Tango Argentino > Beginner's Hell thinking of quitting Tango

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by BHTango, Mar 14, 2016.

  1. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Good idea that maybe my wife is a mirror for my emotions. I didn't think that worrying about her happiness maybe is not as good as just being as happy as can be myself and that could make her happpy thanks.
     
    ocean-daughter and Lois Donnay like this.
  2. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Why call this lady a partner????
    Four years yep I am a newbie and sounds like more years will help
     
  3. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    She does dance with other men about half the night milonga. Many more women than men if I didn't dance with her she would sit about half the night are you saying I should let her sit while I dance with other ladies?
     
    Lois Donnay likes this.
  4. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Good news is she can keep no secrets on her face she would be bad at poker. Bad news is she can keep no secrets on her face! I do like the music and my Tango friends. Good idea to learn from the old dancers
     
  5. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Good idea I feel like I am hurrying competing against the old experienced guys but it takes time to be old and experienced
     
    ocean-daughter likes this.
  6. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Good link thank you
    Wife does thank me and say good things and compliments so not all bad
    didn't want to say she is a bad person she is a good person and good wife
    Just want to be the Tango smile maker for her
     
    ocean-daughter likes this.
  7. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Classes are good and not arguing
    Wife does compliment my progress but looks bored
     
  8. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Thanks wife is willing to dance with me, I did not think a wife would be so bad to not dance with her husband that would be a bad! I do get lots of dances with other follows
    I had not really thought about it but wife has done so much Tango she might have hit the wall all ready now that I think about it she has not improved much lately
     
    cornutt likes this.
  9. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Good link thank you give me hope
     
  10. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Maybe this is the same as me and my wife? Be sure you smile and thank him alot.
     
    raindance likes this.
  11. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    I think she brain knows it but feels bored and looks bored.
    Good idea about being old news and less interesting I did not think that but I can see that. Maybe I should do just walking until the last Tanda and they go full Tangomanic the last song of the night. Ha ha funny frown means start walking still frowning means getting off beat ha ha.
     
  12. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Several messages maybe I am dancing too many tandas with her good idea
    Most ladies even the good ones smile and look that they like my dances
     
  13. Grateful

    Grateful New Member

    The "being helpful" can be something that I'll ask him to try, so I can "get" his lead. I am also very mindful on how I phrase things just so not to irritate him, but it doesn't work. I might ask him if he can give me his hand lead a half a step earlier cos the way we do it, I get "off" or behind a bit by the time I realize what he's asking of me & I think it'll fix my part. He'll get mad at me, do it his way several more times, til he's gotten over being that mad, then he'll do whatever I suggested (without telling me ahead of time) & it'll work for us. Just very frustrating for me & honestly, I'd rather be treated with more respect when we dance. Then he'll see me dance with the pros & that I'm getting whatever it is we were having problems with & he has actually accused me of purposely not following his lead Like I go out of my way to not dance properly with him. I explained to him that you can't expect 2 people that are new to ballroom dancing to dance as well together as 1 experienced instructor with 1 new person. They can make most people look pretty darn good! I find that if I dance with any emotion when I dance with my husband, I'm likely to cry, so I stay as emotionless as I can.
     
    Mr 4 styles and Mladenac like this.
  14. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    Yes I like Tango
    Good idea I never had the idea that keeping her from sitting maybe makes her less happy. I assumed she would rather dance with me than sit but maybe I should read the face!
    First year it was good. She still says good things but looks bored. I wondered if she might burn out on Tango that could be a good talk to have.
     
  15. BHTango

    BHTango New Member

    I have asked her many times to not look around but she still does but I found a trick I stop dancing when she looks around and then she quits looking around. It is not fast looks but long stares and then we have mistakes.
    The only time I suggested she dance less was when she complained two very experienced leaders did the same dance every time I said if that she was getting bored all ready with leaders that good maybe do less Tango that she was burning out.
     
  16. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    She will get annoyed because you want to please her too much. Are you a puppy or a husband?

    Leave the woman alone and focus on yourself.
    Go to dancing so you please yourself first and she if enjoys is ok but if not is also ok.

    I hope you are not behaving like that in other things.
     
  17. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Grateful.... Learning to dance with your spouse is brutal for the lady. My wife will tell you. I was similar to your husband at first. Hard to admit but once I took private lessons with a female pro she corrected the issues and my attitude. I thank my wife for soldiering through this. Now we dance in harmony and it shows in practice comps show dances and comp results
     
    ocean-daughter and FancyFeet like this.
  18. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Yes, from time to time, you should. :)
     
    Mladenac likes this.
  19. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    You cannot make her happy, it's her job. ;)
    When she starts to behave normally invite her more often. :)

    Are you obsessed with her, or what?

    Just let her "enjoy" her behaviour.
     
  20. atk

    atk Active Member

    There is a big difference between telling someone how to do their job and asking them to fix a problem. In the former, you tell them how to fix the problem ("take my hand sooner"). In the latter, you tell them what the problem is and let them figure out the solution ("every time we try to do X, I feel like I don't have enough time - like it's already happened before I even know it started. Can you help me to know that it's coming sooner?")

    It's natural to want to give him the solution, but that's not your job as the follower. Your job is to follow, and to let him know what you feel (not what he did) that makes it harder/easier to follow. It's his job to provide a lead, to figure out what's wrong with his lead, and to adjust his lead to be more correct.

    Just like it would be wrong of him to tell you that you are following wrong ("stop thinking", "stop backleading", etc, when the reality of what's going on on your body may be completely different).
     
    ocean-daughter likes this.

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