Well the 'mother and wife' stick can only apply insofar as your husband and child are suffering as a result of your behavior, and that is nobody's business but yours and theirs. If you wear your ring and don't use tongues, I'd say you're doing all you need to. Changing yourself or just your behavior? Changing how you act after learning the effects of your actions is not the same as giving up a part of yourself. This reminds me of my last boss at work, a short, round, bearded, rather smelly geek, into real ale, whiskey and motor racing, who perpetually mocked me about my 'effeminate', 'dissolute' and 'debauched' lifestyle. BOY did that get tedious, especially as he sat directly across the desk from me. In the end the interpretation was clear: He couldn't do that stuff, so he needed to do it vicariously through me. He couldn't walk up to a random woman in a salsa club and dance with her whereas I could. Likewise, he never got invited to wild parties where he got to have sex with multiple nubile partners, so OBviously, in his fantasy world, it follows that I did.