General Dance Discussion > Finding love and romance on the dancefloor?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by pygmalion, Feb 6, 2004.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay. So we've talked at length about no-go dance romance scenarios. Generally speaking, no romance between teachers and students. Often, no romance between practice or performance partners. But I'd be willing to bet we all know successful and even thriving dance romances. So all this lack of romance begs, at least for me, a question. What are the situations in which dance romances are okay, or even ideal?

    (I'm not asking for myself, btw. I've got my bases covered. LOL)
  2. Swing Kitten

    Swing Kitten New Member

    have a big enough scene so when things go sour you still have plenty of other people to dance with ;)
  3. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    and large enough dance floors where you can avoid watching your ex-SO tearing up the floor with their new SO - or vice versa, should it be unavoidable to continue patronizing the same venues.

    of course, that didn't keep one ex-partner from leaving if i showed up (she wanted a relationship, i didn't)
  4. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    This is a potentially tricky, but sometimes unavoidable situation......given the amount of time & energy we social dancers spend in the scene, with each other.

    Love & romance happen all the time. You see people pair off, then they either disappear, or still show up as couples.

    As SK said, the scene needs to be big enough to be healthy. But very often it's not the it almost becomes a fine art in dealing with your ex SO being active on the scene.

    As mature adults, these skills shouldn't be hard to develope 8) .

    (I have many thoughts on this topic, but I want to hear what others have to say :wink: . So go on, guys.......and experiences? We love good stories :wink: )
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Too new to dance to have experienced any dance romances. :) I'm a terrible flirt on the dance floor, but I'm not much of one off the floor, when I go dancing. (It's a frame of mind issue for me.) I can see how romances can bloom in dance, though. I look forward to being regaled with tales for near and afar. :)
  6. Hehe... I was gonna share you my experience, but it's too long. But the result was not very positive. :cry:

    If there's anything else I can say about this, I feel there's too big a mixture of feelings in the ballroom - happiness (having fun to dance with your guy/girl-friend), jealousy (with partners), hatred (you just don't like someone's face), and sadness (when a guy/girl you meet dumps you to befriend another). So how can it be possible to find love in a ballroom?
  7. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    i'm going to hazard a guess and say that the most... interesting stories, if any, will come from the argentine tango and the salsa crowds.
  8. TheArchon

    TheArchon New Member

    When i find a girl i like, i dont really care where i've found her, and i love to flirt(even if im not gonna ask the girls out, mostly because of age problems).

    Where i dance there are alot of ppl(sometimes 400), and always new ones come.
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Come on, people! What's a little self-disclosure between mostly anonymous cyber friends? You'd think I asked for your bank balance! :shock: :lol:

    Okay. Here goes. I have very limited experience with ballroom romance, because, well ... not sure why. Things just never seemed to gel in that department. Besides, when I started dancing, I was going through a fairly protracted non-dance related breakup, so I wasn't up for romance.

    That didn't stop me from developing a mild crush on a guy I used to dance with fairly often. We were partnered in a bunch of formations, to the point where people would start asking us about each other's whereabouts. We exchanged lots of emails, had an occasional drink. Friendship stuff. You know the deal. But all that dancing in body contact, and a friendship/mild flirtation started feeling like more. Plus, he and I have similar backgrounds in corporate America, and similar world views, and we were both unattached.

    You know what saved me from utter foolishness? Another woman at the studio developed a serious yen for him, and, believe it or not, warned me off her "man." What a hoot! I suddenly got flashbacks to seventh grade fistfights over "boyfriends," and withdrew. It just wasn't worth it, particualrly since he was developing into a good friend. So why blow it by pursuing a romantic relationship that was misguided and would be short-lived at best? (btw, he and she still aren't an item, a year and a half later! :twisted: :lol: )

    He and I are still friends, by the way. But I'm sure we probably wouldn't have been, if things had gone the other way.

    Okay. Now does anybody feel more comfortable telling their tales of woe? :wink:
  10. TheArchon

    TheArchon New Member

    pygmalion, I don't see the point, in what way the dance floor differ from any other romantic situation :? :?:
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    In my view, dance romances are similar to office romances. A total non-issue for some, but for others a huge issue.

    The problem is that, like offices, dance communities tend to be small, gossipy and closely interconnected. So what happens if/when the romance ends becomes a major issue for some people. Also, even if the relationship is just fine, there will be ups and downs. Observers can't help but see what's going on and speculate.

    People are pretty gossipy creatures, I think. And having people gossip about me doesn't bother me much. But knowing that people are talking about you compounds the pain of any breakup. I hope that makes sense.

    I'll give a couple examples.

    When I had my little crush on my friend/dance partner, I had more than a few people ask me about it, subtly, or make references to my relationship with him. I brushed off the sideways requests for info, and lightly told people we were "very good friends," which was true, then and now. But people were curious.

    When a local dance couple broke off their partnership/relationship last year, there was all sorts of speculation behind their backs about a romance gone sour.

    When a gentleman at my former studio was going through a rocky patch in his marriage, everyone speculated behind his back about potential outcomes. When he divorced six months later, ladies literally fought for the poor guy's attention, and it got really ugly, until one lady "won" him for herself.

    So I guess my answer is that it's not different from any other romance, but because of the fishbowl effect, any ramifications are magnified. If you break up from the girl you met by chance on the train, you never have to see her again. But if you break up from your dance partner, chances are you'll see her again, lots of times.
  12. I don't feel I can afford to avoid dance-related romances, since I would really prefer that my partner be a dancer (and a salsera, at that) and dancing is one of the most comfortable ways I have found for meeting women.

    I've had some experiences that relate to the question. There was someone I wanted to date, who initially seemed to be flirting with me, but it turned out that she was only interested in a dancing relationship. She and I were practice partners for a little while, but when it became clear to me that she wasn't interested in more, I dropped her--I wouldn't even dance with her any more, at least partly because I didn't need to torment myself. She has left the dance scene, but we have ended up keeping in touch and the bad feelings have been ironed out. I would dance with her now, but I would keep my distance (emotionally). I don't think spending a lot of time around her would be a good idea, at any rate.

    Two summers ago, I met someone at a couple salsa events (though it turned out we had met before that--and she had probably scoped me out before we even met). We started dating. Ironically, although we were both dancers, I ended up dancing less after I met her, because our dates didn't just revolve around dancing (and I couldn't stay up dancing until 2AM on Friday and be ready for a date with her on Saturday). I intentionally wanted to do other sorts of things, so that we could learn more about each other, and to have a more well-rounded relationship.

    She broke up with me near the beginning of last summer. I have not seen her since. Although it would have been nice for me if she had been more of a salsera and less of a smooth ballroom fan, in the long run that difference has been helpful. She will not automatically be showing up in the same places I go salsa dancing. As it turns out, she also moved out of state at around the time we broke up. On top of that, she was planning on visiting Europe some time this year, to stay with her mother and brother who have been there for about a year. So, she is conveniently out of my way, and I don't have to deal with the potential emotional jolt of seeing her.
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Emotional jolt. That's a great description, Hothouse Salsero.

    And, considering the overwhelming "no" response to the question "Would you date or marry someone who's not a dancer?" in another thread, I guess a lot of us are in your shoes. Dance romance is unavoidable, but really hurts when it ends.

    I don't know that there's a good way to work around the issues. :?
  14. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    And you remind me of what is said!! :oops: I would say that I have felt mild attraction to a couple people, but nothing more developed out of it out of my own choosing. :wink: How can it not if you dance latin with someone time and time again, and you get that special connection of music/partner/yourself as one? Specially when it's a lot harder to achieve that with others!
  15. dr_fuzz

    dr_fuzz New Member

    I wonder about it all the time and being an overly romantic sod I often used to think it would be great to have a more intimate relationship with a dance partner. However I also worried about having a nasty breakup which might ending up causing waves in the small local social dance scene.

    Funnily enough these days I find that the feelings that I have for different partners really varies between different dance styles. I dance with a hell of a lot of girls in Lindy and yet I've never been even remotely attracted to any of them. Yet in A.Tango I found myself maddenly attracted to several of the lasses there. I suspect that its due to the fact that both dances tend to attract a different crowds and so I may find more of an affinity with one group over the other.

    However I wonder if it isn't more due to the different emotions of the dances. In A.Tango I feel a more intimate, deeper and sensual connection with my partners while for Lindy the connection is more fun but not really so ..... emotional.

    Oh and since I'm married I prefer to keep the level of intimacy with my dance partners to 'maddenly attracted'.

  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey dr_fuzz. :)

    I think you make a good point that a lot of people miss. Just because you feel attracted to someone, doesn't make it love. And you don't necessarily have to act on your feelings of attraction.

    I had a sometimes feeling of attraction to one of my former dance teachers, but, early in the game, decided that it was not something I intended to pursue. Ever. And that worked out just fine. He was cute, I enjoyed his company and our lessons, but it never went any further than that. I just never allowed myself to go there mentally. Works for me. :wink:
  17. foursquare

    foursquare New Member

    I'll weigh in. My girlfriend and I go out 2 -3 nights a week swing dancing. We only dance with each other thus avoiding situations like jealousy, etc. It might not make us better dancers, but it does make a better relationship... and that's really the important part.

    We've been together a year and a half, and dancing together since last September.

    (Oh, and did I mention the 14 year age difference? Surprisingly, we're very happy and still going strong!)
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi foursquare. Long time no see. Glad to see you back in the forums. :D
  19. foursquare

    foursquare New Member

    Oh, I never left. :D I read DF every day, and people far more eloquent than I usually post opinons I more or less agree with so I keep my big yap shut.

    When one strikes home though, I feel compelled to respond. This thread, for instance.

    I find it odd that people find it odd that we want to go out dancing with each other and not just meet back at the table every now and again to compare notes.

    I like taking a pretty girl for a whirl on the floor as much as the next guy; since I have one that likes to dance, why spend the time we're out away from her?

    For example: I like to cook. If I were to go out 4 nights a week and cook for another girl, I am SURE that it would make me better when I come back and cook for my girlfriend on the 5th night. But is the good (better cook) really balanced well against only cooking for her 1/5 of the time? Which is better for the relationship? A good she can experience all the time or a better she can only experience some of the time?

    We chose the former.

    (I still love your posts, Pyg! Hm. That abreviation doesn't sound very good, but it's meant in the most endearing way!)
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    It's good to know you were here all along, foursquare. :D I'm glad you were here. 8)

    And it's good to know your dancing with each other policy is still making you both happy. Good deal.

    :oops: :oops: Thanks. And I guess, if I didn't want to get called Pyg, I should have spent more time thinking about the ol' username. LOL. No problem. I can feel the affection from here. :D

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