General Dance Discussion > Homosexual Dancers

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by DanceMentor, Dec 18, 2003.

  1. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    This may be a controversial topic, but I think we can handle it in a reasonable manner.

    How do you feel about gay dancers?
    Are you comfortable dancing with the same sex if they are gay?
    Do you think it is OK for gay couples to dance at public dances and even show affection for each other?

    For me, some of my very first instruction was from a couple of different gay men, and I feel they gave me some excellent coaching, not to mention, they danced the woman's part very well! :D I'm still very good friends with one of these instructors to this day after over 10 years.

    There were a couple of times when they "came on" to me, and I didn't really appreciate it. But once we set the boundaries, everything was fine.

    I've also participated in some group classes that were exclusively gay (except me of course), and we all had a great time.

    There was one thing that I thought was a little weird, but maybe you will think otherwise. There is a lady who is a cross dresser who comes to the public dances. She dresses like a man and then goes around asking all the ladies to dance. Usually the ladies don't even realize she is also a woman.

    I find it a little funny the way straight guys (like me) always have to make it known that they are not gay (like me) before talking about accepting gay people. :lol:
  2. foursquare

    foursquare New Member

    What an interesting topic. My personal feelings are: People are people. I wouldn't want to go to a dance and see a couple passionately making out and groping each other in the booth next to me; that goes straight or gay. Affection? Holding hands? A kiss after a dance? A kiss in the booth that just says "I love you." Sure, bring it on. If you feel affection and are in love, expressing that affection is normal and shouldn't be make a couple feel uncomfortable while expressing it.

    Now as far as coming on to you... you've never done that to a chick who you were interested in? How else would you know if they're interested in you unless you came on a little? And you figure, if you're straight, you at least have a fighting chance at picking out the opposite sex. If you're gay, and the person you're interested in is not wearing a pin or a t-shirt or something that states what team they're playing for, then you have to test the waters, so to speak, because you're kind of working blind.

    Again people are people. Obnoxious people are obnoxious people. Nice people are nice people. That's all you should really worry about.

    (Not gay, but frequently mistaken. One friend used to call me a "flaming heterosexual.")
  3. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    First, I've actually seen more women dancing with women, rather then men dancing with men, gay or not!! I have no issues with gay people dancing together in public.

    As for dancing with a gay guy my main hesitation would be the "coming on" aspect. However, if a gay guy wants to dance with me and he asks me to be a follow I probably would jump at the chance without a second thought as I am always looking for such opportunities!! :)
  4. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    It could be, but shouldn't be touchy!

    I don't give it a second thought . . .

    I have danced with gay men (and women), and since I am secure in my own sexuality, I am just fine with it!

    I don't have a problem with anyone showing affection for each other . . . unless it gets out of hand and they need to go get a hotel room . . . then I might suggest that to them . . . straight or gay!

    Me too - re: the istruction with a gay man - and the subject of sex (gay or straight) never came up.

    If you (we) don't make it an issue a gay man or woman won't either!

    We saw a T/S last year at a dance, and she (he) was better looking than most of the women at the dance . . . I certainly looked more than once. Curiosity???? Let's hope so . . . :wink:

    And why is that???
  5. foursquare

    foursquare New Member

    What about you chicks dancing with straight guys? Do you hesitate because of a possible "coming on" aspect? (I'm making a point here: no one would be dancing with anyone if everyone was worried that everyone else was not there to dance but to score.)

  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Actually I've avoided a few "chicks" when I think that there is a one-way attraction!!! [I'm being sarcastic!!] It's all this thinking!! When I am out dancing I just dance. That's what I'm there for, and when I pick someone to dance I'm not thinking I'm attracted to a "chick" or perhaps she is attracted to me! If there aren't enough females I start eyeing the guys!! A few times I've asked and been rejected as people are not comfortable with their sexuality. :( I can't stand going to dance and not dancing!!
  7. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    And why is that???[/quote]

    Well, if I try to defend my position, I may appear insecure. :lol:

    Excellent point. I never really thought about it that way.
  8. SwinginBoo

    SwinginBoo New Member

    Well put Foursquare. I couldn't agree more.
  9. d nice

    d nice New Member

    I'm not sure I even notice anymore... I'm not sure I ever did. When I dance I dance, if the music says flirt I flirt, whether it is a strait guy, gay guy, gay woman, straight woman, and their own attractiveness doesn't come into play...

    Unless they take it off the dance floor, then I tone it done with them next time.

    I don't find an unattractive person coming on to me as being a problem, it is a compliment, regardless of whether or not they match my own sexual orientation. I thank them let them know I'm not really interested, and go on from there.
  10. KevinL

    KevinL New Member

    foursquare has it going on, and I agree with all of it. I don't care if people are gay, straight, or ambiguous, I'll ask everyone to dance.

    Part of my experience was that I started dancing (a lot, anyway) in the San Francisco Lindy scene, and all the good dancers there do both roles. Then I started my teacher training, and we had to learn both sides. More importantly, we could take all the group classes we wanted, as long as we balanced the class, so I got even more experience dancing both roles.

    I've only had one uncomfortable experience with a gay male, and that was because he was drunk, and wasn't following proper etiquette. He wouldn't let me leave, and kept asking for dance after dance! Since then I've made sure never to do that with women, since I was once on the recieving end. (Actually, I had never asked someone to dance multiple times in a row beforehand, either.)

    After I moved to Vermont I noticed that the women in the local Lindy scene would often dance with other women, but guys would almost never dance with other guys. So I started asking the guys to dance and it broke open the floodgates. A couple of different people have mentioned that they are glad I started dancing with guys because it's opened doors for lots of other people to do the same thing. It still hurts to be rejected, though, 8^(.

    There is one young gay guy who dances with the local USABDA chapter, and I can always depend on him to dance with me. I was actually the first man he'd ever danced with in public! It's always a challange for me to practice following enough to be remotely competent, so it's good that he comes to those dances. There are also a couple of other guys that I dance with regularly, but they usually make me lead. One time I was dancing with one of them, and I heard a woman's voice from the background "Why are there two guys dancing?" Out of context I'm not certain what she meant, but I was disappointed that I heard it. Another time I was dancing with another male teacher, and he stopped halfway through the song, "We'd better stop before someone shoots us." That was disappointing to hear as well.

    What do I care if someone is straight, or gay? I'm not going home with any of them anyway, so why would I worry about dancing with guys? Lesbians are great because they often know how to lead, and nobody minds if we dance together, even if I am doing the follower part.

  11. jon

    jon Member

    On a related topic, I do feel some discomfort about a certain woman in the ballroom dance scene who (a) seems to be coming on to me a bit and (b) seems very likely to be transexual (female friends have independently noted this so it's not just my imagination). I wouldn't care about (b) were it not for (a), but I'm not so modern as to be completely comfortable with this scenario.

    Not that it is really all that different from being pursued by someone with XX chromosomes whom I have absolutely no interest in, but the added ambiguity makes for a certain added discomfort level.
  12. lindy jihad

    lindy jihad New Member

    *gasp* what next? gay dancers with tattoos?! nooo

    i dont think its ok for ANY couple to show affection in public.
    it makes me want to vomit.

    but really, why wouldnt it be ok if they danced at our public dances?
  13. borikensalsero

    borikensalsero Moderator

    I've been around gay folks all my life so I don't really see any issue on it besides having to attempt to explain to the few phobes why I don't mind being hit on gay men, or flirt with them. I am sure of who I am as well as my sexuality.

    Last night I saw two hetero males bust out in the best dance of the night at the club. The follower happend to do a way better Job than any of the girls in the place. I couldn't belive it.

    But, hey, you wanna kiss, you wanna dance, go ahead, be as happy as you want to be...
  14. salsarhythms

    salsarhythms New Member

    Jon, I see where you're coming from...

    So would you say you feel this way not because of
    the fact that she may be T/G, but because of the
    mystery surrounding it? Like you're being deceived?
  15. jon

    jon Member

    That sounds about right.
  16. salsarhythms

    salsarhythms New Member

    Yeah to me that's completely different...

    I mean, it's one thing to be tolerant, but it's a whole
    different story when you feel that you are bein tricked
    or deceived in any way...

    I would feel uncomfortable in this situation as well...
  17. NeoDevin

    NeoDevin New Member

    I have lots of gay/bisexual friends, so it doesn't bother me at all. I go with my friends to gay bars/clubs sometimes, so I've seen it all. There are 4 guys in my dance class who can follow as well, and 2 of them are better than most of the girls at it. I've dance with them, though they're straight, noone is uncomfortable. Even at the clubs dancing I've danced with gay guys (I'm such a tease). So in answer to the questions, no I don't have a problem dancing with gay men, I'm used to being hit on, so that doesn't bother me, and shows of affection that you get at the clubs are way worse than any you might get at a dance, so those don't bother me either.
  18. 2leftfeet

    2leftfeet New Member

    Good question/topic. I feel they are all better dancers than us heterosexuals. I know that sounds like a joke, but to be perfectly honest, I do. Truthfully, I believe that dancing is sort of a "gay" thing. But I don't want to say that in a derrogatory manner. I really mean that it is a graceful thing, and I think women and gay men are more naturally graceful than heterosexual men. I'm probably just a victim of society and media, I don't know. But I just associate those really good dancers that you see supporting the stars like Britney Spears and Madonna as being gay. I am mainly talking about the solo dancers. Sorry, please don't bash me. It isn't my "fault". I think anything that you believe without knowing why or being able to justify it, you've simply learned from upbringing, or society, things like that- things out of your control.

    Hell, I wish I were more graceful. I don't know how to dance, and sometimes I use the "I'm a guy" comment as a defense. Stupid, huh?

    Maybe I am just a regular idiot guy, but I think it is okay for 2 gay men to dance with each other, even show affection in public. I have no problem with that. Nor with 2 women. And no, I don't get "turned on" when I see two girls dance with each other. I think it's cool that they "can do that", while I feel two hetero men doing that is just, I don't know, not right. Again, don't know why. Society says so.

    I studied in Bogota, Colombia of all places for a semester, and my host brother taught me this figure-8 move for some dance, MANY years ago. He was gay, but didn't come out until recently. I don't feel uncomfortable dancing with an instructor who is gay. That's his job. But I agree about setting the boundaries. However, this goes with guys and girls, too. I appreciate it when I go to talk to a girl, and she says she has a boyfriend. I can get the most out of the conversation that way. I don't continue to hit on her. I ask her advice-oriented questions, like where and how they met, things like that, to gain from the situation.

    Gay men seem to be appreciative of the fact that if you aren't gay, you aren't gay, so no bother trying. I rarely feel threatened by gay men. As far as the lady goes, that's false advertising. She should be as true to the ladies she asks to dance as she is to herself about her sexual orientation. That's just my opinion.

    I do to. I do the same thing. I think it is because gays are still in the minority. So you don't see them jumping up and yelling "First off, I'm gay!". I think there is still some societal taboo toward being gay, though it is going away. And for the same reason, heteros who aren't on the "wrong side" of this taboo, are LIKELY to let people know they are straight.


    Have a good weekend!
  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Just out of curiosity, what is your experience with gay versus straight dance studio staff?

    Meaning, at my first dance studio, almost all the male dance teachers were gay. The management actually preferred to hire gay men, maybe because of the fraternization issue. :?: Until I moved on, I didn't realize that there are a lot of straight men who dance and/or teach ballroom dance.

    Has anybody else seen something like that? A prefernce for gay males as teachers? Or was my studio just weird?
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah, and I guess I should stay somewhere near on-topic. If my first dance teachers hadn't been gay, I doubt I would have continued dancing. The physical intimacy of dancing was a lot more comfortable for me, at least at first, knowing that my teacher was super, super gay. Then, I could feel comfortable.

    Now, I couldn't care less either way. But then, I strongly preferred a gay teacher.

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