"Ruining" salsa... what to do? please help!!!

[dancer at heart]

My path had crossed salsa a couple of months ago, and I had just fell in love with salsa with all my heart. 2 weeks after I started dancing, I met a guy who lured me by offering to teach and practice with me and very shortly we started dating. I gave him my heart only to find out that he was a big player and was only using me for his gains (oh how I wish I had discovered Edie's website columns earlier). We had met at a very very popular club that all salsa people in the vicinity come to. And while we were dating, he would deliberately kiss me on the dance floor, dance very closely to me, and introduce me to his aquaintances (to show that he can easily get girls I'm sure). Now that I realize the ramnifications of it all, I am petrified at what people must be thinking and saying about me, to a point I am afraid to go back to the salsa scene (I've seen the funny looks people give me...after reading the dance forum on ruining salsa, I now know why). But I love the dance, I love the music. I feel such a sense of loss when I am unable to go out and dance. What do I do now :?:

[SDsalsaguy]

Go back to dancing!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, for a time you may have to put up with glances and "snideness" from those who have nothing better to with their time and energy but, in the end, your love of salsa and genuine interest in dancing will speak the loudest.

As people see you out and not "hooked" to anyone they will come to realize who you are as a person/dancer in your own right.

I wish I had more time for a more complete response at the moment but am on my way out the door...

Never let anyone else take away from you anything your heart needs.

—Jonathan

[dancer at heart]

Thanks for the word of encouragement...

I guess it would be easier if I were a better dancer. Though I have a great passion for salsa, I have no previous dancing experience, therefore going thru the learning curve has been difficult and slow. I am sort of stuck in a catch-22 sort of way in order to improve, I need to go out and dance. But given that I am barely advancing into the intermediate level and my rep, many guys will not ask me to dance.

*sigh* I suppose it will not help to dwell on the mistake I've made in the past..I will try to venture out to the salsa scene again and see what happens...

[MissAlyssa]

FUGGEDABOUDIT! That guy was a LOSER! Trust me, you will find a better guy eventyally. Don't let that ruin your love of dance.

[Black Sheep]

Dancer at Heart,
I was away from the dance scene for forty years, and in 1999 I was invited my friends of fifty years to be their guest at their Grand Ballroom next to the Staple co,complex., I witnessed some 1800 dancers doing the Salsa, and I" was intrigued but not enough. Last Saturday I was at the Pasadena Bal;romance Association run for the past 18 or so years by two of our most talented professional instructors of ALL the Ballroom dances. And when the Salsa music came on, I looked and looked and suddenly I was hooked. The Salsa is so simple and versatile that you can be the best, if you just do the following, and you don't even have to be on beat to enjoy this fun dance. Here is the Magic Pill for the Salsa, Are you ready?
1) Just count, '1,2,3' at any tempo, and keep repeating that 1,2.3 count with your feet moving in sync with your count;
2) Move in any direction turn as many times as you want shake any every part of your body and ;let yourself go. Before the night is over you will end up on beat and in rhythm, just do not worry about iut. Thge Ladies who run that school and Saturday night Venue are Tami and Erin Stevens, What a crowd they draw! Well over a hundred with a live band and fun dances and games. It's one big family and you will feel comfortable in there atmosphere thes two talented ladies create. It's a family affair, and as I said, when they started dancing the Salsa, 'I looked, and I looked and finally got hooked' and so will you when you spend your Saturday night at the PBDA.
Joe Lanza, your friendly dance instructor.

[Gator]

...I am petrified at what people must be thinking and saying about me, to a point I am afraid to go back to the salsa scene (I've seen the funny looks people give me...after reading the dance forum on ruining salsa, I now know why)...
Why do you care at all what total strangers think of you? Friends will understand, the rest doesn't matter. U may never see them again, why bother? Just do whatever U feel like doing.

[SDsalsaguy]

Why do you care at all what total strangers think of you? Friends will understand, the rest doesn't matter. U may never see them again, why bother? Just do whatever U feel like doing.
Well, knowing how insular salsa communities tend to be chances are that you will see these people again....that being said, however, Gator is dead on. Why care what other's—who don't know you—think? Realistically of course this is easier said then done, but keep in mind that most serious dancers are exactly that...serious dancers. Even if your skill level is not yet at a point where it impresses them they will take notice of dedication and perseverance. More importantly, if you work on being a good follower not many will want to pass up dancing with you regardless of any misimpressions they may have.

And don’t forget, the sweetest revenge is spelled S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

[salsarhythms]

Ok, time for some tough love...

#1. That guy is an idiot. Period.

I don't want to open up a can of worms here, but chances
are that he is a very insecure man, with a small <ahem>
member and must show his "manly" prowess by dancing
around and convicing girls that because he's such a great
dancer, he must be a great lover too...so trust me, it's his
loss and not yours.

Another thing to remember, people in general do NOT like
guys like him. If he's well known, then the girls know not
to mess with him because he's a loser (That's probably why
he kept introducing you, no one believed he was with a
girl so he had to prove it) So trust me you'll get a lot more
sympathy than he would.

Trust me, he sounds like the kind of guy who must always
change his circle of friends because as people get to know
him, they realize they want NOTHING to do with him, so
you will always see him with new friends and girl friends...
you'll see it for yourself too...

So with all of this said, I congratulate you for dumping the
a**hole and realizing in time that he is just not worth your
time, your presence, your time of day, or your dance.

So now that you have succesfully gotten rid of the lower than
dirt man, you should have a much better chance of meeting
and dancing with some really great people...

I don't think people are looking at you funny because of it, on
the contrary once you get to know these people more, you'll
see that you have a lot more in common with them.

And even if they do look at you funny because of this idiot, so
what?!? Don't let someone else take away from your happiness
you just go out there and have fun.

We are very good at pointing out the dumb things we do, but
we never tell ourselves the great things we do...

So tonight I want you to do the following:

Look at yourself in the mirror and say:

"You are such a smart person for dumping that idiot, now
get out there and dance!"

Do that tonight, and every night you go out...I promise, you'll
feel better...

[Porfirio Landeros]

If the dancing is really important to you, don't let a break up take it away from you - don't let him win!

If you need to lay low for a while, you can emerse yourself in lessons at places you know you won't see him, but as most have pointed out here, you probably will cross paths again. Why not cross paths with YOU becoming a better dancer with a big smile on your face as guys wait in line to dance with you?

You can turn this tragedy into motivation, which can help you move on emotionally while channeling your energy into being a better dancer...

At worst, you can always explore other styles of partner dancing in order to spend some time away from him ;)

[pygmalion]

I agree with much of what's been said, but would like to add this.

The same thing happened to me, many years ago. Boy, did I get played. And publicly, too.

The hardest thing for me was to walk back into that club the first time. Just go do it didn't work for me, because I felt humiliated, like everybody was watching me.

Bear in mind that I was much younger and less confident then, but here's what I did.

I went out, got myself a little red dress that showed off all my, um, assets to my best advantage. I got myself a handsome date. Nobody at the club knew that he was just a friend, and gay besides. They didn't need to know. I walked right in there, and looked like I was having fun.

The first time going back was the hardest. All downhill from there.


Salsarhythms is right. Nobody likes this kind of guy. If people are looking at you, it's with sympathy. Just hold your head up and walk in. People will respect you for it.

[dancer at heart]

:D

I just want to say thank you all for taking the time to share thoughts and words of encouragement....it's really wonderful to know that there is a place there is so much love and caring....the salsa experience is as much about the dance and the music as it is about the people

I took some of your advices, got dressed up and looked at myself in the mirror and said "I dance because it comes from the heart....I will not let anyone take that away from me. I know that deep down I am a good person, if I keep at it, people will eventually get to know me for who I really am" I breathed, and ventured out to a club in LA that I heard by rep to be pretty friendly (I was going to wait til wed night but decided, hey, there is nothing like the present)

I must say I had such great fun! All the guys at the club were so polite. Though I am not that good of a follow, they did not mind showing me how to do some moves and even thanked me for the dance. It's nights like this that I am reminded of why I started dancing and why I will keep on dancing.

Though I've had my share of difficulties, I am blessed to have come across all the good people such as you all in the forum that share the same passion. I am really glad to have discovered this place and it's great to meet you all! :P

[MissAlyssa]

You're welcome! We're all glad you decided to be a part of the dance-forums 'family'. Keep us updated! :D

[SDsalsaguy]

You're welcome! We're all glad you decided to be a part of the dance-forums 'family'. Keep us updated! :D
Ditto!

[Danish Guy]

:D
I must say I had such great fun! All the guys at the club were so polite. Though I am not that good of a follow, they did not mind showing me how to do some moves and even thanked me for the dance. It's nights like this that I am reminded of why I started dancing and why I will keep on dancing.

That’s so good to hear you are dancing again. :D :D :D

When I dance with a beginner, it’s not the ability to follow, but the wanting to follow, wanting to learn, and most important, the joy and fun. Some smiles when a combination didn’t work saves everything, no need to panic.http://www.clandisa.dk/forum/images/icon_smile_big.gif

[youngsta]

I guess it would be easier if I were a better dancer. Though I have a great passion for salsa, I have no previous dancing experience, therefore going thru the learning curve has been difficult and slow. I am sort of stuck in a catch-22 sort of way in order to improve, I need to go out and dance. But given that I am barely advancing into the intermediate level and my rep, many guys will not ask me to dance.

*sigh* I suppose it will not help to dwell on the mistake I've made in the past..I will try to venture out to the salsa scene again and see what happens...
Like everyone said keep dancing! You'll get over that plateau your dancing abilities are at soon enough and begin following instinctively. As far as guys not asking you to dance, you can ask them too you know :wink:

[pygmalion]

You quoted her, yourself.

Check out what Edie has to say about spins in her article on posture and spins at http://www.dancefreak.com/stories/posture.htm


Basically, what Edie says is that, to get more folks to ask us to dance, we women have to practice and get good independently. She's talking about spins, but the same advice applies no matter what aspect of dance you're talking about. When you're good and in control of your own dancing, you'll have guys lining up to ask you.

In the meanwhile, get prepared, practice, then ASK THEM. Only very stuffy guys will be offended by your invitation to dance, and they'll all feel obligated to say yes most of the time, so ask them, if you can.

Once you get a dance partner, like the Danish Guy says, if you can't follow a lead, a smile will usually help a lot. Just follow as best you can, and apologize if you can't. You'd be surprised how well this works.

Good luck.

Jenn

[dancer at heart]

I've had experiences dancing with someone with great spirit where even though we had bump heads when I did not understand a move, we both just laughed about it, try the move again, and just had a ball. I am not very confident about my dancing, therefore had barely just began to now ask nice guys to dance. But I've always wondered what is like from a male's perspective though.

So here's questions for the guys:

-is it actually enjoyable for you to dance with girls at much lower level than yourself?

-do you not prefer to dance with good dancers that can follow with the lightest touch and spin like a ballerina?

-do guys mind if a girl ask him to dance knowing that she's not very good?on what circumstances do you think guys would turn a girl down when she ask him to dance?

[Danish Guy]

So here's questions for the guys:

-is it actually enjoyable for you to dance with girls at much lower level than yourself?

Sure, if its fun. I don’t mind giving a positive tip to the lady’s, to make it more fun. :D


-do you not prefer to dance with good dancers that can follow with the lightest touch and spin like a ballerina?

I’m not that experienced salsero yet, but I’m working on it. In the start I avoided dancing with the really good dancers. They seam to get a bored look in their eyes, and I could easily practice with my level dancers.

Then I got a problem, dancing with absolute beginners, because they would break my rhythm, and drifting me of the beat, and the patterns was wiped from my memory. I got this “I can’t dance” feeling. :(
But this is history now. 8)

Yes, its great fun to get the good lady’s smiling and having fun during the dance. But it is also great fun to dance with the new lady’s, and a challenge to get them looking good, by picking the combinations they can handle. 8)

But yes again, there are a few ladies it’s hard to dance with. :?

But if the coming salseros is kept outside the dance floor, then the salsa will die. :shock:


-do guys mind if a girl ask him to dance knowing that she's not very good?
on what circumstances do you think guys would turn a girl down when she ask him to dance?

Mind it, no way. I take it as an honour /compliment, because I know it can be tough for the ladies to ask. It tells me I must do something right. The level isn’t important, the fun, joy and good time is. Sure, ask me. :D :D :D

Remember, sometimes it can be hard to get started for the guys to. Especially if he is starting by running in a couple of no’s. :(

I haven’t tried turning a lady down yet, and I don’t expect to. :shock:


This might be different in the state, but I don’t think so.

[Porfirio Landeros]

-is it actually enjoyable for you to dance with girls at much lower level than yourself?
Yes. I know that I'm appreciated, and that's what I took all those lessons for - it's a pleasure to sweep a lady off her feet by leading her into moves she didn't know she could do.


-do you not prefer to dance with good dancers that can follow with the lightest touch and spin like a ballerina?
If they're too quick/light, then they can misread what I'm trying to do. There should be good TONE, but not weight that has to pushed around.


-do guys mind if a girl ask him to dance knowing that she's not very good?on what circumstances do you think guys would turn a girl down when she ask him to dance?
I never say no, unless I'm not dancing the whole night for some reason. I would never want to say no to someone, and have them see me dance with someone else later. I went to a cotillion, and the man NEVER says no to a dance, but, I would also never dance more with others than with the lady I came with.

[youngsta]

-is it actually enjoyable for you to dance with girls at much lower level than yourself?
For me it's a blast! Not only do you get to be part of the learning experience of a new dancer, you learn exactly how good your lead is. If you can lead an inexperienced beginner your lead is pretty darn good.

-do you not prefer to dance with good dancers that can follow with the lightest touch and spin like a ballerina?
I prefer a dance with a follower like that when it's a song I just love.

-do guys mind if a girl ask him to dance knowing that she's not very good?on what circumstances do you think guys would turn a girl down when she ask him to dance?
Never! I have never and will never turn a girl down :D

[Salcero]

My path had crossed salsa a couple of months ago, and I had just fell in love with salsa with all my heart. 2 weeks after I started dancing, I met a guy who lured me by offering to teach and practice with me and very shortly we started dating. I gave him my heart only to find out that he was a big player and was only using me for his gains (oh how I wish I had discovered Edie's website columns earlier). We had met at a very very popular club that all salsa people in the vicinity come to. And while we were dating, he would deliberately kiss me on the dance floor, dance very closely to me, and introduce me to his aquaintances (to show that he can easily get girls I'm sure). Now that I realize the ramnifications of it all, I am petrified at what people must be thinking and saying about me, to a point I am afraid to go back to the salsa scene (I've seen the funny looks people give me...after reading the dance forum on ruining salsa, I now know why). But I love the dance, I love the music. I feel such a sense of loss when I am unable to go out and dance. What do I do now :?:

is Dr. Phil a salcero?