Way of doing things...

[squirrel]

Some of you might remember I complained about one of my former instructors and his current attitude towards me.

Well, he did it again! He organised a workshop and announced me that I am his personal enemy and shall thus be banned from participating (as a regular student)! I was like :shock: :shock: :shock: !!!

Yet my students are allowed to participate (as the guy put it, I and my partner are his enemies and shall be banned from any and every event he organises...).

Does this happen in your scenes as well? What shall I do?

[Sagitta]

Nothing. He will lose out. Act as a lady and you will get the respect of those people who matter.

[peachexploration]

Oh Gosh! This is the craziest foolishness. :evil: I'm so sorry, Squirrel. Unfortunately, this happens everywhere. Don't these people know that Salsa doesn't belong to anyone? I'll have to think about this a bit. It really needs a positive solution, not a negative one particularly because you don't want to lose your present and/or future students. Gosh, really sorry, Squirrel. :(

[Sabor]

and he's like that just out of the blue.. just jealous/competition.. or does he believe he has reason?

if its the last.. try discussing it with him and see whats up

if its the middle.. then karma will handle that

if its the first.. well, i for one ignore idiots.

[squirrel]

Well... the story is quite long (and partially sordid...).

He used to be one of my best friends... We shared everything... I was his assistant and my partner was there too and the 3 of us were "us against the world"... I remember how much he liked to fight and argue and had us teach for him and didn't give a sh1t about the classes...

Then I left first (personal problems) and my partner left later (they fought)... by then, all his old friends had deserted him and he was calling them (and us) names... :(.

Then he and I sorto of made up... he wanted me to apologise for leaving his school and then come back to teach for him (I might not be too good a dancer, but everyone seems to consider me a very good instructor... :oops: ).

But I had already decided to open my own school with my partner, and this guy got so angry! Called me and said I was not ready to have my own school, I am not good enough etc... and had the audacity to say "You can teach at my school though"...

Then we had the site... he called me again and started yelling, then took care of his own site (which he had been neglecting so far...).

Then he disapproved of the fact that we took out an instructional DVD for beginners... to be sold locally... He called me and insulted me and said I had no right to do it and I had offended him and who do I think I am ... that he is my Salsa mentor! And he should have known and approved of it! :)

He got sooooo angry... insulted us in any possible way... told everybody about some secrets that we shared! And those things were personal...

Now he's not talking to us, not saying "Hi"... his students (when he had the school open, now it's closed down - lack of assistants :lol: ) were forbidden to visit other schools and especially our school! :)

I had some good laughs about the above...

I intend to do nothing... I mean, I'll go on with my life... tell everybody that we were forbidden to go to the workshop... and to h3ll with him!

But my partner wants revenge... he wants the press and the sponsors to find out... :( I say it's not worth the trouble...

What do you think?

[peachexploration]

....But my partner wants revenge... he wants the press and the sponsors to find out... :( I say it's not worth the trouble...

What do you think? Okay, I'd definitely say that doing nothing is the best thing for you and your partner. His failures are the best revenge. He will sink himself if he hasn't already. :twisted:

[heartgrl2k]

Squirrel,

I would agree it's not worth the trouble, and any of my previous efforts at 'revenge' have unfortunately backfired and only end up making you look bad.

I'm dealing with a similiar personality - although my situation has nothing to do with dancing. I am very confident that people like that cannot hide their true personality from everyone. His undoing will be that he can't help but be himself.

A true "mentor" would be happy in your successes, stand beside you in any failures, and always be supportive of your endeavors. It sounds like the only person he's concerned with is himself, and has a rather distorted view of how he fits into the dance community.

With time, I doubt he'll fit at all.

[Sagitta]

I intend to do nothing... I mean, I'll go on with my life... tell everybody that we were forbidden to go to the workshop... and to h3ll with him!

But my partner wants revenge... he wants the press and the sponsors to find out... :( I say it's not worth the trouble...

What do you think?

I agree with you. Negative feelings and reactions and actions have rarely lead to anything positive in my personal experience. Somehow I feel dirtied somewhere inside me - my soul, my spirit!!

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Squirel, if he thought you weren´t a good instructor and dancer, he wouldn´t be the least worried. I would take it as a compliment. There´s hidden flattery there...

[tchaguito]

Hi Squirrel,
well, that kind of surrealistic attitude is not exclusive of Romania.
There is a teacher here in Lisbon who is very agressive in his way of attracting students. He does not even talk to me anymore because he doesn't understand that there is a difference between just asking someone for information and assuming that when we inquire we automatically want to become students of his. Well, he kept chasing and harassing me every time he saw me, and once, I had already left the club and was in my car in the underground parking lot ready to go, when he looms in my window handing me a flyer and saying he had the perfect class for me, etc...
I now don't definitely want to learn with him, since for me a teacher also has to be good as a human being and have values, and that is perhaps as or more important than his salsa skills (which are actually good by the way).

Tiago

[Sagitta]

I now don't definitely want to learn with him, since for me a teacher also has to be good as a human being and have values, and that is perhaps as or more important than his salsa skills (which are actually good by the way).

Tiago

This is so true, Tiago. When I have some sort of choice I'll never take lessons from the wrong kind of person, even if that does not come across while teaching. Let's just say I don't want to get dirtied!!

[squirrel]

I perfectly agree...

Still I am sad and disgusted... :(

It is the aggresivity that I sense thatmakes me regret having known him... :(

He taugth me some things... but not the right values and attitude... his hatred and despise of those around him made me be the same when I was his friend... but I learned my lesson the hard way and am now as I have always been... respectful of people and willing to learn... :)

I don't hate anybody... and I think negative attitude brings only negativity in our lives... :)

[ElSereno]

But my partner wants revenge... he wants the press and the sponsors to find out... :( I say it's not worth the trouble...

What do you think?

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. --Mahatma Gandhi*
*
*

[mambochino]

hello dear lil squirrel, i just read your article. The best advice I can give you is that: Silence is GOLD. Keep on teaching and let him be.

The more he say, the more he is in self destruct mode. u know what i mean?!

Trust me, in time, things gonna go your way. Stay strong! :P

[Sagitta]

We are with you Raluca! :friend: :together:

[Pacion]

I agree with the others Squirrel. Hold your head high and don't say anything. It can be frustrating but "an ugly person can't insult a beautiful woman".

Who is the teacher that will be doing the workshops? Is there a student that you are good terms with who you could ask for feedback from?

[tj]

Wow - what a petty insecure jealous man!

You're better off not being around him.

And I think it's better to turn the other cheek. He'll get his in the end even if you don't retaliate and go down to his level.

[dancin_feet]

I'd agree with everyone here and just say forget him! He sounds very petty and insecure. If he can't handle healthy competition and has to resort to personal attacks, then he is not worth your time.

If he has put restrictions on his students attending your class, then don't put any restrictions on your students. If they do decide to try him out and he gives them a hard time, you may even score some new students if his existing ones see his true side and are sick of his controlling attitude!

[pygmalion]

hello dear lil squirrel, i just read your article. The best advice I can give you is that: Silence is GOLD. Keep on teaching and let him be.

The more he say, the more he is in self destruct mode. u know what i mean?!

Trust me, in time, things gonna go your way. Stay strong! :P

mambochino is right. If you enter the argumant, you'll look just as bad as he does (even if all you do is defend yourself against his attacks.)

Stay cool. He'll destroy himself. In English, the expression goes, "give him enough rope to hang himself." In (I hope) universal translation, that means stay quiet, and give him freedom to say whatever he wants to say. Eventually, through the things he says and does, he'll destroy his own reputattion. Stay cool. You don't have to do anything. This situation will work out in your favor. 8)

[n4t4c4]

I agree with what everyone is saying here. When people say revenge is sweet, that's not true in reality. Most of the time, it will backfire. And, why should WE go down to their level anyways? Just make sure you teach well, you are nice to everybody. A great instructor from Toronto told me once "don't worry, good people will attract good people." Which is true. They will see who is good or not. Why would we want to attract bad ones anyway? :wink: :wink:

[squirrel]

Thank you guys for the support and advice...

I shall do as you suggested (one of the options I had anyway and teh best to my opinion).

I told people yesterday why I am not coming to the workshop (many asked - as instructors we have to set an example). And I told them the truth. "I was banned by the organiser"... they were all surprised at this attitude and couldn't believe it!

I am going to talk no more to people about him... And of course I have had my classes open to anybody and whoever wants to come, is welcome! (his girlfriend came once and she was treated with all due respect and we danced with her).

I'll keep you posted about the workshop.

But let me tell you one more thing: people weren't thrilled last night when the instructor came... they had a show (sort of) in our club. And they did some free style dancing... the songs (one of them was Dejate querer by El Canario) were not fast and had a romantic touch... still they did fast footwork and lots of complicated moves... I was sort of dissapointed...

Then I talked to the people around... ours is a very small yet very competitive scene... people are impressed by Mayan-type dancers... and all said they didn't really like the dancers... :( . They needed a show... and the instructor and organisers made the mistake of not giving them one... :(

I'll say more when I find out what happened :)

[mambochino]

But let me tell you one more thing: people weren't thrilled last night when the instructor came... they had a show (sort of) in our club. And they did some free style dancing... the songs (one of them was Dejate querer by El Canario) were not fast and had a romantic touch... still they did fast footwork and lots of complicated moves... I was sort of dissapointed...

Well there are more than 1 way to express the music. but this is another subject.

Most viewers/patrons like to see some kinda flashy show or some kinda shock and awe hollywood dips & flips. May be you can bring those kinds of performers to your town. Folks like Salamon & Liz Lira, Melissa Fernandez & Luis Vasquez, Francisco Vazquez and Monica. :P

[cocodrilo]

Just read this thread now and that seems like a pretty childish, insecure person who will most likely end up losing all his friends and students if he continues like this. My first reaction would be to invest in some hand grenades and go over and give him a surprise attack, but my better judgement would stop me and make me realize that this insignificiant little person is not worth it(and grenades don't run cheap nowadays...). Raluca, it seems you have a good grip on yourself and your life and have many who respect you as an instructor, and a littel dweeb like that should not or could not have any influence on your life. It is a shame that he is telling things to your students behind your back but in the end, they will figure out who is the genuine person and who is the tale-telling slimeball. We're rooting for you! Don't give in! :D

[pygmalion]

My first reaction would be to invest in some hand grenades and go over and give him a surprise attack, but my better judgement would stop me and make me realize that this insignificiant little person is not worth it(and grenades don't run cheap nowadays...).

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[cocodrilo]

Hey, shrapnel is a good way to get the point across! :twisted:

[DancePoet]

Hi Squirrel!

Ayuh. Fasta you let this go, fasta it goes away.

[squirrel]

I think I owe you guys an update:

My partner and I were not allowed in the end... the same was valid for another school in Timisoara (for the instructors).

4 of my students went... they were pleased with it...

And I am pleased I remained a lady! :)

Thanks for your advice and support!

[pygmalion]

You were barred from attending? :shock: Oh my goodness. There is absolutely no limit to some people's bad manners. :x I'm glad you feel good about yourself. Everything will come out fine in the end -- maybe not yet, but eventually.

[Lucretia]

I couldn't say it better myself.

We are with you Raluca! :friend: :together:

/luc


ps.

I have heard a rumour that a male and a female teacher in my town has the same kind of sweet relationship. But here it is the lady that is the dancementor. I guess the secret is in the business and creativness. They fight like cat and dog.....

[Sagitta]

Where there are people you get the ugly along with the good. :(

[mambochino]

.....They fight like cat and dog.....

cat & dog dun always fight. My german shepard loved my cat more then the other 2 dogs. :P

but i do know what u mean 8)