General Dance Discussion > Another question for the males - Why did you start dance?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by SPratt74, Aug 5, 2006.

  1. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Ok. So, my sister keeps asking me why do men start dance? Now, I have been getting the truth out of some mothers that some guys just want to meet women, but end up staying because they like to dance. And surprisingly enough, that's been the answer to the ones I've asked so far. Again, I'm not asking why you stayed in dance, but why you joined dance. I know there are all kinds of reasons, so list whatever comes to mind.

    Also, if you are there to meet women, do you make your intentions known to those that you are interested in (think back before you were married if you are married now)? How is a girl supposed to know what you are thinking if you don't tell us in other words lol? I know that may seem silly, but I was standing outside with a friend of mine actually discussing this topic (and I don't want to go into another what is nice and what is flirting thread). She's young though, so she doesn't understand, but when you become older you sort of just go with the flow and say whatever happens... happens.

    Have fun! ;)
  2. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    I think it's pretty obvious at socials which guys are there to meet women and which guys want to dance. Women meeters constantly walk by the better dancers to ask the hot new girl that's never had a lesson. Could they be being nice?
  3. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Interesting. But I don't believe that. At least I don't see that happening at my studio anyways. ;)
  4. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member



  5. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Oh Max... don't disappoint me. I so love reading your long thought out posts. ;)
  6. DennisBeach

    DennisBeach New Member

    Since I had been married 27 years when I started, I did not start to meet women.

    When we became empty-nesters, we were looking for something to do as a couple. We thought dancing would be something we would like and would also be good exercise. It has exceeded those expections. I though we would do a little dancing every couple of months or so. It turned into a lot of dancing every week.
  7. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Guys and Dolls *, don'cha know? Whether for women plural, not yet known, or for woman singular, that special one.

    I started six years ago because of my then-wife, when we had been married for 24 years. I wanted to find something that we could do together. She had always loved to dance but from the start of our relationship she had certified me completely devoid of rhythm and incapable of ever learning, a 7-Up ("never had it; never will"). One evening I heard her tell a co-worker that she had always wanted to learn salsa, so I told her that someone was arranging for a salsa teacher to come in after work and suggested we start.

    Though when I thought about it much later on, I realized that that was only part of my motivation to start. The Christmas before that, we went to a dinner-dance Xmas party at a friend's company and I spent the entire evening sitting alone at our table while everybody else was on the floor dancing. I came out of that evening knowing that I had to do something to keep from ever going through such a miserable experience again. That was part of the reason why I had noticed the announcement of the salsa class in the first place and it was my main motivation to keep working through the classes even though I was convinced that I was completely hopeless and would never learn. But even then, what had made it miserable was that I wasn't able to spend that time with my wife, but rather had to watch her dance with other guys while I sat there unable to please her.

    Which brings us back to the women. The two of us did classes for a little over two years, until she refused to dance with me anymore (because of her intense hatred of me due to reasons that she has never given me, but which I doubt were directly related to dancing). I continued with the classes in the hope that she'd return, in which case I couldn't afford to fall behind; I needed all the help I could get. As it turned out, she was the one who really needed those classes, because she never succeeded in transitioning from free-style to partner dancing. We did dance one more time, about a year later at her parents' 50th anniversary party. Despite my strong and clear lead, she either would not or could not follow; it was like a wrestling match.

    But as I continued in those classes, I encountered rooms half-full of women who were actually glad to see me, quite the opposite of what it was like at home. This positive social environment then became my therapy for surviving the grueling past four years of surviving a family tragedy, her increasingly abusive conduct, the divorce process, and six post-divorce months. Still, from the start and up to a couple years after she refused to dance with me, I couldn't think of wanting to dance with anyone but her. A year after she refused to dance, I did finally start going out to dance Lindy, but only because it was necessary for my training (the only way I could justify going out), but even then I felt very strange about it for a long time.

    Even now, my interest in the women I dance with is to enjoy their company and their friendship, not the search for romance. Indeed, a couple weeks ago when a long-time friend seemed to display such interest in me (yes, I'm clueless, but this was verified by a third-party observer), I spent the next week on the verge of being a nervous wreck (so much for the "stud" image the ladies are trying to give me in another thread).

    So what a guy is looking for when "meeting women" is not always what we would think.

    * When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
    You can bet that he's doing it for some doll.
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    What thread? just kidding! :wink:

    I would give my answers, as well, but this is a thread for the guys. I will say that sitting there and watching everybody else dance really stinks. Been there, done that.

    I'm glad you're dancing, DWise1. :cool: :)
  9. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    So am I. It's the main thing that's kept me alive this long.

    And I had wanted to add to my post above, that part of what I seek is the positive social environment.

    Despite the inevitable negative feelings I have for one woman in particular, I did make the decision to love all the women I meet. Whether I will ever be able to become romantically involved, that's a different question. But even without that element, my many three-minute relationships and off-floor chats and socializing are beneficial.
  10. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    Does doing the Mexican Hat Dance in 4th grade count as my first exposure to partner dancing? The next time was in 10th grade World History class. We had this really weird teacher who decided to bring in the Spanish teacher to teach us a little East Coast Swing while we studied the 1930s and 1940s. In college, a guy buddy of mine, who did swing, salsa, polka, waltz, and folk-dancing, encouraged me to take some East Coast Swing classes with his teachers. I stopped after a few months because I was busy and also because as a musician (violinist) I felt jarred by dancing triple meter steps to duple meter music. So that was that until I got into English country dancing about a year ago. There were one or two waltzes each evening. By December of 2005, I had gotten tired of sitting them out or depending on the kindness of ladies to backlead me. One of my two new year's resolutions was to learn to waltz. On January 2, 2006, I walked into a local studio for my first Smooth class. I haven't gone English country dancing since March. Ballroom is just toooo fun!!
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi terpsichorean Clod. Welcome. And stop putting yourself down. This is strictly a self-affirming dance website. Maybe you feel like you have two left feet, but, sight unseen, we all believe in you. Terpsichorean? Maybe. Clod? No. :cool: ;)

  12. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    The heart dances. The feet need to learn to catch up.
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Sorry about that! My sister kept asking the question, and I figured that I would get more honest answers here! I have loved all of the posts so far. They are all so interesting! ;)
  14. Judo

    Judo New Member

    I've always liked dancing, and I would learn a bit here and there (cha-cha / glowsticking), but I really got into dancing when there was this girl I liked who was a dance fanatic (especially the more risque kind), so it was either learn to dance to dance with her or bust... I'm glad I didn't bust
  15. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    Hi pygmalion! Thank you for the welcome!
    Two left feet? Me? Goodness, no! I have two right feet! :)
  16. kayak

    kayak Active Member

    Yep, I met a lady who liked to dance. I knew I was asking her to do a lot of guy oriented activities. So I figured I better be willing to join in her activity.
  17. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Yesterday was typical for me. I go to a milonga; dance pretty well continuosuly for 3 hours get home and DOH! I didn't stop to even chat to Helen that nice dancer with the pretty face. So I guess I'm there to dance
  18. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I just always have taken it for granted that basically everyone who is into partner dancing is there to dance WITH someone else. No one is there -just- to dance... you'd be doing something like else like going out to a dance club, or other forms of dance like hip hop, ballet, tap, aerobics, jazz dance, whatever. You can dance in your own house. and partner dancing in particular draws people because of the 'romance' of it.

    If you are in a couple, you'll be there to do something with each other... if you are single, you will be looking to meet someone, either as friends, or for most people, something more if you met the right person. Even married people who dance while their partner doesn't often do it to meet new people (hopefully on a "just friends" basis.)

    At the same time, I don't think anyone is -just- there to 'meet people'; its a lot of time and work for that. (You do speed-dating or something.) Most people who stay with it, stay with it because they enjoy it... both as an activity in its own right, as well as a way to meet new people.
  19. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I was afraid of dancing. I signed up for 2-3 private lessons just to see how it feels, so that I wouldn't grow old and regret never having faced my demons. I realized that I had a sense of rhythm, and it might actually be within my grasp, so I continued.

    The timing of when I chose to 'face my demons' was inspired by something else though. I was interested in two different girls, who were both into salsa. They both bugged me often enough to take dance lessons, and they both ended up in the platonic land.

    At that time, I thought they were both amazing dancers. Now I know that one of them was a beginner with no shot at becoming really good. The other one is an intermediate follower who has given up on dancing...
  20. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I agree with you about this. Now, if this type of dancing weren't this costly, I'd probably say something different. But it is costly, and sometimes more costly than other sports depending on your reasons for dancing. And most people watch their budgets like I do. I only have a certain amount I can spend on dancing each week whether it would be privates or something else related to dance like costumes and shoes etc. So, yeah, that's why I stated though, your reasons for going into dance are going to be different than the reasons why you stay in dancing. But I do appreciate both answers! This thread has been really interesting to me, and it gives me a wider perspective as to the male way of thinking lol. ;)

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