Salsa > Getting asked out my dance partners but not interested in that way...

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by LovingIt28, May 19, 2007.

  1. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    SO dancing is brilliant. I am a beginner guy. Everyone has been super nice and I do a lot of social dancing. As much as I can.

    Ok, you may remember I went out with one of the instructors, I am a guy. Well, she was moving away so that was nice but we both knew it was short term.

    Anyway, now this week 2 of my dance partners (regulars) asked me for my number and practically invited me to ask them out. One even insisted she walk me to my car. Both are SUPER lovely and nice, but I am just not interested in anything further with them. How do I be polite but clear about this? Or better still, what do you guys recommend in these situations?

    I am flattered but just do not reciprocate their interest. Selfishly I would still LOVE to dance with them though.

  2. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    If they invited you to ask them out, just don't ask them out. They'll get the message. You can still dance, without asking them out.
  3. sweavo

    sweavo New Member

    Ah, "lucky" man, you are on the PIMP curve. Just be polite and reserved with these ladies. In 6 months to a year's time, every girl in the place will think you are the ultimate catch, since so many have tried and failed. Soon you will not even be able to say "I think I'll go get a sandwich" without breaking hearts.

    Be warned though, as soon as you are actually interested in anyone it will break the spell and you'll just be another Joe. I recommend celibacy.
  4. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    Next class-- come dressed as a Monk, who just likes to dance !!
  5. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    either be simple and straightforwrd by just saying what u posted up there.. or if u feel like a 'white lie' tell them that u are dating someone out of the dance scene..

    just make sure that they dont look into this forum by any chance .. lol
  6. salsamale

    salsamale New Member

    1. Next time you see her, get her name wrong. Then tell her that you're really sorry that you got her name wrong, and then ask her for a dance :).

    2. In the future, don't ask a salsera for her name, or hold-off exchanging names for as long as possible. I find that asking someone for their name is usually a way of saying that you're interested in him/ her for more than just salsa.

    3. Tell her that she reminds you of your younger or older sister, or the sister you never had.

    4. Tell her you prefer salseros :cowboy: .

    5. Start dating someone else, and quick!
  7. noobster

    noobster Member

    Ditto. Seems like a no-brainer to me. It's way harder when somebody actually *does* ask you out and you have to figure out some way to squirm out of the situation without making the person feel bad *and* without losing a dance partner. Verrry ticklish.
  8. tj

    tj New Member

    Yeah, I'd advocate "playing dumb" and just don't ask them out.
  9. jenibelle

    jenibelle New Member

    "2. In the future, don't ask a salsera for her name, or hold-off exchanging names for as long as possible. I find that asking someone for their name is usually a way of saying that you're interested in him/ her for more than just salsa."

    Really? I find that exchanging names is just a courtesy...when a guy asks me for my name and/or where I'm from, to me it means he liked the dance and hopes to see me around (in a purely salsa way!) Likewise if I ask a guy his name it's not usually because he's a love interest :)

  10. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    Lol, perhaps I did not explain myself correctly :) :doh:

    I dodged for a while but then they DID ask. One asked for my number (a couple of times). Then soon after, I got the text message to hang out and watch a movie.

    *would have probably watched it if it was Dirty dancing and it would not give her the wrong idea :)

    Then the other girl in class asked me out afterwards.

    I do NOT usually have this attention. Quite flattering actually but unsure of how to handle it.

    Should I not dance with them anymore so as not to lead them on? I do like dancing though and consider myself friendly not flirty :)
  11. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    Find the guys in your scene who are tops at driving away/turning off women, and do what they do. buy them a drink and ask, "How do you do it mate ? How do you manage to turn off so many girls ? What's the secret ?"

    Look man, if you are not intrested in these girls, they sense it as a lack of hunger + real confidence. So if you want to turn them off, act interested in them. Call them 10 times a day, and talk to them 30 mins each time. Talk to them about stupid things, and tell them 10 times a day how pretty they are. I guarantee you they'll run.

    Trust me, this works. LOL
  12. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    Funny thing is that is probably true. :confused: ;) :)
  13. noobster

    noobster Member

    Yeah, ditto. I find guys tend to ask for my name *after* the dance - not before - and only if it was good. I think it's more about dancing than romancing.

    Well, I know lots of guys say they would prefer women to be more direct about rejection, but the way I've handled these situations in the past is just to keep dodging, so there never has to be that awkward moment of "No I do not like you That Way." Instead, just a string of "I'm busy that night," "I'm tired," "I don't like sports/bars/movies," "I'm not interested in that movie," etc etc etc until the person stops asking.

    The other thing you can do if you don't want to alienate the person as a friend or dance partner is to keep inviting other people. That is a great way to railroad a potential date into a platonic group event. "Oh, you're going to see that movie! Great - let's ask X, Y, and Z to come; I know they wanted to see it too!" Do this a couple of times and she'll get the hint. Girls are usually more sensitive to this stuff than guys anyway, I think.

    Yeah, I would maybe ask each of them only once per night. Definitely don't reject them if they ask you though.
  14. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    re noobsters comment about girls being sensitive about these kinds of things...

    I don't really get as much attention as LovingIt28, probaly 0 on a scale of 1-10, with LovingIt28 at 10 ;) But I do know of 1 very attractive and skilled salsera who is interested in me, who I'm NOT interested in, and won't give up for months now... I think the generalization is somewhat... not correct..
  15. road2graciousness

    road2graciousness New Member

    I usually get names wrong without trying, that's the problem with asking them their names, you have to remember it.

    One girl I know at salsa, I kept getting her name wrong reatedly, calling her kate (she kept hitting me), this went on for months. My only excuse was that there were the same number of letters (4) in her name as kate (not a good excuse ... lol).

    As for getting unwanted attention from the ladies; don't sweat it, just relax, be polite but firm. Remember, you never have to do anything you don't want to do.
  16. road2graciousness

    road2graciousness New Member

    Yep, I feel like it's just a courtesy thing, but means you have another name to remeber! All the available memory cells in my head need to be used for storing turn patterns and moves (and I only have 3!!).
  17. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    I ask the girl's name in the first closed hold session. Then say thanks 'X' for the dance. Then get into it.

    Saying the girl's name immediately helps you remember it!

    - GREAT post Noobster!

    Exactly what i needed. I intentionally did not sit next to her after class (a group went for a drink after). She saved me the seat but I just fluttered around the toilet until I saw another seat at the opposite end of the table appear. But later, when the person to my left moved, the girl jumped and took her spot. Tried to make the chats be GROUP chats though.

    I guess my biggest concern is not offending anyone as everyone is so nice and it is such a great vibe. I would hate to interfere with anyone's great vibe and feelings of Salsa!

  18. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    especially as i have been the unrequited one before in my life outside Salsa so know how it feels :)

    Thus, would hate the person to feel uncomfortable going to Salsa. Trying to avoid that!
  19. sweavo

    sweavo New Member

    Oo, a twitchy psycho! aka bunny boiler!
  20. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Come on dude, you've admitted that this is not usual for you. Hit it while you can.

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