him). Now I know that I could simply wait...

[Adwiz]

This is an interesting topic for me because I've had two close-relationship dance partnerships in competition. My wife and daughter have both been my dance partners in competitive DanceSport, so I've had first-hand experience in the process of competing with people so close to you.

What I've found echoes what some folks here have already shared quite eloquently.

When you really start to get serious about competition, the closeness of the relationship (in essence, the "familiarity") gets in the way. I love my wife of 21 years passionately and we have have a great marriage, but serious competition emphasis has been unexpectedly challenging to our relationship. There are issues over practice time, issues over who needs to fix a problem, issues over ongoing problems that take time to improve (i.e. my leading and her following). These frustrations aren't helpful to the marriage. It's quite different from casual social dancing where it was pure fun. In fact, it wasn't until we got quite seriously involved in competition that the strain began.

I still love dancing with my wife most of all, but she graciously agreed that it would be best for me to have another partner to pursue my competition goals because they didn't match her own goals.

However, I can see that she is struggling with her own emotions in this area because it's new territory for her own level of trust. While she hasn't vocalized it, I get the feeling that there's a hidden worry about me spending so much time with another woman on a regular basis. I'm way too married for that to become a test of my character. But I can certainly understand why women would find it difficult to accept a dance partnership with someone else. I guess the only test you can really work with is the level of trust in the relationship. Despite the closeness of the partners in the physical act of dancing, I've never thought of it as being any different than interacting with people of the opposite sex you work with in the office.

[SDsalsaguy]

Heya Adwiz, long time no see! Hope all's well and its great to have you back! :D

[robin]

I think as with anything involved it depends on the people involved, their goals and ambitions and how they approach things. Seeing your bf doesn't want to dance competitively with you, chances are it wouldn't work even if you managed to convince him to.

I wouldn't make too much of the difference between bronze and silver. I'd much prefer to dance with a talented dancer at "low Bronze" level than an unenthusiastic and untalented dancer at "Gold" level. In my view the medals only indicate how many steps you have learnt, and don't say much about the quality of dancing, and I've seen partnerships work extremely well where someone with 4 years intensive dance experience has danced with a very talented beginner.

Saying that, I do agree with what other have said that if there are significant differences in standard, it might be very difficult to combine this uneven dance relationship with an equal partnership in personal life...

Anyway, what I was trying to say: If both partners in a relationship want to dance competitively with each other, or if both partners in a competitive relationship want to go out with each other, they can definitely make it work if they want it enough. If one of the partners doesn't really want it, i think it can be quite dangerous.

[DanceAm]

I guess the guy partner could just be in the relationship until someone better comes along. It is hard to work or go to school full time and practice and then go out looking for someone else. Sounds like a lot of work to be on the prowl when your dance partner looks at you all starry eyed all the time. You know, "a bird in the hand", or "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with", for a while anyway.

Surely I don't condone this, but I have to say it as sort of a warning. The relationship should be about each other, not each other's dance.

One thought, let's say you become dancepartners for even a few years, if you are still partners and have become good friends, could a solid couple relationship flourish from that? I almost think that would be ideal, being friends and partners for a decent length of time might be a good foundation for something deeper. But it spells disaster for TV shows when this happens.

[hala]

thanks so much for all the insights!

You could avoid the stress if you just practice hard on your own and wait...

Kitty I particularly appreciate your story because it sounds close to mine. I think I'll take your advice and wait, I'm also practcing in the meanwhile.

I do still wish to be in a couple that works well together, whether it be fixing a roof or practicing for competition. It's my definition of compatibility. I also wanted to share competitive dancing with my boyfriend because my activites in general mean a lot to me and I don't see myself ending up with a guy who doesn't share them with me. For one thing the usual dating activities get old after a while and 2 people could use something to bond over. The other reason is that I firmly expect my companion in life to also be my best friend, and to share my favorite activities with me. I would be miserable having to scavenge for activity buddies everytime I want to do something! I think those become hard to find with age too. Just picture asking your busy and very married friend (to someone who skis!) to share a ski lodge with you because your husband is stubbornly refusing to ski, or else watch this activity fade away from your life for ever!! The same applies to competitive dancing I think.

Maybe what worries me about him not being my dance partner in competitions is that this hints at a larger problem: his stubborness, and how it might be more important to him than my happiness. Time will tell, soon I hope!

If two people are serious and spending a lot of time practicing, it would seem just by the logistics of it that they could easily get into a relationship. (if both are single)

I believe that.

Some of my couples are husbands and wifes and they admire dancing together. one of them consider dancing without dating is impossible. I think the reason is that partners spend much time together when training and become closer to each other.

It seems it's the kind of couple I should be in! For now I am practicing for a competition with a beginner, but very friendly and obliging. We're getting to be good friends and we have a lot in common, which sometime makes me think that it's the kind of bonding I'm supposed to do with my boyfriend!

I appreciate sharing that problem with everyone here. Who knows, in a few months, if things don't sort themselves out, I might send my guy over here to read this thread!

Hala

[Another Elizabeth]

One thing to think about is that you don't have to be competition partners to share your activity. My husband and I often practice at the same time and place with our respective partners (or now, one will often tag along to the other's practice and watch the baby). At competitions, it's often really nice to have an SO there who's not dancing at the same time you are. They can run the video camera, offer support and cheering, help you out if you have a wardrobe malfunction, etc. And of course, you can still social dance together.

But if you send your boyfriend to read this thread, he'll just say that everyone in it is telling you that he's right. Men are like that. :)

[Warren J. Dew]

But if you send your boyfriend to read this thread, he'll just say that everyone in it is telling you that he's right. Men are like that. :)
Nah. He'll say that all the other women on the thread agree with him.

[Kitty]

Kitty I particularly appreciate your story because it sounds close to mine. I think I'll take your advice and wait, I'm also practcing in the meanwhile.

Maybe what worries me about him not being my dance partner in competitions is that this hints at a larger problem: his stubborness, and how it might be more important to him than my happiness. Time will tell, soon I hope!

I quoted two paragraphs which seem contradictory to me. You aknowledge the advice, but then you don't really believe in it. You are impatient. Oh well, I was exactly like that:-) too.

Then you say how important it is that you and your husband have something in common to do when dating activities become old... have you been dating this guy for long? Are dating activities becoming old? Are you going to marry him? If it is really a long term relationship waiting for a year won't change anything. You'll definitely catch up in a year or two - girls do that. Why is this so important right now?

And I'll repeat myself. If your dedication levels are approximately the same you will probably end up dancing together at some point anyway: college partnerships don't last long, neither of you has a "forever" partner... at some point his partner will graduate, and his prospective partners will drop out, or something else will happen, and you'll catch up to him and will have a competition record to prove it - so that he can admit that, also he'll get used to the idea of the possibility of dancing with you. And then you'll be the best partner available, he'll ask you himself to be his partner.
Right now what you can do (if you don't have a good partner that you like, which I assume you don't) is you can ask him to practice with you from time to time for you to learn certain things (like silver steps). But don't mention competing together!!!!! You'll learn (thats the most important thing, isn't it) and will spend time practicing with him (that is what you want), at the same time no pressure for him to admit you could be his competition partner. The trick is to convince him you wouldn't want to compete with him in the near future (next year or two), ask him for some help with your learning (he'll be flattered if you do it correctly) and get good relatively quickly practicing with a good partner - half a year to a year. Right now you probably just want him to admit you are good, you are improving and you are worth dancing with (+ you want a good partner) - I'm describing my former self :-) . How about just dancing?

Or unless you are living in the middle of nowhere, sign up for a class or lessons someplace outside of your team - that will change your perspective forever (and for good!).

[ktnwin]

Hmm... I am glad I ran into this thread.

My wife and I started up ballroom dancing about 2 years ago. The main reasons are: I am very interested in ballroom dancing and my wife treats it as an exercise.

Initially, we did not have much trouble to get things started. We both learn and practice together (practice 1+ hour a day). We went to a ballroom dance club twice a week (usually 3 hr / session).

We did get into argument about our dancing. For example, I want to improve our techniques but she simply says, this is already OK as we do not try to compete, we just dance for the exercise part (which I don't agree). I feel bored if we do not make any progress (repeat the same lousy moves over and over without improvement for example).
Regarding my suggestion to take dance class to improve our skills, she kind of freaks out (money is not the concern).

A few other things: my wife only want to dance with me and she does not feel comfortable to dance with other men, she does not know how to follow. It's OK if I dance with other women (when she takes a rest). I found a few that dances really well (timings fit perfectly with mine, with great style). I wish I can get my wife to do that (she said: don't ever wish that).

It must be silly, but we continue to go to the club twice a week.

Any suggestion to change her mind into improving our skills.

[Sagitta]

Firstly, welcome. One good thing is that you are managing to dance with others and so that way you can improve your skills. How does your wife feel about you spending a little extra time, yourself, in doing what you want to do. Say one lesson and one social where you get to dance with others. She may be okay with that if you are willing to dance with her other times just the way she dances.

[MacMoto]

Welcome to DF, ktnwin.

My wife and I started up ballroom dancing about 2 years ago. The main reasons are: I am very interested in ballroom dancing and my wife treats it as an exercise.

...

Any suggestion to change her mind into improving our skills.
We have another thread discussing a situation very similar to yours -- My S.O. wants us both to quit dancing, but I don't. (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=4926)
Although it does not offer any magic solution, I thought you might be interested in reading other members' experiences.

[Kitty]

My wife and I started up ballroom dancing about 2 years ago. The main reasons are: I am very interested in ballroom dancing and my wife treats it as an exercise.

Initially, we did not have much trouble to get things started. We both learn and practice together (practice 1+ hour a day). We went to a ballroom dance club twice a week (usually 3 hr / session).

Any suggestion to change her mind into improving our skills.

how did you initially learn? You took a class? or private lessons? Maybe you could convince her to take a group class in a dance that you haven't learned yet? (maybe West Coast Swing or something else exotic) You could reason that you won't have to sit those dances out when you are at a social....

Is getting a partner and practicing on your own, without your wife, an option?

[Adwiz]

I am very interested in ballroom dancing and my wife treats it as an exercise.

I want to improve our techniques but she simply says, this is already OK as we do not try to compete, we just dance for the exercise part (which I don't agree).

That's not an uncommon thing in my experience talking with other guys. It's also true in my own life. My wife and I are somewhat incompatible in our goals as well: she doesn't like to practice but we do take private and group lessons regularly. My goals are to reach championship levels in competition and she told me she has no interest in ever competing at champ level. So we have competed quite successfully to a point (her dance background was a big help), but reached a plateau that became a point of conflict.

Our solution was that I found a new competition partner with my wife's blessing, and we'll be competing at the higher levels, allowing my wife to continue competing at Bronze. She's not 100% comfortable yet with me having another partner, but is getting more comfortable each week as she sees the sky isn't falling on our marriage. I think it is hard for her to imagine a couple dancing together almost daily and not growing emotionally close.

Guys in general like to do things well once they pick up an activity like dancing. Women often feel more comfortable in just being themselves in those activities and don't worry too much about whether it's perfect or not, so this might be one reason for the conflict. It sounds like she might be concerned that if you begin focusing on technique it won't be fun anymore. If that's the case, maybe it will help just to get to know some other social dancers and allow their discussion of technique to influence your wife so she sees that it can still be fun even if you put more effort into the details (it gets even more fun as you get more competent, in my experience).

[ktnwin]

Thanks so much for sharing your tips with me.

Our goals are not to become competitive (too old for that I guess), at least that part is common.

I want to do better and better (dance, not just performing the steps - I do play music and know what this means, playing music and hitting the notes are two different things).
My wife was amazed of herself (self-content): "I never dream I could dance like this". That's the good part, the bad part is she see no need to improve.

We took some private classes and the instructor did each well on how to dance (not the steps, I told him specifically so). My wife admits that she cannot learn as fast as I do (she cannot visualize 3 dimensions, mixing up L/R constantly). So she freaks out on anything that force her to learn at a moderate speed.

For example, one new step a month is OK, two is a little too much and three is way too many.

Comparing to other women in the club, my wife is (or appears) quite good but few men want to dance with her because she cannot follow the beats. That's where I like her to improve.

Anyway, the exercise part is good, we both benefit from the weekly dance (I lost 10+ lbs incl. my belly and my wife get her blood pressure to normal).

I do not think that getting another dance partner (and still keep my wife happy) is an option. I can dance with other women, but got to be with her more than 50% of the time (can't leave her sitting there waiting song after song).

[hala]

And I'll repeat myself. If your dedication levels are approximately the same you will probably end up dancing together at some point anyway: college partnerships don't last long, neither of you has a "forever" partner... at some point his partner will graduate, and his prospective partners will drop out, or something else will happen, and you'll catch up to him and will have a competition record to prove it - so that he can admit that, also he'll get used to the idea of the possibility of dancing with you. And then you'll be the best partner available, he'll ask you himself to be his partner.

I like this idea, that he'll come around. Stubborn or not I'm definitely leaving him alone anyway! He was really stressed the last time I brought it up and I felt bad about it, I didn't want to hurt him.
I am kind of doing what you suggested too: I'm practicing with others for a competition except it's difficult because they're at lower levels than me. I also asked him to give me instructions, which he did twice already. I plan to ask him again and he seems to appreciate the result. Ours isn't a long term relationship, but we've been friends for a year before dating which makes me expect a lot from him I guess.


Hala

[hala]

P.S. : I started this thread in the wrong forum the first time and the moderators moved it here apparently, which made it look like I started the same thread twice! If you notice this don't be weirded out :)

hala

[Sagitta]

ktnwin. From what you write it looks as if your wife is willing to learn, though at a much slower pace than you would like to. That is good. :)