Dancing and Your Social Circle

[pygmalion]

Here's an observation. Since I started dancing two and a half years ago, my social circle has changed completely. I used to have large groups of mostly work-related acquaintances. I had dinner parties every couple weeks, lunch out with friends, and lots of culturally based activities, like orchestra concerts and ballet performances.

Now, I dance. Every spare (and some NOT spare LOL!) moment is spent on dance. I take dance lessons at lunch time. My social activities are almost all related to dance. Of course, I still have a few very close friends who don't dance, but other than that, everything I do socially revolves around dance. Can anyone else resonate with that?

And is that good or bad?

[SwinginAngel]

I understand. Ever since I started dancing it is all I have wanted to do. I am consumed by it. All my pre-dance friends don't like dance and so I don't feel as connected to them. I am constantly thinking about upcoming dances, practicing my dance steps, etc... and they cannot understand. I am worried about how this will affect my relationship with my best friend back home who absolutely does not dance. I am going to want to dance much of the time and she will not.

[Sagitta]

My social circle has changed too! I spend more time with dance people rather than those who don't dance. And since I am considering joining the ballroom team - if I join it - I'll be spending even more time with dance.

You outgrow some people as personal circumstances change.

As to whether relationships can withstand a dramatic change in personal interests it depends on what was the glue of those relationships. If being best friends is important to both you and your friend SwingAngel, you'll find some way to make it work. I've had quite a few non-dance friends who've tagged along and spent some time at dances, and in turn I've not gone for some dances to be with them.

[dancergal]

Most of my friends are dance friends, but mostly from country dancing and I still see them when we country dance. Now that I'm doing a lot of west coast swing dancing, we've made new friends from those circle of dancers. But I make sure that I still take time to do stuff with my other non-dance friends, but maybe not as much as I used to.

[Spitfire]

I have three social circles; one is of course from dancing another is from watching football at a local sports bar and that of myself and three very longtime friends.

There are no dancers from the second two, but there are enough common interests that my dancing has no effect on these relationships.

[SwinginAngel]

Originally Posted by Sagitta

If being best friends is important to both you and your friend SwingAngel, you'll find some way to make it work. I've had quite a few non-dance friends who've tagged along and spent some time at dances, and in turn I've not gone for some dances to be with them.

I know our friendship will last but I wonder if it will be strained. I know I will skip dancing to hang out with her but I don't think she will want to go to a dance.

[jon]

Mostly that new-dancer, out-every-night intensity diminishes eventually and people incorporate previous interests back into their lives. It may take a few years in some cases

If you find that you're losing friends forever because they don't share one specific interest, that may say something about the depth of the friendship.

[Sagitta]

Originally Posted by jon

Mostly that new-dancer, out-every-night intensity diminishes eventually and people incorporate previous interests back into their lives. It may take a few years in some cases

Perhaps, or you find another new dance that excites you, and it you're addicted worse then ever...

[pygmalion]

I see what you mean, jon. When I first started dancing, I was at class literally every night -- I mean seven nights a week. And I'm no longer doing that. But the seven-nights-a-week period weeded out the true, long-lasting friends, from the close acquaintances. Now, what I have remaining is deep-seated friendships. And I mostly call those people on my non-dancing nights. LOL!

[2leftfeet]

Very interesting thread. Here's the perspective from the somebody who was "left behind" because he doesn't dance.

I remember having a really good friend in college- he was my mentor, 29 a the time, really smart and good-looking guy. So I loved to go to the bars with him to go chica-hunting. Then he went out to a club once by himself, and ended up falling in love with swing dancing. He got good, too, to the point where he was entering competitions. After that, we rarely ever hung out. I don't blame him, he was introduced to a whole new group of people, including many beautiful girls.

But I felt like I lost his friendship to dance. Don't mean to sound overly dramatic here, but it's true, and there's nothing wrong with that. We all hang out with the people with whom we have something in common, similar likes. Not just that, but dancing is fun- I don't do it, though from this day forth I swear to learn- but I can still say that it looks like a lot of fun. So in a sense, learning it is advantageous to not knowing how, and you are leaving the normal, less "active" art of simply socializing (and drinking) when you take up dancing.

So go dance, be free. But it doesn't hurt to keep in mind that your other friends who don't dance "miss" you, too. It's like going shopping at the grocery store with your grandmother. Grandma loves you, likes to have you around, but she can't walk as fast as you. Are you going to dart around getting what you want, telling her to "wait here" all the time? Sometimes. But for the most part you walk at her pace, for her.

Hope this reply wasn't too much of a downer. Just another point of view. Friends are friends, regardless of ability.