General Dance Discussion > Finding love and romance on the dancefloor?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by pygmalion, Feb 6, 2004.

  1. Christina75

    Christina75 New Member

    I confess! I'm one of those girls that gets drawn in by what I percieve to be exotic. LOL :D There's not a lot of culture in my little town, (which is why I live vicariously through the dance adventures of the DF folks) so anything "different" I've always loved. Also, maybe it's because I still remember the cold war era when a Slavic accent was suspicious. Some girls just love the "bad boys" LOL!

    Oh and speaking of different, if you're a New Yorker in Tennessee, I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "you ain't from around here areya?" Remember, that's just us southerners being friendly with a little curiosity mixed in. :lol:

  2. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    LOL! Well, at this point I qualify as a "damn Yankee," which means one of those Yankees who comes down here and doesn't go back home! One of my friends from Chattanooga says I'm a "reformed Yankee," which means I've acquired the rudiments of civilized behavior--must be all that ballroom dancing!

    Anyway, it's not terrible being a NY Italian in Tennessee. That way, when they need someone for an independent film--mobster, drug dealer, nasty lawyer, corrupt politician, greasy porn dealer, I get the call! And on some occasions, I can even play a good old boy--like Gooper in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"! :wink:
  3. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    Guess that means my love has been true... :?
  4. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    :roll: story of my life.......... :roll:
  5. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    Makes two fo us salsachinita, makes two of us... :?
  6. decadec

    decadec New Member

    :!: "Dancing is the vertical expression of horizonal desire"

    How true!! I'm new here and new to dancing in the ballroom and latin sense, but I have noticed a very strange thing. When I used to go out dancing in clubs or wherever I could walk onto the dancefloor and strut my stuff with not a care in the world and man, did it make me feel sexy! Then I started learning ballroom and latin and that was even sexier.

    Now, however I am about to be married and when I go out dancing with my girlfriends I found didn't know what to due as I no longer have the desire to on flaunt myself. On the other hand when I dance with Simon sparks fly all over the shop and it is the most romantic, sexy wonderful thing ever!
  7. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Welcome decadec!! I'm glad that at least for some of your dancing it becomes a magical experience. :)
  8. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    Welcome to the Forums decadec! :D
  9. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    To be completely honest, the idea of it scares the crap out of me.
  10. cupojoe2

    cupojoe2 New Member

    Funny, for me it was exatly the opposite -- when I "didn't dance" I wouldn't let a women drag me anywhere near a dance floor unless there was a strong sexual interest...

    Now, I dance with a lot of women just to dance -- it's always fun, but often not all that sexy...

    In a way, it makes me a little sad -- I think holding a woman should always raise your blood pressure at least a tiny bit. :(
  11. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    I'd been wondering about this thread lately, and thought I might resurrect it. As a performer, I'm very careful to separate professional from personal life, the intimacy of the stage from a genuine attachment betwen two people.

    A few recent posts have made me wonder about all this again. It seems to me that dancing with someone can be such a physically intimate thing that one would need to take measures to keep it safe. That is, you should be safe to feel you can be physically expressive on the floor without having it taken for something else off the floor. Just as you should be able to feel safe that physical closeness doesn't have another agenda.

    Certainly a shared passion for dance can be a good basis for a stronger relationship that extends beyond the floor. But it would behoove us to be careful not to interpret dancing as anything more than dancing.

    Dancers and other performing artists tend to be more physical and open emotionally--and hence subject to misinterpretation. I've been in that boat myself, finding what I thought was harmless, good-natured flirting taken as a sign for something more. And having to pull back because of that, with hurt feelings and everything else.

    I think before we start ascribing feelings where none may be, we should take care to examine other things--other shared interests, phone calls and emails. Always worth looking into some kind of a neutral thing like lunch or coffee, where genuine feelings can be a little more clear. Extremely helpful I think in distinguishing potential friendship from potential romance and both from strictly dance relationship.

    Since my characteristic stance is detached and ironic, I'm breaking out from having put forward an actual serious post. I'm gonna go buy me a bottle of Yoo Hoo and spend the rest of the day in unstructured silliness.
  12. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    yeah. but i got into trouble despite my communicating up front that i would not get involved with somone who didn't share my level of spiritual commitment. in retrospect, i was pretty naive - as my teacher told me later that it was pretty clear to him that she was really into me. he actually told me by observing how she was responding to me (tango lessons) he thought we'd be having sex as soon as he left (i have a studio in my home & he taught me my private lessons there). i really was clueless about that. and i made it worse back doing a lot of stuff with her outside of dance because i really did enjoy her company and i thought i'd made it clear that our relationship was platonic. i thought it was just guys who could agree "let's just be friends" and have that hidden agenda!

    everyone has different experiences and therefore different expectations. while i find it good practice to anticipate that even the most basic assumptions can get you into trouble, i have also found that i have to make certain assumptions or all my activities would come to a grinding halt! the thing is, i've been brought up to consider it dishonorable to provoke emotional feelings you can not reciprocate so i do try to be careful. as a consequence (besides coming across like spock as a first impression) i had to struggle with basic boundary issues when i started learning certain dances, which would have been a lot easier if not for an experience during one of my first salsa outings & i danced with somone who'd been sexually abused & she thought i had been inappropriate. i almost gave up salsa at that point but i decided that everyone else has a level of responsibility for their own expectations/limits and i now assume that the other person understands that an offer to dance is just that and if it's a dance that has a lot physical contact it's my partner's responsibility to set/communicate her limits or go line dancing instead.

    i also understand that going dancing with someone i meet through dance may not be perceived as a date which is why nowadays i suggest a non-dance activity if i am interested in them as a means of getting to know them (good thing i've stopped going dancing every night) and after talking about this with a psychologist of mine, i set a personal limit of about once a month in terms of making plans to get together with someone outside of dance so they have any little reasons to get the wrong idea - on top of what i will tell them verbally.

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