General Dance Discussion > Help needed, re: grind confusions.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Titania, Feb 24, 2006.

  1. Titania

    Titania New Member

    Before I start, lemme just say; I have read and re read all the topic on this board, but did not quite find the answer I am searching for.
    Last night was semi formal (I am 14), and everyone was dancing, having a good time. A couple of times I was pulled over by some guys in a way that my butt was in their pelvic area, their hands on my stomach, and moved back and forth, dancing together but rubbing together as well. So, is this considered grinding?
    I also saw some people doing a kind of front version of grinding, but I really have no idea. I need some mannuel or instruction book or SOMETHING!
    I really want to have this as a skill, cause all my other areas of dance are a-ok.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi Titania. Welcome. :D Two things. One. The best forums for you are probably at, where non-partner dance is discussed. What we talk about here is mostily partner dances such as ballroom, swing, tango, etc. Chances are there aren't too many folks here who can answer your questions.

    Two. I actually do the kinds of dance you're talking about (despite the fact that I'm old enough to be your Mom. ) My take? Some guy pulling you over so your bottom is rubbing his front half is totally and completely disrespectful. Why the heck are you putting up with it?

    Having the skill of reggaeton dancing is one thing.

    That's a fairly complex dance skill. Having some random guy pull you up against his crotch just 'cause he feels like it? Why is dancing in those circumstances a skill you want to develop? Why not develop the skill of punching disrespectful jerks in the nose? If the guy wants to dance, wait til he asks politely. You're fourteen and you're doing the popular thing. So I kinda understand where you're coming from. But, from my been-there-done-that experience, tell the wannabe grinder guy to get his paws off your butt.

    Music videos are one thing. Real life is totally different. And I'm willing to inflict a bloody nose to get the point across. Guys these days, it seems, are so glad about the relaxed and free atmosphere in the media that they forget that women need, want and deserve to be treated with respect. Rubbing their ... genitalia against a woman's backside? Just for the record. That's NOT respect. Some guys need to be shot, IMO. And, if you're really 14, PLEASE talk to a caring adult before you make any moves. Yeah. I know parents are often unhelpful. So find somebody else other than your parents. But talk. Being 14 and trying to please misguided guys out there adds up to disaster, from what I have seen. :?
  3. Fretful_Porpentine

    Fretful_Porpentine New Member

    Hey there. Firstly, I mostly agree with pygmalion. I'm a teenager, and I hate it when guys grab my butt. It's really rude, but unfortunately, a lot of guys don't know any differently and are too scared to actually ASK a girl to dance. I don't have a lot of good advice, because slapping or yelling at guys for grabbing you tends to make them really insecure, and then maybe they'll be too scared to ask you to dance. On the other hand, SOMEONE has to teach them manners. So yeah, I'm really no help...sorry.

    On a completely unrelated note, definite props on the avatar.
  4. It's Wonderful

    It's Wonderful New Member

    How about step back, tell him you don't appreciate that, and ask if he'd like to dance with you anyway (rather than socking him)? I, for one, would never ever put up with a guy just grabbing me on the dance floor.
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    You're right, It's Wonderful. Socking the guy isn't the first step. lol. Unfortunately, with some guys, socking
    is a later step. So, IMO, you have to be willing to set your limits and stand your ground. Yes, I want to dance. No, I'm not willing to look like or be a prostitute just for the privilege of dancing with any particular guy. So guys need to get over it or get away from me. lol.
  6. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I totally agree with you Pygmalion!!!

    I remember the first time I went out and saw the 'grinding' I got a bit of a culture shock. I remember I went to the younger crowd in my office and asked them if this is today's 'norm'. Of course I come from an older generation, but I would hate it if I had teenagers and saw them dancing like this. I thought you only saw it on MTV.

    It's getting tougher for teenagers out there, I must say.
  7. africana

    africana New Member

    boy i got depressed reading this...

    if i ever have kids I might be tempted not to let them live past 14
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I just have to wonder what is going on with girls these days -- is it watching so many music videos or what? My view? A woman's sensibilities come first. Yes, I know that's sexist. But I just don't get why there are so many girls out there wondering how to grind in the way guys would like.

    Um. Here's a news flash. If you're dancing with teenaged guys yes. They're going to (many of them -- not all) want to do all sorts of things, pretty much whatever you let them. It's up to the girl, in my view, to set limits in terms of what she expects and what she'll allow to happen to her body, on the dance floor or off. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't buy into the idea that because it's popular or it's on TV makes it something I should do. No way.

    I say all this in the context of the fact that I do grind. I do like -- love, even, uninhibited freestyle dance. It gets pretty hot, sometimes. But let me tell you. No strange guy better ever have the nerve to put his hands anywhere on my body without my express permission. And walking up behind me and starting to dance? Uh. Not gonna happen.
  9. africana

    africana New Member

    yes agreed. I'm all about sexy freestyling but it's never to satisfy some guy's fantasy, or letting random people touch me when they feel like it
  10. Titania

    Titania New Member

    Okay lemme explain here :)
    He's not a random guy! I may have mislead that there. He's a good friend, and one I have begun to develop feelings for. I know him well.
    So its okay.
    So.. knowing that, can you re read my first post?
    And thanks for the replies guys, even though its not exactly what I am looking for.
    Seems like a nice place here.
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay! That's different. :D Love to you and your guy, too.

    I'll go read your post and be right back. :cool:
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay. Front grinding came first, just for the record. :lol: In my view, that's the better position for the female because you have more say in what happens. Besides, it's a meeting of equals, rather than being demeaning to the woman.

    My take? As the woman, just move your body any way the music influences you to. The guy's job is to complement you with his movements. That's why choosing a partner is very important. Nice guys will frame you (the picture/subject) with their bodies as they dance. Bad guys will exploit you. (Sorry about the protective mother hen act. I have ten nieces, so I kinda take on that role reflexively. :lol: )
  13. chandra

    chandra New Member

    lol, we all love the mother hen pygmalion!

    Plus, my mom would never give advice to me about grinding ;)

    Re op, I dont know much about grinding, never participated myself, but good luck to you with your guy!
  14. africana

    africana New Member

    the reason I don't answer these posts opinion: grinding should not be happening at 14, cos one isn't mature enough to handle the sex you are simulating. that's what it is, simulating sex to music

    in fact I actually don't like grinding. Dancing sexy as age-appropriate, I have no issue with that. but grinding the "proper" way in public is just nasty IMO
  15. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    But it is happening africana, so even if you don't like it and your values are against it, this is the 'in' dancing for teenagers. So if/when you have teenagers, you're gonna have to deal with it.
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping the fad will pass, Shooshoo, although I doubt it'll ever go away completely. I've been freak dancing since high school, and it wasn't new then. :?

    @africana There's a proper way to grind? lol. Sorry. I just thought the terminology was funny. Proper and grinding just don't go together in my mind. *giggle* And yeah. There's uninhibited freestyle dancing. Then there's nasty dancing. Yep. There's both. Exactly why I'm careful about setting limits in terms of whom I'll dance with and how. :cool: :)
  17. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    First of all, welcome to DF, Titania! Please don't feel we're too old to give you advice (many of us are in our late teens, such as myself). We're nice peeps (most of us :p) and we try to help anyone who comes here with questions about dancing.
    Even if you're into this guy, I think you should take care of yourself first. The question "what can I do to make this a good experience for him" is one I hear from many girls/women, and it shows they have very low self-respect. Sure it's good to want to make it fun for both of you. But it's important that it's fun for you too, and NOT because it's fun for him.
    You described the way he was dancing with you in a very... clinical way that made me think "she's not enjoying this at all". And I have to agree with others, it's a bit too soon to be dancing so sexually. As others have said before me, there's dancing and there's sex with clothes on. Do make sure you keep everything straight.

    Twilight Elena
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    no socking might break a nail and it really wouldnt hurt enough...I vote for kicking...some guy walks up to me and starts that business...he ain't gonna be able to use that part for a long long time afterward....and yes, I am a mother hen....cluck cluck cluck
  19. africana

    africana New Member

    that's exactly why i will be going to jail, cos that will not be happening in my house :p
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

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