General Dance Discussion > Bad Etiquette :(

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by pygmalion, Jul 10, 2004.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Just out of curiosity, what is the worst breach of dance etiquette you've ever witnessed? You know, beginners dancing in the fast lane, or people standing on the dance floor, smoking and talking (but not dancing :evil: )

    It seems most of us have a common understanding of what constitutes good dance floor etiquette. But, here and there, are a few people who just don't get it.

    What's the worst you've seen? EM's want to know. :wink:
  2. Laura

    Laura New Member

    The worst that's ever happened to me was that I was taking a friend who had just moved to the area around to all the different dance studios to see what was out there. We went to one place for a party and the studio owner (who had met him when we took a group class from her earlier in the week) monopolized him so badly that I didn't get one danced with my friend all night. She kept grabbing him and either dancing with him herself or putting this 14-year-old girl (maybe she was 16) in front of him to dance with because she was looking for a partner for the girl. Now, since my role was to make introductions and act as chauffer I knew I wouldn't get to dance with my friend very much, but all I got was part of the last waltz of the evening. It just really pissed me off, especially since none of that studio's regulars asked me to dance at all that night! And then the next night she....oh never mind. It's water under the bridge now and for all I know one of this woman's minions could be reading these boards. Let's put it this way: I was not amused and not only am I never going back there again, I'm never recommending that anyone go there either.
  3. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Those people who give unsolicited advice during a social dance. :x

    That's what lessons and classes are for. :wink:
  4. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    At a social dance, asked of me: "Will you dance two minutes of cha cha with me and tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

    1. I charge $40/hour for that. Set up a lesson and I'll tell you all kinds of stuff you're doing wrong.

    2. It's a social dance. I'm not there to teach, but to dance.

    3. If you want to dance with me, you dance the whole dance. Not two minutes, not long enough for me to diagnose you, the whole dance.
  5. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    I've finally decided that the necessary extension of this is that one must refuse to dance with those who are in desperate but unacknowledged need of advice. I mean the kind of person who is physically aggravating to dance with and either doesn't take training, or more often who takes classes over and over without learning what is being taught.

    What I haven't yet figured out is how to make a permanent refusal technical rather than personal, without making it consitute advice. Saying "Please stop asking me to dance" implies personal dislike. Wheras "I will not dance with you again until you start trying to make an effort to use your feet" clarifies the issue, but also consistutes technical advice.

    I sometimes think that what ballroom needs is the addition of a third context - not classes, not socials, but more of a social practice, where it's explicitly okay to discuss things, with the setting itself implying at least the possibility of mutual interest in doing so. This would primarily be of the advanced & beginner type of interaction, but also there is substantial possibility of collaborative 'figuring things out' - sort of an in person version of some of the tehnical discussions from various online forums.
  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I agree with you Chris. That is why I enjoy the AT practicas. I can get advice and practice and then enjoy doing what I can during the milongas (dances). :)
  7. chachagirlie

    chachagirlie New Member

    I think everyone experiences the "Here let me teach you something" and the very famous, "I've just begun competing and this how you should be doing it" but for me...the worst was ...

    Oh wait...I guess this needs a little husband is a very good looking man, an obviously experienced dancer with a wonderful lead...

    O.K. the risk of looking like the big's the story...

    My husband and I went dancing one evening at a local dance studio's party. We danced 80% of the evening dances together. Of the 20% we did not dance together, it was so we could accept dances from old friends. A woman neither of us knew, grabbed my husband every chance she saw I was being asked by someone else and before my husband could ask someone. She several times during the evening asked my husband if he wanted to be her which he replied... no...I dance and compete with my wife.

    All of this my husband told me during the dance. He also said she was not a very good dancer.

    She nabbed him a final time for the evening, just prior to our final dance of the evening.

    My husband and I were walking to our car when he said look at this...the woman had slipped a piece of paper into his pant's pocket! :x and the paper had her name, phone number and "dance partner" written on it!

    My husband made a comment to me about how aggressive some women can be and can't seem to take no for an answer...So I decided it was time I took action. :evil:

    Now I am not normally a jealous woman. I actually have a reputation among my friends and co-workers for being calm and unflappable...but it was his pant's pocket!

    :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

    I guess you can tell I was furious! :D

    I decided it was time to flap just a little...

    I turned on my heel and went back into the studio. She was on the the center. I waited for the music to end, quickly crossed the floor and cut her off from reaching the edge. I handed her back the piece of paper and said very quietly and calmly, "My husband won't be needing this."

    She sort of stammered a half apology ... and I swiftly left.
  8. Vin

    Vin New Member

    I don't think that one will be beaten. Good on you.
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    LOL! That is the best dance floor story I've heard in a long time, chachagirlie. That'll show her not to put her hands in the pocket of someone else's husband! Grr.
  10. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Isn't this done in workshops?

    Though the studios here don't hold many of these. However, one is being held for WCS next month at our studio and USABDA does three of them a year.
  11. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    I guess it depends on the meaning of 'workshop'. In my experience to date, the word has generally meant something along the lines of one-time cluster of group classes probably including a visiting teacher or two.

    I was thinking more along the lines of a social practice session in which non-professional students of varying levels would interact with dancers other than just their usual partners.

    The difference may mean more in the context of ballroom which has fairly strict divisions between who is considered an amateur, a professional, or a teacher compared to what I understand is a less structured spectrum of roles in the WCS community.
  12. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    I think this is an excellent idea. Salsa scenes can definitely use some of it (except I'm not too sure how it could be executed successfully :? ).

    Having recently started getting involved in the teaching side of things, I've suddenly realised sooooooo much bad etiquette around that desparately need addressing (but how does one go about it tactfully?).

    I had a girl (who recently started seeking advise from me) coming up to me *very apologetically* about not being able to complet a dance from this really rough lead (who happened to have taken a couple of casual classes with us). The poor girl got hurled into so many other people she was too worried to enjoy the dance :( . She wanted to know if she's done something terrible by not wanting to finish the whole song.........

    That was a particularly bad night, as the floor was packed with all the newbies/non-dancers who have no idea that other people were there, too :evil: . I got attacked from all corners myself!

    I've decided to have a word with a few of these culprits (only the ones I feel I could give advise :oops: ). I might need to have a word with their teachers (if I know them) too.

    In the interest of dancer's safety, I'm kinda about to break the 'no unsolicited advise' code :oops: .......... what do you guys think? Should I say something, or keep quiet? I would hate to see newbies scared away from the clubs by a few (too many) out there who cause traffic hazards :roll: !
  13. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    cases where suggesting "it really hurts when you do ______" is not advice as much as self-preservation IMO.

    use your feet? what are they using now?

    seriously, how about reframing the perspective to something like:

    "i find it too frustrating because i can't seem to get you to follow the/execute the footwork of the moves i try to lead with you."

    and more it a shortcoming on your own part instead of theirs.

    my old teachers do that by hosting monthly practice dances. we used to trade moves, stuff like that.
  14. Danish Guy

    Danish Guy New Member

    Go ahead, but try to tell the newbie’s in a nice constructive way.
    Most will appreciate some good well-meant advice/feedback 8)
    Tell the teachers directly what dancers the produce!
  15. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    :lol: chachagirlie, good for you!

    I don't care for aggressive female dancers at all who show no sensitivity for finding whether a guy is there with his wife, girlfriend or even another good female friend.
  16. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Salsachinita tsbs advice is good. When dancing I always try to phrase it in a way that it does not look as if I'm giving advice, but just asking for help. One example is beginners looking at my feet and at my hip motion while dancing! [Are we dancing, or what?] Now I know what it feels like to be stared at!!
  17. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    Hotshot couples who just brazenly cut through and between people on the dance floor without ANY regard to the well-being of others. Doing competition moves where there is clearly NO physical space to do so. :evil: :snake:
  18. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Ah well, it's unfortunatley getting to the point where sometimes the best opportunity to dress up and do social ballroom right is to jump into a competition with a pickup partner.

    I wonder if the WCS community, with their emphasis on jack & jill competitions, is on to something.
  19. DancingMommy

    DancingMommy Active Member

    All right... I have to chime in one this.... The worst breach of etiquette I've ever experienced is as follows:

    When darling hubby and I had been dating a little while (and just before our engagement was made public), we went to our local Lindy Hop venue...

    All the usual suspects were there, including a friend of his (female) who had been his "stag-mate" - IOW when they didn't have dates, they went with each other.

    Weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, here we were, darling and I, standing on the ramp down to the dance floor when his "friend" comes up and asks him to dance.... I wouldn't have minded if....

    He hadn't been holding my hand in the crook of his arm and she physically jerked him away from me.... I tightened my grip on his arm for a second, and she said to me "I know you don't mind"...

    Well let me tell you what b.... I DID mind.... It wasn't enought that she didn't even say hello to me or even acknowledge my FRIGGING existence... But to yank him away from me?! WTH?!

    I spent the entire evening planning how I was going to get even.... Alas, my plans of taking her outside and breaking her kneecaps never did come to pass.

    Apparently she was POd that he didn't ask her permission to date and that *horrors* he would date someone outside the Lindy Hop community, no less. Oh fer cryin' out loud.......
  20. DanceAm

    DanceAm New Member

    My wife and I have a female teacher as a primary dance teacher and this is not our first one. But I have had to tell all of them that if I feel I am being tested or analyzed during a social dance, I won't dance with them anymore. Of course I will dance with them again, I just wanted to make a point. As it turns out, I just get hit with it at the next lesson, which is OK with me.

    Is it hard to turn off the teacher mode? Is it hard to have fun at a social dance if you are teacher?

    As for phone numbers in my pocket, I think the ratio at which I get hit on compared to my wife is about 20 to 1. (Mine don't say dance partner, but I show my wife and we have a good laugh as we go out the door.) She always gets guys hitting on her at dance bars, especially when I am dancing with someone else or gone to the restroom. She even had a guy compose a love letter to her and wanted to verify that I was not her boyfriend or husband before he gave it to her. I guess because I am a pretty good dancer and dance with all the ladies in our group that maybe they think I am gay and she is available.

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