Dancers Anonymous > Explain to me this newfangled dating process!

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by love2swing, Aug 26, 2005.

  1. love2swing

    love2swing New Member

    Heh. Ok, let me just state at the beginning that this is probably a most therapeutic post for me. There is probably some ranting and whining ahead so you've been warned!

    Alright, so you may recall my post from several months ago about my long term boyfriend and I breaking up. This happened back in January. From January to May I basically threw myself into school and work, and was quite busy. During this time I started hanging out with my old friends more, etc. Well, there's plenty of backstory I could go into I suppose, but that would make this post rather long. So I'll just jump into it. One of my old friends from high school that I started hanging out with again is 'Matt'. Matt introduced me to several new people, including his roommate 'Jack.' One Tuesday night when Jack and I and several other people were all hanging out and Jack introduces me to his friend 'John.' John and I get along pretty well, he gives me his phone number, and I call him that Friday. He comes and meets me and some of my friends out. He stays out for 45 minutes or so with us, and we make plans to go to a movie the following day. We do this, walk around our city for a while, go back to his house and talk for a while. It goes well. We go out the next weekend as well. Goes well again. He tells me he's leaving for a trip to go visit his family and that he'll definitely get a hold of me when he gets back.

    Well, two weeks goes back, and last Tuesday he finally gives me a call. It was his first day he could do something after getting back since he had worked the two days since then. We hang out with Jack and a bunch of our friends that night, and eventually John and I go back to John's house, talk a while, etc. He tells me I can stay there if I want and we eventually both fall asleep there. Wednesday morning he cooks us breakfast, and we hang out until we both work. He wants to do something Thurday before work as well-- I say great. He calls Thursday and we hang out a few hours before work. He then suggests doing something Friday and Saturday since he has off. I agree. Friday we end up renting a movie since he got called in to work early Saturday morning. Saturday night we go to a movie, go out for a drink , go back to his house for a while, and eventually I go home as we're both yawning and tired. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye like normal, however makes no specific plans to do anything like he had since he'd been back from his trip. This is weird, but I figure I'll call him since he's done all the calling and planning up to this point.

    Well, I called him a couple days after we last saw each other, when I knew he wasn't working, and he didn't answer. Left him a message and he didn't call back. Now my question is, what the heck did I do wrong? I thought things were going so well and it has now been almost a week since I've heard from him.

    The crude (although maybe honest? I don't know!) answer I got from a lot of my male friends was that it was because I "didn't put out." Just for reference, I'm 22 and John is 26 so you know what age range you're dealing with. We're both at similar points in our lives- both establishing ourselves, finishing up last year of college, working part time jobs, etc. I was hoping you guys would perhaps have some more insight. If he actually liked me he wouldn't drop me just because I didn't hop into bed with him immediately right? Or is this how the dating world works now and I should just prepare myself for dissappointment after disappointment when the guys I see find out my pants don't fly off automatically after meeting them? If that's not the case, then what the heck happened?

    Thanks for reading! :D
     
  2. africana

    africana New Member

    similar thing happened to me, this guy calls to do stuff but then just kinda drops out of the face of the earth, no calls, nothing.

    I've told myself it's just how it goes cos according some author (greg somebody) "he's just not that into you" :?

    If he was, he would call, would jump at the chance to hang, and so on.
    So no sweat, just be happy it didn't get to the point where things are hot n heavy and he breaks your heart, that's how I handle those dissapointments

    Or at least wait it out (the hardest!) and see if the "tension" breaks on his end. I think it's better not to go nagging and chasing him...even though I consider myself somewhat of a "getter"

    guys are still quite a puzzle to me too and I doubt I'll figure this dating thing out either
     
  3. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Were these dates you and John went on? They didn't sound like it to me as I was reading. The kisses and hugs. Are we talking pecks on the cheek? As far as your question goes, I wouldn't need you to lose your pants. Personally, I'd have tried to advance things further than pecks and hugs if I were pursuing you. If you didn't want to, that would be ok but then I would accept that we had a platonic friendship. (Bear in mind, I'm 39.)

    Another possibility? He had perceived you to be safe. He got to hang around a sexy girl, do cool things, but didn't want to go further than that. Then thought you wanted something more, so that you were no longer safe, and then panicked? I have no clue. It's just another option.
     
  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Wait one more week and call him again. If he doesn't answer or return your call within another week, write him off.
     
  5. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    L2S - I'd prefer what you went through to him actually getting "into your pants" and then never calling you again. At least now you can be glad you didn't give more of yourself. If he doesn't call and at least explain himself, then I'd write him off. It's pretty rude (and his problem, not yours) to just ignore someone and not give any explanation. I just wonder if it's going to be awkward since you have mutual friends. I would think he'd be the one to feel a little awkward, though.

    In any event, it's good to see you again!
     
  6. Ms_Sunlight

    Ms_Sunlight New Member

    love2swing, it could be so many things, which may or may not have anything to do with you. Dinnae fash yersel, quine.

    I would say that most decent guys don't expect you to drop your pants immediately when dating, and I doubt this guy did either. However their fragile male egos do need some kind of sign that the woman is "into them" sexually, that she finds them hot. If all he got were goodbye hugs and kisses it might well seem to him that he wasn't getting anywhere and that you were becoming too much like "just friends."
     
  7. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    In my experience, I would agree entirely with the above. SOme guys take it slow, some guys expect you to be all over them or they are all over you. Each person is differnet and each person has different desires and expectations. Now what do you do? First of all, don't stress yourself out about it. As someone mentioned above, you might want to give the guy a call and see what's going on. If he seems aloof or disinterested, maybe he's got something else on his mind(He's "not into you", he's got another girlfriend/boyfriend, he doesn't feel the chemistry or he's just got personal issues to deal with). Take it easy! There are tons of fish in the sea!
     
  8. love2swing

    love2swing New Member

    Thanks everyone. I know it's not because he doesn't think I'm into him, but it's a good thought to keep in mind. But thanks for the encouraging remarks. It's just tough getting back out there after the whole long term relationship ending thing. But, anyway, you're right, there are plenty of others out there. I should just relax. :)
     
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    If I understood the dating scene, I surely would explain. But it's a mystery to me, too. :? :lol: Oh well. Count me as a friendly emotional supporter, even if I am clueless. :oops: :)
     
  10. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Dating. Hah, I'm hopeless. I'm too straightforward to date anyone, since I cut them off when they try to flirt and make them feel mighty awkward. If you ever feel like someone is hitting on you, give him my number. I'll have him crying for his mama in 2 mins. :lol:

    Twilight Elena
     
  11. love2swing

    love2swing New Member


    Hahahaha. :lol:
     
  12. Kevin

    Kevin New Member

    What amazes me is how quick people are to fall for someone. I don't want to come off wrong because I definitly believe in love at first sight. Its happened to me several times lol But.. What are really the chances this person is really a person you want to be with anways? Millions of guys who will make you happier out there. Forget about him.. Thats when he'll fall for you anyways lol its the fricken law
     
  13. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    Well, my wife and I have been married for more than two decades, so I obviously know nothing about the current dating scene.

    Nonetheless, I think this is important... don't EVER assume that there's anything wrong with YOU or with what you did if it doesn't work out with a guy.

    If you were genuinely yourself during your dates and he lost interest, it just means he wasn't the guy for you after all. Keep being yourself and keep looking until you find the one who loves you for who you are. No matter what you are like, that guy is out there somewhere.

    Good luck!

    -Jay
     
  14. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    That's wrong too. There is no "the one" out there. There are "the ones" out there.
     
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Kevin, you crack me up. You're right, but you still crack me up.
     
  16. Kevin

    Kevin New Member

    Thanks lol Don't know if you were in Boston with Chandra, if you were hope you had fun!
     
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh! For some reason I thought Chandra was not from the US. :oops: :doh:


    Nope, she and I have never met. 8)
     
  18. cl5814

    cl5814 New Member

    ok, what does "newfangled dating process" mean ? :oops:
    I must have been living on another planet .....LOL
     
  19. lynn

    lynn New Member

    sorry, but seeing the "d" word is giving me allergies....just got dragged to a blind date tonight..... is there anything more desparate than this :cry: ??? hopefully not....
     
  20. cl5814

    cl5814 New Member

    Hatishoo..........must be the allergies here in my home.......LOL
     

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