General Dance Discussion > Connection after getting over teacher crush

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by emb, Feb 7, 2016.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    work on that "may even be too cool"....start focusing on ways to harness that new sexual energy toward the correct person
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  2. emb

    emb New Member

    Wow I found it's impossible not to be attracted to a good dancer... but social is a different story, they're basically all strangers and I do not like to dance so close with them. Never tried but I don't think I want to do Argentine Tango with strangers...
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and this is how the confusion in our emotions have been in a long term relationship where physical closeness generally evokes a certain response particularly when you already have some sort of comfort level with the person....I mean, usually when my arms are around a man and my chest is against his and my legs are moving between his, well, it is generally not for the purpose of having my frame evaluated or my footwork assessed, it is usually to move into a kiss and is difficult to remind myself that I can't afford to have a Pavlovian response...and very few of us walk into a studio prepared for that, particularly if we consider ourselves to be happily married
  4. emb

    emb New Member

    Totally hit the nail on the head. Yes. I'll be doing my new sexy thing in front of him, he is very happy about that :D
  5. emb

    emb New Member

    I'm laughing because, first, I had to look up the word "Pavlovian". Then everything you said played out in front of me like a movie and I was in it. Oh, my gosh. Isn't life wonderful?
  6. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    Emb, I'm just going to say- don't let anyone or anything make you feel bad about yourself. Hugs
    emb likes this.
  7. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Rhetorically: If you told him the unvarnished truth, what would it be? Would it be similar to what you're telling us in this thread?

    You said it, not me.

    I'm not saying you're right, and I'm not saying you're wrong. However the more strongly you seem to need to convince on this point (and the more often you follow an attempt with a qualification), the less convincing you seem to me to be.

    Again rhetorically: What exactly about the connection and partnership fascinates you?
  8. emb

    emb New Member

    I'm sorry but maybe the limitation of my English comes in play here, not sure if I'm getting your point correctly, and I'm probably wording them wrong when replying. I'm taking in what everybody is telling me and giving a thought, and I appreciate them all. I am willing to learn... If you could talk to me like, to a... third grader? Then I might get it...

    The first one, I have to think about what my unvarnished truth is. Not sure about the second, seems like my language problem, and I'm completely lost at the third paragraph.

    The forth question is simple enough even for me to understand but put them in words is a different story. Please bear with me = a third grader. :) When I just started ballroom and went to social dances, guys just flung me around and I thought that's how they lead, somewhat with force, and I just go for a ride (is this a inappropreate way to put it? ;/) Now I have danced with a few trained teachers, I noticed how "gentle" or "subtle" their leads are. There are so much more respect in the lead and in the way I must respond. I have to stand on my own feet, not to lean on them, have my own frame, strength and balance and all other things, and only after I achieve that, we can help each other to do a certain movement. Each movement in each dance have a different "meeting point" (when and how to interact?) and I'm amazed how different they are. There are so much to learn. So I have to pay SO MUCH ATTENTION to the lead in the every single moment and I am amazed how intimate THAT feels. I have to sharpen all my senses to everything the teacher does. That's where I feel a little uneasy, like, "am I supposed to feel this way with this guy?" But I do enjoy it. Is that bad? I don't think it's really a romantic relationship I'm feeling in this. But it is confusing. How would my husband feel if I tell him this? Do I make any sense? Well, I tried...
  9. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Roughly, I am skeptical of your claims of "control"; and indeed reinforcing the claims tends to increase my skepticism.

    Boiling this down: What draws you to ballroom is connection/partnership, and the appealing characteristic of connection/partnership is intimacy. In the midst of that is a related concern over the degree to which you involve / communicate with your husband regarding your pursuit of this intimacy. No?

    Again, it's a rhetorical question. That means, I somewhat suggest that you not actually answer it in public with strangers; I merely intend it as "food for thought".

    Note, I think nobody here (including married people, including married people whose spouses don't dance) will argue that it's *inherently* bad to enjoy the partner dynamic of partner dancing. Certainly I always enjoyed that. However the enjoyment can present itself in more and less healthy aspects. There is a "dark side", as it were.
    emb likes this.
  10. Newdancer81

    Newdancer81 Active Member

    So I got over my crush with my instructor which is on/off, but I think it's permanently off now.

    My solution? Not acting as serious and joking around more so that it seemed like more of a friendship. Sure that was the exact opposite advice that everyone gave me, but when I'm intimate in a serious relationship, it goes all quiet and there is so much tension and I was kind of doing the same thing with my instructor. If I just lightened the mood here and there, then I knew it was just having fun and learning.
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  11. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    "The dark side.......resist it you must". Hhhhmmpphh

    Best yoda voice
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  12. dncergrl

    dncergrl Active Member

    The New York Times published an article called "To Fall in Love with Anyone Do This", about a study where they got people to fall in love with each other through asking each other a series of increasingly intimate questions and then staring into each other's eyes. The funny thing is, following that, The New Yorker published a hilarious article called "To Fall Out of Love, Do This..." You could try some gems as this one: "Share a tube of toothpaste with your partner" or "Rent a car with your partner and drive while he or she gives instructions." Google both if you want insight, a laugh, or both.
    stash, emb and fascination like this.
  13. emb

    emb New Member

    Sigh... yes I see my teacher on the dark side and the NYT article is scary. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go look at my husband in the eyes for 4 minutes. The other article is hilarious though.
    RiseNFall likes this.
  14. emb

    emb New Member

    Hello everybody! Happy Valentines Day...ironically? I just remembered something about looking into someone's eyes. My brother-in-law told me that he fell in love with his wife (25 yrs ago?) because she was able to look at him in the eyes while they were DANCING. :eek: Makes total sense, unfortunately!

    And another thing I remembered, in one of my private lessons, my teacher said "don't look down" (in close-up face-to-face position in Rumba), so I asked "where do I look then?", and he goes "me!". I totally freaked out. I was soooo embarrassed and uncomfortable... This was before I posted this thread. That's how I realized that I really need to get over my shyness, work on better connection, and have eye contact, which I cannot do a good job yet. Without them, my rumba won't be right. I have to do it, but I'm terrified, in so many levels!

    BUT, can I think like this. (I'm talking to myself...) I want to dance beautifully so bad, I have to do whatever it takes. When I think about the "relationship" with my teacher, it's always about how we dance. Honestly. I mean, he makes me look good. And he looks good. I feel like I'm getting somewhere, dance-wise. That's what I like him about the most. His personal life, a disaster. I don't want to have anything to do with it. So all the romantic feels and sexiness must come from a role-play, I'm pretending that I'm in love with him, dance beautifully with emotions, and save my heart for my husband at the same time. Lots of people are able to do this, right?

    BTW, my hubby's been sick for last 5 days so I got nothing for Valentine's Day. Why does he have to make it harder for me? :rolleyes:
  15. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    What did he get for Valentine's Day? :) (Have never understood the one way direction this holiday sometimes takes!!!!)
    emb likes this.
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    you don't have to take the "must look in love with" "must look directly into his eyes" thing so seriously...particularly if you aren't dancing at a professional can create the same look of longing over a cheeseburger or indigestion :)

    go SHOW love to your sick husband....and maybe you will see some true gratitude and affection back.....go show it there...if it means enough to do it when it's difficult in dance surely it means enough to do it when its difficult at home.....and the pay off is much much much much higher....
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    let me add, I truly understand...I have been isn't worth it and it has almost nothing to do with dancing beautifully....
    emb likes this.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    plenty of the best dancing couples are not in love
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  19. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    You have a crush on your teacher-
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I believe she is aware of that....having posted here
    stash and emb like this.

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