bringing your date to a dance night

[luh]

hi
I'm just curious how you handle this situation:

You and your gf/wife/partner/whatever.. go out to a dance night. She/He dances quite well for 4 days of dancing, is extremly well to follow new things, and loves to dance, but hasn't taken any classes yet. Probably too shy to ask someone else to dance.

1. Option You try to remain with your partner/date whatever, dance almost only with her, and normally sit with her, if you are not dancing with her. Because you are there to spend a night with her, and not with everyone else.

2. Option,You ask still everyone you like, (probably including your partner/date/wife/husband/... ) because you are there, to dance, and dancing includes dancing with a lot of different partners, and sitting as few as possible (to give the feet few minutes ?)

3. Option: i don't know what this could be, probably you answer ;)

I'm not sure, because when i normally go to dance, i just ask about every follow i can ask, and dance as many dances, until i can't stand on my feet anymore (and that's normally the time when they start asking me :lol: )
But, would it be unpolite to the date/partner.. if you'd just dance a few dances with her?
Can you take her seriously, when she says, that she just likes watching as much as dancing?
luh
p.s. lol, many questions. just all at the time in my head, and all to this related, hope it's okay for you ;)

[tacad]

Is she a dancer or not a dancer?

[luh]

Is she a dancer or not a dancer?
I'm gonna add this in the question too. That seems important. Just for you here and now:

She dances quite well for 4 days of dancing, is extremly well to follow new things, and loves to dance, but hasn't taken any classes yet.
luh

[tacad]

Ah! I just read your post more carefully. I have danced a few dances with her. The few women I have dated in recent history have all been dancers. It seemed awkward to dance the entire evening with her in each case. We would dance with others mostly and dance a few with each other.

I have no idea about her saying she doesn't mind sitting and watching. :?

[luh]

Ah! I just read your post more carefully. I have danced a few dances with her. The few women I have dated in recent history have all been dancers. It seemed awkward to dance the entire evening with her in each case. We would dance with others mostly and dance a few with each other.

I have no idea about her saying she doesn't mind sitting and watching. :?

added another thing. "probably too shy to ask someone else for a dance"
luh

[tacad]

I'll venture one more opinion and leave it to others who are wiser in these matters. I tend to take a woman (or anyone) at their word until shown otherwise. If she is sitting and not dancing:

I would get some of my friends to dance with her. Introduce her around.

I would spend time sitting with her or dancing with her so she feels like you are concerned about her well-being (which you actually are).

Be aware of her. After a dance look over at her to see if she's having a good time. If she is you could have another dance. If not, you might consider doing something about it.

Trust yourself.

[tacad]

I guess I ought to clarify one thing. If we were on a date we would go to a neutral place that neither of us would go to usually and dance together most of the time. If we were not on a date then we would dance together from time to time, as we both wanted to dance with lots of other people. Frankly, I don't know which to recommend in your case. But that's what I've done.

[luh]

I guess I ought to clarify one thing. If we were on a date we would go to a neutral place that neither of us would go to usually and dance together most of the time. If we were not on a date then we would dance together from time to time, as we both wanted to dance with lots of other people. Frankly, I don't know which to recommend in your case. But that's what I've done.

the question is not if I'm going there or not. I'm just not sure if i should take her with me, and how to behave in case i do bring her with me. (it would be nice if she comes)
luh

[dTas]

i have encountered this situation many times...

it boils down to a few things.

a) does she dance, is she used to the "dance culture"?
b) are you on a "romantic date" with her?

so... first. is she used to the dance culture. does she want to be used to the dance culture. make it clear to her what the culture is. dancing with others, different dances, etc.

is she open to this? if not then either go to the dance yourself or go with her and dance be with her the whole time.

also... if you are on a romantic date with her you would not want to go dancing with others. where's the romance in that? where's the "building of the relationship" of you are off dancing with someone else.

so... if you want her to come then either make sure she knows what to expect and if she doesn't like it then either don't go with her or make sure you stay with her.

for me... when ever i take my wife out dancing i dance solely with her. she likes it that way. she knows the "dance culture" and does not like dancing with others (i spoil her :D ).

so when i go out dancing and i know i'll be dancing with others, when i'm there in the role of teacher/instructor, my wife will usually not come.

[lujan]

I generally encourage anyone I am with to dance with as many people as possible, just as I do. I firmly believe that no one will get truly good if they always dance with the same person. My last girlfriend and I danced maybe twice the whole time we were going out.

If I take a girl to a dance class/weekend/night who does not know how to dance the style of the night, I generally give her a whirlwind lesson on the basics, dance one dance with her, then suggest she dances with one of the more experienced dancers for a while. Then at the end of the night, we get back together, compare notes so to speak, and kick on with the last dance.

Personally I have a much better night if I dance with as many people as possible.

If its a romantic night, I make sure I do all the slow dances with my date :)

I always make it clear before we go out that I will be dancing with other girls, because the night is a social night.

[luh]

that sounds like a good way of doing it lujan.
I'm gonna encourage her too, to dance with as many people as possible. It's just that i'm not sure if she'll do. So i'm gonna ask some leader friends too, if they would ask her...
she knows the etiquette of swing. was part of the 4 day teaching i did.
luh

[MacMoto]

I'm not sure, because when i normally go to dance, i just ask about every follow i can ask, and dance as many dances, until i can't stand on my feet anymore (and that's normally the time when they start asking me :lol: )
But, would it be unpolite to the date/partner.. if you'd just dance a few dances with her?
Can you take her seriously, when she says, that she just likes watching as much as dancing?
luh
p.s. lol, many questions. just all at the time in my head, and all to this related, hope it's okay for you ;)
I've never been in this situation, but if I were you...

If your date has said (unsolicited) that she likes watching as much as dancing, I would take their words in good faith and assume she's happy -- or at least okay -- about you dancing with others.

In addition:
- I'd probably dance with others a lot less and go back to your seat (where I presume your date will be) a lot more than normal.
- I'd keep an eye on her and check in between dances if she seems to be enjoying herself. If not, I'd sit with her and talk or dance with her, whichever she prefers.
- I'd introduce her to your friends (esp. the friendly, talkative ones) so she will have people to chat to.
- I'd ask some of your male buddies to dance with her, telling them that she has never taken a class so they have to be gentle with her. I believe it's too much to expect her (as a newbie) to ask guys to dance at this point, so *you* need to *engineer* her dances with other men, if you see what I mean.

[Joe]

If your date is a non-dancer or a new dancer, you dance with her most of the night. If she's an experienced dancer, you both dance with whomever you want--she probably doesn't want to spend the entire night dancing with you, anyway. :D

[luh]

thx for all the great advise. I'll keep that in mind. :)
luh

[Swingolder]

Is she really interested in dancing? As crazy about it as you are, it would be "bumpy" to get serious about this girl if she wasn't really into learning to dance. She can't just watch everytime you want to take her out on a date. I know a lot of the posters on the forum do dance while their SO doesn't, but I think it would just be so much easier to find out right at the start if your interests are similar.
Hopefully, with encouragement, she will take to dancing like you have and then the problem will go away.

[luh]

Is she really interested in dancing? As crazy about it as you are, it would be "bumpy" to get serious about this girl if she wasn't really into learning to dance. She can't just watch everytime you want to take her out on a date. I know a lot of the posters on the forum do dance while their SO doesn't, but I think it would just be so much easier to find out right at the start if your interests are similar.
Hopefully, with encouragement, she will take to dancing like you have and then the problem will go away.

we got to know each other in class, and she loves to do aerials. And she said she'll take classes starting in oktober.
luh