Salsa > got kicked out of salsa class

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by chook, Sep 19, 2005.

  1. pianoman

    pianoman New Member

    chook: man, I hear you!

    i went to a boys grammar school and didn't have a girlfriend (didn't even come close to doing so) for a good eighteen years.

    I probably would never have one if I didn't start dancing.

    BUT, while I have at least ten good girl*frenz* (friends in the sense we can go and do non-dancing things), I have never dated anyone from dancing, and only asked one, who declined.

    But dancing instilled me the self-belief that I was not in some way deficient in mingling with the fairer sex... I realized I was in fact quite talented. From dancing, I learnt to hold my head high and walk with purpose and good posture. I learnt to dress well and carve out a sense of style. I got an opportunity to pick the brains of my dancing girlfriends and recieved invaluable advice as to how I can find a real girlfriend.

    None of this would happen without dancing. But holding the girl on the dancefloor, even smooching if the mood fits, is not the same as having a girlfriend. Not close, but none better than the other just different. Dancing is role playing, fantasy, flirtation, communication, showponying. It's not love and romance.
     
  2. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    Catching up...

    From a girl's perspective, what you are saying sounds -- unfortunately -- like this: you haven't got a girlfriend, you are feeling lonely, and you crave for physical contact with female flesh. You don't know how to go about asking a girl out straight though, so instead you are using salsa classes to feed your cravings for physical contact with women -- i.e., you were going to classes so you could touch women. Sorry, but I'm afraid that doesn't sound very romantic. It sounds creepy -- sounds as if you are just looking for cheap thrills in an environment where itty bitty girls let you touch them without complaining. Maybe I've misunderstood you (I really hope I have), but I think this is the way a few of the women here have interpreted your posts...

    If you are looking for a girlfriend, talk to girls. Find out if you get on with them. Ask them out. It's hard work, but it's worth it. Don't use salsa classes as a cheap and easy substitute. You are insulting the girls in the class by doing that.
     
  3. genEus

    genEus New Member

    You know, MacMoto, it sounds the same from a guy's perspective too :| :doh:
     
  4. macha

    macha New Member

    Now :p Had I written that, you all would have crawled me like a bunch of buzzards on a gutwagon! :lol:
     
  5. aimerrouge

    aimerrouge New Member

    The girls in the class knew the intent. Even if they didn't say anything.

    Given the way the thread has developed, who's to say the girls didn't complain to the instructor in the first place? :?
     
  6. africana

    africana New Member

    this statement still bothers me, sorry. just because a particular issue applies to one person doesn't mean it applies to everybody.
    just because romance is a motivating factor for you doesn't mean it's a motivating factor for me (theoretical "you" "me" there)

    And a friend told me that allowing to people to speak their mind reveals what they really are, especially important for these online forums with potential to actually meet some people physically
     
  7. SalsaAmore

    SalsaAmore New Member

    I've been observing and trying to be objective here. I've read a number of Chooks posts as have others. From his tone and explanations in this post and others, he doesn't seem like a pervert, but that he is 21 y/o and doesn't have much life experience nor social skills. I don't know where the itty bitty girls comment came from. Africana, where did you get that? Are you quoting Chook from somewhere? Also, I'm not saying this to any one person in particular, but remember what it feels like being belittled and ganged up on in a forum. It's no fun.

    Anyway, Chook, saying that you like to touch girls has a negative connotation. You don't want to say you like to dance just to touch girls or hold girls. Men think that all the time. But, they have been taught socially not to say that out loud. Like Tacad said, watch your words and how you say things on-line. You are new to this forum as many of us are. People, in general, will find fault and are sensitive to how certain things are said even if that's not what you mean. Read and reread your posts before you submit them. Learn from others how to word things wisely. Listen to what Tacad is saying, he knows what he's talking about. And, Tacad, kudos to you for trying to guide him.
     
  8. lynn

    lynn New Member

    P.7 of this thread

    And i think the bottom line is: it's the social norm not to disclose such personal information - some people are uncomfortable with it and when you're not sure of the comfort level of your audience, it's safest to take the most conservative stand.
     
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    something isn't adding up here...could there be a larger age discrpancy than is being put forth? could there be a cultural dimesion?...something...something is just not adding up here.....ya know what I mean :wink:
     
  10. leftfeetnyc

    leftfeetnyc New Member

    Me thinks someone is just stirring the pot...and I got that impression a while back.
     
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    :eyebrow:
     
  12. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Agreed.

    Shouldn't we be baiting (meaning that we should pretend to agree so he'll become bolder) chook if we want him to feel free to speak his mind? I don't think anyone's posts have encouraged him to say what he really thinks. Haven't they been negative and so are dissuading him from speaking freely?

    I'm not saying I'm not concerned. The phrases he used were a bit spooky just as my phrases and actions in the cleavage thread were a bit spooky, and I was justifiably shot down. As I began to change my tune some jumped in to encourage me to go the right direction.
     
  13. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Thanks, SalsaAmore. :oops: :)
     
  14. clave

    clave New Member

    Yup, 's called a "troll" and it was reinvented on the 'net somewhere around 1992... :wink:
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    ????will someone plz pm me and clue me in here?
     
  16. africana

    africana New Member

    I would look up and quote the 3 or 4 times he mentions holding "itty bitty" girls, but since you couldn't find it from carefully reading his posts why should I bother :roll:
    As far as belittling, that comment is not justified in any way, so I don't appreciate any sort of parallel you wanting to draw there. the way I see things, chook is going through some much needed socialization on here, and should take it with a grain of salt, just like his defender ;)
     
  17. africana

    africana New Member

    Yes I'm curious too (although I must say most ppl are making too much of this, just take the constructive criticism and move on)
     
  18. liangjz

    liangjz New Member

    Chook, when you say(write) things like "Holding a itty bitty Japanese girl is better than any pet"(page 7), "I got to hold her, and touch her", and "Itty bitty Japanese girls" some people are going to think you're perverted. You may not be perverted, but people will still think this.

    I think aimerrouge's comment (above) is a distinct possibility.

    I'm not going to comment on what your thinking and motiviation is, but your choice of words is definitely putting you at a disadvantage. I don't think it's unreasonable to guess that some of the things you say or do off the forum may also be putting you at a similar disadvantage.

    Like it or not, some people on this forum(and almost certainly some people not on this forum) believe that you dance so you can touch "itty bitty" girls. Asking them not to think this is not going to change their opinion.
     
  19. genEus

    genEus New Member

    Certainly not after this thread and the numerous slip-ups of "honesty"

    If I were to try and describe something like that I would say that "the feeling that I get from holding a woman and connecting with her on the deepest level through the hard beats of salsa music is why I dance." What he said is just creepy :shock:
     
  20. SalsaAmore

    SalsaAmore New Member


    Africana, please do quote it so I can see where it came from. I'm asking for a reason. Also, please read again, I said "I read a number of his posts" and I did not come across that one so I am honestly asking if that was a quote. I was not trying to draw a parallel nor to upset you but saying to anyone who ever felt misunderstood on forums to remember how it feels to be ganged up on. I don't think anyone benefits from this type of socialization of being called a pervert or anything along that line. Maybe, I hope you can be less on the defensive and put into perspective what I'm really trying to say here. Everyone knows you are intelligent in the way you write. I'm not putting you as the bad guy nor am I trying to defend him. But, I'm only trying to say, "Hey, try to understand a little. He's just a little different." Maybe you can recall I've said this before in another forum, it doesn't benefit the community as a whole if we treat someone a certain way just because of their differences. That's all I'm saying. Peace.
     

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