Funstuff and Inspiration > Heard any good jokes? (keep it clean and polite)

Discussion in 'Funstuff and Inspiration' started by DanceMentor, May 21, 2006.

  1. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    ftfy ;) There'll be a day of reckoning...
     
  2. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    yeah, you may have to social dance with me someday... *grin*
     
  3. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Yup, truth is stranger than fiction. :)
     
  5. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Just got sent this Air Force joke by a co-worker:

    A C-130 is cruising along when an F-16 pulls up on the wing. The F-16 jock calls the C-130 crew over the radio: "Watch this!" He accelerates, does an eight-point roll, pulls up into a steep climb with afterburner, and then dives and breaks the sound barrier. He calls back the C-130 and says, "Hey, what did you think about that?"

    The C-130 captain replies, "Oh yeah, watch this!" And for the next five minutes, the fighter jock watches as the C-130 continues to cruise along, straight and level. And then the C-130 captain calls, "What did you think about that?"

    "You didn't do anything!" the F-16 pilot replies.

    "Oh yes I did. I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the head, and got myself a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun!"
     
  6. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    haa :) And I never saw it coming either....
     
  7. DL

    DL Well-Known Member


    Variation:

    "I just shut off two engines."
     
  8. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    Two I heard today:

    Q: How do you prevent infections from biting insects?


    A: Don't bite them

    Q: What did one maths textbook say to the other?


    A: Boy, do you have a lot of problems.
     
  9. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    I got this error message from another forum last week. Obviously, the admin of this site asks too many questions. :D
     

    Attached Files:

  10. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    Its like our email service which will only accept email questions for service disruption :rolleyes:
     
  11. Some guy

    Some guy New Member

    Could've been a Freudian slip: were you hungry at the time you wrote it?

    Definition of a Freudian slip: when you say one thing but you mean your mother.
     
  12. Some guy

    Some guy New Member

    Some physics jokes:

    A Neutron at a bar is ready to leave and asks the bartender for the tab. The bartender goes, "for you, no charge".

    Atom #1: I think I lost an electron!
    Atom #2: Are you sure?
    Atom #3: Yep, I'm positive!

    They recently discovered that photons have mass. Who knew photons were Christians?!

    [Massive "groan" alert!]
     
  13. Bella

    Bella New Member

    Why did 7 hate 9?

    7 8 (ate) 9

    lol so lame, but I should get participation points for it!
     
  14. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    I also heard, 'Why was 6 afraid of 7?'
    Because 7 8 9.
     
  15. Bella

    Bella New Member

    Ya know what - I think that's how it goes! I knew it sounded a bit funny, just couldn't put my finger on it BUT it works, right? Actually, 9 would hate 7 because 7 8 9.... so the joke doesn't work. Boo for not being able to edit that post :(
     
  16. Bella

    Bella New Member

    Wait! What did 7 do because it hated 9? 7 8 9!!!
     
  17. Some guy

    Some guy New Member

    Lol! I'm easy to please. :D
     
  18. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    The email claims that this was a real case transcript:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
     
  19. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    'You are old', said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
    For anything tougher than suet;
    Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -
    Pray, how did you manage to do it?'

    'In my youth', said his father, 'I took to the law,
    And argued each case with my wife;
    And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
    Has lasted the rest of my life.'

    lewis carroll
     
  20. QPO

    QPO New Member

    A women says to her husband while looking in the Mirror
    "Oh I am Fat, Ugly."


    the husband said
    "Well there is nothing wrong with your eyesight!"
     

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