Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by spot1969, Jun 3, 2008.
i like how you think, cornutt.
cornutt is the best
One of these days, we will be in the same place at the same time and we will dance...
as James Bond said Once is happenstance; twice is coincidence three times is conspiracy.
And you will enjoy it (speaking as one who has had the pleasure!)
Good point that she may have been having a bad night in the class. I had an instructor treat me in a way that I felt was quite rudely one night, and I got told by a lot of guys here when I related the situation that perhaps I was feeling slighted when I shouldn't. Of course, that instructor remains to be quite creepy, obnnoxious and rude. But I've been occasionally put off by someone's behavior then later found them to be quite pleasant. Being willing to give someone a second chance can be an act of great bravery, but at least you'll be prepared for the worst, so you can only be pleasantly surprised.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to answer.
For the moment it's not going to be a problem. A friend has had something of a trauma recently and has asked me to look after her salsa class for a few weeks.
I think that, if and when I go back to the tango class, I'll adopt the attitude of "cheerful and stupid" and attempt to engage her in friendly conversation. Given what a number of people have said about height being an issue for them, I don't think I should ask her to dance just yet.
However, speaking and writing ARE actions.
I'm not in favor of offical censorship either, however people who are rude get what they deserve. Which in this case is: she doesn't get danced with.
There's a huge difference between enacting laws and simply enacting your own set of reactions to people who are rude to you. There's a middle ground between outlawing speech and condoning it by remaining silent or accepting it when it comes at you.
We don't have to make her comments illegal for the OP to simply ignore her from now on.
It seems to me that comparing those of us who feel she was out of line to those who would create a police state of censorship is a wee bit over the top.
Two of my favorite quotes:
"A person with high self-esteem doesn't demand that others treat her with respect.. She just refuses to engage anyone who doesn't"
and "The only thing nessesary for the triumph of evil is for a good man to do nothing"
For instance, we shouldn't make racist comments illegal to speak in conversation, however, the people who hear them can have influence by expressing their disgust/ outrage/ dissaproval or dissapgreement. Or are you suggesting that to avoid overly policing peoples beliefs we should all just silently listen to that which we may vehemently oppose?
and OTOH...we also live in a society where people seem desperately eager to get po-ed rather than set and example of how to disipline in love and civility...primarily because it is just so much easier to judge and summarily dismiss someone than to hold both that person and yourself to a higher standard...granted, there are times when to do so would be unquestionably casting ones pearls before swine, but if that is not so obvious (which I think is the case most often) then I think humankind is better served by mercy
but they are not *criminal* actions. that is what i meant... criminalizing thought, feelings, and beliefs as opposed to just actions.
yep... appropriate & just desserts.
dear lord, not saying one should be silent... speak up all you want!
i also think that each person has a high level of personal responsibility around how they respond to rudeness, on any level. just because someone says or does something even with the *intent* of rudeness, if one is "offended", i would ask why exactly? what about the statement or action triggers that emotion, and why is that the case? nonsense, ignorance, bigotry, & power-plays can be regarded without that kind of reactionary response. one can just flick it off like a fly and move on.
unless there's some existing personal sensitivity. but that's no one else's responsibility but one's own. IMO.
I never suggested he should be angry or rude to her in return or behave in anything other than a courteous manner. However, he also doesn't have to jump through hoops trying to figure out where she's coming from or avoid her on the dance floor so that when the music stops he won't be so near her as to make her uncomfortable about it. Nor does he have to dance with her just because she talked to him one day. He can forgive, forget, be nice, whatever. But he certainly doesn't have to "fix" the situation that she initially created.
Sure. But why would you seek out future interactions with someone who acted that way?
All I'm saying is that if he so chooses, he is perfectly justified in limiting his interaction with her and not deliberately initiating or inviting more. Once again, there's a middle ground between having some huge over-reaction and treating it all like something HE is supposed to analyze and fix to create a better relationship with her.
Moving on can mean walking away. No anger. No big scene. Cordial and polite. But not feeling any obligation to provide what the other person wants from you. That's what I'm talking about.
That is how I feel as well, although you said it much better than I.
you must be arguing with someone else because i certainly did not remotely suggest i would seek anyone out who acted that way... sounds to me like we're in agreement.
We are going to try AT in a few weeks if and when the knee does the right thing for me. Going to do a four weeks beginner course, I love the look of the AT but know it will be quite different from the normal tango we do, I find it such a powerful sexy dance
I don't think I'd consider it particularly powerful and sexy. At times, mabye. I think of it more as caring/giving, sensitive and sensual. *shrug*
Welcome! Do hope you get as much pleasure out of it as we all do. Yes, the show/TV dancers look "powerful and sexy". You're more likely to get more "powerful sensuality" out of it as you won't be dancing for no other but yourself and partner. Nice stuff
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