A different kind of question... Yikes! [Archive]

b.b.

03-10-2005, 04:25 PM

Okay, this problem is a little bit embarassing, but I have to ask for your opinon/advice, so.... here it goes:

I started dancing International Standard couple of months ago and I just loved it in the beginning. However.... As I am preparing for the upcoming competition (my first one in ballroom- ever!) I started to work on that close body contact with my partner. We are particularly working on the Viennese Waltz and that inner-thigh-to-inner-thigh contact, but here's the problem. I am a tall girl (5'-9" without heels) and when I try to place my right foot in between my partner's feet I can feel, well, you know what area... :oops: :shock: :oops: :cry:
I know that standard dances should have that close body contact, but is it seriously supposed to be this close?!?!?!?
I get very uncomfortable with this and I don't know if I am doing something wrong. Could it be that I am not bending my knees enough to get that 'sitting in' feel?
This also happens to me in Tango when we go into the dips, and since my instructor tells me that I am doing them correctly, it can't be my foot position (I didn't have the guts to ask her about the little 'issue').
Do any of you girls out there have a similar problem? The competition is in less than five weeks, and I am becoming more and more uncomfortable about this dance! Help me!!! :?

Thank you all so much!

Yours truly,

B.B.

TemptressToo

03-10-2005, 05:01 PM

I think you'll eventually get over this. Don't focus on "what you touch," focus on the dance and what you have to do to compete well. The rest will fall into place.

b.b.

03-10-2005, 05:04 PM

So, in other words, this is a normal part of the dance, i.e. there is no 'cure'?

TemptressToo

03-10-2005, 05:06 PM

DancePoet

03-10-2005, 05:07 PM

Actually, I have exactly the opposite issue with my current partner. I'm 6'4" and she is 5'5", 5'7" 1/2 in heels. My leg moves right inbetween her legs, and we are regularly making small adjustments to this as we work oon our technique. It feels like the issue is alot about timing, and she and I find oursleves making various types of adjustments because of the height difference, and this involves communciation. Don't know this helps, but it is similar.

b.b.

03-10-2005, 05:12 PM

Yes, totally normal. It IS awkward at first...but you get used to it and pretty soon, it is a non-issue. I remember my first full body contact dances and now it doesn't matter either way. Just try to refocus your nervous energy about it.

Wow! :shock:
This is a bit surprising for me, but I guess I'll just have to get over it eventually! Or I'll just have to find a taller partner :D

TemptressToo

03-10-2005, 05:15 PM

I'm 5'7" without heels. There are a few people I dance with that are short enough doing underarm turns is tricky. I just ended up thinking, "well, that is how it is going to be, deal with it."

Eventually the sensation of "knowing" goes away. Sort of like when you smell something odd...after a while the olfactory senses turn it off.

elegance

03-10-2005, 05:17 PM

I'm tall as well, and often used to have this problem dancing with shorter guys. I think there is more than one thing that can cause this, but the most helpful thing for me was a)starting lower (legs flexed), and b) extending my leg fully before stepping onto it.

Unfortunately I don't know if I can fully explain this so it will help you, because there are certain stages that you go through with learning standard and I know I haven't gone through many! It actually took me two years to correct this (ok, not that long once I got into competing), but then I never specifically asked, and only realized when it was no longer happening. Maybe ask your teacher specifically about this?

elegance

03-10-2005, 05:22 PM

hmmm....reading everybody else's replies, maybe I've simply become immune!!! And current partner is 6 inches taller.

But the leg extending thing did help, definitely!

b.b.

03-10-2005, 06:01 PM

I think there is more than one thing that can cause this, but the most helpful thing for me was a)starting lower (legs flexed), and b) extending my leg fully before stepping onto it.

I will try doing these next time I go to the studio. Thank you!

cl5814

03-10-2005, 06:07 PM

b.b.. i have often wondered about the same thing, i have just never asked anyone about it. so, now i can thank you for asking.
thanks to everybody for replying to this.

Laura

03-10-2005, 06:16 PM

Wait, you can feel the guy's manhood via his inner thigh when you're dancing Standard? Is he wearing boxer shorts??

I've got to tell you -- I've been dancing and competing for over seven years and I've never felt the guy's manhood. I'd say that maybe I'm not dancing right, but I know what I've learned and who my teachers are and where their training comes from so that's not the case. I guess all the guys I dance with are wearing jocky shorts, or briefs, or dance belts, or whatever it is guys put on to keep themselves together.

pygmalion

03-10-2005, 06:30 PM

Hmm. I've never felt a man's ... can you say that word in DF? :lol: :lol:
I have felt a lot of thighs, though. :?

mamboqueen

03-10-2005, 06:49 PM

I hate to say it, but my first thought was "maybe he really likes dancing with you."

I don't do a whole lot of standard, but I can't say I've ever noticed that happening.

Latin is a lot of fun! :D

chachachacat

03-10-2005, 07:28 PM

I actually had one cheeky Brit instructor say to me, "Don't worry - I
'dress left' ! :!: :!: :shock:

randomMysh

03-10-2005, 07:59 PM

I actually had one cheeky Brit instructor say to me, "Don't worry - I
'dress left' ! :!: :!: :shock:

:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Well, that's for HIS protection more than anything else, really. :roll:

ReneeJoan

03-10-2005, 09:32 PM

Dear bb:

Check out the "Lindyhopper Learning AT" thread in Tango Argentino, and my comments beginning on February 28.

I, too, was a little unnerved by this phenomenon when I first encountered it. The best thing you can do is have a private, candid talk with your teacher. I did, and first off, he assured me that it was nothing wrong I was doing technically. It just happens. However, there are things you can do without sacrificing your technique.

I would also like to add that it very likely ISN'T your technique or positioning at all -- it's your partner's. Even though I am aware that my partner may have gotten an erection while dancing, I usually DON'T "run into it," even on a deep corte (quarta), or the avenico move unless I'm dancing with a fairly inexperienced man who doesn't really know how to execute these moves correctly. I encounter it mostly in intermediate dancers -- almost never in the truly superior professionals. The really top pros know how to position themselves, even in the extreme close embrace of argentine tango during the really complex show moves, so that their manhood stays out of the way.

As was said above, you need to have a very matter-of-fact, almost clinical attitude. It happens. It's part of his body. It's natural, it's normal, it's pretty much unavoidable. Your body is responding, too -- your nipples harden brushing against his chest doing ochos, your breath quickens, you perspire, your body tenses as you engage your center. But if you get all giggly and embarassed, then everybody gets embarassed, and then the magic of the dance just evaporates.

Focus your entire awareness on creating the most beautiful art that you can, and this sort of response becomes a non-issue after a while.

Renee

PS And CCC Cat, I LOVE your new avatar.

Chris Stratton

03-10-2005, 10:04 PM

I started to work on that close body contact with my partner. We are particularly working on the Viennese Waltz and that inner-thigh-to-inner-thigh contact, but here's the problem. I am a tall girl (5'-9" without heels) and when I try to place my right foot in between my partner's feet I can feel, well, you know what area... :oops: :shock: :oops: :cry:
I know that standard dances should have that close body contact, but is it seriously supposed to be this close?!?!?!?

No, it's not. Body contact if used (and I'd strongly argue it is optionally) is up on the lower rib cage, and while you don't want to hold your hips back, you also must not project them towards your partner. I think overly close body contact is encouraging your problem, but it isn't the real source of difficulty.

Rather, what is really going wrong is that you are trying to put your foot under your partner's body, when you really should be keeping it under your own. Someone told you to extend your leg before stepping on it, but that is exactly the wrong advice - you need to send your body forward from the standing leg, and only let the moving leg swing under your body.
When you get this right, you'll loose the feeling of straddling each other's thighs.

You will still brush inner thigh to inner thigh a lot of the time, but lower, just above the knees, because neither knee will be more than a small amount forward of it's owner's body.

This also happens to me in Tango when we go into the dips, and since my instructor tells me that I am doing them correctly, it can't be my foot position

Actually it probably is your foot position. In tango almost everything happens on one or another sort of diagonal, and when you find someone who can teach you the details of this your problem will be greatly diminished if not completely cured.

Larinda McRaven

03-10-2005, 10:04 PM

Well I have got to say that it is closed dance posiiton afterall. And the first thing new guys do is blush when I shimmy right up to them with my chest...and they are like "Oh my gosh, her boobs are right on me!" So guys have to get over that and you will get over this too.

I think Elegance said it. You wil become immune after while.

I end up thinking of the front of my partners body as a clean slate. There isn't anything sexy or sexual about it. It is just a body that I dance with. Everyone has parts, some parts I can feel, some I can't. If it doesn't have anything to do with the dancing... I put it right out of my mind.

Chris Stratton

03-10-2005, 10:13 PM

I end up thinking of the front of my partners body as a clean slate.

While I know it's not how Larinda meant this, trying to make the front of one's body a clean slate will solve a lot of hold problems! Specifically, flex the knee forward a little bit, and then try to align the hip and shoulder vertically above it, to create a cleanly aligned vertical wall for the partner to dance near or against. Keeping the abdominals toned is a big part of that. Eventually you learn how to put shape in your upper back, but that's a subject for later on - a clean slate is the starting point.

Egoist

03-10-2005, 10:15 PM

What's the big deal, anyways? Are you afraid of getting pregnant?

Seriously, if he's not complaining then you aren't hurting him. And I very much doubt he is getting turned on by it. The last thing on my mind when I am dancing in a competition/practice/lesson is sex.

It's probably one of the few times I'm not thinking about it. Ha!

BTW, how much taller are you than him? Are your knees up to his crotch? Are we talking about a couple of inches difference in inseam (with heels)?

b.b.

03-11-2005, 06:57 AM

What's the big deal, anyways? Are you afraid of getting pregnant?

:shock:
Hmmm.... let me think...no??
Some of you people got it completely wrong. It is not the 'poke' sort of a thing, so sexual excitement has nothing to do with this.

AND it never happens when I dance with my male dance instructor who is btw about 4 inches shorter than me (no heels). So how do you explain this phenomenon?

b.b.

03-11-2005, 07:03 AM

Joe

03-11-2005, 07:14 AM

Just chalk it up to your partner just being very well-endowed. :lol:

Chris Stratton

03-11-2005, 08:35 AM

Body contact if used (and I'd strongly argue it is optionally) is up on the lower rib cage, and while you don't want to hold your hips back, you also must not project them towards your partner.

Interesting... my partner just had a lesson with a guy who has been coaching a lot of professionals and the coach told him that I should be getting the lead from the hips???

Some of the leads can optionally include a component from the hips, but that doesn't mean that the hips need to be thrust forward towards the partner. It's enough to keep them neutral under the body - not forward, not back.

HeelToe

03-11-2005, 11:17 AM

I find this thread amusing :).

Good luck with things. Tell him to wear boxer shorts/briefs. I can think of all the ladies that probably complained like you when I first danced.

8)

DancingMommy

03-11-2005, 11:28 AM

I actually had one cheeky Brit instructor say to me, "Don't worry - I
'dress left' ! :!: :!: :shock:

hee hee hee :)

emanuela

03-11-2005, 05:05 PM

I find this thread amusing :).

Oh my gosh .... I agree, this thread it's cracking me up! ... Anyhow, I think that body contact is fun ...
When I took my first (and only so far) AT lesson, I danced a couple of times with the instructor, and I did feel IT. Of course, I'm the queen of Beginningland, so I have no idea if that was because of a lack of technique or if it was normal; I just remember thinking, "Oh, I felt it ... hmmm, must be normal ... oh well!" ... and I kept dancing and having fun. Like I said, I know nothing about technique, but I think that one, especially a dancer, should not take the body contact issue so seriously (those that don't agree with me, please don't kill me). Also, I want to point out, that it can be a cultural thing as well, since people's personal space varies among countries and cultures.
But, I really really believe that a dancer should become accustomed to body contact and get rid of the sexual connotation (when dancing of course) -- right now, I'm thinking of ballet dancers (which I know little about it as well :oops: ), and where the male dancer puts his hands when he has to lift the female dancer ...

labelledanseuse

03-11-2005, 05:55 PM

I have only done close body contact Tango with two of the instructors at my studio. I didn't notice anything when I danced with either of them, but then again I wasn't paying any attention to that. I may have unconsciously felt something...? I'm about 5'8.5", so my dance shoes make me 5'11". Since I'm so tall and I haven't had much experience dancing with many guys I guess it's bound to happen.

pygmalion

03-11-2005, 06:01 PM

It seems that the guy's underwear may have something to do with what the woman feels? :?

emanuela

03-11-2005, 06:03 PM

It seems that the guy's underwear may have something to do with what the woman feels? :?

... or lack of ... :lol: :lol: :lol:

pygmalion

03-11-2005, 06:10 PM

Ew! :lol: :lol:

emanuela

03-11-2005, 06:13 PM

Ew! :lol: :lol:

:tongue: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Larinda McRaven

03-11-2005, 06:46 PM

Yes, when you think of theatre arts... Hands are all over, and in the most private places. I think it takes awhile to recognize someones body as an instrument for dance, and get over our cultural impressions or taboos of touching places we don't normally touch on people other than our SOs.

So a guy lifting a lady into an over head sit lift has to say to himself "I am supporting her body weight by placing my hand under her center of gravity." He should not be saying "Wow I am grabbing her hoochy!"

Or as the lady does a snake slide off a guys back and around/between his legs to end up on the floor... well she might brush past some interesting places... But that is all coincidental.

The danger here lies in when some people allow themselves believe it is okay to mix the emotions up. But the moment I ever thought some student was actually having a bit too much "fun" at my expense, he would be out of my arms and out of the studio door so fast... never to return.

And while dancing in my living room with Steve is more intimate, I can never be allowed to mix that kind of situation or emotion with my students at a competition, people at work in the studio, or worse yet strangers at a social.

We may be touching but it is all about dancing. And when it comes to theatre arts there is way too much at stake in the middle of a lift to start letting your mind wander with your hands.

pygmalion

03-11-2005, 06:48 PM

I wish everyone was like you, Larinda. There's way too much of that other wandering stuff going on, in my observation.

But yes, you are totally right, IMO, it should be all about the dance. And if both people keep it that way, nobody gets hurt. 8)

DancingMommy

03-11-2005, 06:49 PM

Spot on, Larinda! :) As my first dance teacher said, "It's JUST dancing". 8)

DancingMommy

03-11-2005, 06:50 PM

pygmalion

03-11-2005, 07:03 PM

Or he/she loses students. Either a literal or a figurative bloody nub, IMO.

labelledanseuse

03-11-2005, 07:34 PM

Spot on, Larinda! :) As my first dance teacher said, "It's JUST dancing". 8)

I totally agree with this. It's JUST dancing. When I tell my non-dancing friends about the stuff I am learning in dance (close body contact, etc..) they all think it's weird and way too intimate. Yes, it is intimate, but people just need to realize that it's nothing more than dancing. No emotions should go into it except for the ones you must outwardly show depending on the dance (flirty-cha cha, passionate-tango, sensual-rumba, etc). Unless you're open-minded and have been dancing long enough to realize that dancing is nothing more than dancing, you're going to think it's awkward and uncomfortable.

emanuela

03-11-2005, 07:41 PM

I agree with Larinda, but from the point of view of a social dancer (and also from another cultural background's view), I insist that body contact can be a fun and pleasant experience. And I'm not just talking about pure sex; I'm talking about that body contact that makes a human being feel good, like an infant that craves for the mother's touch, a friend that feels the affection in the friend's hug, a student that receives encouragment from the teacher's pat, and so on. I didn't do any research on this topic (maybe I should), but I believe that sometimes, somewhere people started dancing for the pleasure of being close. That something more can arise from closeness is unquestionable, but, as far as dancing, I like it better when I enjoy the body contact with my partner/instructor (as opposed to being repulsed by him) ...

Joe

03-12-2005, 08:09 AM

Yup, theatre arts is all about stupid human tricks, not sex. ;)

emanuela

03-12-2005, 08:19 AM

Yup, theatre arts is all about stupid human tricks, not sex. ;)
... stupid? :? ...

pygmalion

03-12-2005, 08:21 AM

It's a joking reference to a segment on the David Letterman show (a late night talk show on US TV, for folks overseas.) He does "Stupid Pet Tricks."

emanuela

03-12-2005, 08:34 AM

It's a joking reference to a segment on the David Letterman show (a late night talk show on US TV, for folks overseas.) He does "Stupid Pet Tricks."

I see ... :doh: ... feel better now ... :lol:

ReneeJoan

03-12-2005, 10:43 AM

I agree wholeheartedly with Larinda. For me, the dance floor is a sacred space, the way the theater is for actors. Whatever happens there is imbued with a special energy, is sacred to Dionysus. I do things -- and allow things -- that I would never allow off the dance floor. The other night, I was dancing with an amazing kid from El Salvador -- technically still pretty raw, but so free, so expressive, so creative in his dancing, that when the number came to the end, and it was one of those really "funky" neo-tangos, we somehow ended up next to the bar, and he just drew me into an adagio corte and bent my body backwards across the bar, and ran his hand up my body from my thigh, across my torso, across my breast, up my arm, until our hands met. Boy, I've NEVER allowed anything like THAT before, and afterwards, he even asked me if it was okay, but I assured him, it was. Somehow, it was completely in context -- it simply flowed naturally out of the music, out of the energy that was flowing between us, out of everything that had gone before in the dance, just a spontaneous gesture that somehow just "fit" and felt so spontaneous and natural.

But it also was "okay" because he wasn't being "Beavis and Butthead" about it. If I'd have picked up even the slightest exploitive energy from him, trust me, I was PERFECTLY positioned to have kneed him in the groin for a trick like that. But somehow, it just flowed out of the dance. It was okay.

There are many human interactions that are intensely intimate, but not sexual -- medical (particularly OB/GYN) examinations, nursing a baby, dancing, acting, Confession -- but we in our Puritan society get so bent out of shape over anything that remotely resembles sex that we wrongly impose sexual conotations onto situations and actions that are inherently non-sexual. But it also takes a person, an artist, of immense integrity and honesty to tell the difference and to not exploit that intimacy.

Renee

Chris Stratton

03-16-2005, 10:53 PM

Several people have pointed out a "how you think about it" test for the appropriateness of physical contact. But after thinking about it, I would also add a consistency test to the idea of contact - does it serve a purpose as part of a whole? Or is the contact specific and isolated? As a standard dancer, it's primarily contact in closed hold that I think about.

Basically, if I take a nice hold with someone, and the perfection of the hold results in a bit of body contact, that's all fine and wonderful.

But if the body contact seems independent of the hold, that starts to feel wierd. Specifically, if I get the sense that the body contact would persist even if I moved my hands an inch or two further from my body, then the contact stops seemingly like a normal part of the hold, and starts feeling like an uninvited invasion of my personal space. If someone clearly is breaking her frame, I'll almost invariably find myself moving her further and further away.

Cooperative body contact created from aligned and stretched posture is good. Unliateral contact created by broken arm lines or a projected belly strikes me as technically - and socially - indecent.

pygmalion

03-17-2005, 07:47 AM

Wow. That's very well said, Chris. 8)

Pirate Smith

04-02-2008, 04:45 PM

This is my first posting.. and I can't Thank all of you enough.. I have been taking lessons for 2yrs.. and well.. I have been very uncomfortable about a lot of the contact during the Tango and other dances.. I tried to ask indirectly about this subject also.. with no response from anyone else.. and frankly.. I wasn't all that fond of some of the contact that happened.. I am glad to see.. that well.. it just sometimes happens.. and best to forget about it.. and if I may be so bold.. my partner has the habit of not wear her upper support.. and I ain't that fond of that either.. but.. can't seem to tell her.. Thank you all for your honesty and for the very adult level this topic was handled in... .. Pirate Smith

samina

04-02-2008, 05:32 PM

Welcome to DF, pirate! :)

Glad you bumped this up - interesting read.

A few questions for you...Do you primarily take group lessons with a regular partner, or private lessons? And is your dance partner an SO or just a friend? Is your discomfort in close contact with everyone or with only certain partners?

Terpsichorean Clod

04-02-2008, 05:43 PM

If I recall correctly, one of our moderators is very knowledgeable on this subject... ;)

Inside the male mind: Thoughts on body contact, anyone? (http://dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=9436)
hitting guys in the wrong spot!! (http://danceforums.com/showthread.php?t=16364)

Welcome to DF, Pirate Smith!

SDsalsaguy

04-02-2008, 05:54 PM

Welcome to DF, pirate! :)
Ditto; welcome Pirate! :cheers:

fascination

04-02-2008, 07:51 PM

fascination

04-02-2008, 07:51 PM

and I wasn't a moderator then......going to hide under my bed now...

fascination

04-02-2008, 07:53 PM

uh...and welcome pirate...lol, and be forewarned anything you say here can come back to bite you in the worst possible way ;)

Easy

04-02-2008, 08:58 PM

He He this subject started awhile back. Glad someone renewed it.

I had a student who stood about 4 inches taller than me. Anytime I danced a closed body contact dance with her, I felt like I was humping her leg. It was quite odd. I eventually laughed it off and told her to think of me as the family dog lol We got over it, but I must say, I prefer dancing with a partner fairly close to my height. It can be just as awkward dancing with women who have gigantic boobies. Usually I'll not start out a new student with body contact anyway. If they stick around long enough, usually the rapport is warm enough to get around...after all, I'm a dance doctor of sorts :) As long as the intentions are for better dancing, it's what needs to be done.

fascination

04-03-2008, 07:17 AM

agree...I am same height as pro in bare feet but add the heels and there is an issue here and there...when I was new (thank goodness we started smooth before standard)...there would be this occasional "occurance" on things like a corte or in VW... and then when standard started well holy moley....let me remind you I have been with the same man since I was 14...so, well, uh...I just wanted to get on to DF to find out if I was doing something wrong and could make some sort of adjustment and it wasn't like I was gonna ask pro...so formerly anonymous innocent newb that I was, I get on here and ask...and all hell breaks loose (rolls eyes)...mercifully, the moderating staff encouraged serious response and I found out that this sort of thing is barely given a moment's notice by dancers who have been dancing a while...and 3 years later I can certainly corroborate that....now well.... sheesh, nothing phases either one of us
anymore...

gclarke

04-03-2008, 08:11 AM

I decided to take a few minutes break and read a few posts. It was a toss up between this thread and 'What to do with hair?".

Good choice - I haven't laughed so much in ages.

Sorry Fascination - I'm afraid I chased the other threads through. :uplaugh::uplaugh::uplaugh:

fascination

04-03-2008, 08:27 AM

really gonna throttle TC if we ever meet...

Terpsichorean Clod

04-04-2008, 02:25 AM

really gonna throttle TC if we ever meet...
Better throttling than a dance. I'm three or four inches shorter than you... ;)

gclarke

04-04-2008, 02:34 AM

Better throttling than a dance. I'm three or four inches shorter than you... ;)Now wasn't there a thread about that somewhere? :nope::oops::nope:

Pirate Smith

04-04-2008, 10:34 PM

Thank you all for the warm welcome... and Samina... in response.. my dance partner is only a friend.. and will stay that way.. I take group dance lessons.. and, yes , I already know that dancing is a vertical expression of a horozontal idea.. but, I prefer to keep dancing for the exercise....my background is in art history.. and I do like to refer to the dancers in the Waltz classes.. as "the dirty dancers"... LOL.. unfortunately.. none of the other class mates take the lessons as seriously as my partner and I .. and no one has figured out why the "dirty dancers" title... poor Renoir, Degas, Cassatt and others.. your message has been lost in todays.. sexblase society... LOL... Pirate Smith

Paul NC

09-30-2010, 01:36 PM

Okay, this problem is a little bit embarassing, but I have to ask for your opinon/advice, so.... here it goes:
B.B.

A few years ago we had a very tall female instructor ( over 6 feet tall, very beautiful dancer) and we working on the female's fwd and she was trying to get my partner (wife) to be more agressive when going fwd and drive through. The instructor was dancing with me and ....... Well ........ I learned that when my partner is driving fwd I had best pay attention and keep up or face, shall we say, the consequesnces :shock:

fascination

09-30-2010, 03:52 PM

I think any lady who has assertively danced through her partner who is shorter than herself, has probably encountered this and learned to take care...when I was new my first pro was shorter and ...well...after the first contracheck, I learned to exercise caution...I am eternally grateful that I now dance with a much taller man

mop6686

10-01-2010, 12:08 AM

The first time it happened to me I was shocked and mostly worried that he was more uncomfortable. But I know to expect it now, as it happens so often, especially with guys shorter than me.

waltzgirl

10-01-2010, 12:47 AM

I must be terribly insensitive, but unless a guy is *really* happy to see me, I don't feel anything very specific. I may be making contact, but I can't really distinguish specific, um, parts.

Perhaps that's TMI.

fascination

10-01-2010, 07:19 AM

thx to the gods I have never had that happen

Lioness

10-01-2010, 07:31 AM

I've never felt anything either...may be because I'm way shorter than most partners I dance with. I'm a foot shorter than DP and about 6 inches shorter than coach. I don't get close enough to other guys to contact anything but their arms.

AMeader

10-01-2010, 07:56 AM

A few years ago we had a very tall female instructor ( over 6 feet tall, very beautiful dancer) ...

Do you remember the name of this instructor? Could you PM it to me if you do? I would love to talk to a super tall female coach!

Paul NC

10-01-2010, 08:01 AM

Do you remember the name of this instructor? Could you PM it to me if you do? I would love to talk to a super tall female coach!

PM Sent

Indiana_Jay

10-01-2010, 10:43 PM

10-01-2010, 11:12 PM

I'm quite tall and apparently that's an advantage in this department. Plus, all the dancing I do is "barely bronze" American style social dancing, where, as Lioness put it, the only real contact is with the arms.

The closed figures in bronze smooth could be danced socially with or without body contact.

Indiana_Jay

10-02-2010, 03:22 PM

The closed figures in bronze smooth could be danced socially with or without body contact.

I see now my wording was a bit ambiguous. I did not mean to imply that bronze smooth is not or cannot be done with body contact. I meant that in the social venues I attend, social bronze smooth is done without body contact. That fact combined with my height means there's little chance of the kind of contact described by the OP.

dixieduvall

02-06-2012, 12:14 AM

Ladybird

02-06-2012, 04:54 AM

Our school has a clear policy at socials that the woman determines the closeness of the hold. I have no problem dancing in a close hold with the three instructors, even though in tango especially, my right thigh feels quite a lot!

I was fine about close hold with my teacher from lesson 1 (again, my decision, not imposed upon me!) which surprised me as I'm quite shy of making physical contact even with my friends. But, of course, it's something that is necessary to be able to dance well and that necessity removed all shyness.

I do have issues with a coupls of guys taking up close hold. One is with a student teacher. I do take up close hold as I think, 'Well, it's just his job and he does that with the other ladies,' but I feel uncomfortable as he's only 17 and I'm a teacher with students older than him. I'm not HIS teacher, but still...

There's another guy who has (unsuccessfully) asked me on a date. I have been sensitive to his feelings but now I'm becoming irked by his trying to force a closer hold than I'm prepared to allow - I very much doubt there are sexual undertones, it's just that he sees people dance like that and is trying to copy, completely unaware of social dance ettiquette.

So whilst, for the main part, close hold is just a part of dancing for me, there are some situations where I find it difficult to rationalise like this. Also, I have a fondness and regard for both of my teachers and, as I think Emanuela posted, I just enjoy the body contact with them - it's just nice to have contact with other humans within the 'safety' of a clearly-defined purpose.

L

chomsky

02-06-2012, 05:16 AM

As a dancer our body is our work bench and if we are going to build a dance part of the deal is we come into contact with other people. With a regular dance partner it would be worth while and clear the air by acknowledging that body contact is happening . In a group class when they switch partners , as a man I always let the lady control making body contact . It's kind of silly doing International without body contact ,but in a group class it's ok.

I hope you don't mind if I copy your words. I really loved them. Well done for formulating something as deep in such a clear manner; so hard to put in words when deep down you are as reserved as I am.

fascination

02-06-2012, 08:02 AM

Leon Theou

02-06-2012, 08:07 AM

It seems that the guy's underwear may have something to do with what the woman feels? :?

Briefs or boxer-briefs are tighter and corral any unexpected bodily reactions better than a loose pair of boxers. In competition, I actually wear Spandex compression shorts, which ensures that everything down there stays the heck put whither no bulges or flapping about when I move. Also, as the shorts are black, they give me an extra line of defense in the unlikely event that the seat of my pants splits open in the middle of a round or I leave my zipper undone.

fascination

02-06-2012, 08:12 AM

as we have also noted, this is also more likely to be a noticible issue if the gentleman is shorter than the lady or around the same height

chomsky

02-07-2012, 01:03 AM

it's funny how this changes so drastically over time...I am afraid that, unless someone was definitively "ick" or clearly so new that I thought it too dangerous to myself, I would now probably go right into contact without even thinking about it...because that's how I dance 99% of the time...but, as is recorded on this forum, for all posterity, I found it VERY alarming at first ...as a long married person not accustomed to that kind of contact from anyone but my spouse

Many thanks for being so true. I instantly freak out, though I know I shouldn't. I used to panick but not any more. Nowadays, I only find it natural and just focus on how good my dancing was, contact or no contact. I guess instead of being afraid of it I am just afraid of how bad my dancing would be without it! Indeed I'm not accustomed to that kind of contact from anyone but my spouse. Bearing in mind how deep down I've got so many problems with shame and guilt and how religion has affected my way of thinking it's liberating to try and face all this with dance.