General Dance Discussion > Bad Etiquette :(

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by pygmalion, Jul 10, 2004.

  1. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    If memory serves, the hostess was Queen Victoria, who famously at a state banquet, lifted her finger bowl, and nonchalantly drank all of its water.
    I suppose she felt she had to, her guest of honor--the Shah of Persia, did it first.

  2. Catarina

    Catarina New Member

    And I am very conscious of being consistent in what I say. If i say no to dancing a bachata with a guy, I do articulate, "no bachata for me tonight, but for salsa/chachacha later?". And then I continue to decline bachata offers. I say what I mean as a general rule. And if I say that I'm too tired at that point, I do sit out a few songs or go get water. I can think of 2 times in the last 6 months that it has happened that I said no to a dance, and ended up dancing with another guy to that dance later on.

    My comments were more in reference to those guys without the same sense of etiquette that you're describing, as the plain yet polite no is not sufficient and it becomes an awkwardly barely audible mini-struggle on the edge of the dance floor because my polite "no thank you" with a smile wasn't clear enough.
    I get what you're saying about the need to prompt some folks though & agree that in some situations, prodding is needed to get somebody onto the dance floor. Most of the time, I'm not one of them though!
  3. dancedude314

    dancedude314 New Member

    All I ask for is clarity from a declined offer to dance. If the woman doesn't want to dance with me at all, for whatever reason, a simple no thank you is sufficient. If she does want to dance, but wants to rest at the moment, then she should say something to that effect. End of story--no need to make the interaction any more complicated.
  4. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Worst breach of etiquette. My old dance "teacher", about whom I complained copiously back in the days of being a commoner at DF, would get on the dance floor with a new salsera, was completely wasted at the time, and would get so frustrated if she couldn't follow his ego-trip of a dance that he would leave her in the middle of the dance, standing on the floor, and GO AND GET A FAVOURITE FOLLOW to "show her how it's done"!!! He'd then finish the song with this favourite, not even acknowledging the previous partner, and walk off the floor.
  5. sac76

    sac76 New Member

    thats plain rude and coming from a teacher it makes it even not sure what makes him call himself a teacher? it shows imamturity on his part
  6. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Which is precisely why I put "teacher" in quotation marks. He was a self-involved loser.
  7. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    maybe he taught 'self inolvement' .. u never know they teach the weirdest things these days.. eh
  8. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    No. A dance-off, a la Ben Stiller.
  9. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    Etiquette may or may not allow the asker to continue asking others after an initial rejection. Regardless, I think subsequent askees might feel like the kid who got picked last for kickball.
  10. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    Not necessarily - there are many reasons surely why someone asks a person to dance with preference only one factor (return of favor, old friend, owe mortgage to...)
  11. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    So a solution might be to demonstrate a lack of preference by starting at one point and asking one's way along the side of the dance floor.
  12. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    Depends how it's done. If someone contorts himself to ask the woman behind me to dance and when she turns him down, turns to me, that does look like scond choice. But if a guy walks up to a table, asks the nearest woman and she says no, I don't have any bad feelings about being asked next (I guess it's a version of your suggestion of working around the room one by one). Or you can go to a different part of the room and ask someone else. Chances are they weren't watching the previous turndown anyway.

    Most women would rather be second choice than sit out.
  13. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    If a guy obviously asks you as a second choice, does that waive your social obligation, allowing you to decline him and then go dance with someone else? After all, you'd just be telling him that he's not your first choice, either. ;)

    I wonder if guys might prefer to sit out rather than be second. You know there's that whole thing about many guys getting upset that they weren't a girl's "first experience". :rolleyes: :lol:
  14. SlowDancer

    SlowDancer New Member

    Interesting question. :confused:
  15. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Friend/really advanced dancer to me: You see that girl in pink? She is a beginner, but really feels good to dance with. Do dance with her sometime...
    Me: Ok, I'll ask her in a bit.
    [A few minutes later]
    Me [to Pinkie]: Would you like to dance?
    Pinkie: Err... I really need a minute to recover. Can we dance in a bit?
    Me: ok...
    [After a song]
    [Pinkie is sitting by the side, talkign with a Dude]
    Me: Would you like to dance?
    Pinkie: <Starts to say something tentative..>
    Dude: Do you mind? We are in the middle of a conversation...
    [Me wants to punch him]
    Pinkie: Well, actually I really need a bit more rest now I think...
    Me: Oh well, sorry..

    [Me makes mental notes -
    - Pinkie added to DND list. Remember to tell her why if she ever asks you to dance...
    - Dude will never get the time of the day from me,
    or a CPR if he were dying...

    Sigh, I really wish I had the presence of mind to give them a good retort on the spot... I'm growing too soft and civilized... :|
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    seems wise to leave that alone Q
  17. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    "Well, now it looks like you have the rest of your life to rest."
  18. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Poor etiquette in a man being PAID to be friendly at the dance parties:
    A month or so ago, we were at a party at one of the studios, mixer is going, and one of the instructors there very obviously and purposefully skipped me. Which was an amazingly rude thing to do IMO. So then last night, we go there. Another mixer. We get to him in line. And I say, "Oh, not going to skip me this time?" Him (in his smarmy accent, "Ohhhh, I would NEVER skip youuuu." Me, "Really? You did a few weeks back, you were quite rude about it too." "Oh, you must be mistaken, I would never skip a beautiful lady." (More smarm.) "Oh, you definitely did. It was quite rude." Him:"Well I must have been drunk, I'll make it up to you." End of line, I roll my eyes and walk off. (Because I'm just not charmed by smarmy "I have an accent so I'm soooo charming" mularkey like that.)
    So he decides to "make it up to me" and asks me to dance. So I figure, fine, start walking to the floor with him, and HE ANSWERS HIS CELL PHONE. And I'm trying to walk off because that is just too over the top and I'm not desperate enough to dance that I'll stand there waiting on a phone call, but he grabs my hand and won't let go, and I'm just so shocked that a man could be THAT rude that I figure I'll wait for him to finish so I can tell him how rude it is. Finishes his call, 30 seconds or so later. And I'm just, "Well aren't you the picture of etiquette?" Man never apologizes for that. Then after dancing, he's all, "You aren't smiling?" "No, one ok dance doesn't make up for you being very rude on 2 separate occasions, so why exactly would I be smiling?" "Oh, what do you mean I was rude?" And I'm just so annoyed at that point, I walked away.
    One, just because you're a dance instructor with an accent, I'm not charmed by you. Maybe some of the really desperate women are, but I'm not.
    Two, you aren't THAT great of a dancer.
    Three, you're a rude nitwit that I think very well may be drunk.

    Ahhhh, that felt good to get out.
  19. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    It's only a big deal because you made it one.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    my goodness....maybe I'm getting old...sounds like most men to me...and probably rather innocent....don't get me wrong, not givng him an award for sensitivity, but wondering how many other men would pass that test with a better dh and pro and could see both doing something like that...joe, guess I'm just one of those desperate women...accent or no accent

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