Salsa > Dating, Love...and Salsa

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by Kindra, Feb 14, 2005.

  1. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    My partner and I are in a situation similar to that described by Roxy. We both dance and love it, but...

    I have a day job, gotta wake up at 7:30 AM and thus cannot stay up every night of the week until 4 AM. My SO, on the other hand, is a freelancer and can go to bed whenever he wants. Also, we have a Salsa school together.

    Now, my solution is simple: compromise! If you're tired, you can go home alone! I always have a friend who is taking me home, and if no one is available, I just get a cab! My SO comes later... Of course, there are times when he doesn't remain in the club, even if he feels like and times when I have to stay, because he wants me to. Compromise...

    Imagine, we run a school, the classes are held in a club. There are nights when the owners invite us to join them for a drink, in the early hours of the morning. What am I to do? Force him to go home with me? Of course not! I just leave if I have to and he stays and comes later!

    But we are quite independent... :) We even go out alone at times, each with his friends! :lol:
  2. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    What you say makes a lot of sense, Squirrel. 8)

    The way I see it is, it's a matter of whether you are ready for a relationship or not, and also whether you've met the right person. If you are ready and you have met someone, then why should you write him off just because he also dances?

    I have seen the things you describe in my scene too, but since I have no life to speak of outside work and salsa :roll:, these two goldfish bowls are the only places where I might have a chance of meeting someone. So I have to either deal with all the associated problems as they come, or stay alone for the rest of my life...
  3. Kindra

    Kindra New Member

    Seems like an easy solution...but for some it is SOOOO difficult!! :evil:
  4. Roxy

    Roxy New Member

    :arrow: I wouldn't write him off either way. Please note that there have been nibbles but I just think I haven't met the right person yet for longterm. I am willing to compromise but not give up myself. Some guys have actually scoffed at/don't like the fact that I like to go dancing. They see these dance venues as only places where men hit on women and for one agenda only. They don't get it when I tell them it's a serious hobby. One guy said to me, "Oh but you get hit on, don't you." Dude wasn't having any part of it."

    Others in my particular dance scene are not my types or have someone already. I'm now going out of my area to dance part of the time. Then I get girlfriends telling me "Hey don't expect to find someone in the next town to be your BF". OK. Fine. I'm there to dance first and foremost. If I meet someone fine. If I don't that's ok too. I'm not putting pressure on myself. :wink:
  5. Kindra

    Kindra New Member

    This is definitely a tricky topic! Nobody I know wants to compromise themselves and be miserable in a relationship where they (and their hobbies) are not valued!

    I'm sure in time I won't be so gun shy to deal with the exciting, joyful, heartbreaking, sexual, frustrated, amazing reality of the the dating world. Even though I may have to let go of my "safe haven". :shock: Yikes!
  6. wuthering

    wuthering New Member

    Hi, I haven't had time to read all the posts before mine (I'll do that some other time and write again). I started dancing at the age of 4 (long before dating :D ) and I always took care not to mingle the two (i. e. dancing and dating). Because what I enjoy the most is being able to dance with anyone, and to have several dance partners in one evening. I felt that if I had comitted to a dancer, I should have given up this freedom. However, many acquaintances and friends think that not introducing my boyfriend to my most important hobby is as if I was cheating on him (like keeping a secret life).
  7. Roxy

    Roxy New Member

    :D How do you manage with juggling time?
    ie. If there's a special dance event going on on Saturday night
    and he insists that the only time that weekend he has to see you is Saturday night do you miss that event? There's always something going on where I live every weekend.
    What are some situations with respect to dividing your time that you've managed well or not so well?
  8. Roxy

    Roxy New Member

    I hear ya. :wink:
  9. wuthering

    wuthering New Member

    There are some days of the week where we're both available for each other, and others when we're not. I have scheduled my salsa evenings in the "gaps". Which means our relationship is more important.

    But it does come with sacrifice. If there's a hot event on an evening when we're supposed to be available, then I won't dance.

    Some years ago I used to dance less during the year because we had more time for each other, but then I used to spend up to three or four weeks in dance camps during summer (ah, the good old times :eek: ). Now we spend all our hollidays together, which means that I don't dance for 2 or 3 (or even 4) weeks in a row.
  10. wuthering

    wuthering New Member

    Hi again. It was said before that you can know if a girl is flirtatious if during post-dance behaviour she lingers on, asks about the other's life etc. But I think this is still within the "social" limit. And remebering the other's name and whatever else you know about him/her is nice too :wink:
  11. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    Well... I had a non-dancing BF... and really cared for him... but my passion for Salsa dancing turned out to be stronger... :(

    I cannot stay away for so long as 4 weeks... one week and it's too much for me already! :oops: :oops:

    So now I have a dancing BF and everything's solved!
  12. Kindra

    Kindra New Member

    What is a typical night out at the salsa club like for you and the BF?? Do you dance mostly with other people, mostly with each other? Do you find yourself "keeping track" of him throughout the evening??
  13. Roxy

    Roxy New Member

    :D Wuthering, you're a gem.
    Like Squirrel, I couldn't stay away from it for 4 weeks.
    Shorter time spans for me would be better
    but I can see where at first in order to get a
    spark/foundation going I'd need to put the time.
  14. georgettestovall

    georgettestovall New Member

    This has been an interesting topic for me to read... I have been married about 18 months. I used to dance salsa (on1) years ago, but never took formal lessons. About a month ago I happened to take a club lesson (on2) and my passion for the dance just took off. Now I take lessons 2-3 nights a week, group and private, and try to fit in as much social dancing as I can. Unfortunately, my husband is not interested in learning to dance (and he doesn't have much rhythm anyway.) He is graciously tolerating my obsession, but I try to schedule my dancing for nights that he works, plus Friday night which is when my instructor does a club lesson and then there's social dancing. I take group lessons Wednesday and Thursday nights, and I have a private lesson Sunday night. That leaves Monday, Tuesday and Saturday for my husband, and he's usually working Wed/Thurs. It's a difficult balancing act, the struggle between "me" and "we"... and I'm sure if we were just dating we'd end up breaking up (I say he tolerates it graciously but maybe I'm overstating a bit.) But... since we're already married... he doesn't have much choice.

    I'd be interested in hearing from other dancers in the same situation-- started the salsa addiction *after* marriage, but your spouse is utterly uninterested in salsa.

  15. aragonh

    aragonh New Member

    U know whats the best way to know 4 sure?? Ask for her phone number.
    If she gives it 2 u, then there is mutual attraction.

    If she says no, then it was only in your head!!
  16. aragonh

    aragonh New Member

    Well, Im not married, but this doesnt sound good.

    It's almost like when one partner suddenly becomes a dog-lover and bought a dog home and the other person is allergic to dogs.
  17. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Not to be argumentative but women give out there phone number pretty easily if they think you are a good guy, even if they are not interested.

    Inviting a girl out is a much better indicator. I know I started that line of discussion but I do know that much.
  18. aragonh

    aragonh New Member

    I agree with you on this. But a prerequisite before asking a girl out is to get her number.
  19. Kindra

    Kindra New Member

    I can add something to this, even though I am currently NOT married. :banana: (excuse my brief celebration) ;)

    Has he ever come out to see you dance? Have you invited him to be apart of the experience in any way??

    I feel that when someone is so passionate about something (whether salsa, or something else) if your spouse can't share in that with you, whether it's by coming out once every few months to watch and admire your talents or just sitting and listening to you talk about your amazing night out, then it will eventually become very challenging. ESPECIALLY when it consumes that much of your time.

    This is a little bit about my experience with starting to dance again AFTER marriage....

    About 2 years before my marriage ended, I slowly began incorporating dance back into my life...I started with african dance and eventually found the courage to get back into swing and ballroom (after a lengthy break). As much as I was enjoying myself, my spouse was uninterested and never showed any enthusiasm about my "rediscovering" of my long, lost talents....I could never get him out to an event just to watch, because he said he would "get bored" he wouldn't come. Shortly after all of this, we went on a cruise together. He refused to come with me to the latino bar; because he knew I would want to dance...
    I ended up going by myself and dancing my night away. (which I had an amazing time!)
    He couldn't make that one sacrifice for me...on a ship where you just walk around from bar to bar, because theres nothing else to do at night! I knew after that night he would never be supportive or interested in my love for dancing, which was a very sad discovery. Before that night I had hope...
  20. brujo

    brujo New Member

    For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

    Damn addicts...

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