Salsa > dancing in the land of platonic friendship.

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by thespina13, Jul 21, 2006.

  1. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    I am once again simultaneously happy and frustrated.

    Here, in Edmonton, I'm not finding ANY sexual tension on the dance floor! And while this relieves me to some extent (managing five or six aggressive admirers can be exhausting), it's also making a lot of the dancing pretty ho-hum. Where's the chemistry here? I'm not finding it. Seems like guys around here are mostly used to keeping women at a polite distance... I'm sure it's just a cultural difference (yes, there are plenty between the US midwest and the Canadian west), but it's throwing me off. I'm keeping up hope that once my dancing improves a little more, i can acheive a different sort of chemistry with these dancers. But for right now, it's very hard connecting on the dance floor. Through sexual tension, I find a road in to another person's intentions, thought process, feelings and movement. I've had many great dances with "just friends" and have acheived euphoric dances, but I think this was aided by dance nights full of a variety of dynamics betwen different sorts of friends. I would get the blood-burning, goose-bumpy, cheek-flushing, eye-sparkling dances now and then, and I'd segue into the friendly, rhythmic, smooth and suave dances with friends I cared deeply for, and then have an experimental and challenging dance with a relatively nw partner. It all made for a night of satisfying levels, each one enhancing the other. NOw I find that the platonic levels I'm experiencing here and suffering because I'm aching for intimate connection on the dance floor. Granted, I've only been here for a couple of months. I know I'm impatient. But doesn't sexual chemistry sort of happen instantaneously? Rrrgh.

    Never thought I'd be in a position where I want to encourage the gentlemen to be less... well, gentle.
    1 person likes this.
  2. africana

    africana New Member


  3. amo_dile_que_no

    amo_dile_que_no New Member

    You saucy wench :raisebro:
  4. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    :grin: You're funny.

    I'm sure all the men here will look forward to dance with you.
  5. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    LoL... now you've made me plan a trip to Egypt.
  6. Josh

    Josh Active Member

    i can't wait until your kids get a few years older and know how to use google... you're gonna get it so bad from them :wink:

    to answer your question (or rather, to not), I don't really know what's missing... is it in cycles? (moon phases?) or has it been constant since you moved there a couple of months ago?
  7. Legato Bluesummers

    Legato Bluesummers New Member

    Haha...don't you have boyfriend? And isn't that sexual tension dangerous?
  8. amo_dile_que_no

    amo_dile_que_no New Member

    Once you've danced salsa in Iowa, other places just don't measure up :mrgreen:

    1 person likes this.
  9. naturallove

    naturallove New Member

    Getting deep there thespina!

    Well, maybe it's not sexual tension you're looking for, but just dancers who are relaxed and enjoying themselves. Some guys (and women too!), especially when they start are just focusing on getting the steps and timing and form right. It's funny, I can always tell when one of my dance teachers has done a new turn pattern because all of the guys that night will make sure to try that one out several times on the dance floor. So, again, these guys may not be at the point where, like you, they are comfortable getting 'lost in the sensation of dance'. It also could be the fact that you are a newbie on this dance scene-maybe said men are testing you to see if you can handle them before they bring it on!
  10. nikita

    nikita New Member

    So you think- men are testing her for what? Looking good with somebody else?:raisebro:
  11. africana

    africana New Member

    I had to laugh because I was startled, kinda shocked to read this. I thought it was common that passion and connection could be experienced without entertaining fantasies of having sex with with your partner, but I see now that I was wrong :rolleyes:

    don't get me wrong, hot chemistry is great when it comes along, but sexual tension is not something I want in every dance. And my ability to exude sexuality or inject sensuality is independent of who I'm dancing with atm. Sure it can be enhanced and reflected back by a partner, and that's wonderful when the connection it right, but it's not out of my control
  12. nikita

    nikita New Member

    The problem must be caused by thespina. Probably she comes over too shy:p . So what about the skirts a little bit shorter, belly free tops, long red fingernails...:) :) :)
  13. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Yeah, maybe I equate "sexual tension" with that SHAZAMMM feeling when you really connect. Well, that and sexual tension. Entertaining fantasieis of having sex has nothing to do with sexual tension, IMO. It's more of a heat, a build, a mutual sweaty rhythm. Many times I've felt this but have never actually envisioned getting into bed with the partner. Maybe I'm a peculiarity. I've always played with this sexual tension thing, it's frequently a part of my interactions, even with women. (Any wonder I took three hours of bellydancing today?) And what I'm finding here is that that kind of interaction is very subtle, to the point where I doubt it exists sometimes. And I get frustrated, cuz that's the playground where I like to play. I can do without I guess, but I miss my candy.

    Nikita, I'm likely coming across as kind of distant now because I'm too busy trying to catch up with these dancers. So many new leads in a new place, plus a different code of conduct obviously, has thrown me for a loop. I can really turn it on with a very select few, in moderate doses, but for the most part I guess I'm feeling alittle self-conscious. Maybe that's what's coming across.

    Josh, I don't think it's cyclical. I think it's got to do with here in particular. BasicallyI'm going to do all I can to get that shazzammm back in my dancing and let the interpersonal clicking happen as a result. It'll just take some time I suppose. I remember a few really hot dances when I first got here because I was just letting it all come out.I need to relax. Oh. adn thanks for making me think about google and my kids. Yeah. That'll be interesting. Hopefully they'll have seen me bellydance in the livingroom enough times to know that mamma is a bit of a saucy lady, and it won't shock them too much.

    I have new strategy. Asking the guys to practice with me away from the club seems to be adding something good to the whole scene. Not only am I solidifying these moves and their style, but I'm forging friendships. (I'll carefully leave the sexual tension to the dance floor and keep the practice sessions platonic, if possible. Boy I'm fickle.)

    Anyhow. Time to stop obssessing and start dancing. I really really love sharing with you guys. Really helps a lot.
  14. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    LoL.. a husband actually. And I can handle those boys once the "tension" starts to fly. it adds a little colour to my regular day of taking kids to the park, laundry, more park, more laundry, dishes, the dishes I missed, the dishes I found behind the couch and... laundry. Hehe, let me have my se...xual heeeealing.
  15. nikita

    nikita New Member

    Watch Desperate Housewifes and get yourself a gardener:) !
    1 person likes this.
  16. africana

    africana New Member

    :lol: you are naughty all of a sudden nikita :raisebro: must be the hot weather

    that made me laugh :D

    (don't dress too sexy tho, you might get more sexual tension than you can handle haha!!)
  17. africana

    africana New Member

    Yes ;0 I know that feeling, the feeling of fresh meat ahhh I mean dancing with strangers for the first time with a wonderful supernatural connection, get a high from that. Nothing like a perfect dance with someone I've never seen in my life

    And there are repeat partners I loveeee to dance with :)

    okey dokey...different strokes for different folks...

    although...when guys do this hunt for "sexual tension" it's often not with benign fact it's fraught with things like only asking girls who look a certain way or other superficial non-dance-related criteria :?

    hmm sounds like you're learning to anticipate their moves for short-term dances, instead of learning to follow...not that I blame you ;) it can be hard to find good training in smaller scenes. However, when you travel it might be frustrating if others have a totally different (or better) style and set of moves. just something to keep in mind...

    you're right about being relaxed, it also makes your partners more relaxed and even playful which might help you get more "action" :p
  18. nikita

    nikita New Member

    The tip with the short skirts I picked from Houdinni in a recent discussion. First it upsets me a little bit:raisebro: . But last nite I tried and I it was a big success:) :) :)
  19. witchphd

    witchphd New Member

    I'd say this is the essence of the problem. There are guys like those in the above scenario and then there are guys who would like to like to do what you are looking for but don't want to be mistaken for the creepy guy group and women won't want to dance again. And as a member of the second group, I don't do it until I know how it will be received.

    I was thinking of this exact thing Friday night. I was watching two of the regular advanced dancers. The two of them were using some passionate styling. I was thinking that the only way that occured is because they knew each other well. Of course, that's only my interpretation of it from a distance.

    This of course is only what I'm thinking. I have no earthly idea what others are thinking :)
  20. englezul

    englezul New Member

    That feeling is called attraction! How we like to call things something they're not so we wouldn't have to deal with their meaning and paradoxes that ensue based on one's position in other people's interpretation of what is said.

    And I do think this is funny, because I remember distinctly being flamed for saying sexual tension is one quality that must be present in all great dances, and between the parteners that create magic on the floor.

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