Country and Western > C&W Humor

Discussion in 'Country and Western' started by Vince A, Jan 13, 2005.

  1. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    Couldn't resist passing this on:

    Bad Habits for Men, Ladies, and Dance Places
    These are some sure fire ways to become the dancer, couple, band or club to avoid.
    1. Come as you are. Why bother with a shower and fresh clothes. You are just going to perspire anyway so why mess up a clean shirt.

    2. If she won't step where you want just push or pull a little harder. Some of these women are like mules you really have to let them know who is in charge! Isn't that what leading is all about?

    3. And... Why move where I'm being led? After all, I know the steps better than him! Maybe a little back leading will help.

    4. Get out of our way!! Can't you see that I have to finish this pattern.. And why isn't this dance floor the same shape as the one I learned the pattern on?

    5. Sorry I rock stepped on you but you should have known my feet are so big I need an extra six feet around me.

    6. And for those who dance at clubs... Do non dancers run into you on a busy sidewalk? No? Then why do you spend your night dodging the same non dancers in the clubs? It must be something that makes people go blank when they step onto a dance floor.

    7. And what's up with these bands that ignore the dance floor. Why play dance music? All these people are here for is to find out how cool we are. Can't Waltz at triple speed for nine minutes? That's not our problem. Tempo changes just make the music interesting.

    8. How about the social clubs. You know the ones. The day just before the dance was Bingo night. Beer, sodas, candy, pizza cheese, mayo from burgers. It's all there, still on the floor. I just can't figure out why my shoes are so dirty. If you want to spin quick use the corner with the mayo stain. Venture to the spilled beer corner and you can stop on a dime. What a challenge!

    9. Back to the studios... Hey lady! That new arm styling was pretty cool. I ducked pretty quick too didn't I?

    10. (And my all time favorite) Which dumb bell instructor taught you to stop and back up like that? If you are going to do that again you need signal lights so we don't get another multi-couple pile up. And if you insist that neither of you needs to look behind when backing you need rear view mirrors and a backup alarm as well.


    Every once in a while I need to let it out. Boy do I feel better. Does anyone have something to add to this list?

    Can anyone relate any of these???
     
  2. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    LOL!

    ok, so maybe that was bitter, but i did get a kick out of it. thanks for posting! :)

    as for adding to the list....hmmm, how about "that silly woman didn't follow my lead, obviously she doesn't know how to follow...i'll just tell her what to do. she should at least be able to follow spoken instructions if she can't feel my excellent lead!"
     
  3. heartgrl2k

    heartgrl2k New Member

    Too too funny

    More bad habits:

    -Jerk the lady forward so she'll know you're starting the move.

    -Don't make eye contact. Look at your feet because that's the only part of you that's moving.

    -Always act like you're the only couple on the dance floor. Everyone else should get out of your way.

    -If you mess up, stop dancing. There's no way to fix what you've just done.

    -Line dancers should take up the entire floor. (THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY).

    I'll think of more later.
     
  4. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    Dancing spot dances on the edge of the dance floor instead of the center....those silly ballroom people dancing travelling dances will get around you!
     
  5. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    Oh, boy, am I gonna have fun with this one!!

    Auntie Renee's Never-Fail Rules for Instant Unpopularity

    1. Ladies, always dance with your eyes closed. That way, when your partner leads you into a high kick, you can get that 90 year old lady dancing in your partner's blind spot.

    2. Ladies, be sure and make catty remarks about all the dancers on the floor while you are sitting next to me. I love to listen to people trashing my friends.

    3. Gentlemen, be sure and lead your lady into lots of high kicks and wide swinging turns when the dance floor is really crowded. You'll be able to really get some of your fellow dancers that way.

    4. DJ's, be sure to play at least 6 really fast dances in a row. Who's knows? Tonight you might get lucky and someone will have a heart attack tonight. At least you'll get to ruin the carefully done make-up on at least a dozen ladies.

    5. Teachers, be sure and trash my teacher to my face -- it's the surest way to get me to dump him and come study with you. After all, I've watched you dance, danced with you, and danced with your students. I know EXACTLY how easily you can flush my dance technique down the toilet.

    6. Gentlemen, be sure and get nice and drunk on hard liquor before coming to the party to numb the feelings of rejection. That way you'll dance worse than ever, become verbally abusive to your partners, and get more refusals to dance than ever.

    7. And gentlemen, be sure and tell me I look like a slut. If you merely tell me I look sexy and attractive, I might make the mistake of thinking you like and respect me.

    8. Gentlemen, be sure and critique my dance technique while we're dancing. Why should I pay my teacher 40% of my take-home pay when, after three months of classes, you can obviously teach me how to dance better than he can for FREE?

    9. And gentlemen, be sure and dislocate my shoulder and wrench my back tossing me around while we're dancing. My evening would be such a bore if I didn't have a serious personal injury I can sue you for.

    Lovingly,

    Auntie Renee
     
  6. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    Renee, that was funny, as an abstract thought. Did it all actually happen to you? :shock:
    Ouch!
    Grrr for those people.
    :evil:
     
  7. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    Whoa. . . we have a few great comedy writers here . . .
     
  8. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    Actually, yes, these things have happened to me, or happened in front of my eyes while I was watching.

    1. A gentleman did not see this 90+ year old lady behind him and led his partner into an aggressive wide move. She almost got the old girl, and good.

    2. Oh, yes, I have had to sit and listen many times while the bank of wallflowers makes catty, gossipy, cutting remarks about the people on the dance floor. No wonder no one wants to dance with them.

    3. Oh, yes. I’ve been asked to do the most spectacular show moves when the floor was so crowded it was triggering my claustophobia. And I’ve hit quite a few people that I could not see, but my partner could.

    4. Yes, it is common practice at a tango dance party to play the dance numbers in sets of five – five slow tangos, five milongas (brisk, frisky tangos almost like a polish polka), five waltzes, five club-style tangos. I know a lot of people who wish they’d break it up a little, with no more than 2-3 fast numbers between 2-3 slow ones. I get to wear very light clothing because I’m a woman (unlike the guys), but I can feel my make-up melting at times.

    5. Oh, yes. Among tango teachers, the rivalry is bitter and cutthroat. My first experience was this – “You’re such a beautiful dancer. So, when you’re ready to REALLY learn to dance tango, call me.” The last two times, I didn’t say a word, but the look on my face must have said everything, because neither one has dared come within three feet of my little Cricket, let alone spoken to me or asked me to dance.

    6. There’s this one gentlemen who is such a poor dancer no one but me and maybe two other women in Los Angeles will dance with him. So, he tends to get blind smashingly drunk before he comes to the party in order to anesthetize himself to all the rejection he knows he’s going to face. Too bad, because he’s a really sweet guy when he’s sober. But then he dances worse than ever, and has gotten verbally abusive to me to the point that even I refuse to dance with him anymore once he’d started drinking.

    7. The same gentlemen called me a slut. Needless to say, I did not like it. He didn’t dare ask me to dance for a long time after that.

    8. I get this ALL THE TIME. Everybody in Los Angeles knows I study with Felix Chavez and only with Felix Chavez, and so everybody knows that the way I dance is completely his fault. Why they think they can improve on that, I don’t know.

    9. Yes, one man was being so rough I threatened to sue him if he injured my hands and made it impossible for me to do my day job. He finally toned it down a little, but didn’t dance with me ever again.

    Renee
     
  9. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    RJ,
    You have me in stitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    RJ,
    OUCH!!! I don't know if I want to really get into the AT scene now, it sounds so...yuck!
    Then again, the ballroom scene where I used to live was probably just as yuck, but since everyone knew that I was the #1 gossip queen, nobody said/did anything that crappy around me cos they knew I'd pass it on to a million people in five seconds! :roll: :D :lol:
    I'm still starting an AT beginner class in February, wish me luck! :)
     
  11. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    I do wish you luck. And don't take my rant too seriously. It's just two and half years of annoyance all bottled up and finally being expressed. The real truth is that I absolutely adore my tango friends. They're the most wonderful, if completely cracked, people I could ask for. When the man I was living with two years ago got too physically aggressive, no less than six of my tango friends offered to a) call the sheriff and b) beat him (the boyfriend, not the sheriff) up. And when somebody trashed me, my teacher, and one of my best friends to my face in the space of three minutes, one of my tango friends danced tango with me while I silently wept, just to ease the pain and release the bitterness. One of my best friends and confidantes is both a ballet dancer and a tango dancer, and there isn't a jealous, catty, gossipy bone in her body.

    Yes, the tango world is nutty. But as long as you accept it as it is, and don't expect it to be anything but nutty, it's wonderful.

    Renee
     
  12. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Don't judge a book by its cover....

    I turned up early for a milonga and the beginners class was still running. This lady short of a partner beckons me onto the floor and explains the exercise; so I pick up the moves and we go through them. She says "you'll be able to dance tango fairly soon; you're quite good."

    I didn't tell her that I teach in another town and have been dancing AT five years (But someone else did). Hee hee
     
  13. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    That's hilarious! :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  14. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    LOL . . . :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     

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