Dancers Anonymous > Explain to me this newfangled dating process!

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by love2swing, Aug 26, 2005.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member


    hopefully they will get sick of that and realize how distructive it is before there is nothing to rehabilitate....keep hope alive....don't you think we all go through that? If all else fails see if you can get them to a nursing home where all of the widows and widowers would give anything for one more word or touch from that formerly annoying spouse...it keeps my head on straight
     
  2. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    I think I'm gonna puke.
     
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    joe--if you're going to make a comment like that the least you could do is say why
     
  4. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    The inner cynic rules the day, huh, Joe? :wink: 8)
     
  5. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Too damn saccharine. :D
     
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    okay...I'll admit it sounds that way, but I don't think anyone was being artificially sweet around here :wink: sometimes it's just a love fest when you find a few folks who think like you do...I for one will try to be much darker and cynical and abrasive b/c we all know how sincere and real that always is :wink: anyhow thanks for 'splaining' it...
     
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    this is the one DP starting around pg 11..... I THINK
     
  8. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Yes, not returning phone calls, which is what I believe was being referred to in the story presented at the beginning, is disrespectful. If the person doesn't choose to improve themself on something like this, this is not a good sign, and I look for a relationship where respect is plentifull, too.

    Snoring is not a "habit", but it can be a health issue. ;)
     
  9. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I respectfully disagree. People can be blinded by attraction if they choose to be. And attraction is not real love. People can choose to beware of rose colored glasses. ;)

    I understand, however there are choices here as well.

    Ok.
     
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member



    DP read on ....further on.... :wink:
     
  11. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately this is very idealistic. Take for example an alchololic ... clearly a situation that can could very likely go down hill even if you voice your concern, the person chooses not to resolve their issue, and then you accept them, and enable them to continue sliding down hill with this type of addiction. It would be a shame to leave them, but their could come a point where the only choice that makes sense is to love them under the condition that they get help.

    However, commitments need to be to ourselves first, upheld, and being with a person who does the same then sets the stage for creating a relationship that is co-committed. "Screening" for this can be done, and it can dramatically increase the chance of ever expanding joy. 8)

    Oh, this is very very good! :D :D :D

    As long as tolerance does not include the person routinely breaking their commitments. As long as tolerance does not include enabling the other to be untruthful, disrespectful, uncommunicative, unemotional, nor unloyal/supportive.

    Ideal is difficult, realistic is much better, yet accepting what I've listed below isn't good either. It will wear on a person, and the relationship will likely deteriotate. I'm all for forgiveness, an flexibility, too. But I'm also for co-commitment and equality as well. ;) 8)
     
  12. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  13. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Ayuh, found it! And thank you. :D
     
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I hear ya buddy...sometimes bearing with another lovingly is doing the painful difficult thing of refusing to enable and continue distructive patterns either with or WITHOUT the other depending upon what is healthy or neccessary....addictions are one of a number of issues that circumvent the whole process...they CAN be deal breakers depending upon the willingness of both parties....we are on the same page about tolerance of crap ...mutuality is a prerequisite
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    NOT FUNNY YOU MEN :roll: :wink:
     
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    Well if you can point me to a dozen guys who return phone calls I would be amazed and need to check for their Y chromosome...they may be out there but I have never met them
     
  17. chandra

    chandra New Member

    Im from canada- but live in the us.

    kevin, the people in boston were from strictly westie- the westcoast swing bulletin board- some of them are on this board too though :)
     
  18. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I return phone calls. :wink: DP and moi. That makes 2. Now only another 10 male dfers need to check in. :)
     
  19. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    did DP SAY he returns calls :wink:
     
  20. chandra

    chandra New Member

    I have a comment on annoying habits:

    IMO, to echo what pygmalion said, its all relative. There have been people (1 person in general- a friend) Whom I loved so much. He was one of my greates friends, and I only wanted to be better friends with him. HE had a whole bunch of "personality traits" that annoyed the heck out of alot of people. I just thought they were sweet. Now, a year later, I have gotten out of touch with him. He moved, I moved on. Talking to him now, the things I used to love annoy me.

    So how can you know, at the start of a relationship, which habit will annoy you in the long run? There may be things that we love now, that will bother us eventually. I dont think screening for "bad" habits is overly useful because of that. I prefer the "take it as it comes" school of life.

    However, there are SOME habits I would screen for. Drug addiction, or alcohol abuse, violence, mental sanity. Things that could hurt me in the long run. I dont know if I would fall for someone with these traits (obviouils being 16 my dating experience is extremely limited) but, if I did, I would have to "screen".
     

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