Discussion in 'Funstuff and Inspiration' started by Larinda McRaven, Nov 2, 2008.
Yes. Kids can be very insightful.
How sensitive these issues are...my Alzheimer's mother used to refuse to eat for a month or so. What should we have done? Just let her be and not feed her one way or another? After a while she started eating again. Shouldn't we have sticken with her despite her wishes? We knew by instinct what the right thing was and thank god it was right. Right now she is having an argument with me about closing the window...She always does.Though she cannot speak, she just closes it. It's summer, it'll kill me if I close the window. Such sensitive issues...So hard to say, one way or another...I should know...this is only the easiest of my troubles when compared to others in my family...Still, I'm truly blessed to have them, I couldn't do without them, I can't do without them.
It's hard. My fave grandmom died from complications of diabetes alost twenty years ago. Neither my Mom or I will ever forgive ourselves not letting have cake that last month of her life. It wouldn't have made any difference, except having made her happier in her last days o earth. Ya know?
And back to Larinda's original post, I have been practicing all day o flipping the internal script. Yeah. The things you say to yourself make a huge difference.
Ah but I guess you didn't know it was her last month? You know you were both only doing what you thought was best for her (hugs).
you are so so right you know!:applause:
The Way of Mrs. Cosmopilite
A little soap and water never killed anyone
A penny saved is a penny earned.
A washed pot never boils. (This one was related by way of a Yeti, so it may be garbled by a mild speech impediment)
Big events always cast their shadows.
Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
Close the door! you weren't born in a barn.
Do as I say not as I do.
Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you. (Koan 97) (Lu-Tze mentions uncertainty about having gotten this one right)
Do you think I'm made of money?
Do you think this is a hotel? You can't come in here only to sleep.
Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold
Don't make me come in there!
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
Don't you have anything better to do.
Eat it up, it'll make your hair curly.
Enough is enough.
Everything comes to he who waits.
Every second counts.
Go to your room and think about what you did!
Hard work never did anybody any harm.
How do you know you don't like it you haven't tasted it.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I can always tell when you're lying.
I can't be having with that kind of thing.
cool mind. warm heart.
Someone's been dipping into the Discworld...
So, I did the right thing, even though I didn't want to. Was needed to drive a carload of 90+ year olds to a social event, about 2.5 hours away. It was inconvenient, caused me to have to cancel some other appointments, rearrange the one moment of my week that makes it worthwhile and teaches me so much. Not to mention, it pushed several of my buttons about driving people places, and being in age-inappropriate company all too often. Hey, I just got out of having to do this; why am I volunteering to do it again?
Note to self: Sometimes, thinking of others' needs is not caving in to family/personal pressure, but more like generosity to those who love you.
And you know what? The event was cancelled, and I get to go back to Plan A, and do what I originally had planned, the things that give me juice.
I don't mean to say that virtue is its own reward, b/c I never got the chance to be virtuous. But I do feel like I invoked the outcome I wanted by not being a whiny kvetch, but instead willingly doing something I didn't want to do. Lesson learned.
Yes. That clicks for me, j_a.
I saw this on the wall of DS's English teacher just now, during parent-teacher conferences. I've seen it before, but, for some reason, it struck me anew this evening.
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Currently pondering "love is a verb." I'm not sure I buy it, but it's starting to make more sense. And, in light of various wossnames, it's about as close to describing the ambivalence I'm feeling now toward various people and situations.
Along the same vein, am pondering the idea that you don't have to like someone in order to act with love towards them. Or something. I admit it's not well thought out. Perhaps it's not so much acting with love towards them but acting with respect for my own morals, and my own sense of self-respect, or kindness. Or something. And does it really matter in the long run, if the actions are good, and are good to other people.
Much ambivalence. Much pondering.
for me...love simply as a feeling is cheap, easy and fleeting....rather than saying love is a verb (which I like by the way, because talk is cheap) ...I prefer to say that love is a decision...which for me means that feelings come and go...the way that long-term loving relationship is maintained is by making loving choices, and taking loving actions even in the absence of feeling...it doesn't mean acting in-authentically, it means understanding that emotions fluctuate... and knowing that often it is what we do that nurtures and sustains what we wish to feel....
Background: my FIL has cancer. Caught early, very high successful treatment rate, so I'm not terribly alarmed as yet. But you all know some of the history, and how I feel about him and MIL. No love. I don't wish the man ill, but I certainly don't like him.
And...yet...they're family. I will be there to help him, and her, when they need help. I will offer (well, have offered) before they ask. I don't know what to make of my motivations, or the situation in general. But they're family. Period. As much as I dislike him, I won't turn my back on him. I couldn't live with myself if I did that.
So...yeah. Ambivalent. Pondering. Mostly, though, just accepting; this is what I have to do to feel at peace with myself and my ethics. What that means in the grander scheme of things?...well, whatever.
ah, that is a different issue and is, IMV, simply about is what is the humane thing to do... you don't have to pretend to adore the man, but you have an obligation to do what is loving toward your husband in how you behave at this time and I am sure, given the past history with them, that the extent of that which would be sensible and appropriate is to do what you can to make sure that the man's comfort and dignity remains intact via whatever care he is going to need, which doesn't mean that you have to be the one providing it...that someone is dying doesn't mean that all previous modes of understanding the relationships must be altered inappropriately and in a way that still won't work....try not to live the whole future of it though..try to live just each occasion at a time, focusing on what your husband is feeling he needs to do
For me, family is the people you help, protect, support, regardless of whether you like them or enjoy their company.
and Watch your back, because some M*****F***** is going to assassinate your character, twist your words, misinterpret your actions, and tell you what you think.
Wonderful, optimistic sentiment to share with fourteen and fifteen year olds. lol.
and as the Pink Floyd song goes..
"No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone"
I spent some time thinking about this before responding, P, and couldn't come up with a darn thing to add to what fascination said so well.
great thought provoking video
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