Group class petty behavior?

R

Roxyg4321

New Member
Here's my dilemma. I am taking an advanced technique class for latin. There is one particular gentleman - mid 40s in my class who is an okay dancer. He has a large repetoire of moves, but not a lot of style and finesse. As it is a group class, we rotate partners every few minutes. The crux of the problem is that this gentleman likes to 1) stay with the partner he is currently dancing with, especially if she is young, thin and cute or 2) totally skip over you if there is a young/thin/cute lady behind you. Of course, as there are more followers than leaders, we are often "waiting" every second rotation - thereby increasing my frustration in "waiting" to dance with him as he is next in line, only to be ignored or passed over!

Now, I am not "old" or "ugly", but I am honest enough to say I am not "skinny". However, I am confident in my skills as a dancer, and would not say I am difficult to lead, nor is dancing with me a chore.

Anyone have any suggestions as to how to address this situation? I have seen him totally disregard some of the older ladies in our class, and I find this behavior very rude in a group class situation. It is so obvious what is happening to all of us that he chooses to conveniently ignore in class. Last night it was so obvious that as I rotated to dance with him (after waiting two rotations to allow a latecomer to go ahead of me), as I was standing in front of him waiting to begin dancing, he started to walk away to the - you guessed it - the young, thin, cute thing behind me (who I might mention is in a class that is way above her head!) - can you tell I am frustrated.

This is a long session of classes, so I will be dealing with this until just before Christmas! I am at a loss as to how to deal with this guy. I also see him at many social dances, and of course he only dances with a certain type of partner, even though they usually cannot keep up with his repetoire of moves!
 
Hi Roxie,

I empathize - that guy sounds like a real pain.

But why is the teacher allowing this fellow to ignore the rotation? It seems to me that if the guy is not following the proper rotation of partners, the instructor should be correcting him. If, because of this jerk, you are having to wait out more dances, and not getting sufficient learning experience, then you have a legitimate gripe to discuss with the teacher.

In all of my group dance classes (with various teachers), they always have the women do the rotating, not the guy. Perhaps you could suggest this to your teacher. It would be a graceful way of correcting the problem, rather than having to single out the guy and confront him.
 
I agree, that's very rude. Look at it this way, though: If he treats his partners like he treats his non-partners, maybe you're better off not dancing with him.
 
Thanks for the empathy jennyisdancing and cornutt. Maybe this makes it even worse, but in our class, the women are the ones rotating, which makes the snub even more obvious.

I have thought of wearing one of those obnoxious "bikini tees" (you know the joke ones with the cartoon bikini body screened onto the t-shirt) with a paper bag and a picture of Angelina Jolie on it - but this might be a tad too obvious! (and perhaps even Angie is getting a little long in the tooth for this gent!)
 
Yeah, doesn't sound like a gentleman at all... and I agree with jenny: why is the teacher allowing this to happen???
 
Roxyg4321 said:
Thanks for the empathy jennyisdancing and cornutt. Maybe this makes it even worse, but in our class, the women are the ones rotating, which makes the snub even more obvious.

I have thought of wearing one of those obnoxious "bikini tees" (you know the joke ones with the cartoon bikini body screened onto the t-shirt) with a paper bag and a picture of Angelina Jolie on it - but this might be a tad too obvious! (and perhaps even Angie is getting a little long in the tooth for this gent!)
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I'm confused, Roxy, how could this guy ignore the rotation order if all the gentlemen are supposed to stay put while the women move? If it's that egregious, now I really don't understand how the teacher is allowing it to happen. Again I suggest talking to the teacher.

Another suggestion: When you walk up to this guy for your turn to dance with him, and he starts walking away, perhaps you could smile, and say "um...(his name here)...I believe just the women are rotating." In other words pretend he's merely confused about the rotation process rather than acknowledging his jerkiness.

The guy doesn't deserve all this courtesy from you, but I am suggesting this simply for the sake of preserving a civil and pleasant atmosphere for the whole class. Don't know if it will work; you know this man and I don't, but maybe worth trying.
 
You need to get the instructor in on this. I know some people don't like rotating at all, which is one thing, but just rotating to specific people is out of line.

I know someone said you might be better off not dancing with him, but as you noted, that means less practice for you.

Since it is a class, and not a social event, he has that responsibility, and the instructor has the responsibility to enforce the rotation so that people get the practice they are paying for. I am going to presume there are other women in the class who feel the same way, and as a guy I would notice it as well, so I can't see how the instructor should be worried about upsetting that one person since most of the rest of the class are probably not happy with the one guy anyway.

FBG
 
This is all great advice. I have honestly never experienced a situation like this before. I really appreciate your advice jennyisdancing - and just making it seem like perhaps he has misunderstood the directions to rotate. As I come up to him in the rotation, I always feel myself tense up - wondering what shenanigans he will pull this time!
 
Indiana_Jay said:
It's time to speak with the instructors privately and make them aware.
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Totally agree. This is a class so this mans behaviour is way out of order. For the teachers to be unaware makes me wonder what they are doing as they should be aware, especially as you say it has been happening for a long time and to more than one person. Perhaps one or two of the other ladies that he does this to should also speak to the teachers, either with you or on their own. That way, it is obvious to the teachers what this man is doing and that it isn't just a personal thing with one person.
 
That would last all of ten seconds at our group classes. The pro teaching them may make a joke out of our occasional inability to rotate in the correct order (we're rotationally dyslexic, darn it), but EVERYBODY rotates and no one gets to skip anyone else. As he's watching all the time, unless he's making a quick run up to change the music, and then we're not rotating, he couldn't miss it if someone pulled that stunt. And if someone DID, they wouldn't get away with it. At pre-party classes whoever's teaching may be a touch lenient if there's, say, a married couple who don't really want to rotate, but at a regular class? No way. Talk to your instructors, because that's just not right.
 
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