Tango Argentino > How close is too close

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by JTh, Sep 10, 2016.

  1. JTh

    JTh Member

    In AT, I find that close embrace greatly improves my dancing. I am a male and the lead. The partner can feel me move if close and have troubles with my lead in an open embrace (ie can't feel my weight transfer and movements).
    I like close embrace, and partners like it too...the issue I've got is that I'm very close and often times I go home to my wife smelling of female perfume. Help..she does not understand :))
  2. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    A guy friend I go social dancing with from time to time complains to me about this as well.

    Maybe don't shower before you go out? Hope she doesn't like the smell of your sweat. ;)
  3. Reuven Thetanguero

    Reuven Thetanguero Active Member

    Bring your wife to the Milonga. If she doesn't come, she should trust you. If she doesn't trust you, nor willing to come with you to the social, it's a different kind of a problem...
    Purr and Angel HI like this.
  4. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    I would give this wife a quote from the movie: "Your husband is dancing, not checking into hotels."
    Angel HI likes this.
  5. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    JTh you came to the right place.
    We have here among the members a true specialist, a scholar of the Tango Distance. Give him a day or two and he will be back with a detailed answer, illustrated with formulas and geometry and gender ratios.
    Lois Donnay likes this.
  6. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    Sounds as if training in open embrace for a while would greatly improve your dancing.
    Meanwhile you could work either on your smelling or on her perception.
  7. TomTango

    TomTango Active Member

    Does anyone like smelling perfume/cologne while dancing?

    Best dancing smell is a nice soap!
    RiseNFall likes this.
  8. JTh

    JTh Member

    Well...a good AT always has one foot in the hotel room :)
    Mladenac likes this.
  9. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Not sure what you mean by that. While tango dancing may bring up some feelings and desires, plenty of people have no problem leaving them on the dance floor and never acting on them outside of the milonga.
    Purr likes this.
  10. Reuven Thetanguero

    Reuven Thetanguero Active Member

    I think JTh was only kidding...
    Having said that, for married couples (or serious relationships) dancing Tango is not for the insecure. It's a close intimate dance and if your significant other is not comfortable with your dancing, it's time to assess what is more important to you...
  11. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    The issue i have is not perfume - a shower takes care of that. The traces of a milonga that annoy me are lipstick and foundation. I am not sure if it is an illusion or not, but it feels like they have become more and more difficult to get out of my shirts when doing laundry. Some of them wash out fine, but others seem to be completely water and soap resistant nowadays.

    Oh, and glitter! - that stuff gets everywhere and doing laundry just seems to spread it to more pieces of clothing. Nothing like noticing sparkly bits on your shirts when getting dressed for work - or worse when getting undressed after work ;)
  12. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Yes, at times, at the end of a milonga my partner looks like he's got in a fight with a clown. :)
  13. Angel HI

    Angel HI Well-Known Member

    Reuven and Lily have great replies. And, Tango Distance does have an entire on-going thread dealing with this from a 'dance' pov. Focus on these 3.
    Re the leading from a more opened embrace, this is not necessarily a lead issue. Look firstly to your centering; dancing and moving on your vertical axis and maintaining the partnership center before adjusting lead. Good luck.
  14. JTh

    JTh Member

  15. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Here is a link to my thread where I talk about my open and close embrace adventures:


    It is somewhat the opposite of your case in that I'm coming around very slowly to the close embrace thing, and my wife is nuts for Tango. Perhaps you could read it in reverse. You would then go from close embrace to open embrace to only dancing with your wife, and all your problems would be solved!

    Has your wife been to a Milonga? Do you dance Tango with her at your home? This might demystify things for her. A good life partner is much harder to find than dance partners at a Milonga!
  16. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    That is mighty high praise, thanks Newbie. I do have some geometry comments, but sadly no formulas or gender ratios. :(

    I figured this out recently. In open embrace, your wrist, elbow, and shoulder each offer a degree of freedom (that means a movement degree of freedom). Close embrace eliminates these degrees of freedom. This means that more can go wrong in open embrace, but also more moves are possible in open embrace.

    There is also a "closer" embrace where the lead's hand goes on the lady's right shoulder blade, this also reduces the degrees of freedom, but not as much as close embrace does.

    I realize this is likely obvious to many, but it's new to me. I found I could lead a quick Milonga step with a newer dancer in "closer" embrace that didn't work with open. I feel like I can do quick steps better and faster in close embrace with DW than in open. On the flip side, I can't do much more than walk and rock step in close embrace, that gets boring pretty quickly so it's then back to open to throw in a few random ganchos.
  17. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    No ocho cortado, cruzada, weight changes in place, switching "tracks," etc?
    Lois Donnay likes this.
  18. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    No, yes, yes, no.

    I have had just 5 disconnected lessons. CE isn't taught much in my area.
  19. Lois Donnay

    Lois Donnay Member

    Why do you think that? Why should someone push his follower away if he doesn't want to? Most women prefer close embrace. Should he push them into open? Maybe it's better that you should suggest he try another dance, like ballroom. But I hope he doesn't. I don't wear perfume as a rule. He could probably find those who don't. Or wear so much cologne himself that others is undetectable.
  20. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    In our community and up to intermediate level most women prefer to dance in open embrace.
    May be that it's influenced by professional Argentinian show dancers we had a few month as guest instructors.
    And a good follower doesn't need to get pushed back - she simply keeps contact with her back to my right hand.

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