would you date or marry someone who is not a dancer?

[yoyao]

well, I guess most of the members here are harcore dancers, so my question to you is would you marry or date someone who is not as into dancing as you do or do not dance at all.

[pygmalion]

Absolutely I would date or marry anyone I loved, whether they dance or not. My requirement is that they let me dance. Of course, that's a tough one. I've seen many new dancers pressured out of it by their spouses or significant others.

So, for me, it's easier to date dancers. You can't control who you fall in love with, so you kinda have to work with what you're given.

But, come to think of it, if you spend seven days a week dancing, thinking about dancing, talking about dancing, etc. the probability of meeting any non-dancer goes way down. :lol:

Oh yeah, and hardcore is definitely the word. :lol:

Jenn

[Vince A]

Absolutely I would date or marry anyone I loved, whether they dance or not. My requirement is that they let me dance. Of course, that's a tough one. I've seen many new dancers pressured out of it by their spouses or significant others.

So, for me, it's easier to date dancers. You can't control who you fall in love with, so you kinda have to work with what you're given.

But, come to think of it, if you spend seven days a week dancing, thinking about dancing, talking about dancing, etc. the probability of meeting any non-dancer goes way down. :lol:

Oh yeah, and hardcore is definitely the word. :lol:

Jenn
Ditto, on everything except I think I could control who I fell in love with, because if they were not a dancer, I wouldn't be interested in them. It wouldn't be the looks that first caught my eye . . . it would be the dancing, then the personality, and if looks WERE there - that is just more icing on an already delicious cake.

[d nice]

I'd be willing, I just don't think it is likely.

[salsarhythms]

Ok, a couple of things here...

If you are waiting for someone "let" you do anything, then
move on...I can't take being controlled (This one girlfriend tried
so hard to control me that in the end, I was with her to see how
much I'd pi*s her off when I wouldn't do what she wanted...is
that bad??)

Second, it's kind of hard being in a relationship with someone
who does not share your passions, however, if they are tolerant
of the fact that I will be dancing and they're ok with it...well
then I'm ok with it too..

[pygmalion]

Hey. I'm an extremely independent woman, and I don't need anyone's permission to do anything. But when I'm in a romantic relationship, I care about what my partner wants. A lot. And if he doesn't want me to do something, I don't do it. So, I'm looking for someone who wants me to do what I want to do.

Therefore, I'm looking for a dancer, who'll understand why I want to dance.


I'm an old-fashioned girl. Bottom line, and hard to admit, but hey, what my guy wants, he gets. I want him to want my happiness, which means my dancing.

[salsarhythms]

Pygmalion,

Will you marry me?

[SDsalsaguy]

Would you wait your turn man?

d nice and I are both already in line!

[pygmalion]

Sorry, guys. I'm not looking for a man. I'm looking to find peace and unity with my God, the universe, my friends and family, and myself. Then, if I'm meant to find anything, it will come to me. I'm sure. :D

[youngsta]

I'd be willing, I just don't think it is likely.
I couldn't have said it any better...

[Vince A]

Sorry, guys. I'm not looking for a man. I'm looking to find peace and unity with my God, the universe, my friends and family, and myself. Then, if I'm meant to find anything, it will come to me. I'm sure. :D
It took me a long, long, long, long time to find that. When you come out to the West Coast and when you meet Carolyn, you'll understand what I mean! I am truly blessed!

[MissAlyssa]

Hey. I'm an extremely independent woman, and I don't need anyone's permission to do anything. But when I'm in a romantic relationship, I care about what my partner wants. A lot. And if he doesn't want me to do something, I don't do it. So, I'm looking for someone who wants me to do what I want to do.

Therefore, I'm looking for a dancer, who'll understand why I want to dance.


I'm an old-fashioned girl. Bottom line, and hard to admit, but hey, what my guy wants, he gets. I want him to want my happiness, which means my dancing.

wow, took the words right out of my mouth. my bf (which will most likely become my husband in the future) doesn't dance ( :shock: ), but is very supportive of me dancing and having a professional MALE dance partner :D

[yoyao]

pygmalion, care to post a pic of yours? :D

[pygmalion]

Are you kidding? I've already had three (admittedly joking) marriage proposals without a picture. What in the world will happen when I do post one? :shock: :lol: I'm really not bad-looking. :D

Seriously, though, I'm working on it. I have a photographer friend who promised to scan some stuff in for me. Head shots, dancing action photos, the works. When he does that, I'll upload my avatar and a link to my pix.

[pygmalion]

[wow, took the words right out of my mouth. my bf (which will most likely become my husband in the future) doesn't dance ( :shock: ), but is very supportive of me dancing and having a professional MALE dance partner :D

MissAlyssa,

Sounds like you've got a great guy. Definitely a keeper. Is he just not interested in dancing? Is it possible he might want to in the future?

I ask because a woman who runs a local studio here, has a non-dancing husband. But, for her, he took enough lessons to get very good at her favorite dance. It was so sweet to watch the two of them waltzing together in an exhibition. And, even though she has twenty years dance experience, she let him lead. Totally sweet. :D

[Spitfire]

I think it's safe to say that I would have to have someone who is a dancer like myself; it's just too much a part of me.

[Swing Kitten]

It's a plus but not a requirement by any means. I cringe when I see the highly incestuous dance scenes and don't really want to contribute to that. But if someone is special then he is special no matter where he is. If we have things to talk and laugh about and can actively connect on other levels then it is not imperative that he dance.

This doesn't mean that I would date a dancer that didn't make me laugh or that I didn't connect to. The fact that he dances is, in itself, not as important as many of the traits I tend associate with it.

-- willing to try new things
-- knows what it's like to not be good at something right away (humility)
-- shows a willingness to work toward self improvement and knows the satisfaction of "finally getting it!" (patience)
-- knows it's important to make time for himself (although I know very few guys who actually have trouble with this... but I do although I'm a lot better about it thanks to dancing)
-- demonstrates the ability to be considerate of another and to pay active attention to that individual (this is where arrogant dancers loose points big!)
-- :D one word: stamina! :shock:
-- Creativity!! which, for me is a must! (so I guess that it's good that I see everyone as being creative on some level :wink: )
-- can relax, cut loose, and DANCE!!


I know of many exceptions to these 'rules' (at least one each) and this is not to say that if a guy dances then he has these traits... just how I could see why someone who has these traits would be attracted to dancing which, in turn, may intesify or further develope these traits (and others that I'm probably forgetting).

It also stands to reason that those who partner dance are inherently more social than many of those who pursue other art forms that include a large degree of solitude.

Did I miss anything? Thoughts?

[yoyao]

Swing Kitten, is this your reply or something that stright come from your describiton on match.com :wink:

[DanceMentor]

Too late, I married my dance student! :D :shock: :shock: :D

...but I dare not try to be her teacher now at the risk of serious arguments. Instead we take lessons from others and it works out great. I wouldn't advise trying to be your wife's teacher, or visa versa (no I don't mean teacher's wife :lol: ).

[pygmalion]

Did I miss anything? Thoughts?

Swing Kitten,

My thought is that you're a woman who knows what she wants, and that's more than half-way to getting there!

I also think it's neat the way you take characteristics of dancers and translate them into non-dance life. That's a new way of looking at things, for me. I'm going to think about that a while. :)

Jenn

[Swing Kitten]

Swing Kitten, is this your reply or something that stright come from your describiton on match.com :wink:

hmmm.... I think this says more about you than it says about me :wink:

[JenSwayze]

date or marry someone who was not a dancer? i cant even FIND a dancer :lol: well a compatable one, so i guess i dont have that problem. Except for im married to patrick. alright ill stop with that :lol:

[MissAlyssa]

Well, I have asked him repeatedly but he always declines. Maybe I can in the future.. :?

[dancer at heart]

Given the low probability of an addict dancer to date a non-dancer, would it be important to have your significant other to be your dance partner as well? Does it work if one or both of you have separate dance partners?

[Vince A]

Given the low probability of an addict dancer to date a non-dancer, would it be important to have your significant other to be your dance partner as well? Does it work if one or both of you have separate dance partners?
My significant other, my wife Carolyn, is not my dance partner. We both have separate dance partners, and it works very well. We have our reasons for not dancing together in competition - the main one being that most of the couples that we see and know, that are dating or married to each other, are always fighting. During practice, after practice they go home angry at each other, during a competition they don't speak to each other, and if they do not win, show, or place . . . . look out. We just don't want to open that door.

We know that is not true in every case.

As an ending note, we dance very, very well together. Carolyn is an absolute great follower, and we can dance and play like there is no tomorrow. We are always asked why we do not compete together, and we relate to them what I just told you!

[dancersdreamland]

I feel compelled to respond...

My life is dance...it's the first thing I think about when I wake in the morning and it's what I dream about when I'm asleep. I spend my days at work (in my office cube at my non-dance related job) dreaming about dance and losing myself in the plethora of dance photos plastered to the walls of my cube.

Alas, my FANTASTIC husband-to-be is NOT a dancer. Shock...gasp... It's simply not his thing. He does however, make the effort to try dance from time to time. He has on several occassions ventured into a linedance lesson with me and likes to frequent clubs for a mix of the dance scene. He's considering taking ballroom lessons for our wedding next October...we'll see where that gets.

What I really admire about my fiance, though, is his ability to understand what dance is to me. He knows it is more than a hobby...it's a passion and a way of life. He doesn't grumble as I go to my dance classes (nearly every night of the week), he patiently waits as I spend hours (literally) browsing through the dance store, he doesn't flinch when I drop hords of money on shoes and costumes. He simply accepts that dance is a part of me, I am a dancer and that it is my way of being.

So in response to this forum...yes, I am dating and will be marrying a non-dancer.

[MissAlyssa]

Don't let that one go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pygmalion]

Well, I have asked him repeatedly but he always declines. Maybe I can in the future.. :?

You know what, MissAlyssa? It's okay for you two to have separate parts of your lives. What matters is that the two of you love each other and allow each other to pursue happiness in your own ways.

My Mom is a quilt FANATIC. My Dad teaches sign language. He like to go out. She likes to stay in. He likes adventure. She likes the familiar. She likes to garden. He likes to lounge. No overlap at all. And you know what? They've been happily married for fifty-five years.

[Danish Guy]

...but I dare not try to be her teacher now at the risk of serious arguments. Instead we take lessons from others and it works out great. I wouldn't advise trying to be your wife's teacher, or visa versa (no I don't mean teacher's wife :lol: ).


My significant other, my wife Carolyn, is not my dance partner. We both have separate dance partners, and it works very well. We have our reasons for not dancing together in competition - the main one being that most of the couples that we see and know, that are dating or married to each other, are always fighting. During practice, after practice they go home angry at each other, during a competition they don't speak to each other, and if they do not win, show, or place . . . . look out. We just don't want to open that door.

Sounds like a vice decision. :D

I’ve seen the small problems in the luggage from home, being tripled at the dance lessons, and then dragged back home again. :cry: :cry: :cry:

[MissAlyssa]

Well, I have asked him repeatedly but he always declines. Maybe I can in the future.. :?

You know what, MissAlyssa? It's okay for you two to have separate parts of your lives. What matters is that the two of you love each other and allow each other to pursue happiness in your own ways.

My Mom is a quilt FANATIC. My Dad teaches sign language. He like to go out. She likes to stay in. He likes adventure. She likes the familiar. She likes to garden. He likes to lounge. No overlap at all. And you know what? They've been happily married for fifty-five years.


Dang, I sound like your dad...

[pygmalion]

Me too. Especially the lounge part. :lol:

[pygmalion]

Okay. So I met a new guy. Way handsome. Emotionally mature and secure. And not a dancer. :cry: What do I do? :shock: :D

[SDsalsaguy]

Teach him! :D

[pygmalion]

Dancing? :lol: :lol: :lol:



Good idea.

[dancersdreamland]

Yes, dancing! Teach him how to dance!!! Can be VERY romantic!!! :wink:

[SDsalsaguy]

Which isn't, of course, to say that teaching him some other stuff might not also be equally romantic :wink:

[pygmalion]

... or even more so !!! :lol: :lol:

[SDsalsaguy]

... or even more so !!! :lol: :lol:
:oops: *blush* :oops:

[Swing Kitten]

Congratulations on the prospect! This calls for ice cream!!

[SDsalsaguy]

Congratulations on the prospect! This calls for ice cream!!
Assuming dd hasn't finished it all of course! :lol:

[Swing Kitten]

I have my own stash!!

I'm a real sucker for the Buy 1 Get 2 Free sales and my roommate is not helping me with it as I thought she would! I can't complain! :wink:

[pygmalion]

Excess ice cream can be a really good thing! :D Not so good for the hips, but when you're dancing all the time, it does tend to burn itself off. :D

Yum! I think I'll go get some Edy's French Vanilla.

[yoyao]

Teach him! :D

cooking? :roll:

[will35]

I am married. She is Argentine. It was no coincidence. Get it?

[dancergal]

It's hard to say. At first I would say no way, but you never know what your heart tells you to do. I'm just glad that my b/f is a dancer and I don't have to choose. :wink:

[dancersdreamland]

Congratulations on the prospect! This calls for ice cream!!

Now THIS is a GREAT reason for ice cream...I already had some this evening...but tomorrow's bowl is all for pygmalion! :wink: :tongue:

[dancersdreamland]

Excess ice cream can be a really good thing!

AGREED!!! Bring on the ice cream!!!!!

[Swing Kitten]

I think I'll celebrate for Jenn again tonight!!

[pygmalion]

Cool! 8) :lol: Edy's it is! :D

[dancersdreamland]

I'll take Mr. Ben & Jerry, thank you!

[Swing Kitten]

I take what's on sale... :shrug:

[pygmalion]

Umm.... How did we get from dating to ice cream? Not that I have anything about ice cream, mind you. Just curious. :lol:

It's amazing how far some of these threads stray into total silliness. What fun! :D

[SDsalsaguy]

Umm.... How did we get from dating to ice cream? Not that I have anything about ice cream, mind you. Just curious. :lol:

It's amazing how far some of these threads stray into total silliness. What fun! :D
Ummm...last I checked the two things could be combined! :together:

[Swing Kitten]

There's a difference?

[dancersdreamland]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

This thread has turned into utter sillyness...this calls for more ice cream!!!!! :tongue:

Oh my goodness...there are NEW emoticons!!!!!!!!! This is GREAT!!!!! So many to choose from...which one to use?????? :together: :bouncy: This too shall call for ice cream!!!!

[salsachinita]

Ok, guys. Here I am rediscovering old threads (again :roll: !)

This topic (dating, not ice-cream *I'm lactose intolerant* :cry: ) is SO totally relevant to me.

I was dating a dancer for most of my adulthood. Didn't work out coz he didn't like me dancing with the others (while HE continued to do so). :x

Then I moved in with a non-dancer, who didn't let me go out (or play salsa music at all) in case I ran into my dancing ex. :roll: (which, as it turned out, was the exact reason that pushed me BACK to my ex for another two years)

Now that I am single AND dancing, I'm putting the condition down as "love, me, love my salsa!" :wink:

(btw, Jenn, how's your guy mentioned in this thread....? Update plz?)

[salsachinita]

My Mom is a quilt FANATIC.

:D YAY! :D Me too!!

You won't find many quilt designer-teacher/salsara now....would you..?

People I meet generally have trouble getting their heads around this one :?

[Sagitta]

Have a non-dancer as a spouse. Why not? As you have all said the important thing is that other special person understands and supports your passion. So if my other special someone, even if a non-dancer, would give me that freedom then sure. As long as we can connect intellectually, emotionally, spiritually!! That's very important to me. I do have other interests such as camping, cooking...even though I'm addicted to dancing too. However, I'm making more and more of my dancing friends while non-dancing friends are not really increasing....

By the way Jenn what about that handsome guy you met a while back? Are you guys an item or is there a vacancy sign hanging at your door. :)

[pygmalion]

Things are developing nicely, but I'm taking it slowly. I've gotten my heart broken a few times, and I'm just a bit cautious this time around. But no vacancy sign, either. :)

[Sagitta]

Glad to hear that it's all good news Pygmalion!! :)

[lindy jihad]

the reason i stopped dancing was because i dated a dancer.
and i will never do it again.

[pygmalion]

Wow! I'm really sorry to hear you had a bad experience, lindy jihad. :?


Actually, I've been pondering this a bit, as well. In the past, I used to work and live with my S.O. It got a bit claustrophobic after a while. I'm wondering if it might not be better to have a significant other who has an absorbing hobby, whether it's dance or not.

[bouncybouncyweee]

I'm rediscovering Dance forums after a couple weeks vacation!

I started dating my boyfriend right before I went to college. I've been here fo a year and a half now, and discovered dancing in the process. He lives three hours away, and if he learns to dance, he wants to learn with me. But until then, he is completely suppotive of my dancing, and even helps me pay for a few of the things I need for the ballrom dance team. The only really hard part is going out west coasting and wishing could do that sexy dance with him, wanting to share it with him. But hopefully when I get outta college he'll learn with me.


:banana: OH MY GOD IT'S A DANCING BANANA! YAY!

[pygmalion]

Hi bouncybouncyweee. Good to see you back. :D

[jenibelle]

I can't believe I didn't get into this thread before!!! THIS HAS BEEN BUGGING ME FOR AGES!

I've been told my many "experienced" salseras that I should never NEVER date a dancer because it rarely works out. BUT i don't think I could ever date a non-dancer because that would be a huge part of my life that he can't connect to.

For example, if I were a non-dancer, i would probably be jealous seeing my dancer boyfriend being close and touchy with all those women...

Can't date 'em, can't NOT date 'em.....

So what's a girl to do??? :?
Jeni

[bouncybouncyweee]

You know, why get jealous?

I don't understand it. I adore my boyfriend, but I can garantee that when he dances with other women (he isn't a "dancer" but he goes out to hip hop clubs with my friends when I'm not around) I couldn't care less. He loves me. , I love him, and he knows that. So, what's to worry about? If there is an honest open relationship where he tells me opennly what he does when I ask, I have nothing to be afraid of. It's when he stops telling me things that I'll be worried. For that matter, 'cause I live so far away from him, driving ourselves crazy with worry about the others fidelity isn't worth the time and the pain. He knows i dance, he knows that I may be close to other men and women bodies, but that in the end, my heart never touches them.

[Sagitta]

Jenibelle!!! :o :shock:

BBW's advice is great! I find what breaks relationships is not whether or not you special someone is a dancer or non-dancer. It's a matter of trust - that's what all relationships are!! :) I know quite a few couples who are non-dancer/dancer, both ways, meaning sometimes the non-dancer is a guy and sometimes it's the gal. I'm talking about the entire gamut from boyfriend/girlfriend to 20/30 year married couples. Now I've not had a non-dancer other person since started dancing, so cannot attest to this personally.

However, dancer couples can work out great as well, speaking from personal experience. :)

[SDsalsaguy]

Personally I'm more in line with Jenibelle, but nor because of jealousy issues (which are, as BBW says, silly). To me the issue is that dancing is suuch a *huge* part of my life that I want to be able to share it -- in at least some form -- with the person I am involved with. Now it might be possible to work something out if they are involved in another type of dancing or a related activity (pairs figure skating comes to mind) whereby simmilar passions and issues are involved but, by and large, I can't help but think another dancer is the way to go...

[bouncybouncyweee]

You have a great point there Jonathan. And like I said, my only problem is I can't share the dancing with Andrew. But dancer/dancer or dancer/non-dancer or whatever/whatever, it's all an issue of comfort and trust. Just as long as you try not to let anything blindside you to other possibilities, hey, who cares? :D

[salsachinita]

by and large, I can't help but think another dancer is the way to go...

I agree with you there, eventhough I've been burnt before I still believe that, since living salsa as a lifestyle is such a HUGE part of my life, the other person has to be able to share at least some of it.

So does that mean musicians, DJs, as well as dance instructors are all datable...... :? :wink: ?

What do you guys think? Anyone got experiences to share?

[Sagitta]

I know of dj/girfriend couples, as well as musician/girlfriend couples that have worked well salsachinita!! However, the musicians and djs are also dancers as well...

[A little off the topic, but my parents would have a fit over this!!! The "marriage" topic has come up, with statements such as "where do you see yourself in ten years?" Yikes!!! Luckily they are not great at accessing the internet etc.]

I agree that a dancer is a big plus!! And as time passes I have a strange feeling it might become essential :) But right now what is essential to me is sharing similar faith and cultural/ethical/moral values.

[jenibelle]

I guess you are all right about the jealousy issue, but I still can't imagine dating someone who could not relate with such a huge part of my life. I guess I would just have to learn to feel comfortable knowing that WE are together, regardless of who he dances with...it's just that salsa is a very sensual and passionate dance and it would be hard!...Perhaps I'll get over it.

Sagitta: REALLY have you personally encountered a relationship that worked in dance??! That would be so inspiring! It's just that my being one of the youngest in the "dance circle" in my town seems to bring on endless streams of advice from all the "experienced" ones and the one thing I hear all the time is "Do NOT date a dancer." :?

Thanks for all the advice guys :)
Jeni

[Sagitta]

Those who have had bad experiences will say don't date a dancer jenibelle. You just got to find the people who have had good experiences. It's the bad experiences that people tend to remember and the good ones that quickly fade away!!

Salsa is a sensual dance, but it is only for a few minutes... If you are romantically involved with the person you're dancing with it is completely a different then someone whom you aren't!! I do know couples who are serious and dance with others in swing, salsa, ballroom... When I started dancing I used to wonder about these things, and actually started getting nosey!! [Asked questions!!] That's why I can say what I say with some degree of confidence. I personally have only recently picked up dancing, so don't have such experiences to share. Then to find a dancer who also shares the same religious/moral/ethical values and whom I connect with on an intellectual level!!?! Yikes!! :)

[yoyao]

just want to pop in and say hi, I just came back from a dance comptition in manchester, my partner (very very beautiful :shock: ) and me advanced to second round in waltz and quickstep. it was fun! and I am on a mission to steal my partner's heart :twisted:

[DancingMommy]

well, I guess most of the members here are harcore dancers, so my question to you is would you marry or date someone who is not as into dancing as you do or do not dance at all.

In a word... hellno..... :P

But since my entire social life has consisted of dancing/teaching dance, the only eligible people I've met have been... well.... dancers.... Go figure.

My prayer was that God would send me:

1) Someone who loved me to death

2) Was a better dancer than me

I got both! Hehehehehehhe At least I don't have to backlead anymore............ :P

[salsachinita]

Ok guys....I confess, recently I've started seeing this DJ/muso guy who is really sweet. He wants to learn salsa & be good enough to be my dance partner.

(what's more, he doesn't mind when I dance with other people all night. :bouncy: HOOORAAYYY :bouncy: !)

He used to be dancing for R&B video clips, but tends to work on choreograghy and rarely does any free styling (lack confidence :? ).

I've started showing him the basics, but not going very far. As a follower I have been conditioned NEVER to lead (so I know NOTHING until the lead comes) :( so the things I can show him are limited.

I need some suggestions, guys. Help :roll: !

[Swing Kitten]

get him in a class... or get a fellow lead to show him the ropes.

How did you learn to salsa?

[Sagitta]

Ok guys....I confess, recently I've started seeing this DJ/muso guy who is really sweet.[quote]

So that's why you added musicians/DJs along with dancers earlier on!! Sneaky!

[quote="salsachinita"]I've started showing him the basics, but not going very far. As a follower I have been conditioned NEVER to lead (so I know NOTHING until the lead comes) :( so the things I can show him are limited.

I need some suggestions, guys. Help :roll: !

I've noticed that too!!! Not fair! :evil: Followers get to learn from thh basics to the advanced on the dance floor, but if you start out late in adulthood a leader is not going to get more then the basics: front and back, side-to-side, simple left/right turn, crossbody breaks. :(

My list, to add to what Swingkitten said:

1. Watch others and try and repeat on the dance floor, or if the guy does not have the confidence at home. Add one move at a time, or part of a move at a good breaking point.

2. Videos / video clips on the web.

3. Private lessons...

4. Take a salsa rueda class as that is done with a group and is salsa. This accomplishes three purposes. Your guys gets used to having different people to dance with as you are constantly switching. Also a lot of the moves can be translated from salsa rudea to salsa. Lastly, it is salsa and at the same time not salsa so it provides a little variety.

5. Practice and listen to salsa. Breathy and live salsa!!!! I was having a hard time and so decided to forget learning moves. I started listening to salsa everywhere that I could. At work when in my office, in the car, on my walkman, on the computer at home....Then wherever possible I practiced the basic step to a variety of different tempii, focusing on different aspects, such as the nature of the breaks and how it affects the music, working on latin motion, size of the steps... getting comfortable with that so that it is instinctive is making a world of difference in learning moves and progressing from the jerky nature of a beginner to the smooth move after move of more advanced dancers.

[pygmalion]

Ok guys....I confess, recently I've started seeing this DJ/muso guy who is really sweet. He wants to learn salsa & be good enough to be my dance partner.

(what's more, he doesn't mind when I dance with other people all night. :bouncy: HOOORAAYYY :bouncy: !)



Yay! You go girl!

[salsachinita]

get him in a class... or get a fellow lead to show him the ropes.

I am trying to get him in a group class........since he likes the Cuban rueda de casino moves (I made him watch me dance with a variety of ppl)that is the class I am putting him in...! It's x'mas soon though, a lot of classes are finishing :( .

(too bad he was too much of a beginner to learn from watching......last weekend would have been a perfect opportunity when I host the interstate instructor :roll: )

How did you learn to salsa?

My story is in "What inspired you to dance?" thread page 2; under 'Funstuff & Inspiration'. In case anyone's interested........ :wink:

[salsachinita]

Yay! You go girl!

:D thanks, Jenn! :D

[Dancegal]

It's getting harder and harder to be interested in non-dancing men - it's like they lack something - hmmm what could that be :shock: :twisted: :lol:

[virginiadancegirl]

I'm a bit on a different side of this...I used to dance basically socially, long before I met my husband (in a different state, no less.) I hadn't danced in 6 years, and my husband doesn't dance. However, recently, I started training to be an instructor, and he is very supportive. He does give me a bit of a hard time about having to babysit our 2 year old more so I can train...and I even think he might be willing to learn some! (He's great to hold onto for form and posture...better than dancing with a broom!!!)

Had to put my 2-cents in here....

Thanks for listening!! :lol:

[Sagitta]

Welcome to the forums virginiadance. Good luck with your training. :)

[yoyao]

It's getting harder and harder to be interested in non-dancing men - it's like they lack something - hmmm what could that be :shock: :twisted: :lol:

gayness? :D

[Sagitta]

It's getting harder and harder to be interested in non-dancing men - it's like they lack something - hmmm what could that be :shock: :twisted: :lol:

gayness? :D

Whoa!!! :o :shock: Where did that come from?

[pygmalion]

Hmm. Not sure how we got here, but since we did, I'll make an observation. The dancing men I know fall primarily into two categories: the gay guys -- a relatively small percentage, probably about representative of the proportion of gay guys in society overall. And then there are the men who LOVE women. And those are the majority. It's pretty cool, actually, because not only do they love women, but through dance, they're being taught to value and showcase the women they dance with. Excellent!

[peachexploration]

Well, my answer would be no on this one. Why? Non-dancers have no passion. I'm only joking. That's not true at all and it was purely coincidental. Okay, I think it's time I sit on the Psycho Analyst couch and see why I attract these types. :wink: :D Joking aside, I must say I prefer someone who dances along with a list of other requirements. :D

[Swing Kitten]

Hmm. Not sure how we got here, but since we did, I'll make an observation. The dancing men I know fall primarily into two categories: the gay guys -- a relatively small percentage, probably about representative of the proportion of gay guys in society overall. And then there are the men who LOVE women. And those are the majority. It's pretty cool, actually, because not only do they love women, but through dance, they're being taught to value and showcase the women they dance with. Excellent!

I think we're missing the other catagory of thos men who LOVE themselves!! where it's all about them (a minority... but a very annoying minority)

[NeoDevin]

I think we're missing the other catagory of thos men who LOVE themselves!! where it's all about them (a minority... but a very annoying minority)

:shock: But... Isn't everything about me? :D :wink:

[danceguy]

But... Isn't everything about me?

No! ITS ABOUT ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*hiss* *snort* *grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

:argue:

SG

[Swing Kitten]

well I'm glad we finally get to see some true colors!! ;)

[pygmalion]

Hey. I have no problem with a man who loves himself, as long as he loves me, too. :lol: 8)

[golddancer]

8) OK... I have thought about this and talked about this with non-dancing friends and MY opinion is this: In any relationship a balance is important. I know myself it is important that my lover be interested in dancing and active in dancing because it is a part of me. He doesn't have to be an expert and he can learn and I continue to learn if he is not as experienced as I am.

It is helpful if he is interested in dancing because if not he would be bored while I dance ....

It has to be a fun and serious part of our lives because it is important to me. (its not #1 only God is but you get what I mean)

8)

[salsachinita]

A little update, guys.

My new bf & I have decided to just be friends and hang out instead :cry: .
(dancing was NOT the issue here though)

It's a bit of a shame, since I'm kinda getting used to doing the "JLo & Ben Affleck" thing of salsa scene :shock: :oops: :lol: !

8) Now all you salseros out there....watch out :P :lol: ! Salsachinita is back to ask you for a dance :wink: !

[danceguy]

Hmm, I've thought about this a bit since in my youth I always avoided dancing, especially on dates with women. I can't recall any of the women I've been romantically involved with that didn't like dance...and I remember specifically trying to find ones who DIDN'T, which was nearly impossible. :oops:

The funny thing is...now that dance is a big part of my life...I'm wondering about this very question posed on this thread. I'm not that much of a dance addict like some of the folks here (and there's nothing wrong with that!)...but I'm finding very few women my age that are available to begin with, hence the reason for expanding my horizons to new things (like dancing). :P

Would a potential mate have to be into dancing? Honestly, no. While it is important to have things in common, differences are good too. I've seen way too many people have a huge list of requirements for a compatible partner, and I've been quite shocked to see just how picky some folks are! I totally understand if you are looking for a long term relationship that you want to find someone really special...but the things people get hung up on. Religion, social class, physical apperance, height, weight...my stars love is a lot more powerful than all of these things combined! I used to be like this myself...and once I let go of all of my ridiculous "relationship requirements" that I thought were important...I felt like I was finally seeing the world with new eyes...

I remember once in college years ago there was a group of girls who made a really fancy webpage complete with pictures and a heartfelt story about how they all wanted to find "the perfect guy" and were tired of being single. Well I had a look at the web page in detail...and it became readily apparent why these women didn't have boyfriends after just a quick glance. For starters, they were all quite attractive and one would think they'd have no problem finding a guy. But I just could not believe the things they listed as what "requirements" their prospective boyfriends had to have! One girl wrote something I will never forget...she listed the man's "required characteristics" through ethnic background, employment, his height had to be between 5' 9" and 5' 11" (no more, no less), and several other things. I thought to myself, who wants to meet someone who doesn't have a job in this day and age? That's a given if you ask me...but a specific height??? I've talked to many women about this and it makes for a thread all in itself that I wont get into this day... :?

I really read that one girls profile again on her little page o' love, and I said hmm, she's obviously not out just for a rich guy, she's smart and educated, but what the heck is wrong with her? I finally wrote her an email saying I unfortunatley wasn't her knight in shining armour as I didn't fit but one of her special standards, but what I did have to offer was advice. I told her that if she stopped looking for "Mr. Perfect" who was carved by the hand of the Zeus...that the right guy was probably right under nose. I never heard back from her, but I think I'll carry that memory of her to my grave.... :|

There are of course certain physical characteristics that I find very attractive in women, but you know what? Every woman I have fallen in love with fit none or almost none of these. There was something about them as an individual that caught my attention...and in all honesty I think that's the way that God intended it to be! I've made my mistakes and had some pretty bad relationships, but I can only blame myself for that. I've learned a heck of a lot and after finding out what I don't want in a relationship, it has really reinforced what I do want to find. :P

I have no set ideals or requirements anymore, just a mutual understanding of a kindred spirit...and what really intrigues me is not knowing what this woman would look like. Mystery and the prospect of someone new and exciting, well that is what makes life interesting. :)

I would love to find a girlfriend who was into dancing so I could share it with her. Maybe I'll find one through dance. Maybe not. Either way, when the time is right, I'll just go with the flow and enjoy what gifts we can bring each other and go from there. :)

Happy holidays,

SG

[golddancer]

I have no set ideals or requirements anymore, just a mutual understanding of a kindred spirit...and what really intrigues me is not knowing what this woman would look like. Mystery and the prospect of someone new and exciting, well that is what makes life interesting.

I would love to find a girlfriend who was into dancing so I could share it with her. Maybe I'll find one through dance. Maybe not. Either way, when the time is right, I'll just go with the flow and enjoy what gifts we can bring each other and go from there.

I agree with you... I was in love with a guy last year who I normally would never have considered as a love interest. The only requirement that is a must is religous.

Merry Christmas and Happy NY to everyone

[pygmalion]

Happy holidays, golddancer! :D

Just a note. The other day, not sure why, but I had a heart to heart with my ex. He told me that my dancing destroyed our relationship. Funny, because my perspective was that I started dancing because our relationship was over and my life was empty. No matter. I guess my point is that the dancer/non-dancer issue can be big, certainly bigger than I thought. Love is great, but mutual commitment to support each other in varying interests can be even more important.

I'm still convinced that I want to be with someone I love, regardless. I'm just going to be very careful when it comes to the dance issue. If I don't have unqualified support for my dance, it's a no-go.

[HothouseSalsero]

I totally understand if you are looking for a long term relationship that you want to find someone really special...but the things people get hung up on. Religion, social class, physical apperance, height, weight...my stars love is a lot more powerful than all of these things combined!

I don't see how religious differences can automatically be dismissed as unimportant. For many people, religious faith and practice takes priority over everything else (at least in principal). It is practically the nature of religion to make high demands on believers (to the extent that the religions remain close to their founders' teachings).

For two people whose beliefs allow for the possibility of other paths, a religious difference might not matter much. Likewise for two people who are "nominal" believers, who perhaps see religion as something to make society works more smoothly, but not a central focus in itself, religious difference might not matter much. If one partner puts a high priority on religious faith and embraces a religion which makes claims to being the only true way, there can be a big problem.

(For the record: I am irreligious, and unconvinced by the claims of any religions I've been exposed to.)

[HothouseSalsero]

Many Christians interpret the Bible as forbidding Christians to marry non-Christians (which I consider a reasonable reading of the relevant passages).

[pygmalion]

I think your reading of those passages is right on point, HothouseSalsero. There are several New Testament passages that forbid interfaith marriages. I think this is quite relevant to the discussion of dance/non-dance relationships, as well. Since dance becomes such an all-consuming passion (similar to religion for some), it can become difficult to build or maintain relationships between dancers and non-dancers, I think.

[SDsalsaguy]

Since dance becomes such an all-consuming passion (similar to religion for some), it can become difficult to build or maintain relationships between dancers and non-dancers, I think.
I completely agree with this Jenn!

I think it is important to keep in mind that for some dance is not just an activity but, rather, a lifestyle with its own embedded frames of reference and value systems as well.

While I say that salsa is one of my two religions, as a joke, in the clubs... I'm not sure if it really is (a joke that is).

[HothouseSalsero]

I'm not sure how relevant the issue is to dancing, but I find it hard to resist a religious tangent.

I don't think I ever answered the original question. I wouldn't rule it out completely, but I would very much prefer that anyone I am in a serious relationship with would be a dancer (and a salsa dancer at that). In practice, my social life has come to revolve around dancing in the past few years, so chances are that the next person I date will be someone who dances.

Since I have become a lot less active with dancing than I once was, I have to admit I have had some doubts about whether it would really be so impossible to give it up.

[HothouseSalsero]

I sometimes joke about salsa being my religion (period). It does provide a type of experience which I think is closer to a religious experience than anything else in my life right now. (Possibly some non-dancing experiences listening to music, comes close as well.)

I remember that especially when I first started dancing, I would find myself saying things to myself like: "The universe is dancing."

[golddancer]

Happy holidays, golddancer! :D

Just a note. The other day, not sure why, but I had a heart to heart with my ex. He told me that my dancing destroyed our relationship. Funny, because my perspective was that I started dancing because our relationship was over and my life was empty. No matter. I guess my point is that the dancer/non-dancer issue can be big, certainly bigger than I thought. Love is great, but mutual commitment to support each other in varying interests can be even more important.

I'm still convinced that I want to be with someone I love, regardless. I'm just going to be very careful when it comes to the dance issue. If I don't have unqualified support for my dance, it's a no-go.

Your situation is one I used to fear would happen to me. That is why it is important to share this interest that is important to me. My goal with my dancing is very time consuming so the person I would be involved with needs to understand that point and be supportive.

[golddancer]

Many Christians interpret the Bible as forbidding Christians to marry non-Christians (which I consider a reasonable reading of the relevant passages).

This is something I completely agree with-- It is a difficult point when you are attracted to someone and have chemistry with them. I watched my parents struggle with this issue and it hurt a lot.

[pygmalion]

Exactly. The significant other needs to be supportive. The thing is, as I told my ex the other day, anybody who wants to be with me now is just going to have to deal with the fact that I dance. That's non-negotiable, because dance is a part of me now. There's no going back.

[salsachinita]

I think it is important to keep in mind that for some dance is not just an activity but, rather, a lifestyle with its own embedded frames of reference and value systems as well.

This IS the point I have been trying to make! Even if it means my options in this area can be somehow limited :roll: ! (my local salsa world can get a bit too small & incestuous :twisted: )

So I guess the best way is to go with the flow (while keeping your eyes open :shock: ) & see what happens!?

[salsachinita]

anybody who wants to be with me now is just going to have to deal with the fact that I dance. That's non-negotiable, because dance is a part of me now. There's no going back.

Me too!

Well-put, Jenn :notworth: !

[Sagitta]

anybody who wants to be with me now is just going to have to deal with the fact that I dance. That's non-negotiable, because dance is a part of me now. There's no going back.

Me too!


Me three!! Since dance is a significant part of my life I couldn't do it with someone who doesn't want to deal with my dancing. Note that this doesn't necessarily mean the person must be a dancer!! :)

[KevinL]

Would I date or marry someone who doesn't dance? Sure, but where would I meet them? If they didn't dance, what would we do together? I spend almost every evening dancing, or with my daughter. There is almost no time for another person in my life, and if they couldn't fit in around my dancing, when would we spend time together?

Also, how many women who don't dance would be tolerant of my dancing with lots of other women (and some men)?

Kevin

[tsb]

...Then to find a dancer who also shares the same religious/moral/ethical values and whom I connect with on an intellectual level!!?! Yikes!! :)

i love dance (ballroom/swing&lindy/salsa/argentine tango/WCS/etc.). i can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who couldn't or wouldn't dance. even so, it was hard, but i chose to give up certain potential relationships in the past with people with whom there was mutual attraction & a lot of commonalities and they were great followers to boot, but we had differences in faith.

i think it's different as a guy though; it seems harder for a female to find a guy who even wants to learn how to dance, much less one that's already an accomplished leader. as such, i've taken some advice from some dance friends whose opinion i respect (ironically, we don't necessarily share the same spiritual convictions) and instead of looking first for someone who's mastered certain dance technique(s), to find the type of person i want to be with in terms of convictions & character as long as she understands my passion for dance and exhibits the potential to become a good dancer (which can be somewhat subjective for everyone but can be as simple as being able to identify the beat in a song and moving to it) and just as importantly, being the type of person that would make her want to dance with me.

[Sagitta]

Very true tsb. If you find a person who understands and supports your passion it isn't necessary that they be a dancer. DDL (dancerdreamland) is a great example of that!!

[Vince A]

Although there is not a jealous thread in my body, I often wonder if I were not a dancer, sometime-competitor, would I be jealous of Carolyn's dancing?

Hey, she and her Pro practice sometimes up to five times a week, and on some weekends, they may practice 4 or 5 hours on both of those days. Then there is the opportunity for them to travel to events to compete, and sometimes I cannot go.

Nah . . . no problem in my head. I trust her 100% . . . it's not even a trust issue . . I am secure in my relationship. It's her kids, dancing, and me all tied for second, right after her God!

I had to attend one of her practices once, just to reassure her Pro (he was uneasy with this), that sometimes (refer to the thread on this) it is OK if he grabs a handful of boob or her a** every now and then. I actually eased his mind when it happened, and asked him "how much I owed him for the warmup fee."

Now, would anyone, who has never danced and never accidently grabbed a handful of something, be secure in watching his or her spouse get grabbed??? . . . or spend a lot of time with another??? . . . or laughing and talking in their own language before, during, and after a competition???

I wonder???

[salsachinita]

Hmmm.......maybe I'm not the most objective person right now, but I'm still thinking about the choices we make.

For the last 15 years, every relationship I've had were dance related (even the non-dancers).............

I am so tempted to say 'NO DANCERS NEED APPLY', but I know I'd change my mind soon enough :roll: ..........

Ok, how about 'PLAYERS NEED NOT APPLY'.........?

(sorry, guys, I will be back to my normal self real soon, I promise :oops: )

[pygmalion]

The only problem is that players rarely look like players up front. They look like nice guys, who just need a little help. You only find out when it's too late. Grr. :x

[danceguy]

Hmm, I'm in the boat from a different perspective salsachinita...I've never dated a dancer before and as I'm getting to know more women in my dance circles I find myself saying "maybe I shouldn't date dancers."

But then again...I've realized just how much dance has meant to me recently. I'm not as much of a salsa freak as some...but I do manage to go out 3-4 times a week...its a big part of my life now.

I am meeting some women who are just the type to lead a guy on (that's how I got started in Salsa in the first place!)...but I can't let that get me down. I've encountered a lot of people that I really don't want to be around...and gone to some venues where I would not want to hook up with anyone who was a regular there. (ie meat market galore) :oops:

Well, I'll just keep dancing for now...I'm in no hurry to get involved with anyone...but even as I type this, I know part of me is saying "you're full of it!" :shock:

Hmm...oh well. Such is life. :wink:

[Sagitta]

I actually seem to lead people on!! Or they get confused! :oops: But salsachinita, and you other ladies...I don'T!! :headwall: This might sound egoistic, BUT I think I'm too nice a person to do it.

[peachexploration]

The only problem is that players rarely look like players up front. They look like nice guys, who just need a little help. You only find out when it's too late. Grr. :x
Amen to this. Often times, you have to be a doctor of human behavioral sciences to figure this one out. :?

I actually seem to lead people on!! Or they get confused! :oops: But salsachinita, and you other ladies...I don'T!! :headwall: This might sound egoistic, BUT I think I'm too nice a person to do it.

Unfortunately, the numbers for bad guys outweigh the numbers for good guys like you Sagitta. :D But at least, there is still hope. :D

[Sagitta]

Yeah. I think it is the misunderstanding of latin dance as sexy/flirting, my love for teaching dance....[shrug] I am one of the few people out there who will flirt during a merengue, bachata...:? That why I don't like some songs such as techno merengues!!

[dancin_feet]

I would be interested in dating anyone who sparked my interest and treated me well. I think it would be difficult if he didn't share my interest in dancing (at least enough to be able to join in occasionally), but if he was prepared to accept the fact that I want to go out social dancing which will involve dancing with other guys, then OK.

Have also seen non dancing guys go out with dancing girls, just so they can brag "she's mine" and get into the really sleazy talk to make their friends jealous. Usually just a physical thing which I could not tolerate.

[salsachinita]

Have also seen non dancing guys go out with dancing girls, just so they can brag "she's mine" and get into the really sleazy talk to make their friends jealous.

Yep. Been there. Things like that won't make me stay.

[salsachinita]

The only problem is that players rarely look like players up front. They look like nice guys, who just need a little help. You only find out when it's too late. Grr. :x

Well, players who don't pretend to be anything else are actually ok.....It only becomes problematic if you perceive them as nice guys, thus expect 'nice guys' behaviours to go with it.......

I think we tend to get more hurt from misinformed expectations......

Openess & communication is what we all need.

(ok, guys. I am back to my old self :wink: )

[Sagitta]

Openess & communication is what we all need.

(ok, guys. I am back to my old self :wink: )

Yes. Ditto!! And I can see that!! Good to see that you have recovered! :wink: :)

[alfr dís]

i can not convince my boyfriend of over a year to dance, but i love him to pieces. :D i think that if someone danses or not shouldnt have that much to do with if you want to be with them or not.

[pygmalion]

I agree. As long as they support your dancing, all should be well.

[Vin]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date. The first girl I was serious with(before I really got into anything more that clubbing) didn't even like to dance at the clubs. The girl I am with now is learning to dance and is picking it up, but she does not have the addiction. The girls that want to dance with me all the time always turn me down when I ask them out :( of course I only ask when I am single :twisted:.

[Larinda McRaven]

In the past, I always found that non-dancing boyfriends found my dancing and profession to be very cool, interesting, intriguing, something to brag about to the buddies...at first.

After awhile the novelty wears thin and they would complain about my late hours, weekend comps with students, being touched by men all day, whatever.

for some dance is not just an activity but, rather, a lifestyle with its own embedded frames of reference and value systems as well.

This is exactly true, and even more so for someone for who dancing is also a profession. I cannot make any descision in life without first thinking through how it affects my dancing. This tends to be overwhelming for a S.O. that does not hold the same value.

So, if I did not have Steve, would I date someone who did not dance??...
Right now no. I have a plan and a timeline that nothing can get in the way of right now. Later, maybe.

[KevinL]

So, if I did not have Steve, would I date someone who did not dance??...
Right now no. I have a plan and a timeline that nothing can get in the way of right now. Later, maybe.

OK, now I'm curious. What is your plan, and what is your timeline for that plan?

[jetski]

I found the most wonderful guy who likes to dance when at the bar, but when it comes to professional training, he will never dance. He is wonderful and supports my dancing and encourages me to follow my heart weather that changes our relationship or not. He means everything to me and does not dance, so YES, I will date or marry someone if they do not dance, just as long as they accept me for me!

[jxntwinkletoes]

I am marrying a non dancer on April 4. We met a year ago, and although he is not a dancer, he has been extremely supportive of my dancing. On our first date (a blind date), he went with me, his suggestion, to my dance studio's practice party/dance. He had never danced one step and didn't know a soul at the party. Now that takes guts! Since then he has learned some basic foxtrot and swing and waltz (box step). He goes with me to the dances, but sometimes when he is busy I go with friends and he is totally cool with that. I have a dancer girlfriend who married a non-dancer and they are now getting divorced. She told me that he told her he was going to learn to dance and go with her dancing, and he never did!
I think that as long as the guy is supportive of your dancing and will go with you at least sometimes to dances that is enough. If you only limit yourself to dancers you are fishing in an extremely small pond! Plus if they are willing and supportive they can always learn, just like my fiance is learning to dance for me. Now if I can just squeeze in a few lessons for him so we can dance our first dance at the wedding.....

[tsb]

It's a plus but not a requirement by any means. I cringe when I see the highly incestuous dance scenes and don't really want to contribute to that. But if someone is special then he is special no matter where he is. If we have things to talk and laugh about and can actively connect on other levels then it is not imperative that he dance.

This doesn't mean that I would date a dancer that didn't make me laugh or that I didn't connect to. The fact that he dances is, in itself, not as important as many of the traits I tend associate with it.

-- willing to try new things
-- knows what it's like to not be good at something right away (humility)
-- shows a willingness to work toward self improvement and knows the satisfaction of "finally getting it!" (patience)
-- knows it's important to make time for himself (although I know very few guys who actually have trouble with this... but I do although I'm a lot better about it thanks to dancing)
-- demonstrates the ability to be considerate of another and to pay active attention to that individual (this is where arrogant dancers loose points big!)
-- :D one word: stamina! :shock:
-- Creativity!! which, for me is a must! (so I guess that it's good that I see everyone as being creative on some level :wink: )
-- can relax, cut loose, and DANCE!!

I know of many exceptions to these 'rules' (at least one each) and this is not to say that if a guy dances then he has these traits... just how I could see why someone who has these traits would be attracted to dancing which, in turn, may intesify or further develope these traits (and others that I'm probably forgetting).

It also stands to reason that those who partner dance are inherently more social than many of those who pursue other art forms that include a large degree of solitude.

Did I miss anything? Thoughts?

i've also come to examine fun partner traits and to look for ways to identify these traits outside the dance world when it comes to finding good followers. the leading & following skills that i value most are as much internal temperment as much as technical skill. and if someone is special it will be observable as much off the floor as on.

[tsb]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.

not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.

[tsb]

Very true tsb. If you find a person who understands and supports your passion it isn't necessary that they be a dancer. DDL (dancerdreamland) is a great example of that!!

i dunno, as i just posted into a similar topic that partner dancing involves so much interpersonal communication at the non-verbal level i can't see how both people being good dancers couldn't improve a relationship (my future PhD thesis in marriage & family therapy, god willing) and not just couples, but groups in general (see

http://www.atomicmag.com/articles/2000/swing_therapy.shtml

for more details) so much so that i can't see myself getting involved with someone who wasn't interested in being a good dance partner.

i do think it's easier for a guy to date a non-dancer because women in general are more into being together in the moment and dancing facilitates that so they'd be more inclined to learn, whereas guys are more into accomplishing things so their first inclination is most likely to fixate on learning & executing fancy moves. plus the learning curve is just so steep initially for guys.[/url]

[SDsalsaguy]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

[pygmalion]

Um. No offense, but try looking for a Black ballroom dance partner as a life partner. :shock: Not going to happen. Anytime soon. Trust me on this one. I've tried. Good thing race makes no difference to me. :lol: :wink: 8)

[SDsalsaguy]

Good thing race makes no difference to me. :lol: :wink: 8)
Me either!

[tsb]

Good thing race makes no difference to me. :lol: :wink: 8)
Me either!

as a matter of fact, the ex-partner (in whom i would have been very interested in had we been compatible spiritually) is black. (and my parents are originally from southern china - i hesitate to describe myself as asian since i was raised in an all-white suburb in ohio and everyone who knows me well tends to describe me as defying categorization) actually, i consider it rather unlikely that i will hook up with an asian woman.

[pygmalion]

One thing I've found is that relationships tend to transcend race, once you find some other value or common focus that's more important, like spirituality, or, in this case, dance.

[peachexploration]

One thing I've found is that relationships tend to transcend race, once you find some other value or common focus that's more important, like spirituality, or, in this case, dance.

Right Pygmalion! Thank goodness! To me, the outside makes no difference. It's how you connect with a person internally.

[Dancegal]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

Substituting "guy" with "gal" and "women" with "men" - I am on that boat too :(

[tsb]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

Substituting "guy" with "gal" and "women" with "men" - I am on that boat too :(

maybe we should have our own website/forum - or send a few suggestions to eharmony!

[SDsalsaguy]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

Substituting "guy" with "gal" and "women" with "men" - I am on that boat too :(

maybe we should have our own website/forum - or send a few suggestions to eharmony!
Seriously! "Spiritual Orientation" and "Dance Style" need to be cross referenced! :lol:

[pygmalion]

:lol: This is sad! Dancers, dancers everywhere. Nor anyone to date. :cry: :wink:

[salsachinita]

:lol: This is sad! Dancers, dancers everywhere. Nor anyone to date. :cry: :wink:

Yeah, funny about that :? . We dancers are healthy, strong, intelligent, fit, sociable, & more likely than not, attractive.

:roll: So why can't we get it right........?

[SDsalsaguy]

:lol: This is sad! Dancers, dancers everywhere. Nor anyone to date. :cry: :wink:

Yeah, funny about that :? . We dancers are healthy, strong, intelligent, fit, sociable, & more likely than not, attractive.

:roll: So why can't we get it right........?
STANDARDS! :wink:

[salsachinita]

:lol: This is sad! Dancers, dancers everywhere. Nor anyone to date. :cry: :wink:

Yeah, funny about that :? . We dancers are healthy, strong, intelligent, fit, sociable, & more likely than not, attractive.

:roll: So why can't we get it right........?
STANDARDS! :wink:

:? meaning: we have high standards/expectations, because we have a lot to offer ourselves......? So our standards become even un-reachable amongst ourselves........?

(you can tell I am in one of those inquisitive moods, huh :roll: ?)

[danceguy]

I've been pondering this issue for the past 8 months that I've been dancing, and so far I've come to following conclusion.

Most of the serious dancers (salsa freaks and other styles) that I've met or talked to are mostly single, in the middle of a bad relationship or just out of one. Very few are happily married or in a good relationship. Its caused me to wonder, does the world of dance create more heartache for those who do dance? Even if it does, it is probably worth it to those of us who do dance.

I remember once years ago when I was an avid student of the saxophone, and I noticed the same with my various teachers. I studied jazz and blues with men who played well and could really express themselves musically, but their personal lives were mostly filled with sorrow and heartache. Perhaps that's why they played in the first place...who knows.

So, in all honestly while I love the romantic and sensual side of dancing...I don't know if those who do dance are better off in regards to finding love. Yes we express ourselves more...we meet more people...but I believe its just like anything else in life.

You have to know what you want, and when you are finally ready, it will come to you if you have an open heart.

Said another way, you may dance and dance well, but if your head is stuck up your a**, then you're not going to see clearly until you pull it out. :wink:

Best,

SG

[Dancegal]

Most of the serious dancers (salsa freaks and other styles) that I've met or talked to are mostly single, in the middle of a bad relationship or just out of one. Very few are happily married or in a good relationship. Its caused me to wonder, does the world of dance create more heartache for those who do dance?...

Not sure how true this is but a female friend who's beeen WCSwinging for over 5 yrs has said that married men in WCS use dancing as an excuse to be around other women/cheat on their spouse (honey, it's my job...) and proceeds to mention names of "dogs" as she calls them. I would think it could go both ways. It also sounds like a gross cross-generalization. It almost would suggest that although dancing with different people can make us better dancers, it may not be good for a relationship. So thereby there's a choice: better dancing or better relationship (this could happen even if both people dance!).

[Sheild Maiden]

I can relate to this question, though not directly. I am not a fully serious dancer like most of you, I enjoy dance of course, and I joined this forumn because I like the people here and I want to learn more about other styles of dance, but I am very serious about drama.
I've been thinking lately about whether I could marry a non-actor, as he could not really understand my passion for acting. But I have a darling boyfriend now, who will support me no matter what I do. I figure as long as my bf/ husband supports me, I'll be happy. besides, sometimes you do need a break. I have friends that I can have serious drama discussions with, but you have to have other things in common with the person you want to spend your life with.
Besides that, performers tend to have a very hectic lifestyle, so finding quality time alone together might become difficult. I think I've gone on for long enough, so I'll just stop now, shall I? :lol:

[pygmalion]

Good point, Sheild Maiden. I can relate to what you're saying about needing a break sometimes. My former SO and I used to work together. He's a chemist;I'm an engineer. And we used to talk work all the time -- think of it -- device physics at the kitchen table. :shock: Eeek. every once it a while, I'd have to call a time out, and insist that we talk about anything, anything else.

Dating a dancer would be great, but I agree, you'd have to have something else in common, to want to spend your lives together.

[Vin]

I am far from being a "performer". If I were a performer I guess things would be different but I would still want to date someone who danced at least socially.
Being that I dance for fun I definitely don't think I could date someone who didn't at least try to dance. The girl I am currently seeing and I work in similar areas now and it is great that we share that. But that is sharing work, given the choice I would prefer to share something I do in spare time with a significant other versus having discussions about work related stuff.

[salsera_alemana]

Hi all you dancers out there,

I have been hanging out here lately but this is my first time writing. First of all I would like to tell you how much I injoy reading your discussions. Contrary to other forums you all respect each others' opinions and have really productive discussions.

I think that the topic of this thread is or eventually becomes one of the crucial questions for every passionate dancer. I have loved to dance since I was a teenager and this has always been an issue for me when dating guys. For a while I decided that I will drop it and also give other guys a chance who do not dance. However, when meeting a new guy, I could not help doing the "quick scan" talking around the bush until I found out if he liked dancing or not. And if he didn't, I was not interested in becoming interested. I just couldn't help it and all pretending to myself that dancing was not one of the more important criteria on my list was in vain.

When I found salsa, it became a passion for me and took me to a new level of dancing. Before, I had done ballroom at a social level and of course some disco, which I never enjoyed that much when I had to dance by myself. I have always been into partner dancing. I consider myself extremely lucky that my husband found me and convinced me to marry him. We have been together for almost 11 years and have been married for 8 years. He is a wonderful salsero (boricua). We are one of the few examples that it can work out. However, most relationships between people in the salsa scene I have seen, have not worked out. It depends a lot on how committed you both are to the relationship.

When it works out, it is simply wonderful! We always go out together, we have the same taste of music and we are so tuned to each other when dancing! I can hardly think of anything more enjoyable than being at a dance at the right location (a nice ball room with a huge wooden dance floor) with the right dance partner (my husband), a great DJ (for our taste), and to top it all of: a great salsa band like El Gran Combo, Willy Rosario or the like (not a must but the icing on the cake!). Most of the time the setting is not like described above (we do not live in NY) but it is nevertheless so nice to go out and dance with the one you love, no matter where you go.

When travelling, we always check the Internet for salsa clubs before we go, and that way we can dance our way around the world.

Vince A is right: many couples split because* of dancing, especially if both partners compete and/or teach together. From what I have seen, good male dancers usually are very ambitious and consider dancing more as a competition and hard work than fun. We women, however, do not want to miss the fun part about it, which gets lost sometimes in those "hard working" dance relationships. Conflict is often programmed. After struggling with the issue at the beginning of the relationship we managed to meet somewhere in the middle (we do not teach or compete, though). He is more relaxed about it and I practice more :)

Only dancing, however, will not be enough to make a relationship work. You don't have to share all hobbies and preferences, but you should share basically the same values and head in the same direction (goals).

One thing I've found is that relationships tend to transcend race, once you find some other value or common focus that's more important, like spirituality, or, in this case, dance.

Exactly. In the salsa scene I have seen a lot of mixed relationships (at least here in Europe). We are a mixed couple, too: I am German and really white and my husband is Puerto Rican and dark (prieto).

[pygmalion]

Hi all you dancers out there,

I have been hanging out here lately but this is my first time writing. First of all I would like to tell you how much I injoy reading your discussions. Contrary to other forums you all respect each others' opinions and have really productive discussions.



Hi salsera_alemana! I've seen you hanging out, and I'm glad you decided to join in the discussion. First, thanks for the compliment for DF. I agree. DF is one of my favorite places on the web for this reason -- nice people and respectful, productive discussions.

And also, thanks for sharing your view on dance relationships. I'm glad you're among those who have found success. I agree, particualrly in the salsa world, that doesn't happen often -- long term, successful relationships, I mean.

And you bring up a good point about different perspectives on dancing that men and women can have, and how those perspectives can challenge even strong relationships. I hadn't thought of that before. Hmm.

[salsachinita]

Hello, salsera_alemana! Welcome to DF :D !

:cheers: To your success in making a model salsa couple :notworth: :notworth: :notworth: ! I know how hard it is, and how few of them survive over time.

......until I found out if he liked dancing or not. And if he didn't, I was not interested in becoming interested.

:!: How true :!:

good male dancers usually are very ambitious and consider dancing more as a competition and hard work than fun. We women, however, do not want to miss the fun part about it, which gets lost sometimes in those "hard working" dance relationships.

In my case it's often the other way 'round. I am usually the ambitious one who drove the boys nuts :shock: :lol: while not missing out the fun!

[hepcat]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

Substituting "guy" with "gal" and "women" with "men" - I am on that boat too :(

*sigh* Me too. Only, without the substitutions. :wink: The swing scene here in Santa Fe is just too small which is why I've been hunting for a job elsewhere...

[Flat Shoes]

From what I have seen, good male dancers usually are very ambitious and consider dancing more as a competition and hard work than fun.

For me, If I am going to compete I want to do a serious effort. If not, I am content social dancing.

[tsb]

I must be the only guy in the world who finds it hard to find a dancer to date.
not the only one, with the caveat that i'm also looking for someone who shares the same spiritual convictions - so i have to exclude a lot of women who shown interest in me.
Yup, I'm in that same boat as well... and it's a darn small one at that unfortunately! :lol:

Substituting "guy" with "gal" and "women" with "men" - I am on that boat too :(

*sigh* Me too. Only, without the substitutions. :wink: The swing scene here in Santa Fe is just too small which is why I've been hunting for a job elsewhere...

hey, i'm accompanying a potential SO to classes now. i hooked up with her on the dance floor at a wedding reception & apparently our dancing together was the impetus to get her to start lessons which something she's always wanted to do. so she's a complete beginner, but all the other stuff that's important to me is there. there was actually some mutual interest a couple of years ago but she had "ex" issues at the time.

you know, i think it can be easier for guys who already dance; IMO women are more inclined to want to dance with their SO so they'd readily go for lessons if it were suggested. regardless, i think it's healthier to have their SO be taught by someone other than themselves - and if they take classes together they should rotate - this is what i'm doing (and the studio is letting me in for free so their followers get at least one good rotation of how the lead & frame should feel. the other students do guess that i'm not a beginner - but they'll probably be even more surprised as it turns out that i'm going to fill in for one of the instructors fo two of the next four weeks!). i guess my view is that i don't want there (for me, knowing my inclinations) to be any sort of teacher/student flavor in the beginning of a relationship. also, i'd want anyone to develop their own relationships within the dance scene - especially if it doesn't work out...

more on this as things progress (or don't).

[squirrel]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL! Such an interesting topic! And I can relate to most of the things you guys say...
So...
When I started dancing (more than 3 years ago) I also started dating dancers... more exactly my teachers :)... and I'm sorry to say it, but all of them were such assholes! But I wasn't in love with them... so... it didn't really matter! Then I started dating my partner (some say it's a bad idea... but...) and I fell in love with him... he didn't, so it end up pretty bad... I gave up dancing for several months... didn't want to run into him and his new girlfriend...
In the mean time, I met someone who was not a dancer, and got into a relationship with him... then I HAD TO GO DANCE SOME SALSA! Now, my boyfriend is taking lessons, he's not good at it and is not an addict either, but is very supportive of my 'addiction'... so, I don't mind!
But, in general, since people who share the same passion usually congregate together... most of the time a dancer hooks up with another dancer! And it's true for all shared passions... sports, music, philosophy... you name it!
The only thing I can pass out as an opinion (I never give advice) is: be very careful when you get involved with a dancer... your heart might be broker and you might tend to associate dancing with pain... some even quit after such an experience! And it's so sad... to see people hurt, giving up dancing, or hurting others as if it might help their own sorrow! Dancing should be fun, so let's take it like this!

[Genesius Redux]

When I started dancing (more than 3 years ago) I also started dating dancers... more exactly my teachers :)... and I'm sorry to say it, but all of them were such assholes! But I wasn't in love with them... so... it didn't really matter! Then I started dating my partner (some say it's a bad idea... but...) and I fell in love with him... he didn't, so it end up pretty bad... I gave up dancing for several months... didn't want to run into him and his new girlfriend...

Commitment to the arts requires a self-promotional mindset that can easily turn into selfishness. Maybe even often turn into selfishness. But there are committed artists out there who are also capable of caring about other people--it just takes some effort to find them! 8)

[etchuck]

The swing scene here in Santa Fe is just too small which is why I've been hunting for a job elsewhere...

Wow... tell me how you can negotiate that point in your job interview. ;)

[Sagitta]

The swing scene here in Santa Fe is just too small which is why I've been hunting for a job elsewhere...

Wow... tell me how you can negotiate that point in your job interview. ;)

Just be in high demand. Some of us are lucky that way!! :)

[hepcat]

The swing scene here in Santa Fe is just too small which is why I've been hunting for a job elsewhere...

Wow... tell me how you can negotiate that point in your job interview. ;)

Just be in high demand. Some of us are lucky that way!! :)

Exactly. My particular mix of skills and experience is very unique in my field, hence I have a lot of confidence in turning down a job for personal reasons. At the last place I interviewed, they really wanted me to take the job and offerred me a lot more money than they'd originally allocated for the position, but I declined the offer because I didn't like the swing dance scene there. They even made me a counter offer after I declined and since I simply would not move there because I didn't feel I'd be happy (because of the dancing), I declined again saying that was the reason (in other words, there wasn't anything they could do to change my mind). They even offered to fly me out there a second time to get another look at the swing dance scene, but I'd done a lot of research on the issue (in addition to checking it out while I was there for the interview) and simply knew it was not to my liking. The way I see it, if I don't think I'll be happily dancing where I live, the money doesn't matter. Besides, due to the nature of this particular job, I know I could make a lot more elsewhere. Plus, I also have an offer from the place where I'm currently working as a student, so I have the ability to pick and choose. The swing dance scene here in Santa Fe is OK, but I would like more, so I will eventually leave. The only thing that made it difficult to turn the other job down was the fact that I really liked the people and the project they had.[/b]

[etchuck]

:lol: This is sad! Dancers, dancers everywhere. Nor anyone to date. :cry: :wink:

Yeah, funny about that :? . We dancers are healthy, strong, intelligent, fit, sociable, & more likely than not, attractive.

:roll: So why can't we get it right........?
STANDARDS! :wink:

Smooths??? :)

not that I'm the example of successful dancing and dating, but I have an odd feeling that my personal standards are too high. I mean, when you're out dancing and everyone's healthy, successful, and a damn good dancer, how do I choose? Why can't I just have everyone, you know? :)

[etchuck]

Well, even with a fairly specific job that I have, having a great dance scene would still be considered a very ludicrous demand in a job negotiation. We are talking for me an academic research position, and they expect me to be working in the lab all the time, not dancing. That doesn't mean I AM working in the lab all the time though, but I guess that will get me later when I go after a promotion I suppose.

I asked for Duke basketball tickets. Not even chairmen of departments get those on their job negotiations.

[tsb]

Well, even with a fairly specific job that I have, having a great dance scene would still be considered a very ludicrous demand in a job negotiation. We are talking for me an academic research position, and they expect me to be working in the lab all the time, not dancing. That doesn't mean I AM working in the lab all the time though, but I guess that will get me later when I go after a promotion I suppose.

I asked for Duke basketball tickets. Not even chairmen of departments get those on their job negotiations.

ROTFL: and right behind the bench.

i saw an interview of coach K with charlie rose a few years ago on PBS. he is one of the few americans i can truthfully say i admire and would proud to have as a godparent to any of my future progeny - even if he does cuss a blue streak when he's mad. since he'll never leave duke, i think my alma mater (U-M) did the next best thing by signing tommy amaker.

[hepcat]

Well, even with a fairly specific job that I have, having a great dance scene would still be considered a very ludicrous demand in a job negotiation. We are talking for me an academic research position, and they expect me to be working in the lab all the time, not dancing. That doesn't mean I AM working in the lab all the time though, but I guess that will get me later when I go after a promotion I suppose.

I asked for Duke basketball tickets. Not even chairmen of departments get those on their job negotiations.

You're right. I'm glad you brought that up. Mentioning personal requirements not pertaining to the work which the interviewer has no control over is not something to bring up in negotiations for a job. This was the first interview I've had in awhile and I partially considered it a learning experience and I'd say the one thing I learned was that. I regretted mentioning it later because looking back, I felt it was unprofessional.

Having the criterion itself though is something all-together different. Using dancing as a criterion for deciding where one wants to move is no different than using the weather, regional allergens, or any number of other things that you believe will contribute to your happiness if you're going to live the rest of your life in that place. Swing isn't my only such criterion, although it's one of my most important. I also consider churches, community symphonies (because I play french horn), and how green an area is (because I like grass and trees).

Although, from the other side of the road, if an employer really wants to lure a potential candidate, the reverse is not considered improper. An interviewer might ask if a candidate is interested in football and if so, use the fact that their city has an NFL team to 'swing' things in their favor (no pun intended).

I actually don't think that mentioning swing dancing hurt me in this particular interview because they found it very interesting and asked me about it a couple times after I'd been to a dance the night before, although it hurt me in the sense that I felt bad that they felt powerless to change my mind knowing why I declined their kind offer. But I think my revised strategy will preclude this scenario from happening again anyway.

[Dancegal]

Grrrr....either date a dancer and he'll want to dance with anyone and everyone so it almost seems I'm not with him (my ex) or date a non-dancer. Hmm, maybe date a dancer not so much into the scene, that's an idea. As far as the type of dance, if a man can dance a REALLY good merengue :banana: :twisted: :P , I'll be one happy woman even if he can't dance anything else :D .

:banana: :banana: :banana:

[pygmalion]

I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling there's a story behind your post, Dancegal. :? I hope all's well. Hugs. 8)

[etchuck]

Or you can just date a grinder. ;)

Yeah... your post definitely tipped off my spidey-sense (TM) too.

My opinion: if you're social-dancing, you dance with everyone that you can. Period. I understand how that would make you feel, but then again, you both should probably discuss this between you.

Of course, I can date a dancer, but as I said, I'd probably need four dancing partners to satisfy my dancing desires (ballroom, Latin, ECS, WCS, salsa, contra dance, and eventually ArT... maybe country if the hypothetical gf is into that). So in a strange sense, I understand you. I'm weird in that I'm into many different dance scenes, but not immersed in them. But I'm serious enough to want to stay involved in all of them that it would pose problems in any relationship with a dancer.

[etchuck]

Well, even with a fairly specific job that I have, having a great dance scene would still be considered a very ludicrous demand in a job negotiation. We are talking for me an academic research position, and they expect me to be working in the lab all the time, not dancing. That doesn't mean I AM working in the lab all the time though, but I guess that will get me later when I go after a promotion I suppose.

I asked for Duke basketball tickets. Not even chairmen of departments get those on their job negotiations.

You're right. I'm glad you brought that up. Mentioning personal requirements not pertaining to the work which the interviewer has no control over is not something to bring up in negotiations for a job. This was the first interview I've had in awhile and I partially considered it a learning experience and I'd say the one thing I learned was that. I regretted mentioning it later because looking back, I felt it was unprofessional.

Having the criterion itself though is something all-together different. Using dancing as a criterion for deciding where one wants to move is no different than using the weather, regional allergens, or any number of other things that you believe will contribute to your happiness if you're going to live the rest of your life in that place. Swing isn't my only such criterion, although it's one of my most important. I also consider churches, community symphonies (because I play french horn), and how green an area is (because I like grass and trees).

Although, from the other side of the road, if an employer really wants to lure a potential candidate, the reverse is not considered improper. An interviewer might ask if a candidate is interested in football and if so, use the fact that their city has an NFL team to 'swing' things in their favor (no pun intended).

I actually don't think that mentioning swing dancing hurt me in this particular interview because they found it very interesting and asked me about it a couple times after I'd been to a dance the night before, although it hurt me in the sense that I felt bad that they felt powerless to change my mind knowing why I declined their kind offer. But I think my revised strategy will preclude this scenario from happening again anyway.

Well, I hope that (if you're still online) your final job decision and search is going or went well.

I will admit, ever since the picture of me in the local paper, everyone in my lab and just outside it know I love dancing for my hobby. Maybe the picture screensaver on my computers tipped them off too.

Anyway, I have been revising my own (curriculum) vitae as I do every year for a self-assessment on how well I am doing with my career goals. One of my friends noticed I actually did include my involvement with ballroom dancing as a hobby (at the end of the CV), but felt that I should write out all my responsibilities with the club. In other words, I'm not just a dancer, but I also volunteer teach, mentor and counsel students, fight for grant funding, and organize events. So if you happen to be involved that way with dancing, and the right job is looking for communication and organizational skills, that may be one way to sneak in your involvement in a way that sets you apart from any other candidates.

[Vin]

I wish I would have seen the direction this thread had taken earlier. I did a job search this year, academic and industry positions.
I did not even consider applying to a place if there was not a decent online dance presence based in the area. Yes it was time consuming but I wanted to make sure there would be some dancing wherever I went.
Academic research positions are with rare, and painful exceptions near decent sized cities with the potential to have active dance scenes. It's those teaching positions that scared me.
I snuck my involvement in on my cv as well and one of the places I interviewed with this became something they were very interested in.

[ThatHaitianSwede]

Hmm I read the first two pages before I realized this topic was 12 pages long :shock:

But as Spitfire put it.
I think it's safe to say that I would have to have someone who is a dancer like myself; it's just too much a part of me.

I also feel that dance is to big a passion and when you can't share that with your loved one it'd be very hard.

Everytime I did a Bachata with someone, and it was a real bachata, It'd feel bittersweet or I might feel guilty. Since I started dancing I've been single so I don't know for sure, but yeah

[hepcat]

Well, I hope that (if you're still online) your final job decision and search is going or went well.

I decided to stay where I am, although my employer still hasn't come through with the offer yet. Last I heard, my boss said the offer he wanted to make was revised lower by HR and he's disputing it to get me more. I haven't been too actively looking although I sent out a resume yesterday. I've been too busy with other stuff like planning trips. I recently went on the Frankie Cruise (celebrating Frankie Manning's 90th birthday - those of you who are swing dancers will know what I'm talking about). I went to a Natalie and Yuval workshop. I'm going to a Mortensen Lindy Blues & Groove workshop next weekend, Camp Hollywood the weekend after that, my sister's wedding (where she wants us to perform) in August, the Phoenix Lindy exchange in November, and the new years eve bash in Seattle. On top of that, I joined a swing troupe that performed at the Western States Governor's Conference back in June. I've been considering staying here permanently if my salary increase is enough to sate my penchant via travel. besides, I can get a first hand look at the swing scenes elsewhere, which may motivate me to job search in those places.

I will admit, ever since the picture of me in the local paper...

Our local paper has done articles on our swing scene twice and each time, all I got in the paper was a close-up of my feet! Fancy shoes and footwork seem to be a detriment in that regard!

Anyway, I have been revising my own (curriculum) vitae as I do every year for a self-assessment on how well I am doing with my career goals. One of my friends noticed I actually did include my involvement with ballroom dancing as a hobby (at the end of the CV), but felt that I should write out all my responsibilities with the club. In other words, I'm not just a dancer, but I also volunteer teach, mentor and counsel students, fight for grant funding, and organize events. So if you happen to be involved that way with dancing, and the right job is looking for communication and organizational skills, that may be one way to sneak in your involvement in a way that sets you apart from any other candidates.

That's a good idea. I could also include my wind ensemble and church stuff. If I do though, I'd have to make a third page. I'm not sure if I want it to be that long. Although I could definitely include it on my online version which is referenced on my CV.

[Laura]

Jumping in late here, so I'll just address the topic question. I am married to a non-dancer and it's perfectly wonderful. He's very supportive of my dancing and never worries that I'm "up to something." I appreciate his trust and support, and it's really nice to have someone to come home to who isn't all caught up in the competitive ballroom scene. I married my favorite person in the Universe, and I don't see it as a trade-off at all. He's got some things that are very important to him that I'm not really in to, so it balances out. We have yet other things in common that are super important to us, so neither his things or my dancing take away from our relationship. We each have our "alone" things, and we have our "together" things, and it makes for a great mix.

[hepcat]

I think your situation is an exception to the rule Laura. Every dancer I know personally who has married or dated a non-dancer has disappeared from the swing scene. I even know one whose husband forbade her from dancing. She recently showed up to a dance after a four year absence and I can only imagine it's because they must've had a fight or something.

I'm not saying it's always the case that a non-dancer/dancer couple will preclude dancing, but I think it's more likely than not. Actually, I've even witnessed that when two dancers marry, they show up much less frequently to dances. What's up with that? That scares me more than anything. Do I need to get in all my dancing and learn as much as I can while I'm single? Maybe it's because of having kids. I bet that would do it. I don't know if the one couple I'm thinking of has kids or not. I didn't think they did...

[Dancegal]

I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling there's a story behind your post, Dancegal. :? I hope all's well. Hugs. 8)

Thanks! :) Actually it's a story that's now one year old but I haven't dated anyone since, it's just that occasionally I find myself wondering if I have to give up dancing in order to find a mate....

I was a Lindy-Hop beginner when me and the ex started dating (we met at the local dance studio where I was doing 6-count swing/salsa/WCS). It seemed like getting asked to dance wasn't a problem for me, UNTIL I started Lindy-Hop :x and the ex did not understand why I minded not being asked - his thoughts: if a woman wants to dance, she can ask. He had been Lindy Hopping for about 2-3 years and was a regular in the community. We agreed he'd dance with me first and then we'd split and dance with others. That was more workable, but somewhere deep down in my female psyche (ok, men, I know you may not understand this) I'd like my man to only have eyes for me. Since he lived further away than me, he usually did not come to weekday events as much as I, but as a result of coming "solo", I became more familiar with the Lindy community. This helped me feel more at ease with the community and made it ok if he wanted to dance with other women since I knew more leads. The relationship ended for reasons other than dancing. Ironically after it ended he moved closer to town and I started to see him at events more often (we still dance together - we do that well....).

[Dancegal]

Or you can just date a grinder. ;)


:lol: . Although I think a good merengue dancer is MORE than a grinder :D . I read articles about some of the grinding that goes on among teens for example :oops: and well, back to front just doesn't cut it for me :roll: .... Seriously though, some grinding is actually impersonal and sometimes it's not even rhythmic/dancing to the music. I'm partial to merengue music :banana: ("real" merengue, not with hip hop or reggae stylings) so that's the one dance I'd want my man to know if he knows nothing else :) ......

[pygmalion]

I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling there's a story behind your post, Dancegal. :? I hope all's well. Hugs. 8)

Thanks! :) Actually it's a story that's now one year old but I haven't dated anyone since, it's just that occasionally I find myself wondering if I have to give up dancing in order to find a mate....



Thanks for being willing to tell your story. I really wasn't trying to pry. I just know from personal experience how complicated relationships, especially dance relationships can get.

I also have had a relationship end fairly recently and dance was the red herring. Dance appeared to be the issue, but the true issues were far beneath the surface and had nothing to do with dance. *shrug*

Right now, I'm working on one relationship primarily -- my relationship with myself. Once I get that one right, everything else will fall into place, if it was meant to. 8)

[salsachinita]

I'm working on one relationship primarily -- my relationship with myself. Once I get that one right, everything else will fall into place, if it was meant to. 8)

We should ALL be doing that, if we are not already 8) !

Way to go, Jenn :banana: !

[megaproto]

love.. pure love..

I Love You Claire With All My Heart I Need You In My Life, I Want To Age With You Until The End Of The Day

[SuzieQ]

Another aspect of this question--starting to dance after already married (many years)--getting really passionate about dancing--spouse begins to dance also in order to dance with you and thinks you should only want to dance with him--

[Anonymous]

I'm relieved to see that other people with other passions in life besides horses (mine) have the same problems. I was beginning to think that only us nutty horsefolk had the "what am I going to do- he doesn't love horses" problem, but here's a "but he doesn't dance" issue, too.

I'm doubly damned. My hetero lifemate of six years doesn't ride horses OR dance- he's painfully afraid of hitting the ground, and painfully shy, so I'm SOL.

I believe he'd like to dance though, if we could just find a class here, and might someday.

Dancers have NO IDEA how much in common they have with us horsedancing folk, LOL

[etchuck]

Anyway, I have been revising my own (curriculum) vitae as I do every year for a self-assessment on how well I am doing with my career goals. One of my friends noticed I actually did include my involvement with ballroom dancing as a hobby (at the end of the CV), but felt that I should write out all my responsibilities with the club. In other words, I'm not just a dancer, but I also volunteer teach, mentor and counsel students, fight for grant funding, and organize events. So if you happen to be involved that way with dancing, and the right job is looking for communication and organizational skills, that may be one way to sneak in your involvement in a way that sets you apart from any other candidates.

That's a good idea. I could also include my wind ensemble and church stuff. If I do though, I'd have to make a third page. I'm not sure if I want it to be that long. Although I could definitely include it on my online version which is referenced on my CV.

For what it's worth, I have a version of my CV in which those activities were included. My CV hopped from being three to five pages long! At any rate, you just have to know how to pitch your involvement as being part of your development (career-wise and personally).

[etchuck]

Dancers have NO IDEA how much in common they have with us horsedancing folk, LOL

I think anyone who is really involved with a hobby will have this problem. Look at all the Star Trek fans who opine about how their SO's are NOT fans. (Of course, this assumes they actually do go out and date... ;) .)

[MacMoto]

Grrrr....either date a dancer and he'll want to dance with anyone and everyone so it almost seems I'm not with him (my ex) or date a non-dancer. Hmm, maybe date a dancer not so much into the scene, that's an idea.

Another aspect of this question--starting to dance after already married (many years)--getting really passionate about dancing--spouse begins to dance also in order to dance with you and thinks you should only want to dance with him--

So the moral of the story is, a dancing relationship is complicated whichever way it goes...? :?

[squirrel]

The only moral I can see is "Men... can't live with them, can't shoot them!" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I like dancing with them though...

[danceguy]

I think that statement applies to both genders Raluca. Shooting people isn't a very nice thing to do though! Isn't dance about learning to interact with the other sex? ;)

SG

[Gumby]

Then, of course, there is the problem that in our very small dance pond, everyone, knows everyone. And knows eveyone they have dated in the last x years and why they broke up and et cetera. Unless, a new dancer falls of an alien spaceship (it could happen!) or moves in from out of town(less likely) I can't imagine dating anyone from the local scene knowing that the whole extended dysfunctional family will be comenting on it from day one!

[Sagitta]

I date whom I want, when I want. If others want to comment they are free to. Just don't bother me with silly questions, that's what I say. Keep that away from me. :) I haven't dated for over a month...hmmm...so I guess that gives me the liberty to say what I want as well.

[cl5814]

Then, of course, there is the problem that in our very small dance pond, everyone, knows everyone. And knows eveyone they have dated in the last x years and why they broke up and et cetera.

Having had this experience, i think i might end up marrying someone that doesn't dance but would be interested in social dancing - dance at weddings etc. Somehow, at least for now, it turned me off completely from dating anyone in the dance arena.

[DancingMommy]

Just marry your dance teacher, lol!

Did I SAY that :?: :!: :shock: 8) :lol: :doh:

[jenibelle]

Just marry your dance teacher, lol!


noooooooooooooooo don't even go there!!!!!

:D

Jeni

[cl5814]

noooooooooooooooo don't even go there!!!!!

:D

Jeni

Agreed !!!! Why does some of the dance teachers i know (let's rephrase that, used to know), qualify for the @$$hole award of the year, no, make that a lifetime award ?

[DancingMommy]

Eh - better yet - marry your student... I did ;)

Will clarify this if anyone asks, lol!

[cl5814]

Eh - better yet - marry your student... I did ;)

Will clarify this if anyone asks, lol!

Congrats.

[DancingMommy]

Actually, he was a student at the studio I worked at... I was jealous he wasn't *my* student, because I wanted to be the one to mold his dancing...

He ended up leaving the studio and I was even more bummed... Oh well...

We ended up running into each other at the grocery store and stuff - I had no idea we lived so close to each other :!: And when we were at a club, he snuck up behind me and "put the moves on me" :!:

The rest is history... ;)

[MacMoto]

From another thread (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=83438#83438):
Even dancing has its woes.
I'm beginning to think that dancing seriously narrows your chance of meeting a Mr/Miss Right :(..
This has led me to revisit this thread, since it's now pertinent to me.

Original question:
well, I guess most of the members here are harcore dancers, so my question to you is would you marry or date someone who is not as into dancing as you do or do not dance at all.
At the moment my answer is "most definitely not!", even though it does limit my choice considerably, and even though I'm perfectly aware of all the problems of dating in a dance (salsa) scene... :?
Thoughts? Comments? Any original posters out there who have had a change of mind since?

[motardmom]

I'm married to a non-dancer. There's no hope for him, actually. His problem is not desire - he would love to learn to dance. His problem is lack of rhythm. He does not possess the ability to find the beat within a song. Bizarre, I know. I don't understand how he can walk and chew gum while solving the problems of the universe (he is brilliant - I might be a bit biased) but can't locate the 1-2-3-4- in the song. I don't get it.

When we dated, I knew what I was going into. At the time, I gave up social dance, not because he asked me to but because I felt I should. It was totally voluntary. Then a new situation arose, much later in our married life, and I found myself trying a new style of dance in a slightly different environment (one that I felt was slightly less threatening to a relationship) and here I am, going out twice a week and dancing ballroom. Dh is fully supportive of it, encouraging even. He's a good man. :together: It is good to be in a relationship like that.

On a side-note, I feel even more loyal to him because of his unquestioning support and encouragement. I would be crazy to drop a guy who would encourage me to do something that I enjoy so much and brings me such pleasure. I think that if he 'allowed' (not the right word) me to go begrudgingly, it could be a wedge between us. It's all about trust.

And I hope our kids get my rhythm.

[DWise1]

I'm married to a non-dancer. There's no hope for him, actually. His problem is not desire - he would love to learn to dance. His problem is lack of rhythm. He does not possess the ability to find the beat within a song. Bizarre, I know. I don't understand how he can walk and chew gum while solving the problems of the universe (he is brilliant - I might be a bit biased) but can't locate the 1-2-3-4- in the song. I don't get it.
Please pardon my long reply, especially since it's a repost. But your husband sounds exactly like I was, totally lacking rhythm and incapable of ever learning how to dance. But I'm living proof that rhythm can be learned and that the impossible can happen (ie, I have learned to dance). But it took a long time and a lot of effort and determination on my part. My personal history is at http://members.aol.com/dwise1/dance/history.html, if it would help.

The following repost (slightly editted) was originally in reply to somebody's comment in a thread on musicality that if somebody doesn't "get it" after a couple songs, then they never will:
And with that response to "a couple of songs", you just touched on what had been my biggest problem for literally decades that had kept me from learning to dance and had branded me totally incapable of ever learning to dance.

Oh sure, lots of dancers tried to teach me (starting when I was 19 and giving me up for hopeless by the time I was 25), including my wife (before we were married), and all of them failed miserably. Each and every one of them automatically assumed that musicality is something that comes naturally; after all, it came naturally for them. They kept telling me to "just feel the music", "just do what the music tells you". Well, I sure couldn't feel anything and the music refused to speak to me at all -- in fact I think it had gotten a restraining order against me. Despite all their good intentions, all they ever succeeded in doing was to convince me more and more that learning to dance was an absolute impossibility for me so why even try. And my wife is still convinced of it.

I am now convinced that, while some people may be neurally wired for it to come to them more easily -- or less easily -- than to others, musicality and the ability to "hear and feel the music" is something that must be learned and developed. I think that for most people to whom it came "naturally", that came from growing up in an environment where they got plenty of exposure to music and given the opportunity/encouragement to interact with it and to play with it. In my case, we had very little music at home; we got our first record player (an old electric turntable with a hollow arm and a resonating cavity for an amplifier plus a stack of old 78's) when I was about 12 and our first and only stereo a couple years later.

The only thing that finally got me started again was that at age 48 (c. 2000) I strongly felt the need for something that my wife and I could do together -- plus I had just spent a truly horrible evening at a Christmas party where everybody else was dancing, leaving me to sit all alone at our table. A couple months later, I overheard her telling a friend that she had "always" wanted to learn Salsa, so I mentioned some Salsa classes being held after work and suggested we try it. Because of her work (teacher) she had to wait another month for summer vacation, so I started immediately knowing that while it would come to her naturally I would need to really work at it. Yes, I was lost, but I used the teacher's counting to stay in step. Of course, part of my being lost was due to the fact that these were intemediate-level lessons, but I didn't know it at the time. What really helped me through that was my Aikido training from two decades prior, which gave me some sense of body and movement and a really strong and smooth lead that all the girls complimented me on from the very first day (I just figured at the time that they were buttering me up to keep the attendence figures up, but I continue to be complimented on my smooth lead.).

A few months later those classes ended, so we did a few months of beginning Salsa and beginning ECS through the city, but that fizzled as we couldn't find anywhere local for intermediate classes. Within the year, we finally found a place and, after trying out a few different ballroom and C&W dances, settled on West Coast Swing (my wife had always wanted to learn swing) for about 8 months. Then my wife dropped out and I followed suit a couple months later, foolishly thinking that I would have nobody to dance with (ironically, even though my purpose in all this was to be able to dance with my wife, she has never again allowed me to dance with her, so I must get all my dances with other women). Then a few months later I found a Lindy class (motivated by my wife having said she had always wanted to learn Jitterbug) and a few months thereafter I started going to it alone (because my wife refused to), which is where I've been for a bit more than 1.5 years. And I'm back in WCS and Nightclub 2 Step and Country 2 Step since the start of the year and back in Salsa since a couple months.

The point I'm getting to is that it wasn't until the end of the beginning ECS classes that I was starting -- just starting -- to sense the presence of the beat; that's six months of dance lessons -- I never was able to figure out the Salsa music (more irony to come on that one). And it wasn't until about 4 or 5 months into WCS that I had finally developed enough musicality to be able to reliably hear and follow the beat in the music -- that's one and a half years since my first dance lesson. And it wasn't until more than one year into Lindy -- nearly three years since that first lesson -- that I started to sense strongly enough the start of the phrase and where the 1 is.

Now that I have returned to dances that I had tried in the beginning but couldn't quite get (OK, WCS I could kind of get), it was like I had never been gone and just picked them right up again. 1.5 years away from WCS and right off I was doing whips with no problem at all (while swingouts in Lindy still give me a problem). Three years away from NC2S and C2S and I just stepped in and it just all fell right into place. Even Salsa, after a four-year absense, came right back to me such that the teacher, who insists on at least one month of beginning classes before you step up to intermediate, made a point of inviting me to step up on the very first night.

Now for the irony: From that first night back in Salsa, I'm following the music. And I have no idea what it is that I am following. I just feel it and I follow what I'm feeling. Yeah, it's freaking me out too. And it only took four years of dance lessons to get to that point.

At present in my WCS and NC2S classes, a number of the women have told me that I'm a natural dancer. But they don't realize how much work and effort and training it has taken to become "a natural". And FWIW, I certainly don't view myself as a "natural", but rather as a somewhat low intermediate.

And the final irony: Despite my present partners' expressed opinions of my dancing abilities, my wife is still convinced that I cannot dance.


And I hope our kids get my rhythm.
Raise them in a music-rich environment and encourage them to play with rhythm. Play with them using music and dancing, so they have your example and so that they can see that it's something that people do and enjoy. In short, give them the opportunity to learn it so that it can "come to them naturally."

[Vin]

I did for a while think that I would only want to be with a dancer but that has changed as I dance more.

We should specify something here. I would not need(or even look) for my gf or wife to be a great dancer, but I do need to be with someone whom I can feel a great connection with while dancing. It is not as clear cut to look at a woman and say she is a dancer/nondancer because women are more apt to be open to learning to dance than us brutes.

That said I would want whoever I am with to be enough of a dancer to appreciate the effort I have put into my dancing, but not so much that I am unable to impress her with my dancing anymore.

[pygmalion]

Interesting you say that, Vin. Meaning, you want to be able to impress her. Hmm...

(Sorry, just a personal digression :? )

[Sagitta]

You know what? For me it isn't the level of dancing ability or the degree that I can impress that counts. There is something that you have that no one else has. That connection straight to each other's souls. Dancing with such a person is special and wonderful not beacuse of any moves, but due to the connection. Yes I would like the person I marry to dance and have this connection as words fail to describe it and I think that the barrier to this is a low one. However, there are more important things for, such as faith/spirituality, what guides my day to day living. In fact that si the most important thing. I could imagine marrying a non-dancer, a person without the same passion as me, but I never could imagine marrying someone who does not have faith/spirituality. And not that supercifial siprituality that so many talk about, but rather something taht runs deep through the core of their being.

[motardmom]

Please pardon my long reply

Wow, thank you very much, DWise1.

I'll have to put this on the back burner for a month or so (my dh is terribly terribly swamped during political season in the US) and pull it out when his life slows down a smidge. I have a good dance instructor right now who has been anxious to teach my dh how to dance, and I even suggested it to my dh, but he graciously declined. I'm not sure but what this particular problem might be beyond my instructor tho. I guess we don't really know until we try.

This whole rhythm thing just has me baffled. It isn't like he was raised in a musically sterile environment. His parents enjoy music very much and they had that in their home. He even had piano lessons as a youth - his teacher asked his mom if it would be ok if he quit lessons. :o He stuck it out until he could play 3 songs then he stopped. He sang in high school choir as a teenager. He said he did ok with that so long as he could watch the director for cues. (Which makes me wonder if there is some way I could learn to backlead him? But I'm a pretty inexperienced dancer too...)

I also wonder if there is something physical going on. His mother is partially deaf in a way that she can still hear certain tones but she looses subtle tones, not sound in general. She loves to sing but is profoundly tone deaf. I don't think she has rhythm either. (My dh is luckily not tone deaf.) I wonder if there is some odd way that the hearing loss problem affects ability to hear the rhythm? And has passed it on to her son? (Grasping for an explanation...) But then even totally deaf people can feel rhythm....?

I just don't know about this whole rhythm thing. I wish I knew what the problem stemmed from, then at least I/we could formulate a plan to solve it. I certainly love dance and wish that we could connect with each other in that way. It's so... intimate.

The problem that trumps them all is the mental one. How can he overcome the mental conditioning that he has no rhythm he's had for 30 years? (No need to answer that, it's just a matter of replacing the negative conditioning with positive conditioning. And you are the poster child of that. :) )

:?:

[pygmalion]

Good luck, motardmom. 8)

Incidentally, I am intrigued by your username. I'm not prying or anything. Just wanted you to know that I've spent time thinking about it. My best guess is "more tired mom," said with a funny accent. :wink: :lol: Yes. That is my best guess. Sad, isn't it? :oops: :lol:

[salsachinita]

.......I'm perfectly aware of all the problems of dating in a dance (salsa) scene... :?
Thoughts? Comments? Any original posters out there who have had a change of mind since?

Ok, for my dearest Enquiring Minds Club :lol: members, here's my update (which explains why I havn't had much time DFing or dancing as much as I have been :wink: ):

I met my new SO, Silverkea, from my local salsa scene. We've known & danced with eachother for well over a year before anything took place.

He's one of those quiet guys who tends to blend in the background. He goes out, has his dances, and pretty much goes home, keeping a low profile.

For those who know me, I'm almost always the centre of attention (well, maybe a bit off the centre :wink: ) & a social butterfly. Always in a hurry to grab a dance from good leads.......so for most of the time I didn't put in much time to spend with him :oops: ..........

One day I was exhaused, after dropping Gupson off to the airport at the end of his three-week visit. I was too tired & moody to dance. Silverkea came sit down with me, and just listened to my whinging & ranting for an hour :shock: .......I remember going home thinking: what a nice guy...!

The following week I asked him to dance. we danced non-stop for the whole night. We both danced BADLY that night but we had soooo much fun :o ! At the end, I asked him to come to SugarGlider's house warming party with me. He said yes. That was the beginning.

While he's not one on my Top Ten List, we connect pretty well. He's happy to just dance with me :D . At the same time, he understands my drive to dance with challenging leads, and doesn't have an issue with it :o :D !!!!!

He balances me out in a lot of ways. I can be too serious at dancing, he keeps me light-hearted 8)..........

I AM a lucky girl. I'm counting my blessings every single day :notworth: !

[pygmalion]

I'm so glad to hear that. 8) I've gotta "meet" this Silverkea guy -- you know, give him the once over and threaten him ( in the most friendly way possible. LOL) You know. Family stuff. :wink: :lol:

Good luck with your new relationship, SC. I hope you stay happy a very, very long time. :D

[salsachinita]

Thanks, sweetie :friend: !

[pygmalion]

:D :friend:

[Sagitta]

Now I know. :) Wishing you the best.

[motardmom]

Good luck, motardmom. 8)

Incidentally, I am intrigued by your username. I'm not prying or anything. Just wanted you to know that I've spent time thinking about it. My best guess is "more tired mom," said with a funny accent. :wink: :lol: Yes. That is my best guess. Sad, isn't it? :oops: :lol:

The mom part is pretty self explanatory. I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. The 'motard' part originally started as a slip of the tongue. I was trying to say one word but thinking of another and I blended them together. My dh heard it and has teased me ever since. LOL Since then, I have learned that motard is French for motorcyclist and that happens to fit too - I ride a motorcycle.

Now you can turn your mind to much more productive/interesting things. :lol:

[MacMoto]

I AM a lucky girl. I'm counting my blessings every single day :notworth: !
I'm very, very happy to hear it, sista :D

[Vin]

Interesting you say that, Vin. Meaning, you want to be able to impress her. Hmm...

(Sorry, just a personal digression :? )

What I mean is more like she can't be so good that she no longer enjoys dancing with me, because that would just be sad. Some of the best dancers are among the least enjoyable for mere mortals to dance with.

By the way congrats salsachinita,

[pygmalion]

Thanks for posting, Vin. I had a feeling that might be what you meant. 8)

My digression was a lot more personal than that. I knew my most recent relationship was over when he didn't impress me anymore. He's an impressive guy -- pedigrees and accomplishments you wouldn't believe -- but that element of being impressed was important to me, too. I needed to admire him. So I can relate to where you're coming from. That element of admiration is important in a relationship, at least for me. 8)

[pygmalion]

Now you can turn your mind to much more productive things. :lol:

LOL! Well... there's always hope. :wink: :lol:

[TheLetterJ]

Wow, and I thought *I* had high standards. I thought impressing a woman with my dancing was just part of the initial appeal, then afterwards, it's more about a loving, understanding, and supportive relationship. If I have to keep impressing my SO with my dancing, then I'm in trouble :wink:

As for me, I'm open to dating someone who's not a social dance addict, though it is hard since I meet so many more people through dancing than any other activity. Plus I'm a guy, so it's not too hard to convince a non-dancer to start dancing with me :)

[pygmalion]

No TheLetterJ. Don't sweat it. It's not about impressing your girlfriend with dancing, per se.

There are a lot of things that can impress me about a man, which don't necessarily require any special expertise -- just a certain sort of man. Things like compassion, caring, sometimes accomplishment despite adversity, but more usually, things like taking the time to pet a dog or play with a child. Impressive doesn't mean being bigger or better. It means being a man of quality and integrity (and, in my case, some ambition is needed, too :roll: ) I bet you've got that covered. :wink: :D

I told you it was a personal digression. :oops: :lol: I probably should have kept it to myself. I was just having an epiphany, and couldn't hold it in. *shrug*

Of course, if the guy can dance, all the better. :banana:

[MacMoto]

I told you it was a personal digression. :oops: :lol: I probably should have kept it to myself. I was just having an epiphany, and couldn't hold it in. *shrug*
My enquiring mind is going overdrive, Pygmalion.

[salsachinita]

Thankyou to everyone who congradulated me :D .....!

Having said all that, I have to admit that we are not 100% without issues :oops: .........

I have been a die-hard salsera who dances just about every song 4-5 nights a week, while he's a quiet, mellow, relaxed guy who just goofs around for fun 1-2 nights a week.

We are currently doing 3-4 nights (at clubs) a week, dancing mainly with eachother. Both of us are making a compromise.........

.............only time will tell :? .................

[Patapouf]

Is that the only issue you have?? WOW! You are lucky! :shock: :D The little compromise between the two of you is good too, at least you still get to dance! :lol:

As for me, well, I don't want to say too much because I have given up hopes on finding someone I like who can dance.... never going to happen... :?

[pygmalion]

I told you it was a personal digression. :oops: :lol: I probably should have kept it to myself. I was just having an epiphany, and couldn't hold it in. *shrug*
My enquiring mind is going overdrive, Pygmalion.

:oops: :lol: Sorry!

[DancingMandi]

My current boyfriend doesn't dance himself, but he supports my dance and that's all I need :D

[pygmalion]

Yup. That's all that's required. A little emotional support. :D

[etchuck]

Depending on the circumstance... how about a LOT of emotional support? :)

[BLADE]

I would have to say NO!!! I can't see myself with anyone who is not a dancer. Especially when you dance professionally. Only another dancer can understand what your career means to you and what you're going through as a performer.

[DancePoet]

I am rereading this thread to catch up and noticed the following:

dancersdreamland wrote:

"Alas, my FANTASTIC husband-to-be is NOT a dancer" ... "He's considering taking ballroom lessons for our wedding next October...we'll see where that gets."

Hmmm ... it's the end of October, how'd the dancing and the wedding go?

[Danoo]

yeah i would
i'd get them to dance :lol:

[DancePoet]

peachexploration wrote: "Well, my answer would be no on this one" ... "I prefer someone who dances along with a list of other requirements. :D"

Hmmm ... and what other requirments, dare i ask? ;) :lol:

[DancePoet]

pygmalion wrote: "The only problem is that players rarely look like players up front. They look like nice guys, who just need a little help. You only find out when it's too late. Grr. :x"

This is why I don't like "nice guys" nor being called one. "Nice guys" are really guys who hide their bad qualities. When the woman finally gets to see them, oh my! The bubble has been burst. Tthe knight on the horse hasn't just fallen off, but he's even pointed the sword at her. Oh my, surprise, surprise! "Nice guys" try to be something they can't be, and then, poof, they become disappointments to themselves and the woman who was fooled by them.

I'll flirt and be a gentleman, but I want the woman to know realtively soon what my weaknesses are. I realize this won't happen all at once, but I don't want to be put on a pedestal, any more then I want to fall off. And I want to know her's as well. :)

[DancePoet]

Ok, after reading this whole thread, now for my response to the original question.

I tried dating a woman who was a non-dancer for almost a whole year. I'd dance on Friday's and spend time with her on Saturdays. She typically spent Friday night's catching up on TV shows she liked to watch that she had recorded during the week, not my style, but not my choice to make either. Sundays sometimes saw me taking classes, but also trying to fit in time with her. Unfortunately she never communicated to me until the relationship deterioriated to tell me my dancing was a problem for her. She mentioned she felt her feelings were irrational, but they were there. I had tried to get her to go with me, but she routinely refused, and I even stopped trying.

Now, after the healing has taken place, I don't know how I could date or marry a woman that didn't at least share an interest in dancing. It has become a strong part of who I am, and it would be difficult to date or marry someone who I could not enjoy this passion with on a regular basis.

I do so many things besides dance that I have discovered I need to prioritize what are the more important items that I'd like to have as similar interests with a woman. Dance is definitely high on the list!

[tsb]

Grrrr....either date a dancer and he'll want to dance with anyone and everyone so it almost seems I'm not with him (my ex) or date a non-dancer. Hmm, maybe date a dancer not so much into the scene, that's an idea. As far as the type of dance, if a man can dance a REALLY good merengue :banana: :twisted: :P , I'll be one happy woman even if he can't dance anything else :D .

:banana: :banana: :banana:

1) buy him thong underwear & make him wear it; he'll get the right hip motion just trying to stay comfortable

2) if i hear you correctly, dancing for you would become more a "date" night. i think it would for me also.

[ratherbdancing]

My boyfriend isn't a dancer, but Im so young to the point that if I refused to date non-dancers, I would never have a bf because there is NO ONE around here my age that dances as far as guys are concerned. If there was, I would have a partner by now!! But i honestly dont think I could marry a non-dancer. I have seen too many partnerships break up because of jealous spouses and I just dont want to risk that.

[blue]

Well I think it is difficult enough to find someone anyhow, without confining oneself to the dancing population. If he doesn't dance, then hopefully he has other interests.

In my current class, there is this woman whose boyfriend competes in ballroom. She is not going to bring him into swing - ever! They tried dancing together a few times, maybe at weddings or similar, and she says it should just be avoided.

[pygmalion]

She is not going to bring him into swing - ever! They tried dancing together a few times, maybe at weddings or similar, and she says it should just be avoided.

Did she say why?

[blue]

It was along the lines of "you should never let your spouse teach you how to drive." Best ways to get uneven.

[pygmalion]

:lol: Or go ballistic. :roll: Understood. 8)

[peachexploration]

peachexploration wrote: "Well, my answer would be no on this one" ... "I prefer someone who dances along with a list of other requirements. :D"

Hmmm ... and what other requirments, dare i ask? ;) :lol:

Oh geez, its 200 pages long. :lol: Waltzes on the beach were added recently though :wink:

[DancePoet]

peachexploration wrote: "Well, my answer would be no on this one" ... "I prefer someone who dances along with a list of other requirements. :D"

DP replied: "Hmmm ... and what other requirments, dare i ask? ;) :lol:"

Peach wrote back: "Oh geez, its 200 pages long. :lol: Waltzes on the beach were added recently though :wink:"

:lol: I'm hoping there is only one requirement per page, but I'm not sure I could even live up to that! ;)

Although waltzes on the beach wouldn't be tough. :D

[Dancegal]

Grrrr....either date a dancer and he'll want to dance with anyone and everyone so it almost seems I'm not with him (my ex) or date a non-dancer. Hmm, maybe date a dancer not so much into the scene, that's an idea. As far as the type of dance, if a man can dance a REALLY good merengue :banana: :twisted: :P , I'll be one happy woman even if he can't dance anything else :D .

:banana: :banana: :banana:

1) buy him thong underwear & make him wear it; he'll get the right hip motion just trying to stay comfortable

2) if i hear you correctly, dancing for you would become more a "date" night. i think it would for me also.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
:applause:

Yes, you heard right - for now, I dance with many but I would not mind staying with one partner in the future (one with rhythm, I hope!).

[Svet T.]

My husband was an athlete, and blessed with two left feet. :lol: I do not mind. At least he tries whenever we are required to dance. We just modify the steps and just concentrate on being together. :wink:

[Sagitta]

My husband was an athlete, and blessed with two left feet. :lol: I do not mind. At least he tries whenever we are required to dance. We just modify the steps and just concentrate on being together. :wink: Being together is what counts in your situation. I am in complete agreement Svet T. :)

[Vin]

I've gone back and forth on this for the last couple of years as my interest in salsa has grown. Throughout most of this time I have been on and off dating a non-dancer(currently off). Granted she was interested in learning but her interest did not match(or even come close to) mine.
It became quite a difficult situation at times and I don't think it is something I would want to handle again. In most cases I think dating a non-dancer would eventually lead to the end of my social dancing.
Salsa is something that I am not prepared to give up, so until such time as I think that I would be ready to give up salsa I do not think I can (seriously) date a non-dancer. Of course for fun I can date non-dancers, but they would have to realize that it could not be serious for my heart beats clave.

[pygmalion]

for my heart beats clave.

Well said. 8)

[tsb]

my heart beats clave.

you might want to consider a pacemaker.

[Vin]

my heart beats clave.

you might want to consider a pacemaker.

This would imply that the heart beat is a problem.

[tsb]

my heart beats clave.

you might want to consider a pacemaker.

This would imply that the heart beat is a problem.

it does have certain implications for your health in terms of getting oxygen to the parts of the body that need it. i have (fortunately not had) a friend with an irregular heartbeat. his life literally hung in the balance & he had surgery the same day his health insurance kicked in & he had his pacemaker installed.

[tsb]

2) if i hear you correctly, dancing for you would become more a "date" night. i think it would for me also.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
:applause:

Yes, you heard right - for now, I dance with many but I would not mind staying with one partner in the future (one with rhythm, I hope!).

i should probably start a new topic but i'm just too lazy.

recent experiences prompt me to ask how most women feel about this, that is, in a social dance environment, what percentage would be happy dancing strictly with a regular partner all night vs. following what i consider social dance etiquette, 1 dance at a time with each person, maybe 2 at most in a row, staying primarily within your own dance experience level, etc.

this is probably geared more towards women who dance ballroom as you have the chance to be dancing something different with the same person vs. doing salsa/lindy/whatever all night; i know i'd get bored dancing with the same person if it were the same dance even if the songs were different. but then that's possibly a guy's perspective there...

[mamboqueen]

I like a mix, TSB.

[salsachinita]

:lol: This has GOT to be the most reserrected thread on DF....!

My little update on that, now that I've newly become no longer single (for nearly 7 mths): we go dancing a lot less now, and I go dancing alone maybe 2-4 times a mth, feeling less of a need to dance all night, but more to catch up with friends & enjoy the music.

When we go together, we mainly stay dancing together, unless we are with a group (some in the group might be intimidated to actively ask others, so we dance with them).

I will still do my rounds of social duty, and dance with my favourites, no more than two songs in a row.

If he is dancing with his favourites, then I might do more with mine :D !

Most of the time though, when we do go dancing, we end up coming home early, or go eating with friends.....

My body is definitely adjusting to the change in pattern (from 5 nights of hardcore salsa to this :roll: ). Sometimes I think my body is thanking me, sometimes not :? ..........

Solution...? We 've joined the gym last night 8) .

[tiadancer]

Hey- lets not get off track. I just found this thread and I want to answer the original question. I personally would not date or marry a dancer. That is just my personality. I need something that is mine and that something is dance. I want my significant other to learn about it and understand it but to let me enjoy it and have that be mine. In my current relationship, my sweetie is a baseball fanatic and when we first met neither of us knew anything about the other's main interest but that has been one of the most fun things, to learn about them with each other and come to enjoy supporting each other in them. I love going to his games and going to professional games with him. He comes and watches me dance, video tapes it or takes pictures. I love that he doesn't feel like in order for me to like him, he has to addopt that and vice versus for me. It is great. Besides, as I grow older the more I seek a balance in my life and I am finding that dance is having to take a smaller role.