Ladies...Need your help

[cierre boca y baile]

Ladies, please recall your most memorable dances. The ones that stand out, took your breath away, made you feel like your were the sexiest, most beautiful and best dancer on the floor that night. The ones that gave you your passion for dancing, the ones you thought about the whole next week and even beyond.

I'll be eternally grateful if you would share with me what the guy did that helped to created this kind of experience for you. Please exclude student/instructor or professional type experiences. I'm just a normal guy and am interested in how I can create this experience for as many of my partners as possible. I'm sure a lot of people will say the connection or chemistry was amazing, but I am really interested in specifics. Here are some of my observations and questions so far, you can comment on how important they are or add your own.

1) I'm pretty sure smiling and making good eye contact is very important, but how important? What other simple things like this make a big difference?

2 ) Did they do certain playful, sexy moves with you that just made your knees weak? if so what were they? :D

3 ) Did he lead you in moves that you had no idea that you could follow?

4 ) How important was dancing ability, rhythm (staying on beat), smooth lead (not jerking you around).

5 ) How about their looks, appearance, dress, or cologne?

6 ) Was it the first time you'd danced with this person or did you already know them? Can the same guy do this over and over again to you?

7 ) Did they talk to you while you were dancing? If that makes a difference, what did they talk about. Did they compliment you a lot?

8 ) What other things played into the experience that had nothing to do with the guy?

[leftfeetnyc]

1) I'm pretty sure smiling and making good eye contact is very important, but how important? What other simple things like this make a big difference?

It is important, you loose a lot in a dance without eye contact....keep in mind there is a difference between staring at your partner and good eye contact. It should be natural, and there are moments where you should look away. Trying to read her brain through her eyes is not kosher.


2 ) Did they do certain playful, sexy moves with you that just made your knees weak? if so what were they? :D

Not necessarily. Some partnerships just aren't "sexy" being a little playful helps in that if a move doesn't go as planned no one gets worked up about it. It's more a relaxed and friendly disposition that is required.

3 ) Did he lead you in moves that you had no idea that you could follow?

Yes. A good partner will not try anything too over your head but will be able to read and lead a new or slightly advanced move. Completing one of those successfully is a great high for a follower.

4 ) How important was dancing ability, rhythm (staying on beat), smooth lead (not jerking you around).

If not being on beat is intentional, it's fine. I had a wonderful dance the other night where we spent the entire song a half step behind the beat. Dancing with someone who lacks consistance makes it harder to reach a high. As for smooth lead.....YES. We're there to dance, not get assaulted. A strong lead is different from getting jerked around. We can stand soft or strong leads but we like our shoulders to remain in the sockets.

5 ) How about their looks, appearance, dress, or cologne?

Being gorgous isn't a requirement. Good grooming is. Body oder and food caught in the teeth can be very distracting. A sloppy dressed leader tells me that if he doesn't care about his appearence, he probably won't care about me on the floor. Not always true, but first impressions...

6 ) Was it the first time you'd danced with this person or did you already know them? Can the same guy do this over and over again to you?

I continue to have wonderful dances with one lead in our scene. I didn't know him and our fist dance was fantasic. He takes care of me on teh floor, make sure no one bumps into me, pushes me above my level slightly and doesn't use safety moves all the time. He compliments me and tells me how fun I am to dance with. I have never had a bad dance with him, even on an off night.

7 ) Did they talk to you while you were dancing? If that makes a difference, what did they talk about. Did they compliment you a lot?

Depending on the scene and our mood we talk. Sometimes we don't say more than "care to dance". We talk about anything under the sun when we do talk. He always compliments me after every dance.

8 ) What other things played into the experience that had nothing to do with the guy?

We've become good friends. Anytime he learns something new that I might like, he teaches me (in a not social setting). He makes a point to get a dance in with me everynight. [/quote]

[randomMysh]

I'd say practically every time I danced with my (now ex) dance partner. Even when we did not get along at all off the dance floor, somehow it was all forgotten once we began dancing. For a year and a half.

* Looks are not important.

* Talking is not necessary. In fact, I'd say it's distracting.

* Bad hygiene is also distracting. A lot.

* Moves are not important. Well...maybe they are, I don't know what he's actually doing so I'm not aware whether or not I'm dancing some amazing moves. As far as I'm concerned, it's dancing! Although the best dances tended to be off the wall, being silly, experimenting and having fun kinds of things. This, of course, is a long-term partnership we're talking about here. Probably wouldn't be so good to try this if you've never danced with this person before.

* Eye contact is cruicial. Really focus on your partner. The best connections always happened when I felt that I was the only human being that existed for my partner at that point. Oh yeah, and smiling at her sometimes also helps. :)

* Of course, if you're that tuned in to her, you wouldn't jerk her around, yank her arms off or make her dance off time, or into other dancers. Right? 8) All of the above are so distracting that no matter how wonderful you are otherwise, you're probably not going to get that connection going if you do any of that.

*This is a long, (and bratty) list. I don't expect all of that. I definitely don't expect all of that done perfectly. But, if the guy I'm dancing with is even trying, it really shows. And I appreciate it a lot, even if the technique isn't always there, and even if he doesn't know a lot of steps.
Hope this helps.
Great topic, BTW. Shows you are a thoughful leader--the girls in your scene are really lucky to have you, CBYB!

[elegance]

I've had some great dances like this and they very often are with the same people. My favorites are with guys who take the time to establish a connection at the beginning, in the first few bars. That way they can lead things slightly above your level, but take you with them! (i often find if they jump right in at 200mph, it's way harder to follow). Sexy moves aren't important, although can be fun with the right person, it's more just relaxation and connection.

Ok, dancing ability isn't crucially important, but for me being able to follow the beat is. As was said above, consistently off beat isn't as bad as randomly, it's really stressful to try and follow people who are randomly off!!

Looks aren't important, and I luckily never danced with anyone with bad hygiene! Talking isn't important either (a smile at beginning and end is nice though).

Other things that feed into the experience? If it's a song I really like, good atmosphere, and enough space on the dance floor- that's perfect.

[ReneeJoan]

I'll do my best here. The most memorable, treasured dances were the ones where I allowed the madness of Dionysus to descend, and when I surrendered to it completely. A lot of things go into creating that experience.

Scent is probably the first one -- I notice how a man smells. In fact, I would say I know the names of less than half the men I've danced with. But I can recognize them blindfolded by the rich scent of their cologne. Smelling clean, wearing fine cologne, wearing clean clothes (even if you have to bring a change of shirts), having clean hands that are not sticky, clean breath (have a carrot or two before the Altoids for extra insurance), clean hair, etc. All the stuff your mother tried to tell you. If you want a dead on center honest opinion, though, ask your sister.

Touch is the next -- I pick up on so many things the moment a man touches my hands. His confidence, his gentleness, his fire and passion, his love of dancing.

The dance embrace -- should be tender and loving, gentle, but not tentative. The way you'd hold a baby. You can't squeeze the baby, but neither can you frighten it by making it feel insecure. Don't embrace me like you're afraid of me. I enter a man's embrace ready to give him everything I have and everything I am as a woman, as an artist, and as a dancer. Be ready to receive that, and be ready to give it back to me, withholding nothing.

Eye contact is a 50-50 toss up. Men are so different. Some communicate their fire and passion with their eyes. Some with their bodies. Some only with their souls. If I look down into your soul, then look back. But if I don't, then talk to me some other way. Trust me, I'm listening with every sense available.

Technique -- do what you know how to do the best you know how to do. It doesn't have to be fancy or complicated. Just do it well. Maintain your own balance. Don't rely on me to hold you up. Keep your weight centered over your own feet. Don't pull me off my feet trying to dance closer. Just invite me into your embrace. I'll come in as close as I feel comfortable, so respect that. It doesn't mean I don't like to dance closer. It may mean I just need some space to be able to maintain my own balance and center. Some movements require more clearance than others. As a woman, I carry a wider load than you do. Keep your frame active. It's how you talk to me. If the phone line is down, I can't hear you.

Energy. Let the energy flow. I'll catch your fire and send it back to you.

Expressiveness. Listen to the music, and to my body, to what I'm telling you. Tell me something back. Give the music a body so it can live.

Jurgen -- Magical beyond description. I won't even try to analyze this one.

Maxmillian -- the first time we ever danced, he complimented me on my expressiveness and passion, and gave it back to me in spades. He's always so gentle, so kind, so easy to trust. He NEVER CRITICIZES.

Oscar -- a tender, gentle embrace, a creative dancer, skilled, clean, pristine technique, listens and plays with me.

Michael -- an e-ticket ride. "Are you ready to play?" is his way of inviting me to dance.

Felix -- he's my teacher. The first time I danced an entire number without faults was the happiest day of my life.

Lars -- just a delight. He LOVES dancing with me.

Gerhardt -- fun, playful, never critical, always seems pleased to dance with me.

Zafiris -- another one I don't want to spoil by analyzing too much.

Pepe -- cried and kissed me and didn't dance with me again for months.

Gyora -- Different, but one of my favorites. I'm not sure if I can explain why.

Don -- clear, gentle indications, feeds on my fire and gives it back big-time

The worst thing a man can do is criticize. When I've given him everything, and he criticizes it, a little piece of me just dies inside. On the other hand, knowing that my partner has enjoyed himself, that it was as nice for him as he made it for me, means more to me that anything!!

I hope this helps. It's pretty personal and specific to me.

[mamboqueen]

Hmm....I don't have a whole lot to say, other than I really *enjoy* dancing with someone who just seems like he's having a lot of fun, and not trying too hard. I don't enjoy it when I look at the guy and he's kinda staring up into the sky trying to figure out what move to do next. Easier said than done for some guys, especially those new to dancing, but I just enjoy dancing with someone who seems to be having fun.

[mamboqueen]

Geez, RJ, did you really dance with guys with those names??? Looks like you go to the International House of Dancing!

[ReneeJoan]

Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean, Los Angeles IS pretty cosmopolitan, but it is pretty skewed towards central Europeans. And I didn't even mention the Russians, Poles and Ukrainians. Why am I blushing all of a sudden? I'm proud that these men enjoyed dancing with me!!

[mamboqueen]

Well, I think it's kinda neat. I grew up in a very mixed environment (outside Manhattan); my current homestead is a little less diverse, unfortunately. I guess it must be kind of neat to experience the different dancing styles that come from various countries.

[ReneeJoan]

It is. It's like talking to someone with an accent. It's part of their charm, part of what make them special. And it really keeps me on my toes as a dancer, because a lot of these men learned how to dance in other places, so they don't know all the standard moves of the Los Angeles tangueros, so I can't anticipate what they're going to do and really have to listen very carefully. Jurgen (top of the list) said the same thing. He dances all over the world, and says that he has learned to accept that everyone is different and to just relax and feel his partner while dancing, which I guess is part of why he was so special to dance with.

[Swingolder]

The most memorable? One night, the young man (the age of my kids!) who gives my dh and I private lessons asked me to dance. I usually dance with him once an evening if we are at the same place, but this night, he must really have been in an up mood because it was the greatest feeling. It was a west coast and he made me feel like I was a real dancer! He knows, of course, what I can and can't do, but he led moves that just had me knowing exactly what to do.

And he really made me feel that HE WAS ENJOYING the dance even though he is 100 times a better dancer than I am. I was just so pleased that I was beaming when we were done!

So not a very wordy answer but it was how HE made ME feel that was so great!