Confessing your Dancefloor Crush

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Lockstep, Feb 24, 2005.

  1. Lockstep

    Lockstep New Member

    Two nights ago, I had a very interesting night.

    For sometime now, I've been having a crush on my salsa dance partner - should be familiar to many here on DF. We've been good friends for quite a while, and have been hanging out together.

    Anyway, she came by two nights ago. We had dinner, then played some music together, talked and stuff till 3 am, then watched a movie till 5 am,...and then I gathered up my courage (the bottle of wine helped) and told her how I was kinda falling in love with her...

    I wasn't expecting a similar declaration from her - was pretty sure it was just friendship from her side, but I felt kinda guilty about her not-knowing, cuz we were getting quite cosy and all.

    Anyways, I was mortally affraid that would be the end of our friendship...rather opposite seems to have happened. She in fact doesn't seem to mind to much...she simply kinda grabbed me and hugged me and we sat talking for another hour or so. Then she kept me company throughout the rest of the night and we slept together (in literal sense, not sexually!), which I found really sweet...got this really sweet email today, 'im here for you if you need me' type of thing...as far as these type of things go, she was pretty good at it i'd say.

    So...we kinda seem to be even better friends than before...am really happy with this type of intimate friendship. guess I'll just try to think of her in a brother-sister type of thing...has kinda worked before :)

    am usually pretty shy so rather proud and relieved i finally managed to tell her...glad she was so, hmm, adult about it. it helped that she went through a similar episode a while ago i suppose...

    so...any similar experiences from any of you? all of you with dancefloor crushes....you been keeping it secret from him or her...? planning to tell her? and if you did...what happened?
  2. dTas

    dTas New Member

    Ahhhhh! love in bloom! what a wonderful feeling!

    had the same thing happen to me a few times... actually 3. different situation each time but same result... ended up dating each person for 3+ years and mutually talked about marriage.

    first two didn't work out but hey! third time's a charm!! 2 weeks and counting!!! Hawaii here we come!
  3. Lockstep

    Lockstep New Member

    hmm...was the just-love-from-side-and-friendship-from-hers bit of my story clear...? no love-in-bloom i fear...
  4. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    Yep . . . for two years . . . then we danced . . . a "Cowboy Cha Cha" . . . we danced as friends for a year . . . then we went out . . . we married 4 years later!
  5. dTas

    dTas New Member

    "blooming"... may not be there but every romantic love develops out of a close intimate relationship.
  6. Lockstep

    Lockstep New Member

    hmm i wish but i doubt it :) had a very intimate friendship as well a while ago but that in fact went sour and nasty...

    with this latest crush, the condition of our continued friendship is kinda that i'm not gonna 'try and get her' anymore...i mean, thats the only way this type of thing is gonna work...

    besides, in your examples i imagine both of you considered eachother friends and then together gradually switched to thinking of one another as romantic partners eh? different in my case...its just me being in love!
  7. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    It doesn't mean this friendship will also go sour or she won't develop any feelings beyond friendship over time. Don't forget that every person is different, which means every relationship is also different. Don't project your past experiences on this relationship.

    Has the "don't try and get her" rule been set by her or you? Respect her wishes by all means, but be honest to your feelings too.

    Good luck -- I wish you all the best. :friend:
  8. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    Dear Lockstep:

    Your story gives me hope. As my teacher is always telling me, don't "push the river." Just let your friendship with this woman grow naturally as it will, without trying to force it one direction or another. It will be what it will be -- enjoy it for what it is.

    I have several of these non-sexual dance relationships with some of my tango men-friends -- and these friendships are so sweet, so intimate, so special that I really don't have a word for them. Yes, they are all bound up with the romance and passion of the tango, and the soul-to-soul communion of dance, so there's all this stuff all smish-smashed up together, but they are not sexual relationships.

    Maybe someday, the "real deal" magic will happen for me, too.
  9. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    dear lockstep,
    considering you are admittedly shy, it took a lot of strength to do what you did. Rejection is tough for a guy, and especially when you put yourself out on the line like that. put this episode behind you, and move on. Once you fall for the next girl, you'll forget about this episode !

    In my experience, once a girl has declared 'friendship', there isn't much there except friendship. So please don't take this badly, but I wouldn't harbour any hopes of romance here. Move on (emotionally) as quickly as possible.
  10. Lockstep

    Lockstep New Member

    she mentioned thats how she dealt with it the last time it happened to her, and it sounded like a fair deal to me...mutual consent i'd say :)

    ---

    Thanks Renee. glad to hear im not the only one going through this type of thing! and yes, it is wonderful nevertheless!

    ---

    my thoughts exactly...maybe we're both pessimists...we'll see...until that time, i'll be grateful for all the comfort and joyful times we're sharing as friends..as i said, i never really expected more, so im really not that devastated or feel rejected. to feel rejected you first need to feel accepted you know :)

    i'll be fine :) was just hoping for some more similar stories...thanks for your support though... and the hugs :friend:
  11. delamusica

    delamusica Active Member

    Well, however it works out in the long run, bravo to you for saying how you feel - you've got a lot more guts than I do!
  12. etchuck

    etchuck New Member

    I agree. At least it's out in the open, and she didn't freak out.
  13. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Yes. It is important to oneself to be open, to say it as it is. :)
  14. new-ish

    new-ish New Member

    guts?

    aaaarghhh!!!!!

    :? :? :?
  15. new-ish

    new-ish New Member

    okay, okay...

    since this is confession time, I met a beautiful woman on the dance floor and someone else gave me her cell phone #...
  16. SalsaAmore

    SalsaAmore New Member

    It's a beautiful thing what just happened here. Don't dwell on a relationship with this girl, but don't forget about it either. Live your own life. Just do your own things and stay friends with her. Just the fact that she was willing to stay up with you all night and accompany you says she likes your company, maybe just platonically for now.

    You both sound like you are really nice people. Many times great friendships make the best relationships. She may not have feelings now like someone else said, but it doesn't mean she will not. Especially, when you don't give her as much attention as usual, do your own thing, stay her friend and date other people. It might just turn her head and dare I say her heart around. We human beings are weird creatures. Once we don't have the attention we once had, we feel somethings missing and crave it or need it. Don't mean to sound like this should be a game. But from the little you have mentioned, it seems she's on the border. And with time, it's hard to tell how she will feel in the future.
  17. newbie

    newbie Active Member

    Happened to me twice with dance partners whom I knew and danced with for a long time (kindda smooth progressive crush). The first simply ignored it, we keep dancing together when we meet, except she's keeping me "at range" when we dance (with most guys she will usually dance close). The second girl was more direct: "Don't want to cause you any sorrow, but just abandon every hope."
    Tough lessons, but proved useful later, three times, when dance partners made a similar confession to me.
  18. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    :) Well, let me tell you a story:

    My current SO was not what I would call a guy I am attracted to... He is most certainly not my type...

    At one point (we'd known each other for about 1 year already and were going Salsa dancing regularly) he sort of told me he was interested. I had a crush on another dancer, and I really didn't like him as a man (just as a person) and I told him so... So there he goes, tells me he wants us to remain friends, that he is sorry and he won't mention it again etc...

    He sprt of kept his word, in the sense that sometimes, very rarely, in conversation, he would say something that reminded me of his interest, but nothing offensive or threatening, just jokes... I would tell him to go to hell and that would be it!

    Unfortunately (or fortunately) he is a very good reader of women's minds... so what he did was to make me accept him close to me, as a friend and confessor (imagine I would tell him about the other guys I liked and he would give me good advice - he was always right) and thus got me to relax... I started to be comfortable in his arms because he would never ever try to "feel me up" no matter how much I would flirt... he would just hold me and look calm... so I was comfortable... :) The more comfortable I was, the more I relaxed... I started to forget that I was not attracted by him, that he was not my type... and one night, when he started flirting with me, I got interested suddenly... next day we were together! :)

    Oh, and the funniest part was I knew his style...! He had already told me what methods he used and I had also seen him in action! With other girls...! :) Still, I fell for it!

    So, if you really like your crush, and think you can handle physical and mentaly intimacy without losing your mind (and without getting on the sexual and threatening level) and if you are a patient person... in time (not so long, I think) she might become interested... ;)
  19. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Dancefloor crushes are so common (and even more so here in DF) that someone (the mods?) should "sticky" the best, biggest thread on them!
    Spoken before about romance on the dancefloors. Personally, I don't think most of my crushes are caused by actual feelings, but by the light, the music, the body contact, etc. And since it's not actual feeling, it's not really worth mentioning to anyone but my friend who's usually very helpful with DC's (dancefloor crushes :p ). If I actually crush on someone and like him even without the dance element, I'll let ya know. :D

    Twilight Elena
  20. Lockstep

    Lockstep New Member

    hmm...we went salsa dancing together yesterday, after my confession two days ago...amazing...cant describe it but we connected even more than before...weird.

    anyway, thanks for all the kind words! ill keep you updated!

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