General Dance Discussion > Do men dance?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Sagitta, Sep 8, 2004.

  1. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Almost every scene I have been to I have noticed to be lead heavy. But I am not necesarily claiming they were. Many times the only people we see of the opposite dance orientation are those that we WANT to dance with and at the same time we see all the same dance orientation(competition) dancers. This may cause for people always seeing an imbalance going against them.
    I have sometimes thought a scene was imbalanced and once I actually made a head count it came out quite even and even just a smidge in my favor.
  2. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    As I've long maintained, we tend to only notice an imbalance when we have to wait without a partner until the next rotation.

    But when our salsa teacher has to even it out by assigning the more advanced leaders to dance as followers, then it's no longer an illusion. Though I suspect that that's also his subtle way of motivating us to go out and recruit more girls for the class.
  3. etchuck

    etchuck New Member

    Well, that explains why I'm so damn good. (kidding) :)
  4. Danoo

    Danoo New Member

    lmao etchuck :p
  5. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    no. actually, we lead.
  6. MapleLeaf Salsero

    MapleLeaf Salsero New Member

    The funny part is that if you dance with a partner less profficient than yourself, you will naturally impress her without even trying. Actually, I´m not sure "impress" is the right word to use here. Impress means are you are conciously altering you actions in order to obtain a certain goal. This often may not the case.

    Salsachinita, sorry you had a bad experience with these newbies. I could understand it if you tried to do lots of lady styling/fancy moves which would make them feel intimidated, awkward nad embarassed but this wasn´t the case. I think what they did was just plain rude. Their ego must have taken a nose dive...
  7. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Well, actually, my friend SugarGlider explain this to me the other night......

    I'm a true-&-true follower. When these newbies don't lead, I don't really they felt that they NEED to know what to do before they dance with me :roll: ...........

    .........I'm not sure if this characteristic of mine is a curse or not :? ........
  8. DanceAm

    DanceAm New Member

    I think when I am trying to impress, I am simply displaying my best. Not necessarily doing my most advanced moves, but making sure the one I am dancing with is having a good time, getting a more solid connection and is comfortable, especially if they are beginners.

    I have had women shake with nervousness when they started dancing with me. I feel better that if by the end of the dance they are more relaxed and felt like they had good time, then I did impress them and not by showing off my own flashy moves.
  9. TheLetterJ

    TheLetterJ New Member

    I have many guy friends who choose not to join the social dance scene because of a number of reasons, mainly:

    1) They're not comfortable asking strangers to dance.
    2) Too much time and money investment.
    3) Feel self conscious on the dance floor.
    4) Why dance when they already have a girlfriend? :)
  10. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Who isn't, but like everything else it becomes easier with practice. Besides, we're handed the perfect introductory line: "Would you like to dance?"
    Same as any hobby or pasttime. Don't get me started on how much is wasted on sports.
    As we all have at first, but then we realize that everybody's watching those really great dancers, not us. Besides, there's only one person there who matters, your partner.
    To keep her?
    Or to keep her from leaving when she finally finds a guy who'll dance with her?
    Or to find a replacement when she leaves them?
  11. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    the basic issue is educating them to understand that a dance is only a dance; asking and/or acceptance does not imply romantic interest -and declining does not necessarily imply lack thereof - although if he/she really is interested, they'd better accept or risk the other person misinterpreting & not ever asking again...

    all i need to play basketball is to find a court and join a pickup game, and i can have the ugliest looking shot as long as it goes in... contrasted to having to buy special shoes, obsessing over whether my heel or toe touches the ground first when i take a step, ad nauseum...

    not touching this one with a ten ft. pole...

    but how are you doing? never did make it down to atomic when i thought i would. pasta night sounds interesting though.
  12. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Right, there's not that much at stake.

    And after having danced, you're no longer total strangers any more.

    I'm all for people playing sports if they like it. What I was refering to was all the time and money wasted by spectators. And they come out of it in worse shape than they went in (unlike those who actually participate).

    It's a definite attitude thing with me, one that I am more than happy to maintain. I told you not to get me started. [grin]
    Stan Stanslawski, a ten-foot Pole, says, "I wouldn't touch that either!" (old Rowan & Martin joke from Laugh-in).

    Though I was thinking back on several testimonials here in which members' exes did not share or appreciate their interest in dancing.

    BTW, my own present marital crisis (divorce in progress) is due to other factors. And that last one was perhaps my own wishful thinking that, when I'm ready to start dating, I will meet her through dancing. And my going to a female-rich dance class on Thursday to "help balance it out" is for purely altruistic reasons, believe it or not (two women involved in the class directly recruited me -- honest).

    Because of the divorce I'm not getting out much except for my classes (4 week nights and Sun afternoon). Besides which my confidence in my Lindy has been plummetting these past few months (don't know if what I've been going through emotionally has anything to do with it). I actually went there last Friday night, but chickened out when I saw how full the parking lot was; I've never before chickened out at the last moment like that. So I'm having to try to build myself back up again.

    Their "vintage night" (Sat, 02 Oct) looks interesting, mainly because of the musical selections: nothing after 1950 and, remembering from the advert of last month's, recordings of the bands' live radio broadcasts. Too bad the closest thing I have to vintage is myself and I miss that cut-off date by one year.
  13. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    the caveat i threw out covers less than 1% of all actual encounters. and besides, it's a simple enough matter to say:

    "i would love to dance with you but:

    - i really need a break;
    - i don't like this song/type of dance;
    - i just turned down someone with whom i really didn't want to dance and it would be rude to accept a subsequent invitation for the same dance (which has been the case for me);

    but i would love to do the next ______ with you."

    the reality is that the vast majority of people are there to dance; it's not friggin' junior high - although i do often observe relational behavior in the dance world that suggests that a lot of people have not gotten past adolescence in that regard.

    another reality is that people can develop reputations (good or bad) fairly quickly - it doesn't take long for an observant person to figure out someone's MO - whether they're there to dance or otherwise, etc. and in my experience word travels fast in a fairly small dance world.

    but then your analogy is more about those who would tape what passes for ballroom dance on PBS :D

    it was that awareness on my part which prompted me to refrain. if you don't recall, you've pm'd me some of the details.

    that's been my hope. i've had little problem meeting women (the chicken is still playing in traffic for those of you conversant with that situation in my life, btw) but having not encounteed one who shares my spiritual convictions, i started spending more of my time cultivating relationships with women in church who have no background in dance but are interested in learning.

    as a matter of fact i'm filling in (for free) in a basic WCS class at my old studio where two women from church are in the class., not much! :D

    i suspect your energy level is measurably lower. also, in my experience dancing involves the emotions, & you're probably tapped out.

    why are you pursuing lindy? i'm not saying you shouldn't, but it seems to me that the demographics are certainly not skewed in your favor, especially compared to ballroom where there are lots of available "partners" in our age range...

    if you like vintage, did you hear about mora's swingtet (a subset of mora's modern rhythmists playing at fort macarthur in san pedro this saturday? (more info at: i might go with a friend who's got tons of vintage apparel from that period. my problem is that i've got a CPR class that day until 4pm up in eagle rock & it starts at 5pm...

    or the avalon ball on oct 23rd?
  14. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Of course, open dancing involves different skills and greater challenges than classes do. And that is where I'm falling apart, despite 9 to 11 hours of dance classes per week (plus four hours of assembly programming class, but that doesn't count towards dancing).

    My lack of ulterior motive is guaranteed by the fact that this class is at a church of a sect with which I disagree for theological, ethical, and political reasons, so if the participants are all from the congregation then the likelihood of a favorable match is virtually nil.

    My participation will be like my participation in two of those 11 hours of dance class, which are beginning classes (WCS and Lindy). I'll arrive during those classes and, if they need leaders, will fill in. If they are already leader-heavy or evenly-balanced, then I'll abstain, not wanting to take any time away from the beginning guys. I view my participation both as helping out and as giving me the opportunity to work on my basics. I've even started to view my participation in the beginning salsa class in the same way, though I still need to do a lot of work on my body motion.

    In this case, I've been asked to come specifically because of a leader shortage. Besides, it'll get me out of the house, which can be reward enough.

    I've been exercising regularly and am also currently in training for our semi-annual physical fitness assessment, which includes the dreaded 1.5 mi run. So my physical energy seems unaffected, besides which exercise is supposed to be good for combatting stress. And I've found that active use of denial (eg, keeping with my regular schedule of dance classes) seems to help a lot.

    But, yes, combined with the wringer I've been through these past two years, once I sit down my concentration and motivation are all but gone (not good in a profession that requires sitting down and concentrating).

    Thinking through this writing, I've just now decided that it's too early and counter-productive to worry about reentry into dating, so I'll employ my denial skills and push it off until later. Better to allocate my limited resources to addressing the more immediate problems. And to keep dancing (classes if nothing else) in order to keep recharging my batteries.

    Actually, the Lindy scene here covers all ages, including many in their late 40's up to their 60's. Besides which, Lindy is where my passions currently lie in the music and the dance. And I can see that there's a lot to learn there that should help me in most other dances. Sure, I do plan to devote more time to ballroom in a few more years, when I start to slow down.

    Now, the dance whose demographics do concern me is salsa. I haven't been out dancing yet, but judging from the classes most of the women are quite young, so all this old güero ("pale-face") could ever hope for would be a dance -- which is reward enough in itself.

    Thanks, I'll look into them. Though this Saturday I'll be moving some of my stuff into storage and I don't know when we would be making the final move out of our house.

    I do realize that, one or another, whether I want to or not, I'll make it through this. Though I can't guarantee in how many pieces. [grin]
  15. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    i hate assembly language. i didn't think anybody actually used it in IT anymore.

    i'm older than a lot of the salsa crowd, but i look younger than i am. i got "profiled" by the latinas though.

    just don't try to rush things. this may not make sense, but sometimes the healthiest thing is to lie there and bleed for a while rather than try and stop the bleeding.
  16. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Actually, I'm in SE (software engineering) and do mostly embedded software. When you're working close to the metal then assembly can come into play, even though the vast majority of our code is in C. Besides, my initial computer training was as a technician, so I'm fairly comfortable in the lower layers. I've done a lot of work before with a few other very different processors, but very little in Intel x86. And considering the level of my motivation of late, a class is the best way to ensure I see it through.

    And it gets me out of the house. And my mind on other things.
    Well, then I must be headed in the right direction (as I lie here bleeding). To carry the analogy a bit further (and remembering that you have first aid training scheduled), what if this is a puncture wound?

    I know that the first few relationships after this will court disaster and I will hopefully exercise appropriate caution and consideration. And this discussion has helped me realize that I need to deal with current issues now and diffuse my attention and energy with issues much further down the road. For which I thank you.
  17. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    that was more or less my point - C is so much more friendly.

    perhaps i should have put it this way originally: in your circumstances, trying to avoid pain often merely postpones it.

    i just reread the next paragraph(s) & realize that i should cut & paste this into a PM, which i did.

    you're welcome - i find myself wishing that i could do more - and hoping that i haven't said too much.

    we probably oughta use pm or email should we continue...
  18. Elven Commander

    Elven Commander New Member

    ASM is still very useful, even though it isn't taught large scale anymore, heck i could bet there are coders out there who do not even know it exists. Very low level, good for interfacing with components, and some complex things in games is done in ASM because of the speed if i recall. Also used with electronics where it is still very usefull, i'd like to see someone use visual basic to program chips lol, asm and C, pascal is used to if i recall from something i read
  19. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Depends on the Pascal, since the standard was fairly rudimentary (what with it having been invented by an academic for the purpose of teaching structured programming) and all industrial-strength versions of the language had to be extended considerably (and each company extended it differently). I used to use Turbo Pascal and was able to do almost as much low-level stuff with it as I can now do with C.

    My drawing a distinction between IT and SE was that I see IT as being oriented more towards systems and services, higher-level stuff. SE covers the entire gamut, including the low-level stuff. Device drivers, fast and lean routines (eg, graphics in games, which push the limits of the computer), and parts of embedded software will continue to need assembly programming.

    One of the fun things to observe in class, though, is how helpless most of the other students are once they open a DOS window. Even when I would spell out "DIR" for them, they still had problems.
    My favorite Windows icon? "MS-DOS Prompt"
  20. Elven Commander

    Elven Commander New Member

    hehe spelling out the word dir nice, somehow i skipped all those class's in highschool lol, in my last set now of A+, did cisco, and electronics, glad to never been stuck with ppl like that

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