Funstuff and Inspiration > Enlightening Conversations

Discussion in 'Funstuff and Inspiration' started by Larinda McRaven, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I went home for Christmas to my Dads house one year. My nephew, who is now out of high school, was barely walking and certainly not talking more than "dada" and "mama".

    I have had an aversion to purses most of my life and rarely carry one. My step-Mother insisted that if I were to take her car out to see my friends that I take my purse, instead of stuffing my id and money in my jean pocket. I pleaded with her to just let me go, and anyway I had no idea where my purse was. She told me I had to find it before I could go. This small banter went back and forth all the while I was getting ready. When I sat down to put my shoes on, my tiny little nephew waddled over to me and laid my purse down in my lap.

    They clearly know what is going on, even at the tender age of one year.
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    having had two cardiac episodes that mimicked strokes and having worked for hospice for a decade, I can verify that while people's verbal capacity often diminishes to what we call "word salad"...i.e. randomly tossed nonsensical utterances... what was critical was still more often than not, conveyed and for toddlers and babies, research has even shown us that when mothers mimick post partum by exhibiting flat affect to their children, their children will experience the trauma of that....connection is a powerful thing
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. I've seen film (I can't remember the context) in which little tiny babies looked traumatized by having adults act uncaring. It's really scary to see, if you are a caring adult who's afraid of making a life-changing mistake. Parenthood = scared poopless. Just sayin.
  4. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    That hits me hard. My brother had a life-threatening brain injury more than a decade ago. I honestly don't know if I pray that my brother knows what is going on or if I pray that he doesn't. I just pray that God will take care of my big brother and not let him suffer too much.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    thank you for this...

    so often in hospice, people would walk into a room and speak of a dying person or an alzhiemer's patient as if they weren't even there...such a dreadful mistake...I had patients who hadn't spoken coherently in a decade, sing the word of their favorite hymn with me or respond to other significant stimuli...the mind is amazing
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

  8. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    A hand for you to hold....
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks btm. That means a lot. It's really funny how I stuff the awful things because they're too awful to confront. Then something happens - little triggers, usually -- that bring the awful out of the closet.

    Sorry. Didn't mean to spew my stuff on the thread. :oops:

    And back to lighter topics.
  10. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    ok I'll realte a story that a friend of mine witnessed.

    he was in an airport lounge and there was this couple who had obviously had a row, and were mad with each other and standing some distance apart, not talking. This Down's kid gets it right away. he takes the hand of one of the man and pulls him towards the woman.
    The Downs kid; then says "Hold hands" they do..then he says "Now kiss"..and they do.....

  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. Kids can be very insightful. :)
  12. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    How sensitive these issues Alzheimer's mother used to refuse to eat for a month or so. What should we have done? Just let her be and not feed her one way or another? After a while she started eating again. Shouldn't we have sticken with her despite her wishes? We knew by instinct what the right thing was and thank god it was right. Right now she is having an argument with me about closing the window...She always does.Though she cannot speak, she just closes it. It's summer, it'll kill me if I close the window. Such sensitive issues...So hard to say, one way or another...I should know...this is only the easiest of my troubles when compared to others in my family...Still, I'm truly blessed to have them, I couldn't do without them, I can't do without them.
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    It's hard. My fave grandmom died from complications of diabetes alost twenty years ago. Neither my Mom or I will ever forgive ourselves not letting have cake that last month of her life. It wouldn't have made any difference, except having made her happier in her last days o earth. Ya know?

    And back to Larinda's original post, I have been practicing all day o flipping the internal script. Yeah. The things you say to yourself make a huge difference.
  14. Ah but I guess you didn't know it was her last month? You know you were both only doing what you thought was best for her (hugs).
  15. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    you are so so right you know!:applause:
  16. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    The Way of Mrs. Cosmopilite

    • A little soap and water never killed anyone
    • A penny saved is a penny earned.
    • A washed pot never boils. (This one was related by way of a Yeti, so it may be garbled by a mild speech impediment)
    • Because.
    • Big events always cast their shadows.
    • Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
    • Close the door! you weren't born in a barn.
    • Do as I say not as I do.
    • Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you. (Koan 97) (Lu-Tze mentions uncertainty about having gotten this one right)
    • Do you think I'm made of money?
    • Do you think this is a hotel? You can't come in here only to sleep.
    • Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold
    • Don't make me come in there!
    • Don't talk with your mouth full.
    • Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
    • Don't you have anything better to do.
    • Eat it up, it'll make your hair curly.
    • Enough is enough.
    • Everything comes to he who waits.
    • Every second counts.
    • Go to your room and think about what you did!
    • Hard work never did anybody any harm.
    • How do you know you don't like it you haven't tasted it.
    • How many times do I have to tell you?
    • I can always tell when you're lying.
    • I can't be having with that kind of thing.

  17. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    cool mind. warm heart.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  18. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Someone's been dipping into the Discworld...
  19. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    So, I did the right thing, even though I didn't want to. Was needed to drive a carload of 90+ year olds to a social event, about 2.5 hours away. It was inconvenient, caused me to have to cancel some other appointments, rearrange the one moment of my week that makes it worthwhile and teaches me so much. Not to mention, it pushed several of my buttons about driving people places, and being in age-inappropriate company all too often. Hey, I just got out of having to do this; why am I volunteering to do it again?

    Note to self: Sometimes, thinking of others' needs is not caving in to family/personal pressure, but more like generosity to those who love you.

    And you know what? The event was cancelled, and I get to go back to Plan A, and do what I originally had planned, the things that give me juice.

    I don't mean to say that virtue is its own reward, b/c I never got the chance to be virtuous. But I do feel like I invoked the outcome I wanted by not being a whiny kvetch, but instead willingly doing something I didn't want to do. Lesson learned.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. That clicks for me, j_a. :)

    I saw this on the wall of DS's English teacher just now, during parent-teacher conferences. I've seen it before, but, for some reason, it struck me anew this evening.

    “Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

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