Salsa > Getting asked out my dance partners but not interested in that way...

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by LovingIt28, May 19, 2007.

  1. dansah

    dansah New Member

    Samina- In terms of escape I was referring to accepting her offer and then discovering that it wasn't going to work out.
    Sweavo- As for appropriateness, I suppose it depends upon the mores of a specific locale or studio. In my area, it is assumed that dancing is just dancing and casual dating isn't done. A club is an entirely different story. He describes her as "wedding crashers" style "i see you" and he feels awkward. If I did that (i'm a guy), I'd be labelled a creep.
    Generally, if you're a guy who is fairly normal, socially adept and can dance there's plenty of opportunity. Your studio is best kept uncomplicated. IMHO.
  2. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    yep, understand... have always shared that same concern...
  3. noobster

    noobster Member

    Uh, yeah. You can translate that from manspeak as "I like it when women who look like Gisele Bundchen express interest and take initiative." :rolleyes:
  4. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    LOL... yah, certainly then they'd take the risk...

    but so would i if slavik's twin asked me out at the studio... lol
  5. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    If we were/could be all that, why would be into dancing? :rolleyes:
  6. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member


    Code red, code red!

    3 nights of dance for me during the week

    Night 1
    Girl came especially for me but never usually comes that night. I just hung out with friends out the back and avoided dancing with everyone. Figured one night missing out was worth it to communicate right message and then get on with dancing. She came and found me and asked me so did not want to say no. Immediately after the dance, then said 'thanks, have to go hang out with my friends. See you.'

    Then hung out the back. Friend of mine told me that 'dance anyway you want, have fun'. No one should be interested/follow up on that. I.e not leading people on. BUT if you talk to people OFF the dance floor then this is leading them into something more.

    I HARDLY speak to her off the dance floor.
    Went home early without saying goodbye.

    Night 2
    As soon as I arrived at the venue, she came over and gave me a note in front of everyone. I was like 'what is this?', thinking Oh no, not a love letter.

    The good news: Not a love letter.

    The bad news: Worse. MUCH WORSE.................

    She had printed out a page of a lecture I gave at the Local University. SHE HAD SEARCHED FOR ME ON THE INTERNET PEOPLE! She had no connection with that place. I asked where did you get this. She said she searched for me on the internet *smile. I was freaked out and said 'I better get to class'

    Went to class and was really freaked out by it. Dancing is my escape from reality and issues. So simple and beautiful. Just the music.

    I then figured later that it was probably her just being sweet and nice and she did not realise what a shock it would be.

    I left after my class just to regroup where as normally I would stay and dance.

    1.30am received a text message: hope you are ok, you went home early. Will see you tonight for dancing'

    Night 3 of dancing is tonight.

    Considering, just saying to her either by text or in person. Look, you are a really nice girl and I sincerely appreciate dancing with you and the help you have given me. I value your friendship very much and am not interested in pursuing anything further off the dance floor.

    Feels weird to be so blunt but I am obviously not getting the message across.

    Your thoughts/suggestions appreciated.

    *seems a nice girl, just immature perhaps. Probably about 20 and I am mid 20s.
  7. noobster

    noobster Member

    Uh, yeah. Time to be blunt, I'd say. She's obviously not going to take a hint. :(
  8. sweavo

    sweavo New Member

    Text her back,

    Went home early: was freaked out by stalker handing me printout!! will explain more when I see you!!

    When you see her tell her this story as if it wasn't her who did it but some other random person. Ask her if she could imagine being in such an awkward position! "Sorry I've been off this last week or so, there's been this wierd situation - there's a girl who won't leave me alone..."
  9. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    That is cool. However, not every guy is going to accept you everytime. And sometimes us guys need a nice way to say:

    Look, you are fantastic, but for ABSOLUTELY no reason related to your self worth, I am not interested in that way. Do appreciate the effort and am flattered though. All the best!

    Hopefully she will take the initiative again with someone else who reciprocates her feelings. As they say, every shot not taken is missed but not every shot taken will go in :)
  10. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    THAT IS FUNNY!!!!!!

    *This girl is pretty. Just no deeper buzz. Admittedly I have a few mini crushes on some of the other girls. You know, not planning anything but you see them around and you think 'wow, cool girl, would like to get to know her better'. But I do not act on that as I just love dancing so much and it would take a lot for me to risk that beautiful positive energy, no complications environment.

    Disclaimer: Definitely had a special connection with that instructor I was with when I started so an exception to the rule.
  11. road2graciousness

    road2graciousness New Member

    I totally relate to your situation LovingIt28, haha. I often get a lot of female attention when I'm out dancing, usually it's from girls I'm not that interested in (or that they just move too fast for me).

    It's difficult to let her know, either that she's going too fast, or that you're just not interested in her; without having any negative consequences (i.e. if she's a bunny boiler or stalker or something).

    So, how does a guy let a lady down, such that he doesn't inccur the wrath of woman-kind?
  12. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Why should you be worried about the wrath of woman-kind? Let her be angry, it's just a matter of time and she'll get over it.
    I think it's worse to confuse her.
  13. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    He's not confusing her, she's confusing herself.
  14. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    How's that?
  15. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    By not listening to what he's telling her.
  16. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Who are you talking about?
  17. salsamale

    salsamale New Member

    6. Tell her you are not in the market for a relationship, but 1-night stands are ok. Ask her if she wants a 1-night stand. Keep asking her. Text message her.

    7. Be a jerk. Ask her to do your chores, e.g. iron your shirts. Send her on errands, e.g. to the corner store for a 6-pack of beer. Tell her you wanted the tall boys, and send her back to exchange it. Drink all the beer by yourself, or with your buddies, while she watches. Don't offer her any beer, and if she asks for some, send her off on another errand.

    8. Be a real jerk. Tell her that if she wants to be with you, that she has to wear more mini-skirts, etc. Borrow some money from her, and don't pay her back. Keep borrowing more money from her, etc. Ask her if she has gained weight, or if she has considered augmentation, etc.

    9. Next time she asks you for a dance, tell her, "sorry, I'm resting", and then immediately go ask someone else to dance. Make sure she sees you do this. Repeat.

    10. Next time she approaches you, have your buddies/ wingmen run interference, long enough for you to make your escape and ask someone else to dance.
  18. Catarina

    Catarina New Member

    Here's how i try to avoid unsolicited but flattering attention from guys: when asked to dance by them (and we're talking creepy here, not good/fun/friendly dancers), I'm on my way to get water or to the restroom....on my way back, relocate!
    Smile weakly at them, no serious eye contact or engaging comments/conversations. your friend's point about not talking off the dance floor is right on, imo.

    Although salsamale's comments are super entertaining and maybe even comedy-skit worthy, the polite and friendly approach is a respectful way to conduct yourself & treat her (though she's starting to come off as a bit creepy, I gotta say!). odds are that since she's put herself out there so blatantly, she's going to feel hurt no matter how gently you approach this; but that's her own responsibility and the risk she ran when she opted to give you a scrapbook of your achievements...
  19. Catarina

    Catarina New Member


    Maybe this is a comment for another thread, but one of my best friends and I have gone out dancing since we both started learning. As we didn't know names, but were obsessively talking about dancing & which leads were good to dance with, etc, we have come up with a huge list of nicknames...usually based on something about them that's distinct: baby-powder smelling man, the "guy who likes to spin girls who don't know what they're doing", "windy" (his hair always looks windblown), etc. it's hilarious for us, and I can imagine that anyone eavesdropping on our conversations thinks we're a little off...but it gets the point across without us either using names we know or having to remember every single name we do learn!
  20. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member


    next time you talk to her, mention your hypothetical long distance relationship. [The "I'm unavailable" strategy]


    next time you see her, ask her if she knows X (another girl that you are sure that she doesn't know too well) and see if she'll find out for you if X might be interested in exchanging numbers [The "you're such a great friend, but just a friend" strategy].

    Both strategies are successfully employed by the womenkind often - nothing prevents you from doing the same.

    A related thought - Don't get yourself all twisted up in trying to guarantee that she is let down gently. Be kind, but not at a great expense to your own emotional outlook. You don't owe her anything, kindness included. The kindness might exist because that's your nature, not because you owe her any. In that light, don't feel obligated to be "blunt" to her and be embarrassed/awkward for a short while - just use one of the above techniques or some other that doesn't put you in an awkward position..

Share This Page