Should I tell her I am a beginner?

[diputs]

When I ask a woman to dance, should I tell her that I am a beginner?

The studio that I go to has practice parties. There are people of every level at the parties. I really want to practice leading, but I do not know very much yet. These are practice parties, not clubs.

Any thoughts?

[lynn]

Honestly, i wouldn't bother. I dance with people of all levels and I don't mind dancing with beginners (i'm a beginner myself!!). If you're worried about those having not-so-nice attitudes, you should avoid them no matter what level they are. Think of this way, it's a practice party, people are there to practice!

Good luck!

[Sagitta]

I warn people that I'm a beginner, that I'm injured, not to step on my feet as I'm dancing bare foot...all sorts of stuff, particularly now. If I scare them off My feet can deal with the resting.

But, this aside...when I started out i would let people know about that as I knew there were those out there who would show from their expressions that I was beneath them. I would rather get it out of the way so they dance from the start willingly knowing what to expect, and if they put me down I wouldn't ask them again as they were not worth it, as Lynn says. I prefered a rejection at the start rather then a torturous dance of 4 minutes with the lady gramiacing or acting bored.

[Sagitta]

Oh..and welcome to df diputsnyc. :D

[Diavo]

Before having a steady gf & dance partner, sometimes females would ask me to dance (at swing dances this is) but I have a rather unique style (Street Swing) that's easily followable if you are energetic. But I'd get asked by women who can't "keep up" and neither of us enjoy it.

I don't think saying that you're a beginner when you are the one asking is necessary, but I think follows asking leads to dance should watch their target dance before asking. Imagine an ECS-only follow asking a lead who only dances Lindy -- that follow's in for a surprise... :wink:

[lynn]

I think I forgot to say that when I dance with a leader whom I'm not familiar with, I usually tell them I'm a beginner before we start so he won't be leading moves that are difficult for my level.

[leftfeetnyc]

At a practice party? Don't tell them. 95% chance they're in the same boat too. People go to those to....practice! we know that it's unlikely a world champ is going to be in there. Practice parties are people of all levels working out something or another, and it's expected that people will be of varying degrees of skill level. If there's a couple that isn't dancing with anyone else, best bet is to not interupt, they're probably working on something imparticular.

What form of dance and what studio (I tend to frequent Dance Manhattan and Stepping Out, but only for swing)

[yola]

I don't think saying that you're a beginner when you are the one asking is necessary, but I think follows asking leads to dance should watch their target dance before asking....
same goes the other way around, doesn't it?

now that i'm practicing my lead skills, i watch the ladies first. See if they're more or less my level. than i ask them (unless i know them, than i often ask 'up'). that way you're never in trouble (unless you over- or underestimate your own abillities :wink:)

What you must understand as a lead, is that the lady is much more dependant on the lead's dancing level for her own level of dancing, than vice versa.
an experienced lead can do relative simple turnpaterns for the lady and then amuse himself with tripple spins or whatever.
an experienced follow dancing with a beginner lead can do NO SUCH THING!!
it would be VERY rude for her to go tripple spinning while her partner is leading a single. and bad following as well.
Now i don't mean that the only enjoyment of the dance is in the difficulty. i'd rather be dancing with a relative beginner who dances ON TIME, knows not too many patterns, but LEADS WHAT HE KNOWS WELL, than with a so called advanced lead who is off beat and janks me through the patterns. Or for instance if the guy is a friend of mine, i dance with him no matter his level.

But... and maybe this sounds harsh... we're all there to enjoy our selves...and for me this goes especially for some favourite mambosongs... some songs just cry out for a really great dance, a challenge, a 'fix', ... and than i'd rather not dance.. than not be able to completely 'give myself' to the music (and my partner).... so then i would say 'no'... No offence meant to the less experienced... but later try to find the guy for an other song.

Bottomline:
i'd say it if i were asking some-one above my level of leading. She'd be probably more patient with my mistakes... And if she's doesn't care for dancing with less experienced leads, well, better now it now, than while dancing, like Sagitta said.

[spatten]

I wouldn't say a thing. No need to handicap yourself. Just ask her to dance nicely and do your best.

[tacad]

If you are having trouble doing anything then I would advise you tell her. But if you can do even a couple of basic steps then don't tell her. She'll figure out quickly what level you're at and dance accordingly. But whatever makes you feel comfortable. It doesn't matter that much either way.

[diputs]

What form of dance and what studio (I tend to frequent Dance Manhattan and Stepping Out, but only for swing)

I went to Dancesport for a Hustle class and a Salsa class. Then I went to the Hustle Practice Party.

My biggest problem is just getting over my own fears. I get really nervous dancing with women. I get scared if they are good looking. The women in class that I danced with and the women at the party terrified me. Why do all you women have to be so beautiful?

[africana]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :P

[diputs]

[quote=Diavo]
What you must understand as a lead, is that the lady is much more dependant on the lead's dancing level for her own level of dancing, than vice versa.


I understand this all too well, hence my hesitation to ask anyone to dance.

In class the followers don't tend to let me lead. They just listen to the teacher and do what they say. So I have no idea if I have any ability to lead. Which is teh reason I want to start going to the practice parties. Because no one is there telling the follow what is going to happen next.

[Medira]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :PShe's got a point there... ;)

[kdogg]

I think it's wise to tell her you're a beginner if you ask a girl who's more advanced than you. There are a lot of advanced female dancers who are nice and will be willing to dance with you, and may even give you some valuable tips on leading. But there are also others who are too proud to dance with beginners.

[diputs]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :P

I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!

[gte692h]

I understand this all too well, hence my hesitation to ask anyone to dance.

In class the followers don't tend to let me lead. They just listen to the teacher and do what they say. So I have no idea if I have any ability to lead. Which is teh reason I want to start going to the practice parties. Because no one is there telling the follow what is going to happen next.

diputsnyc, I totally feel your troubles. I went through the same phase. All I can say to you is what I was told by one of the best salseros I have known:

dance for yourself. its too early to worry about the girl. Enjoy yourself, and your dancing, even if the girl has a scowl, or a bored look on her face. don't care too much about what they think.

A very useful little game I'd play with my friends when i started off: they'd point out the girl, and I'd have to go up and ask her to dance. If i didn't, I'd have to give my friends a dollar for each time I didn't go. they'd make sure to point me towards as many advanced women as they could, hoping that I would be overawed to ask them. But I was a real cheapskate, so I asked anyways. ;) It didn't matter if I was refused, I just asked.

there's no doubt this is a very harrowing process, and very difficult. But that's what makes a good leader, and you'll be valued very highly later on. That's your reward for persevering now. You have to decide if you want to pay the price for that reward.

[africana]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :P

I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!
Oh! that guy! I notice him watching and I usually end up asking if he doesn't ask me :wink:

[diputs]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :P
I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!
Oh! that guy! I notice him watching and I usually end up asking if he doesn't ask me :wink:

Did you notice that I tie my shoe a lot. Everytime anyone walks near me! :)

I am sure things will get better. I actually felt really good after the classes. It was a lot of fun. Once I get to know the regular faces, and they get to know me, I am sure things will fall in place.

[tacad]

What form of dance and what studio (I tend to frequent Dance Manhattan and Stepping Out, but only for swing)

I went to Dancesport for a Hustle class and a Salsa class. Then I went to the Hustle Practice Party.

My biggest problem is just getting over my own fears. I get really nervous dancing with women. I get scared if they are good looking. The women in class that I danced with and the women at the party terrified me. Why do all you women have to be so beautiful?
Have courage dude. You have to be bold and do it. One dance at a time. One lady at a time. There's no substitute for courage here. Going to dances is already courageous. I know that. You have to continue the courage here.
One courageous act at a time. I'm a ballroom dancer who is starting salsa. I can talk to women at a ballroom dance. But at a salsa club, well that's a different story for me. I danced with one attractive woman. I managed to smile at her in the dance and had some nice interaction with her. Then said, "Thank you!". And walked off. Then I noticed her standing by herself and thought "Man, I should have started a conversation with her." Then I'm thinking it was too late and would be weird now. So I decided I just had to do it. So I walked over to her and started a very stilted, halting conversation. :roll: :lol: .Managed to accidentally touch each other a bit. :bouncy: . Then she excused herself and went to talk to her friends. Now that was the first time I've ever done anything quite like that. It was awkward, and I did not feel smooth in the least, but I know it set me up for the next time. It moved the ball down the field which is really all any of us can do anyway.

That was a success! There were plenty of uncourageous times as well. Anyway, I hope my experience will help. But there's no magic formula. Be courageous. Be bold. Good luck! :D

[leftfeetnyc]

Hustle girl in NYC are nice, just ask them.

If the girls in class are backleading based on what they know is coming, the only way you are really going to learn to lead, like you said, is by going to practice parties. Ask a girl to dance, let her know you're a beginner and she'll help you out...promise. The DS Hustle nights have a friendly crowd, but ask a few people to dance and as they see you out there, they'll ask you too. If you just sit there watching being scared then you'll never get on the dancefloor and know what a thrill it is to really dance.

[tacad]

[quote=Diavo]
What you must understand as a lead, is that the lady is much more dependant on the lead's dancing level for her own level of dancing, than vice versa.


I understand this all too well, hence my hesitation to ask anyone to dance.

In class the followers don't tend to let me lead. They just listen to the teacher and do what they say. So I have no idea if I have any ability to lead. Which is teh reason I want to start going to the practice parties. Because no one is there telling the follow what is going to happen next.
By the way, they don't let me lead in ballroom class, either. And I know what the heck I'm doing (relative to my level). It's hard for them to follow when they know the next step. Don't even worry about this. Yeah, go to the practice parties. Don't sit down for 45 minutes. Keep asking women to dance. Don't take a break. Just keep going. Ask everybody. Ask on each dance. Seriously, don't even take a break. Don't believe yourself when you think you need to take a break. And yes, this post may say more about me than it does about you. :lol:

[tacad]

Why do all you women have to be so beautiful? so you would ask us :P

I am the guy in the corner tapping his foot (hopefully in rhythm), while the rest of his body is paralyzed with fear!
Right. Don't tap in the corner. The instant you get in the building ask someone. Don't get punch. Don't get a snack. Ask and keep asking.

[mjlover89]

I believe you should because she will probably credit you more if you do so. Personally I always tell people when I am a beginner so they no not to go to advance in things when i am still learning :D

[BrookeErin]

from what I noticed, women appreciate it more if you let them know you are a beginner. We've had a lack of men in comparison to women lately... there are cetainly nights when you're not likely to get turned down regardless, but it's nice to know what you're getting into. Recently, when a man asked me to dance and let me know he was a beginner, I started off very basic, was encouraging, and didn't get bored because I knew what to expect. I asked about his dance background and he feels comfortable asking me about his lead or new moves. It's easier to be patient with someone who is humble. Besides, we want to dance...

[Sagitta]

from what I noticed, women appreciate it more if you let them know you are a beginner. We've had a lack of men in comparison to women lately... there are cetainly nights when you're not likely to get turned down regardless, but it's nice to know what you're getting into. Recently, when a man asked me to dance and let me know he was a beginner, I started off very basic, was encouraging, and didn't get bored because I knew what to expect. I asked about his dance background and he feels comfortable asking me about his lead or new moves. It's easier to be patient with someone who is humble. Besides, we want to dance... I agree with this from experience.

[MacMoto]

Diputsnyc,

I don't think it's *necessary* to tell women you are a beginner, but yes I think we women tend to appreciate it.

Don't be frightened to ask good followers to dance. If telling women you are a beginner makes it easier for you to ask for a dance, then by all means do that. One thing I know is that most good followers are happy to dance with beginner leaders, as long as they don't keep coming back to ask again and again in the same night. Ask every woman once, and leave at that. And if any of them say no, don't take it personally.

[Twilight_Elena]

I don't think it's necessary either; after all, it's pretty possible people have already assesed your skills by seeing you dance with someone. At my dance parties, we usually know pretty much what level everyone is.

Twilight Elena

[tsb]

Don't be frightened to ask good followers to dance. If telling women you are a beginner makes it easier for you to ask for a dance, then by all means do that. One thing I know is that most good followers are happy to dance with beginner leaders, as long as they don't keep coming back to ask again and again in the same night. Ask every woman once, and leave at that. And if any of them say no, don't take it personally.

that's good point that no one else seems to have mentioned up until now; dance etiquette suggests that one try to dance primarily with other dancers at their experience level vs. limiting one's self to a single dance with each person above their own experience level. that's a pretty good rule of thumb IMO even though some people may be accomodating of multiple invitations to dance.

dancing with more experienced dancers will lead to a smoother dance - but dancing with beginners is the acid test in terms of evaluating your leading skills.

[africana]

And if the lady asks you, don't refuse on the grounds that you're just a beginner or less experienced (and then ask her later for a another song which she may not want to dance! :x )

Accept graciously while explaining your level - if you must - chances are, if she does the asking, she already knows how good (or not) you are

[MacMoto]

Very good point, africana.