Tango Argentino > Beginner's Hell thinking of quitting Tango

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by BHTango, Mar 14, 2016.

  1. DerekWeb

    DerekWeb Well-Known Member

    I have found that while trying to be helpful, DW giving corrections does not work. She does not feel it from the leader's point of view and her diagnosis is often not correct. It is better just to say, "that does not feel right", and after a few tries to fix "lets talk to our teacher next lesson".
     
    Lois Donnay likes this.
  2. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    She should say what she feels, and in a process of what someone wish to lead and what actually leads body mechanics and movement transfer should occur.

    Also the laeder should feel followers following and adjust its leading to the following.
     
  3. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    An old saying: Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result.

    For whatever reason, he clearly doesn't want your feedback, so I'd say not providing it is the correct answer for your situation.

    You say that you are more motivated than he is, so IMO you shouldn't expect him to react like you (or how someone more motivated), would. I'm guessing that tango was your idea, and not his. In any case, he needs to learn in his own way and at his own pace.

    Learning to lead is very much a cerebral task in the beginning. Eventually, he won't have to think so much. However for now, not only is he likely thinking about his steps, he also has to think about what he wants the follower to do, how to lead what he want the follower to do, get the timing correct on the lead, do it all to the music, and then avoid whoever is about to bump into him or his follower, and then come up with a new plan. Mental overload is quite common when starting out leading. Usually, a leader can't mentally process all those tasks when learning, so stuff will happen.

    The art won't begin until he has a better understanding of the fundamentals, and no longer has to think about everything. It may take a couple years.
     
    Angel HI likes this.
  4. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

  5. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    This is a bit of a detour, but in my experience one of the most important things about dancing with a SO is to be respectful of the social dance. And that means to be disciplined and not expect her to be practicing or working on her technique, and also being able to expect not to be asked by her to fix anything in my dance. That is for practicing. It is tempting to continue working on issues because that is what we do together most of the time we are dancing with each other - and that disrespects her as a social dancer. If i would not criticize a strangers dance at a milonga i should not criticize my partners dance there, either. We can work on things when practicing, but the social dancefloor is (should be?) sacred.
     
  6. Angel HI

    Angel HI Well-Known Member

    The obvious problem with this is that it assumes that the person making the complaint or observation is 100% correct themselves. Of course, it is ok to voice when/if something does not feel right or comfortable. but only if it is done as an observation and without accusation or expectation of change; because, the change which might be necessary to make it feel "right" might need to be made by the person feeling badly.

    Perfect.
     
  7. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    I would disagree with being 100% perfect themselves. She should tells what she feels.

    Partners should recognize feelings and behave appropriately. It's not only about dancing technique.
    If someone is down, happy, tired, nervous we should be able to deal with it.

    Some things are more tricky in close embrace so a partner want to want to dance in open embrace that day.
    I know I am a bit stranded with this sentence.

    About leading and following again.
    Various people need various kind of inputs. Although from the outside it may look the same.
    Dancing seen from the inside of the couple is always different.
    So that's why it's so important to recognize how someone is following/leading.
    By using "I feel sentences" is not accusation, just an observation.

    And some people would always get offended, but it's an issue they have not related to tango.
     

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