Confessing your Dancefloor Crush

[Lockstep]

Two nights ago, I had a very interesting night.

For sometime now, I've been having a crush on my salsa dance partner - should be familiar to many here on DF. We've been good friends for quite a while, and have been hanging out together.

Anyway, she came by two nights ago. We had dinner, then played some music together, talked and stuff till 3 am, then watched a movie till 5 am,...and then I gathered up my courage (the bottle of wine helped) and told her how I was kinda falling in love with her...

I wasn't expecting a similar declaration from her - was pretty sure it was just friendship from her side, but I felt kinda guilty about her not-knowing, cuz we were getting quite cosy and all.

Anyways, I was mortally affraid that would be the end of our friendship...rather opposite seems to have happened. She in fact doesn't seem to mind to much...she simply kinda grabbed me and hugged me and we sat talking for another hour or so. Then she kept me company throughout the rest of the night and we slept together (in literal sense, not sexually!), which I found really sweet...got this really sweet email today, 'im here for you if you need me' type of thing...as far as these type of things go, she was pretty good at it i'd say.

So...we kinda seem to be even better friends than before...am really happy with this type of intimate friendship. guess I'll just try to think of her in a brother-sister type of thing...has kinda worked before :)

am usually pretty shy so rather proud and relieved i finally managed to tell her...glad she was so, hmm, adult about it. it helped that she went through a similar episode a while ago i suppose...

so...any similar experiences from any of you? all of you with dancefloor crushes....you been keeping it secret from him or her...? planning to tell her? and if you did...what happened?

[dTas]

Ahhhhh! love in bloom! what a wonderful feeling!

had the same thing happen to me a few times... actually 3. different situation each time but same result... ended up dating each person for 3+ years and mutually talked about marriage.

first two didn't work out but hey! third time's a charm!! 2 weeks and counting!!! Hawaii here we come!

[Lockstep]

hmm...was the just-love-from-side-and-friendship-from-hers bit of my story clear...? no love-in-bloom i fear...

[Vince A]

so...any similar experiences from any of you? all of you with dancefloor crushes....you been keeping it secret from him or her...? planning to tell her? and if you did...what happened?
Yep . . . for two years . . . then we danced . . . a "Cowboy Cha Cha" . . . we danced as friends for a year . . . then we went out . . . we married 4 years later!

[dTas]

hmm...was the just-love-from-side-and-friendship-from-hers bit of my story clear...? no love-in-bloom i fear...

"blooming"... may not be there but every romantic love develops out of a close intimate relationship.

[Lockstep]

hmm i wish but i doubt it :) had a very intimate friendship as well a while ago but that in fact went sour and nasty...

with this latest crush, the condition of our continued friendship is kinda that i'm not gonna 'try and get her' anymore...i mean, thats the only way this type of thing is gonna work...

besides, in your examples i imagine both of you considered eachother friends and then together gradually switched to thinking of one another as romantic partners eh? different in my case...its just me being in love!

[MacMoto]

It doesn't mean this friendship will also go sour or she won't develop any feelings beyond friendship over time. Don't forget that every person is different, which means every relationship is also different. Don't project your past experiences on this relationship.

Has the "don't try and get her" rule been set by her or you? Respect her wishes by all means, but be honest to your feelings too.

Good luck -- I wish you all the best. :friend:

[ReneeJoan]

Dear Lockstep:

Your story gives me hope. As my teacher is always telling me, don't "push the river." Just let your friendship with this woman grow naturally as it will, without trying to force it one direction or another. It will be what it will be -- enjoy it for what it is.

I have several of these non-sexual dance relationships with some of my tango men-friends -- and these friendships are so sweet, so intimate, so special that I really don't have a word for them. Yes, they are all bound up with the romance and passion of the tango, and the soul-to-soul communion of dance, so there's all this stuff all smish-smashed up together, but they are not sexual relationships.

Maybe someday, the "real deal" magic will happen for me, too.

[gte692h]

am usually pretty shy so rather proud and relieved i finally managed to tell her...glad she was so, hmm, adult about it. it helped that she went through a similar episode a while ago i suppose...

so...any similar experiences from any of you? all of you with dancefloor crushes....you been keeping it secret from him or her...? planning to tell her? and if you did...what happened?

dear lockstep,
considering you are admittedly shy, it took a lot of strength to do what you did. Rejection is tough for a guy, and especially when you put yourself out on the line like that. put this episode behind you, and move on. Once you fall for the next girl, you'll forget about this episode !

In my experience, once a girl has declared 'friendship', there isn't much there except friendship. So please don't take this badly, but I wouldn't harbour any hopes of romance here. Move on (emotionally) as quickly as possible.

[Lockstep]

Has the "don't try and get her" rule been set by her or you? Respect her wishes by all means, but be honest to your feelings too.

she mentioned thats how she dealt with it the last time it happened to her, and it sounded like a fair deal to me...mutual consent i'd say :)

---

Thanks Renee. glad to hear im not the only one going through this type of thing! and yes, it is wonderful nevertheless!

---

In my experience, once a girl has declared 'friendship', there isn't much there except friendship. So please don't take this badly, but I wouldn't harbour any hopes of romance here. Move on (emotionally) as quickly as possible.

my thoughts exactly...maybe we're both pessimists...we'll see...until that time, i'll be grateful for all the comfort and joyful times we're sharing as friends..as i said, i never really expected more, so im really not that devastated or feel rejected. to feel rejected you first need to feel accepted you know :)

i'll be fine :) was just hoping for some more similar stories...thanks for your support though... and the hugs :friend:

[delamusica]

Well, however it works out in the long run, bravo to you for saying how you feel - you've got a lot more guts than I do!

[etchuck]

I agree. At least it's out in the open, and she didn't freak out.

[Sagitta]

Yes. It is important to oneself to be open, to say it as it is. :)

[new-ish]

guts?

aaaarghhh!!!!!

:? :? :?

[new-ish]

okay, okay...

since this is confession time, I met a beautiful woman on the dance floor and someone else gave me her cell phone #...

[SalsaAmore]

It's a beautiful thing what just happened here. Don't dwell on a relationship with this girl, but don't forget about it either. Live your own life. Just do your own things and stay friends with her. Just the fact that she was willing to stay up with you all night and accompany you says she likes your company, maybe just platonically for now.

You both sound like you are really nice people. Many times great friendships make the best relationships. She may not have feelings now like someone else said, but it doesn't mean she will not. Especially, when you don't give her as much attention as usual, do your own thing, stay her friend and date other people. It might just turn her head and dare I say her heart around. We human beings are weird creatures. Once we don't have the attention we once had, we feel somethings missing and crave it or need it. Don't mean to sound like this should be a game. But from the little you have mentioned, it seems she's on the border. And with time, it's hard to tell how she will feel in the future.

[newbie]

Happened to me twice with dance partners whom I knew and danced with for a long time (kindda smooth progressive crush). The first simply ignored it, we keep dancing together when we meet, except she's keeping me "at range" when we dance (with most guys she will usually dance close). The second girl was more direct: "Don't want to cause you any sorrow, but just abandon every hope."
Tough lessons, but proved useful later, three times, when dance partners made a similar confession to me.

[squirrel]

:) Well, let me tell you a story:

My current SO was not what I would call a guy I am attracted to... He is most certainly not my type...

At one point (we'd known each other for about 1 year already and were going Salsa dancing regularly) he sort of told me he was interested. I had a crush on another dancer, and I really didn't like him as a man (just as a person) and I told him so... So there he goes, tells me he wants us to remain friends, that he is sorry and he won't mention it again etc...

He sprt of kept his word, in the sense that sometimes, very rarely, in conversation, he would say something that reminded me of his interest, but nothing offensive or threatening, just jokes... I would tell him to go to hell and that would be it!

Unfortunately (or fortunately) he is a very good reader of women's minds... so what he did was to make me accept him close to me, as a friend and confessor (imagine I would tell him about the other guys I liked and he would give me good advice - he was always right) and thus got me to relax... I started to be comfortable in his arms because he would never ever try to "feel me up" no matter how much I would flirt... he would just hold me and look calm... so I was comfortable... :) The more comfortable I was, the more I relaxed... I started to forget that I was not attracted by him, that he was not my type... and one night, when he started flirting with me, I got interested suddenly... next day we were together! :)

Oh, and the funniest part was I knew his style...! He had already told me what methods he used and I had also seen him in action! With other girls...! :) Still, I fell for it!

So, if you really like your crush, and think you can handle physical and mentaly intimacy without losing your mind (and without getting on the sexual and threatening level) and if you are a patient person... in time (not so long, I think) she might become interested... ;)

[Twilight_Elena]

Dancefloor crushes are so common (and even more so here in DF) that someone (the mods?) should "sticky" the best, biggest thread on them!
Spoken before about romance on the dancefloors. Personally, I don't think most of my crushes are caused by actual feelings, but by the light, the music, the body contact, etc. And since it's not actual feeling, it's not really worth mentioning to anyone but my friend who's usually very helpful with DC's (dancefloor crushes :P ). If I actually crush on someone and like him even without the dance element, I'll let ya know. :D

Twilight Elena

[Lockstep]

hmm...we went salsa dancing together yesterday, after my confession two days ago...amazing...cant describe it but we connected even more than before...weird.

anyway, thanks for all the kind words! ill keep you updated!

[Lockstep]

Ok, an update, cuz I need your advice

Since my last messages, things have become even more confusing for me. We now see/dance with eachother some 3-4 times a week or so, and about two times a week she comes by, or we have dinner, go out or do something similar.

We've also become much more intimate still. Both emotionally, we've been discussing some pretty damn personal stuff, and physically too (massages etc).

What does this mean...? It may be a cultural difference and that she really is very comfortable with this relationship, but surely she knows what is going on in my head meanwhile...?

My friends are telling me to 'go for it', next time there's 'a moment'...and we constantly seem to be having these moments but I've been reluctant to act on them cuz, well, back then a couple of weeks ago was told not to,...but then again, things seem to have changed.

If i can get my guts together, I'd love to 'go for it', but I'm terrified of being wrong, betraying her trust and screwing things up...

Nasty thing is it's difficult to 'probe', (like by caressing her hand before kissing or so), cuz we already do all that stuff, so the only next step available is to kiss, which might end up nasty

Advice plz!

[Rosa]

Lockstep, I'd go for it. Some wise person - I forget who - said " It's not the things you do you regret, it's the things you don't do." Sounds to me as if you and your partner are intimate enough already that, if you do go for it and it doesn't work out, it won't spoil your friendship/dance partnership.

Even if you go for it and it doesn't work out, remember that the universe might have a higher plan, like teaching you something important from the experience.

Next time you're doing something intimate like having a massage, stroking hands or whatever, just lean over and go for a very gentle, brief kiss. Whether she responds or not, at least you'll have your answer.

Best of luck, Lockstep. As Twilight Elena said, this is very common. Most of us have been there, and can sympathise.

Rosa :)

[Vin]

1) You can go for it and if she doesn't respond you should walk away from the relationship. If she rejects your kiss then you need to get away from the situation that is driving you crazy.

2) You can become suddenly unavailable to her. Let her miss you.

3) You can start dating other women.

4) Start having her do favors for you.

You have more options than these but these are the ones that jump to my mind. Good luck.

[mamboqueen]

Why don't you just ask her how she feels about you?

I can't imagine I'd let a guy massage me and get as intimate as you two are if I didn't feel something towards the guy. If she doesn't, respond, then go with Vin's #1.

[Sagitta]

She definitely feels something.

In one of my relationships we get pretty intimate in some ways, more so then other people would consider normal just for "good friends", but we know what we are with each other as we communicate cleraly and honestly.

[Vin]

Why don't you just ask her how she feels about you?

I can't imagine I'd let a guy massage me and get as intimate as you two are if I didn't feel something towards the guy. If she doesn't, respond, then go with Vin's #1.

If every woman that I gave a massage to(or massaged me) was interested in me then . . .

Hold on I got some calls to make.

But seriously something like that is not a definite indicator of anything. With some girls/women it may be but in general some people are more comfortable with recieving that sort of attention.

[Lockstep]

Why don't you just ask her how she feels about you?

I can't imagine I'd let a guy massage me and get as intimate as you two are if I didn't feel something towards the guy. If she doesn't, respond, then go with Vin's #1.

If every woman that I gave a massage to(or massaged me) was interested in me then . . .

Hold on I got some calls to make.

But seriously something like that is not a definite indicator of anything. With some girls/women it may be but in general some people are more comfortable with recieving that sort of attention.

exactly...now which of the two categories does she belong to...hmmm...well, so far...the 'go for it' advice (both here/friends/myself) seems to be winning....argh. terrified. :)

[Vin]

The main issue Lockstep is not whether she is interested in you or not.

The main issue is whether you are prepared to deal with the consequences of whatever her response may be. Once you understand that then the decision will be clear.

[Lockstep]

Im not...but neither am i prepared to live with the consequences of my inaction!

[Rosa]

I can't imagine I'd let a guy massage me and get as intimate as you two are if I didn't feel something towards the guy.

I know what you mean, mamboqueen. But all of us are different. There are people who desperately want to go further in a relationship but, try as they may, they can't... there are people who just play games and know that they won't ever go any further... then there are all the gradations in between...

I'm not saying Lockstep's dance partner falls into any of these categories. It's difficult to know where a person is coming from when you've only read about them on the Internet.

I agree with clear communication being the key. But communication can be either physical or mental. I recommended trying a gentle, brief kiss, and maybe that's just me, and what I would personally prefer. But, from what Lockstep has said about massages, stroking hands etc, it seems as though his partner is the tactile type, too. So I'm inclined to agree with you that she does feel something.

The kiss will tell.. and if not, there's still Vin's #1...

Rosa :)

[Sabor]

did some one say 'massage' :twisted:

[Lockstep]

did some one say 'massage' :twisted:

yes...including oil btw...how so? got a good story to share there?

[Rosa]

did some one say 'massage' :twisted:

Yeah, lover boy! :twisted:

[Vin]

Lockstep you two had oil included in the massage? Who brought it, that's a whole different situation than I was imagining.

Did you do it by candlelight as well?

[Lockstep]

Were having a drink after having spent the day (she comes over to play at the piano here), had dinner, etc. Were sitting on couch, watching movie. She was complaining about muscle ache, so I offered massage, first started neck but then kinda didnt feel like stopping yet (:P) so went on with the rest and so on, so she stripped out of her shirt and so on (yes, she had underwear on lol)..after a while added the oil (im pretty good at massages so i always keep some around)...afterwards watched movie, her lying in my arms, quite cozy, but we already used to do that. was nice evening in all!

[Vin]

Next time she is in your arms watching a movie just start, don't go with a straight on kiss right away, start by kissing the back of her neck and slowly make your way to kissing her mouth.

[mamboqueen]

Okay....you're ready for the liplock. Go for it.

I didn't know about the oil....lubrication kinda changes things *LOL*

[Lockstep]

sigh, ok. maybe 2night, after salsa...we'll see...ive waited for months, can wait a bit longer i suppose...

[mamboqueen]

Good...you're what, 6-7 hours ahead of us, so we should know before bed time, east coast, right??!!

Good luck. And don't forget the mouthwash!

[Vin]

If things go real well we won't find out until tomorrow.

[mamboqueen]

Heh heh.....I don't know if we'll be able to pry that all out of him.

I wonder if Lockstep is busy locking lips....

[Rosa]

Next time she is in your arms watching a movie just start, don't go with a straight on kiss right away, start by kissing the back of her neck and slowly make your way to kissing her mouth.

Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Rosa :)

[Vin]

Next time she is in your arms watching a movie just start, don't go with a straight on kiss right away, start by kissing the back of her neck and slowly make your way to kissing her mouth.

Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Rosa :)

It's just you baby,

[gte692h]

Were having a drink after having spent the day (she comes over to play at the piano here), had dinner, etc. Were sitting on couch, watching movie. She was complaining about muscle ache, so I offered massage, first started neck but then kinda didnt feel like stopping yet (:P) so went on with the rest and so on, so she stripped out of her shirt and so on (yes, she had underwear on lol)..after a while added the oil (im pretty good at massages so i always keep some around)...afterwards watched movie, her lying in my arms, quite cozy, but we already used to do that. was nice evening in all!

buddy, I sincerely hope that what I am going to say is wrong, but here goes:

i have a feeling you're being played. like rosa said, i dont' know what's going on from evidence over the internet, but any woman with class or integrity would not string you along like this. so what is she doing sending you mixed signals ? sure she's seeing you three/four nights a week, letting you give her massages. but consider what happened around Feb 25th ! Didn't she make it pretty clear that she only saw you as a friend ?
she's using you for the attention man. you're the male girlfriend here. i hate to sound rude and harsh, but I've been in a situation where I was strung along for months by a girl, and I had myself to blame. I refused to see reality. some women just love the attention, and you're more than happy to give it to her. Go ahead, move in for the kiss, and get this done with. She'll most likely draw back and say, 'We're just friends'.

If I were you, I'd stop seeing her for atleast a couple of weeks. don't make yourself so available. see how she reacts. I honestly feel you're being blinded by your emotions. take a break from all this and get some fresh air and new perspective. You probably hate me for writing all this, but I just have to say it.

If i'm wrong about all of this, believe me, I would be really happy for you.
take care

[africana]

very smart advice gte692h!

[Lockstep]

unfortunately, no good opportunity tonight. we went down to her place after salsa, she made me dinner, but then all her housemates (some of whom i also know) decided to have a get-together, argh...

got perfect opportunity coming up soon though end of week-ish, so bear with me for a while...

thanks for all the advice though...u might be right gte, but then again u may not be,...and only way to get out of the dillema i feel is to give it a go...

[Sagitta]

si..si

oui..oui

Important to be proactive. :)

[Medira]

Better to know for sure than to be stuck wondering "...what if?"

Best of luck! *fingers crossed*

[GalacticDancer44M]

Were having a drink after having spent the day (she comes over to play at the piano here), had dinner, etc. Were sitting on couch, watching movie. She was complaining about muscle ache, so I offered massage, first started neck but then kinda didnt feel like stopping yet (:P) so went on with the rest and so on, so she stripped out of her shirt and so on (yes, she had underwear on lol)..after a while added the oil (im pretty good at massages so i always keep some around)...afterwards watched movie, her lying in my arms, quite cozy, but we already used to do that. was nice evening in all!

buddy, I sincerely hope that what I am going to say is wrong, but here goes:

i have a feeling you're being played. like rosa said, i dont' know what's going on from evidence over the internet, but any woman with class or integrity would not string you along like this. so what is she doing sending you mixed signals ? sure she's seeing you three/four nights a week, letting you give her massages. but consider what happened around Feb 25th ! Didn't she make it pretty clear that she only saw you as a friend ?
she's using you for the attention man. you're the male girlfriend here. i hate to sound rude and harsh, but I've been in a situation where I was strung along for months by a girl, and I had myself to blame. I refused to see reality. some women just love the attention, and you're more than happy to give it to her. Go ahead, move in for the kiss, and get this done with. She'll most likely draw back and say, 'We're just friends'.

If I were you, I'd stop seeing her for atleast a couple of weeks. don't make yourself so available. see how she reacts. I honestly feel you're being blinded by your emotions. take a break from all this and get some fresh air and new perspective. You probably hate me for writing all this, but I just have to say it.

If i'm wrong about all of this, believe me, I would be really happy for you.
take care


This could very well be true. If at all possible, move in for the kiss and make it the most passionate one she's ever had and I'm sure you'll be hearing back from her. :wink:

[Kuriin]

I've had a crush on my dance teacher for quite some time now (One year or two?), and we haven't done much. I mean, we've talked about relationships, and he is fully aware of me wanting him. We kissed in his car after we had dinner after class.

He doesn't want me though. :cry: :cry: Oh well. I still love his dance technique and his humor.

[Big10]

Lockstep, I'm definitely leaning toward the conclusion reached by gte692h -- even though I hope both of us are wrong!!! I don't think the woman has any bad intentions, but I just don't think it has clicked in her mind that your heart hasn't accepted her response from a couple of weeks ago. It doesn't make sense to me that a woman would sleep with you (even non-sexually), take off her shirt in front of you, and cuddle with you for a movie -- yet still be so timid as not to initiate a kiss of her own if she has truly changed her mind.

In any event, I'm eagerly awaiting the resolution of your predicament, since it might give me some insight into a current situation of my own. 8) My situation doesn't yet involve any late-night cuddling or oil massages :lol: , but just a rapid escalation of the time I'm spending with one particular woman. There hasn't even been a discussion yet about what we might be heading towards....although that type of discussion might become necessary soon (i.e., within the next couple of weeks).... :?:

[wuthering]

He doesn't want me though. :cry: :cry: Oh well. I still love his dance technique and his humor.

How do you know he doesn't want you? Maybe there's still a chance, but IMO, don't try to be too eager and too available for him. If you play easy to get, it might not be very interesting to him.

[wuthering]

Lockstep, my 2 cents... The housemate get-together might have been on purpose. I mean she must have known about it and then she could have chosen some place less crowded. (I had a similiar thing back in my dating days, when a guy frequently asked me out, and when things got serious, he would always come with a friend. I didn't understand first, but it was because he was in the process of breaking up with his ex and his friend being there prevented us getting intimate during our dates.) So maybe he wanted you to slow down. Next time don't let her choose the settings.

You should make the situation clear by going for the kiss.

An other thing: women often say no at first and then accept the guy a few days/weeks later. It's a defence mechanism, and is not directed against the guys.

[Lockstep]

Lockstep, my 2 cents... The housemate get-together might have been on purpose. I mean she must have known about it and then she could have chosen some place less crowded. (I had a similiar thing back in my dating days, when a guy frequently asked me out, and when things got serious, he would always come with a friend. I didn't understand first, but it was because he was in the process of breaking up with his ex and his friend being there prevented us getting intimate during our dates.) So maybe he wanted you to slow down. Next time don't let her choose the settings.

hehe no this was different. her place is simply too small not to have housemate get-togethers lol :) patience, patience...

and, hey, its hardly fair for her to come over all the time and me never going there eh

[Twilight_Elena]

Lockstep--
Perhaps all the physical contact and cuddling is innocent? You're her dance partner, maybe she's trying to feel more comfortable with her body in your arms. Or perhaps it's her way of showing that you're in a very intimate friendship. She has already "rejected" you, so perhaps going for it will give her the wrong impression that you're betraying her trust and intimacy.
Oh well. She might have feelings for you, I admit. I'd try asking her first, if I were you. You know... when the atmosphere is right, you could throw a small hint question, touch her, look into her eyes... If she seems like she's reciprocating, you can go ahead and kiss the lass senseless!

Twilight Elena

[wuthering]

This coming over to the guy's / girl's place is interesting. In some cultures it definitely means that there will be more going on. Now that I live in France, I can hardly imagine inviting a guy spend the night at my place because it would imply that I want more.

In different circumstances I've done this with a Dutch friend though, without the massage part :) Boy, did that make my French BF jealous :twisted:

[Kuriin]

He doesn't want me though. :cry: :cry: Oh well. I still love his dance technique and his humor.

How do you know he doesn't want you? Maybe there's still a chance, but IMO, don't try to be too eager and too available for him. If you play easy to get, it might not be very interesting to him.

He's already said I'm too young and that he doesn't date dancers. ;o

[Lockstep]

This coming over to the guy's / girl's place is interesting. In some cultures it definitely means that there will be more going on. Now that I live in France, I can hardly imagine inviting a guy spend the night at my place because it would imply that I want more.

In different circumstances I've done this with a Dutch friend though, without the massage part :) Boy, did that make my French BF jealous :twisted:

doesnt mean that much around here

[Lockstep]

Lockstep--
I'd try asking her first, if I were you. You know... when the atmosphere is right, you could throw a small hint question, touch her, look into her eyes... If she seems like she's reciprocating, you can go ahead and kiss the lass senseless!

Twilight Elena

thats the plan, yep

[pygmalion]

Good luck, guy. gte692h may be right. But he may be wrong. And, just in case he's wrong, you've gotta go for it. Good luck.

(Incidentally, I've never voluntarily removed clothing alone in a guy's presence unless I meant business ... the romantic kind, of course. :wink: :D )

Seriously. Good luck. 8)

[Larinda McRaven]

He's already said I'm too young and that he doesn't date dancers. ;o

but he doesn't mid kissing them...
I'd say there is something not so quite right going on here.
By the way how old are you?

[pygmalion]

I've had a crush on my dance teacher for quite some time now (One year or two?), and we haven't done much. I mean, we've talked about relationships, and he is fully aware of me wanting him. We kissed in his car after we had dinner after class.

He doesn't want me though. :cry: :cry: Oh well. I still love his dance technique and his humor.

I'm with Larinda. Your dance teacher has no business kissing you. Period. Telling you you're too young and that he doesn't date dancers just compounds his wrong-ness by sending you mixed signals. Stay away from this guy. Bad news, IMO, especially if you're young.

[Sagitta]

He doesn't want me though. :cry: :cry: Oh well. I still love his dance technique and his humor.

How do you know he doesn't want you? Maybe there's still a chance, but IMO, don't try to be too eager and too available for him. If you play easy to get, it might not be very interesting to him.

He's already said I'm too young and that he doesn't date dancers. ;o

Now I have a gf but I have clearly stated where I stand on our relationship and she is now in total agreement with me...and my situation maybe considered weirder then yours...but then the age thing is important too...we both are consensting adults....

[Vin]

????????I missed something????????????

[Sagitta]

????????I missed something????????????

What?

[Lockstep]

????????I missed something????????????

What?

just my thread being hijacked...ill have to get some news soon to get it back :)

[pygmalion]

Of course I, personally, am dying to know. But whatever happens is personal. So only share what you feel comfortable sharing, okay?

(and I counted two hijacks, not just one. :roll: :lol: )

[Kuriin]

He's already said I'm too young and that he doesn't date dancers. ;o

but he doesn't mid kissing them...
I'd say there is something not so quite right going on here.
By the way how old are you?

He's 37 and I'm 19, hehe. I can sorta understand the "too young" by me not being mature enough. Who knows. :roll: :roll:

He also just (this sunday) offered me a job for upcoming sunday to run the theatre that he's having a performance in, well, just to help out. From 3 to 10. It'll be nice. I like being around him.

[pygmalion]

I'm not going to comment on the age difference. Relationships with big age gaps work all the time. 8)

What doesn't work for me in this scenario is the whole kissing-the-dance-teacher thingie, in light of the fact he's told you he's unavailable. In my view, since he's the 37-year old AND the teacher, he's bound to a higher standard of professional ethics. He needs to keep his lips to himself, IMO.

Now, if you and he were pursuing a romantic relationship, that'd be different, IMO, although I'd still have some misgivings. In this situation? Grr.

[GalacticDancer44M]

He's got your heart right in the palm of his hand. There's a song that goes "the owner of a lonely heart is better than the owner of a broken heart". I'd hate to see you get you're heart broken and have to carry that with you the rest of your life. Save your heart for something more real. IMHO

[Kuriin]

I'm not going to comment on the age difference. Relationships with big age gaps work all the time. 8)

What doesn't work for me in this scenario is the whole kissing-the-dance-teacher thingie, in light of the fact he's told you he's unavailable. In my view, since he's the 37-year old AND the teacher, he's bound to a higher standard of professional ethics. He needs to keep his lips to himself, IMO.

Now, if you and he were pursuing a romantic relationship, that'd be different, IMO, although I'd still have some misgivings. In this situation? Grr.

Well, he's not so much as my "teacher" anymore. He used to teach at my college, but now he doesn't. I still take his classes regularly out of college, because like I said before, his humor, technique, and just being around him makes me happy.

Regardless if anything happens between us - which I'm sure nothing will - I'll still be there taking his classes and being his friend.

[pygmalion]

Yeah. :? 8) I respect that. Be his friend, by all means. Just make sure you're being your own friend too, okay? 8)

[Sagitta]

Yeah. :? 8) I respect that. Be his friend, by all means. Just make sure you're being your own friend too, okay? 8)
ditto. :)

[wuthering]

just my thread being hijacked...ill have to get some news soon to get it back :)

Nah, we're just keeping your thread warm till you come back with news :)

[Lockstep]

well, another long night with her. can't find words to describe it really...very pleasant for sure. didnt have the guts to kiss her as i kinda expected already, but, somehow, i'm also enjoying this too much. strange, can't describe it, but today i actually felt fairly satisfied with how we were doing...also more convinced that if it keeps going like this eventually it'll end up as a romance, simply too much connection etc going on. maybe that's why...feel less of a rush or so, and so, why risk things now? im babbling, cuz i dont understand myself anymore of course...guess i was simply thinking too much beforehand, doesn't work that way. today i was relaxed, and it was nice. if things happen, they'll happen...until that time, by god what a nice girl and good company. more late-night cuddling etc, rather pleasant, but atm also sufficient. hmm ok really don't get myself anymore... she'll be back tomorrow again, cuz we're working on some stuff of hers, hope will be equally nice. ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means.

[DancePoet]

Is this how it's always done in the Netherlands? :roll:

Why not at least give her a kiss on the cheek and see how she responds to that? ;)

[pygmalion]

It sounds like you're falling in love. Honest to goodness, I hope she is too. :friend:

It probably wouldn't hurt to try an innocent kiss or two, though. :wink: 8)

[GalacticDancer44M]

Glad to hear it's going well. I'd wait till you're real close with her and when she turns to face you, if you feel a connection thru her eyes pulling you in, then gently pull her into you and give her this passionate kiss she'll never forget.

Disclaimer: This is in my humble opinion, do your own due dilligence and good luck! :lol:

BTW, How did this dance forum turn into a how-to love forum? :lol: Not that I'm complaining, I might need some advice too down the road. :)

[pygmalion]

I need some advice now ... but I'm too old and ornery to ask. :oops: :lol: Besides, I don't want to hijack this thread. Better start my own. :lol: :lol:

And, btw, due diligence is a good way of putting it, IMO. 8) Do you know that old Smokey Robinson and the Miracles song? If she can need, she can want, if she can want, she can love. Sometimes love grows. :wink: :D

[GalacticDancer44M]

I need some advice now ... but I'm too old and ornery to ask. :oops: :lol: Besides, I don't want to hijack this thread. Better start my own. :lol: :lol:

And, btw, due diligence is a good way of putting it, IMO. 8) Do you know that old Smokey Robinson and the Miracles song? If she can need, she can want, if she can want, she can love. Sometimes love grows. :wink: :D

You're never too old for love :) The song doesn't ring a bell, but I'd probably know it if I heard it. Go ahead and start a new thread for love advice, maybe we can all learn something!

[Pacion]

Go ahead and start a new thread for love advice, maybe we can all learn something!

:shock: I hope you are not jaded GalaticDancer!!! :D

[gte692h]

ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means.



enjoy these moments, you won't forget them.
get some sleep ! also don't forget to eat, drink and shower ;)

[Lockstep]

ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means.



enjoy these moments, you won't forget them.
get some sleep ! also don't forget to eat, drink and shower ;)

argh its mainly my exams which are problematic... :roll:

[wuthering]

ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means.

I think you spend way too much time together for it not to work. IMO, go for it while it's still "hot". You can never know when the situation changes.

Good luck for your exams. Try to focus :)

[squirrel]

Do not hurry, I say... If you give it a go at the wrong time, you'll destroy everything!

Please be careful...

[Tasek]

DISCLAIMER: the following advice is given 'as is' without any type of warranty or guarantee, considering my dating history I should not be giving advice, but here goes anyway. And I will be blunt and direct, quite possibly bordering on or even becoming rude, apologies in advance if I offend anyone.


I think she's using you. Not in a calculated, mean spirited way (as it may sound) but more on a subconscious level, she knows that you like her, and as long as she keeps you thinking that someday the two of you might have something together, you will bestow heaps of attention and support on her (which are things almost all humans love).
You are on wrong side of this equation, not only are you not getting what you want, you are even rationalising it and thus continuing the situation without any clear indication that it will change for the better in the near future, now if I can take a few things from your last post:

...very pleasant for sure. didnt have the guts to kiss her as i kinda expected already, but, somehow, i'm also enjoying this too much
You want to kiss this girl, chicken out and you find this very pleasant (isn't that a polite of saying it sucked but i can't admit that), even enjoying it too much (sorry, but it doesn't seem as if it is giving you much enjoyment, or are you perhaps rationalising here?)
also more convinced that if it keeps going like this eventually it'll end up as a romance, simply too much connection etc going on. maybe that's why...feel less of a rush or so, and so, why risk things now?
Friendships can be very deep and intimate, almost as much as good relationships, but they are DIFFERENT things, right now you're her friend and not her boyfriend, the line will have to be crossed someday (at least you want it to be crossed), and the longer you wait the deeper you will be entrenched in the friend-zone, making it even harder to cross into the boy-friend zone, so risk it now.

Now looking from her side of the equation, as long as you don't change the situation or at least make very clear that this is not really working for you, she will not change it, she gets attention, care, love even, without her really investing anything in the interaction (not that those are things that need to be bought, but I believe that in a good relationship there should be a roughly equal amount of giving and taking, freely and willingly by both partners, right now you're doing all the giving), plus you are rationalising the situation and telling her that everything is alright, thus eliminating any reason for here to make a change.

Summary: It seems this interaction is not working for you, you are rationalising and continuing the situation, she has no incentive to change it, so you can now continue this hopeless endeavour, or try a change, even though this might involve you losing her.

DISCLAIMER: read stuff at the top of this post

Almost forgot, I do truly hope you can make something of this situation.

[Rosa]

I still say give the kiss a go. But be careful. 'Exploratory' is the watchword here. You're trying to find out how the land lies, not pushing things.

I agree with those who spoke about love. Sounds as if there's a lot of love there, on both sides. But love comes in different shapes and sizes.You have to think seriously about what kind of love you have for her, what kind of love she has for you, and whether there's any common ground there.

Sounds as if, from your most recent posts, you might be coming round to accepting things as they are and not looking for more. Or, you might really want to take things to the next level but be afraid of rejection. If it's the latter, well, you're not alone. We've all been rejected at one time or another, if not in love then in our studies, our creative endeavours... it happens. So what do you do? In the words of the song: "You pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again."

But you can't start all over again unless you realise that you need to start all over again.
Which is why my advice is to try for the kiss. At least then you'll know, and knowledge is power.

Good luck,

Rosa :)

[GalacticDancer44M]

Go ahead and start a new thread for love advice, maybe we can all learn something!

:shock: I hope you are not jaded GalaticDancer!!! :D


No, not yet. I'd like to find a good match and I'm always willing to improve. But, I'm also very content on where I'm at in life too and don't feel any sense of urgency that could place myself in a less than satisfactory relationship. But thank you for your concern! :D

[Sagitta]

well, another long night with her. can't find words to describe it really...very pleasant for sure. didnt have the guts to kiss her as i kinda expected already, but, somehow, i'm also enjoying this too much. strange, can't describe it, but today i actually felt fairly satisfied with how we were doing...also more convinced that if it keeps going like this eventually it'll end up as a romance, simply too much connection etc going on. maybe that's why...feel less of a rush or so, and so, why risk things now? im babbling, cuz i dont understand myself anymore of course...guess i was simply thinking too much beforehand, doesn't work that way. today i was relaxed, and it was nice. if things happen, they'll happen...until that time, by god what a nice girl and good company. more late-night cuddling etc, rather pleasant, but atm also sufficient. hmm ok really don't get myself anymore... she'll be back tomorrow again, cuz we're working on some stuff of hers, hope will be equally nice. ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means. I do cuddling with a friend and both of us have reached an agreement that wil be as far as it goes...so I can see where you are coming from Lockstep. :)

[Vin]

well, another long night with her. can't find words to describe it really...very pleasant for sure. didnt have the guts to kiss her as i kinda expected already, but, somehow, i'm also enjoying this too much. strange, can't describe it, but today i actually felt fairly satisfied with how we were doing...also more convinced that if it keeps going like this eventually it'll end up as a romance, simply too much connection etc going on. maybe that's why...feel less of a rush or so, and so, why risk things now? im babbling, cuz i dont understand myself anymore of course...guess i was simply thinking too much beforehand, doesn't work that way. today i was relaxed, and it was nice. if things happen, they'll happen...until that time, by god what a nice girl and good company. more late-night cuddling etc, rather pleasant, but atm also sufficient. hmm ok really don't get myself anymore... she'll be back tomorrow again, cuz we're working on some stuff of hers, hope will be equally nice. ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means.

I am not giving any more comments until you make a move. You had the perfect opportunity and you let it slip away.

[wuthering]

Let's try not to put too much pressure on his shoulders :wink:

[Sabor]

well, another long night with her. can't find words to describe it really...very pleasant for sure. didnt have the guts to kiss her as i kinda expected already, but, somehow, i'm also enjoying this too much. strange, can't describe it, but today i actually felt fairly satisfied with how we were doing...also more convinced that if it keeps going like this eventually it'll end up as a romance, simply too much connection etc going on. maybe that's why...feel less of a rush or so, and so, why risk things now? im babbling, cuz i dont understand myself anymore of course...guess i was simply thinking too much beforehand, doesn't work that way. today i was relaxed, and it was nice. if things happen, they'll happen...until that time, by god what a nice girl and good company. more late-night cuddling etc, rather pleasant, but atm also sufficient. hmm ok really don't get myself anymore... she'll be back tomorrow again, cuz we're working on some stuff of hers, hope will be equally nice. ah well, doubt you can make sense of any of this, but if you can, or want to give it a go, by all means. I do cuddling with a friend and both of us have reached an agreement that wil be as far as it goes...so I can see where you are coming from Lockstep. :)

strange.. it never works out that way for me.. we agree on just cuddles .. and b4 u know it.. well.. err.. ahem .. hmmm :shock: .. but i know its not my fault! :lol:

[Vin]

Let's try not to put too much pressure on his shoulders :wink:

On the contrary, I say let's, we shall force him into action. If he trys and fails that is one thing, but taking yourself out of the game . . .

[pygmalion]

You know what that Disney movie song says?

Kiss de girl!

As Rosa said, then you'll know.

[ReneeJoan]

Dear Lockstep:

Love is incredibly precious, incredibly rare. If you even THINK you've got the real deal that close in your hands, so close you could reach out and touch it, then seize hold of it with both hands and do not let go.

Yes, it's an incredible risk -- you could get totally smashed. But you'll never know if you don't try, and if you don't try, you'll always wonder, "What if . . . ."

If you win, you win. If you lose, your love and your heart are still an incredibly precious gift . . . but it sounds like that gift will not be mis-placed.

Love is the pearl of great price -- worth everything you have to pay to possess it.

Renee

[Lockstep]

Hello all,

have got news, and am struggling with it. could truly use some advice, suggestions, etc, but it's all a bit too personal to post publicly online. However, if you feel like being a listening ear, than send a PM, and I'll tell you some of what happened last night.

Lockstep

[pygmalion]

Hugs, Lockstep. :? :)

[Lockstep]

Thanks all,

your love, kindness and words of advice helped me out a lot...though for those who don't know the details, am not unhappy, merely shocked and surprised, and a bit unsure about how to move on...

Gracias

Tu Salsero Enamorado

[pygmalion]

You don't have to make any decisions today. Wait a bit, if you want. Your inner voice will tell you what to do, when it's ready. 8)

[Rosa]

Lockstep, I didn't PM you... call it the British stiff upper lip, or whatever.... and I haven't been on DF all that long so I didn't want to presume too much... but I'd be happy to hear what's going on with you right now. Just whatever you feel comfortable sharing.

Best of luck. My thoughts are with you.

Rosa :)

[LennJS]

Two nights ago, I had a very interesting night.

For sometime now, I've been having a crush on my salsa dance partner - should be familiar to many here on DF. We've been good friends for quite a while, and have been hanging out together.

Anyway, she came by two nights ago. We had dinner, then played some music together, talked and stuff till 3 am, then watched a movie till 5 am,...and then I gathered up my courage (the bottle of wine helped) and told her how I was kinda falling in love with her...

I wasn't expecting a similar declaration from her - was pretty sure it was just friendship from her side, but I felt kinda guilty about her not-knowing, cuz we were getting quite cosy and all.

Anyways, I was mortally affraid that would be the end of our friendship...rather opposite seems to have happened. She in fact doesn't seem to mind to much...she simply kinda grabbed me and hugged me and we sat talking for another hour or so. Then she kept me company throughout the rest of the night and we slept together (in literal sense, not sexually!), which I found really sweet...got this really sweet email today, 'im here for you if you need me' type of thing...as far as these type of things go, she was pretty good at it i'd say.

So...we kinda seem to be even better friends than before...am really happy with this type of intimate friendship. guess I'll just try to think of her in a brother-sister type of thing...has kinda worked before :)

am usually pretty shy so rather proud and relieved i finally managed to tell her...glad she was so, hmm, adult about it. it helped that she went through a similar episode a while ago i suppose...

so...any similar experiences from any of you? all of you with dancefloor crushes....you been keeping it secret from him or her...? planning to tell her? and if you did...what happened?

and then I gathered up my courage (the bottle of wine helped) and told her how I was kinda falling in love with her... ?!?!?!?!?!!?
What's wrong with you? Do you want to date her or be her brother type friend while she's dating other men? Slap yourself out of it!

Wow! You need major help in the area of female attraction. I don't have time to read this whole thread (7 pages...) But start by getting this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3149&item=5962847347

Please trust me on that one. In the mean time, don't spend all your time thinking about her and don't be calling her 12 times a day.
Good luck

[Lockstep]

and then I gathered up my courage (the bottle of wine helped) and told her how I was kinda falling in love with her... ?!?!?!?!?!!?
What's wrong with you? Do you want to date her or be her brother type friend while she's dating other men? Slap yourself out of it!

Wow! You need major help in the area of female attraction. I don't have time to read this whole thread (7 pages...) But start by getting this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3149&item=5962847347

Please trust me on that one. In the mean time, don't spend all your time thinking about her and don't be calling her 12 times a day.
Good luck

...? think u misunderstand...anyway, out of date now :)