Significant other vs Bachata

[Paou]

Just interested, I'm not too keen when my other half dances too up close and personal with others in bachata. Salsa and Merengue I have no problem at all with... dance with everyone... but bachata can be a little too much sometimes...

What do you guys think?

[TemptressToo]

Still just a dance. I'm married and I dance bachata weekly. It is essentially 3 minutes of attention and then you walk off the floor.

[Sagitta]

I agree with TT. I am getting to like the close danciing. For instance, I like the going around, step step step, hip up, etc as you go in a circle. You need to be close to do that. Or it works best that way for me. [shrug] :cheers: :)

[TemptressToo]

Close dancing isn't bad...especially if you do body contact ballroom (waltz, tango and foxtrot). Same principle.

Oh, and a question...it is spelled bachata. Why do the Spanish speakers say (or sound like they say) machata. My Spanish in high school taught that "b" in Spanish is pronounced "bay." So I'm trying to figure out where the "m-sound" comes from.

[Rosa]

Close dancing isn't bad...especially if you do body contact ballroom (waltz, tango and foxtrot). Same principle.

Oh, and a question...it is spelled bachata. Why do the Spanish speakers say (or sound like they say) machata. My Spanish in high school taught that "b" in Spanish is pronounced "bay." So I'm trying to figure out where the "m-sound" comes from.

TemptressToo, I'm not a native speaker of Spanish but I speak it fluently and have lived in Spain. I would always pronounce the "b" as "bay" (ie I would say say "bachata".)

Maybe one of the native Spanish-speakers on DF can tell us more?

Yes, I would dance bachata closely. It's just a dance. It's just three minutes. It doesn't mean you're having an affair with the guy!

One thing I can't stand is when it's spelt "batchata" by people who should know better. If I had a penny for every time I've seen that I'd be a rich woman!

Rosa :)

[SuzieQ]

I'm not familiar with this dance, but I don't generally have a problem with my husband close dancing with another woman. But he is not as comfortable doing that as I am with other men. He doesn't even dance that close to me and we've been married for 30 years! Unfortunately, he would probably not feel the same way about me and another man.

It's just a dance--get over it!

[Sagitta]

A non-issue, so it seems for most people so far. :)

[Ms_Sunlight]

Yes, Sagitta! My man may dance how and with whom he chooses. He knows who to come home to when he wants sugar!

[hopelessly_addicted]

I voted for: I don't care, whatever.

Ok I haven't had a SO who's a dancer so I may be biased because as a follower, I get really frustrated when some men's SOs get really possessive and jealous of other women asking their SOs for a dance... By some men, I mean the cuban guys in our salsa community.. Sometimes those cuban guys would bring their Australia wives, and man oh man, can they get jealous...

For me, dancing is dancing. I've had some dances where to non-dancer, by-standards, we might have appeared to be "in a relationship". However, nothing going on off the floor in reality.... So? If my SO dances Bachata or whatever with someone very closely/sexy, unless they do something outrageous by dancers' standard, I'd be fine :)

[kansas49er]

It really doesn't matter to me. I tend to follow my instructor's advice.
What happens on the dance floor is Fantasia, an illusion. Do not confuse it with reality. :D

[gte692h]

I do get jealous, but I'd let them dance anyways. Showing that it bothers me would almost always have a reverse effect. So instead of being too bothered, I would go find another woman and dance bachata with her, real close, so that I can get my mind off whats going on ;)

[Rosa]

I do get jealous, but I'd let them dance anyways. Showing that it bothers me would almost always have a reverse effect.

Very wise, gte!

Rosa :)

[gte692h]

I do get jealous, but I'd let them dance anyways. Showing that it bothers me would almost always have a reverse effect.

Very wise, gte!

Rosa :)

:lol: actually, i've been the main beneficiary of male jealousy in the past, so I know better than to show that i am jealous.

[Paou]

yeh, that's good advice gte... Jealousy is never a good thing, and I don't like it when I start to feel jealous... I'll probably do that, it may help :) - but I wouldn't want to do it 'just to show her' because i'm not like that.

I was thinking, I don't tend to feel it while dancing, it's more afterwards... my girlfriend is a VERY good dancer, and a lot of people seem to get the 'wrong' idea when she's danced with them, especially some of the latinos.

I have trouble when the guys seem to get the impression she might be 'easy', and then insist on coming and speaking with 'us' after the dance, but in reality they're speaking only with my GF, wrapping their arms around her and ignoring me completely.

I even once had a bold guy that told me to shut up and wait because he was speaking with her... and I didn't like that at all.

[cocodrilo]

My guy doesn't dance, but he knows I love it and has seen me dance with plenty of guys at parties at our house. Why should it disturb him? It is just dancing!!!

Rosa-
The latinos over here say bachata, not "baychata".

[cvillarl]

Oh, and a question...it is spelled bachata. Why do the Spanish speakers say (or sound like they say) machata. My Spanish in high school taught that "b" in Spanish is pronounced "bay." So I'm trying to figure out where the "m-sound" comes from.

What do you mean by Spanish speakers? Spanish speakers (from whatever they are, e.g. Cuba, Spain...)? Or Spanish speakers from Spain? Spanish is so spread worldwide that you can find important differences.
You've let me puzzled. I've never listened that, not from Spaniards nor from Latin Americans in general. And I'm a native Spanish speaker living in Spain (and from Spain, which as seen is not redundant).
Perhaps it just sound like they say machata. /b/ and /m/ sounds are pronounced mostly the same way, but differentiated because when you pronounce /m/ and your lips are closed, you let some air flow through your nose. That's the reason because when you have a cold, you can't pronounce /m/, so /m/ and /b/ sound the same...

[Sabor]

What do you guys think?

again.. i think its the dancer more so than the dance..

i dance intimately if/when i can.. that is my preference.. yet its within the dance ..in the world of dance.. its over with the music.. wether its salsa, merengue, chacha or bachata.. hiphop, jazz, disco.. whatever.. sexuality/sensuality is a necessary composite of passion/playfullness/flavor.. it cannot be separated.. yet the KEY ..as always .. is HOW u do it and the relative weight of it in the dance.. like everything else.. its adjustable to music and partner.. the right balance is a function of the connection..

everything is relative in the world of dance.. u'll be ill-advised to take any particular thing in absolute terms..

[Rosa]

My guy doesn't dance, but he knows I love it and has seen me dance with plenty of guys at parties at our house. Why should it disturb him? It is just dancing!!!

Rosa-
The latinos over here say bachata, not "baychata".

cocodrilo, when I said 'bay' I meant the phonetic sound of the letter as it would be pronounced if you were reciting the Spanish alphabet. The letter 'b' in Spanish is called 'be', and is pronounced like the English word bay (but with a short 'a'.) But that's only the name of the letter, in use it's pronounced just as we would pronounce it.

Like you, I would always say bachata (not 'baychata'.)

Sorry for any confusion! :oops:

Rosa :)

PS Whichever way you say it, it's still a great dance!

[Twilight_Elena]

Depends, as always. You can dance bachata and be giggly and talkative all the time, and you can dance bachata and feel unable to do anything but breathe, listen and feel (which excludes sight and speech). Hah. Danced like that yesterday. Good thing was I wasn't shaking. Bad thing was I was so immensely nervous from the proximity (and other things I don't want to analyse yet again) that I did some mistakes (it's the hardest thing to do those simple steps right when you're dancing SO CLOSE!) and when I do mistakes, I tense up. Bad, bad, bad.
But I digress, as always. I wouldn't mind my significant other dancing bachata with any girl as long as it was just that. The moment it becomes more than that, it bothers me.
But maybe it would bother me anyway. That's why I don't want to mix up dancing and lovers. It messes everything up.

Twilight Elena

[TemptressToo]

Spanish-speaker clarification...

The Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Columbians and Mexicans I dance with say, "machata." Very definitie "m" sound.

I didn't stay very long last night. There was two live bands from Honderus playing and all they played was cumbia and punta and very slow merengue. It wasn't much fun, so I went home at midnight. I was meaning to ask the "why 'm' sound" question last night but the regular dancers didn't show up because of the Honderus bands.

[squirrel]

I voted "I don't have a problem..." Why should I?

[Rosa]

Spanish-speaker clarification...

The Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Columbians and Mexicans I dance with say, "machata." Very definitie "m" sound.

I didn't stay very long last night. There was two live bands from Honderus playing and all they played was cumbia and punta and very slow merengue. It wasn't much fun, so I went home at midnight. I was meaning to ask the "why 'm' sound" question last night but the regular dancers didn't show up because of the Honderus bands.

Thanks, TT. The reason I've never heard 'machata' used may be because over here in Europe we aren't exposed to Central and South American Spanish nearly as often as you are in the US.

But getting back to SO v bachata, I think there's a question of trust involved here. My husband doesn't dance, but he does various sports and hobbies on his own, some of them with female partners (ie bridge, golf.)

I accept he has a need to do these things, just as I have a need to dance. And he feels the same, vice-versa. That's not saying we would choose to be that way.... it would be great if we shared the same interests... but we don't. We've both made the decision to accept that.

I know dancing bachata with a partner of the opposite sex isn't the same as playing bridge with a partner of the opposite sex, because of the close physical (and emotional) contact involved. But that's how the dance is. It's meant to be danced that way, and I would rather not dance it at all than feel that I had to keep my distance from my partner and therefore dance it incorrectly. So I'll keep on dancing bachata whenever I get the chance (which isn't all that often over here in the UK... :( )

Rosa :)

[MacMoto]

Hmm, this is a tricky question for me. I haven't voted. Generally speaking, I'd say fine by me since I don't mind dancing close with anyone myself. I have practically zero personal space when I'm dancing, and up-close bachata (or salsa or merengue for that matter) is no problem as long as it's not an attempt at groping. So if I had a boyfriend who liked dancing bachata up-close, then I'd say fine, go ahead. Speaking specifically real life though, my SO dancing bachata up close with someone else would worry me since (1) he doesn't like bachata, (2) he doesn't normally dance up close (it took some backleading on my part to get him to dance up close with me! :lol: ).

[HF]

Normally I dance bachata less closely than most people to avoid any misunderstandings. I know this irritates some of the girls that are sort of expecting more body touch than I will provide.

But last saturday I have been caught by my SO while bachating with a young attractive lady ... and somehow it had happened that we were fairly close, my right side and her left side of our foreheads leaning together, all four eyes closed ... just dreaming for three minutes.

Folks, the following four hours have been hell with debates in our home about relationship in general, dancing in particular, and especially about intimidy with other women. All that for three minutes of dreaming ... arghhhh .... :?

[gte692h]

yeh, that's good advice gte... Jealousy is never a good thing, and I don't like it when I start to feel jealous... I'll probably do that, it may help :) - but I wouldn't want to do it 'just to show her' because i'm not like that.

I was thinking, I don't tend to feel it while dancing, it's more afterwards... my girlfriend is a VERY good dancer, and a lot of people seem to get the 'wrong' idea when she's danced with them, especially some of the latinos.

I have trouble when the guys seem to get the impression she might be 'easy', and then insist on coming and speaking with 'us' after the dance, but in reality they're speaking only with my GF, wrapping their arms around her and ignoring me completely.

I even once had a bold guy that told me to shut up and wait because he was speaking with her... and I didn't like that at all.

yea man, its a price to pay when a guy dates a hot woman. there is always competition, and a lot of jealous guys. And a lot of guy 'friends' who will hang around waiting for you to 'mess up'. its a price to pay.

ultimately, a girl knows how to deal with male attention, and deal with all these guys. you just hang back and chill, and be (or act) secure. if the worst fear is, 'my lady will fall for one of these hot shots', you gotta remember that if your lady is happy with you, she'll be loyal. just handle the rude guys with class or humour, because they will take any chance to ruffle your feathers and show you up as the jealous boyfriend.

like i said earlier, i sometimes have a tough time with this, and my only way of dealing with it is to be in the company of other women - dance with them, talk to them - it gets my mind off whats going on.

one idea is to bring a group of friends along (guys and girls) so that you have your buddies to back you up when you run into the rude macho men, and you have women friends to talk to/dance with when your girl is out getting her dance on.

[Twilight_Elena]

Normally I dance bachata less closely than most people to avoid any misunderstandings. I know this irritates some of the girls that are sort of expecting more body touch than I will provide.

But last saturday I have been caught by my SO while bachating with a young attractive lady ... and somehow it had happened that we were fairly close, my right side and her left side of our foreheads leaning together, all four eyes closed ... just dreaming for three minutes.

Folks, the following four hours have been hell with debates in our home about relationship in general, dancing in particular, and especially about intimidy with other women. All that for three minutes of dreaming ... arghhhh .... :?

:shock: :? :? :? Oh my, HF, what an issue! But it's such a deliacte thing I agree with your wife for talking this through with you. I mean, sure, for you it was just 3 mins of dreaming, but for an onlooker int must have looked very different! And plus, it's bachata, if you know what I mean. It's so hot, sexy and romantic. *swoon* Even I, queen of all things impassionate can't resist a good bachata.

Twilight Elena

[cocodrilo]

Normally I dance bachata less closely than most people to avoid any misunderstandings. I know this irritates some of the girls that are sort of expecting more body touch than I will provide.

But last saturday I have been caught by my SO while bachating with a young attractive lady ... and somehow it had happened that we were fairly close, my right side and her left side of our foreheads leaning together, all four eyes closed ... just dreaming for three minutes.

Folks, the following four hours have been hell with debates in our home about relationship in general, dancing in particular, and especially about intimidy with other women. All that for three minutes of dreaming ... arghhhh .... :?
Sounds to me like there are some issues involved here- issues of trust, fidelity, DANCING! It's just dancing fer chrissakes, if it's anything more than that, than you or your SO have some matters to discuss. When I dance a bachata, merengue, lambada or salsa, I get pretty sexy & close with the guy, but that is the DANCE- I am not doing anything lewd. My guy would never be jealous of my dancing- fer heavenssakes he knows it's just on the dance floor.