General Dance Discussion > How dancing shapes you from a woman into a lady.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by SPratt74, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Couldn't have said it better.

    There is a profound difference between being a "Lady" and "Lady-like behaviour".

    From reading this thread (and its parallel "...boys to men..."), there seems to be a very common misconception that being a Lady (or a Gentleman) is about
    sublimating your personality to a stricture of passiveness and retirement,
    or adopting an "air",
    or leading a perfectly boring life,
    or even being a timid mouse.
    That is the FARTHEST thing about being a Lady (or a Gentleman for that matter).

    Having manners,
    being courteous,
    knowing when to open the door for someone,
    or knowing what fork to use at dinner,
    these are simply measures of civility
    that one should (and could reasonably) expect
    of a person in civilized society.

    These things DO NOT make one a lady or a gentleman.

    These things simply demonstrate that one is well-mannered.

    Being a lady or a gentleman is a state of grace.
    It is about character.
    About being evolved socially--in terms of ethics, morals, and knowledge among other things.

    It is about being true to yourself
    and having that in harmony with society in general,
    and with those around you in particular.

  2. delamusica

    delamusica Active Member

    Beautifully put, m! :notworth:
  3. Novice

    Novice New Member

    What if the first conflicts with at least one of the second two? I would rather have respectful open discord and perhaps learn from it (perhaps the learning experience could be mutual?) than compromise in the name of harmony. Or is this not what you mean?
  4. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Of course NOT!!!

    A gentleman may NEVER compromise his principles--so he is NOT ALLOWED to execute POOR floorcraft.

    ... Santa Maria!!! The very idea of it...!

    He may only execute EXQUISITE floorcraft.

    Now, if he were to, say... "accidentally" change the direction of a different couple
    who MAY in turn, (ehem) just HAPPEN to RAM into Mr. Schmuck...?

    Well, that's just competition... right ? :)

  5. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Ahh, grasshopper, but you do know the answer already...

    There's always two choices in life.
    You do, or you don't.
    If your character (or ethics, morals, knowledge) are in conflict with society then you may withdraw, or you may stay.
    If you stay, you can choose to be in harmony with society, or you may not.

    As you have a choice--so does society (or group, or family, or friends...)
    It may compromise with you, or it may decide to push you away...

    The real answer though is this...
    What will distinguish one as a person of character and grace, is the MANNER in which harmony--or balance, is achieved.
    And... well... respectful discord has always been a hallmark of a civilized society.

    It is easy to tell someone to go to hell.


    It is the true lady (or gentleman) who can make them look forward to the trip.

  6. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Yes. To me it shouldn't matter who else sees you as what. Sure I can say this and this about my friends, but that doesn't make it true. Only they know what's true to them while what I say is just a pure fragment of the truth. I only say this, because it's how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself that turns you into a man or a lady not how I feel about you as a person. Again I can say that this man or this woman is a lady and a gentleman. Only they know that answer. It's how you feel about it towards yourself that matters. ;)
  7. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    An expression...

    "Personality is how you behave when people are around.

    Character is how you behave when you are alone."

  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    btw...i heard that it was only the irish that could tell you to go to hell so that you would look forward to the trip....

    and alas, madmax, i finally disagree...should a true lady or gentleman tell someone to go to hell, publicly or privately-- as you note, what would distinguish them in my mind is not that way in which they said it but their ability to apologize for it...IMO
  10. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Does this mean that I have to talk to my x and apologize to him for telling him where to go seven months ago... oh and well... prior to that too of course lol? I guess this means I have to take away the thought of me being a lady then lol. But hey wait... I did not say that I was a lady then. So, I don't think this counts lol! :p
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    when I post "IMO"...I mean IMO, that is one else need adopt my view ...nor do I expect it...but yes, in general, for ME...even when I am upset with someone and they may even (in my view) merit a rant....if I could have been more reasonable, then it is my practice to apologize ...and I respect people who feel likewise and have a bit less respect for those who don' has to do with my definition of decency which is tied I guess to civil/aka ladylike or gentleman like behavior, to is not aimed at you or anyone else for that anyone else, my view is my view in abstract...and of course there is almost always a specific where one could argue the contrary..I don't care to...
  12. africana

    africana New Member

    ahh forget it, no one gets the title of "lady" or "gentleman"

    and you may all go to hell LOL
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I have been avoiding this thread because I find the word "lady" to be extremely loaded.

    So, to be fair and reasonable, I went back and read the OP ... and then the rest of the thread. It sounds like the OP was talking about what another, older thread called being a "girlie-girl."

    So, leaving all my feminist ranting aside. lol. I'll answer the question.

    No, dancing hasn't made me start dressing any differently, other than the obvious change that my clothes are now comfortable for dancing. But I've been basically the same for years. No-frills, when it comes to makeup, with a tendency to dress up, pretty much all the time. That hasn't changed.

    What has changed a lot is my awareness of my own body and what I'm doing with it or to it. Not sure that makes sense, since it really means a lot of things, from improved posture, to consciousness of projecting myself in a room, to increased ... sensuality (for want of a better word.) Not talking about sex, here. Just awareness of my senses. Pretty profound change, actually, and one I'm fairly sure would not be considered polite, in the old-fashioned application of the term "lady." lol.

    That said, I do appreciate the view of those who said that the terms lady and gentleman reflect ones character and should be gender neutral. I agree to both those ideas. I don't think that the term "lady" is gender neutral -- too much history for that. But, in an ideal world, it would be. :cool:

    Just my $0.02.
  14. TangoHeart

    TangoHeart New Member

    I'd say biggest thing for me is skirts and hair. I've always loved experimenting with make up so no major differences there....but yeah I used to never consider experimenting new skirts and new lengths and I'm all over the place, plus I've definetly slowed down on the whole jeans idea...not as much of a fan anymore.

    I've also discovered a lot of the higher up dancers have very unique hair so recently I've been playing that up a bit too :-D
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    funny ...after my last dance party where I actually found a guy who could do standard...I have decided against most skirts because er...he couldn't get his knee btwn my thighs...don't EVEN go there you people
  16. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Now see to me since I'm young and single, and if the guy was cute... what the heck lol! ;)
  17. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Standard skirts absolutely have to be full.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    exactly...I went to this party at the last minute and I never expected to be lucky enough that a standard guy would be there, ahem....the skirt was a tight mini...and there was just no way the poor guy could get his leg in there...bummer
  19. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Yup...have had some issues with clothes for socials for that very reason. I've got the same problem with AT--some of my favorite things just don't work if I'm wearing a tight skirt.

    I usually like to avoid the problem by wearing pants, but for some things (formals) it can be a real b*tch trying to find something that works. Not to mention, where I dance milonga has started a "cocktail" dress code--how the hell I'm supposed to find something cocktail-ish which is still AT dance-able is beyond me.
  20. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    That's very true! I've learned to buy formals now with slits on the sides of them just in case. They are pretty etc., and actually danceable. ;)

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