Salsa > How do I get asked to dance

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by curious1, May 24, 2009.

  1. suburbaknght

    suburbaknght Well-Known Member


    Really, that's it.
  2. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Helps ENORMOUSLY, in my experience.
  3. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    Standing AND grooving to the music works even better.
  4. curious1

    curious1 New Member

    LOL Wolfgang!! Thanks for your honesty ; )
  5. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    AND fluttering eyelashes. I've never tried that though as,

    a) I'm not a lady
    b) Someone would probably ask me if I had something stuck in my eye
    c) I'm a toe stepperonnerer..
    d) If there's a table with a cake on it I'd lead, there :D
  6. ArtsySalsera

    ArtsySalsera New Member

    I took a break from dancing salsa for a while because of this very thing
    you're asking about. I've very recently come back to salsa and have been having
    a really good time so far. I don't know for sure what happened. Maybe I will come back
    and write a report on how things have changed in my area. I think some veterans
    have cleared the scene who have always sort of sucked the air out of the room
    so to speak and seamed to refused to dance with other really good veteran dancers.
    I will see how it goes.
    Another thing is that if you don't have time to perform in a group,
    the performers can't/most likely may not want to dance with you socially.
    All in all I think the advice given has been very good an on point.
  7. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    Hi Curious1, great advice already given. Have you tried local college dance clubs? open houses at dance studios? group dances at other places other than the club scene? you may get to know other people and find out where they go - then - connect. Also, standing by the dance floor, ready to dance, smiling, scanning (lol), ask someone. The garden variety of reasons a "lead" doesn't ask can fill volumes, you may want to introduce yourself to people you see as regulars and just strike up a general conversation if it's the same place you continue to go to. Ask some questions - eventually they will get to know you much like the new kid in school (-: Worked for me, after weeks of frustration. Several of the guys said they felt that I danced at a higher level then them. So I started telling people I'm just a beginner and would love to try it. heh heh heh. Also, some nights are better than other nights at a venue, for example a Thursday night dancing with free dance lessons might draw more men - rather than a Friday night club scene with no lessons. Keep at it....(-:
  8. Posh salsa girl

    Posh salsa girl New Member

    2 simple techniques - stand up and maintain eye contact with any man who looks like he may be walking towards you!

    No man wants to look like a muppet by walking over to you only to be told you're too tired or even worse, to blank him by avoiding eye contact.

    However, ignoring the above advice works brilliantly when you're trying to avoid someone... use or don't the advice as it suits the situation! ;-)
  9. Here's a simple one. Why don't you just go and ask someone for the dance? Aren't you tired of this game playing thing b/c I am. Stop hiding behind custom. We all know that ladies do that so they can have the options of saying yes or no.
  10. I agree! Really, this whole custom that is engraved in our heads doesn't make any sense........You are there to dance and so are other people....So don't be shy and ask the guys for a dance.

  11. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Work on your body movement. If you look cool when you're dancing more people will be interested. Then for 4 to 6 weeks every time you go dancing ask the same 5-6 men to dance. At the end thank them and tell them how much fun you had. In 6 weeks you should be comfortable enough to make a little conversation and meet some of their friends. By this time all of the above will grab you at some point during the night.

    I prefer dancing with friends over strangers. I always go in a group and know enough people in the scene to dance the entire night... So I hardly every ask strangers anymore although if they ask me I would gladly dance with them regardless of their skill level. But when I'm at a venue, there's a duty element to my dancing. I have to make sure I get a dance with everybody I know first. I imagine some other people might be doing similar things.
  12. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    I think race has little, if any, to do with it. Like a few others have mentioned, as a guy I like to ask those I know, before reaching out to strangers. Perhaps it's the association you need to get yourself known.
  13. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    Hi Curious1 - welcome to df :)

    I would agree that my main priority in the club are the follows who are (a) friends (b) good follows (c) classmates. However, often I do go and ask newbies or folks who aren't getting asked as a means of trying to help the scene. In those cases though, I still get a few 'No's so what I tend to do is follow the path of least resistance. ie I look for follows who are

    (a) standing: Very rare to ask someone who is sitting. Just seems like they are just there to watch.
    (b) they are standing on their own: usually if a girl is talking to her friends, I try not to interrupt. And if she has a guy with her, I wonder if he is the overprotective bf. Either way, I look for the path of least resistance
    (c) lastly, try find a location where it is easy for a guy to go and ask you. If you are hidden in the dark, or we have to go thru a crowd, might be tough. Maybe you could find the section of the club where the intermediate/advanced folks are, or by the fans, or look at the locations where girls who are standing tend to get asked.

    I doubt it is race, it is comfort level and convenience. So just have a friendly sincere smile, and tough it out. Sometimes its just breaking thru the social setups in a scene and making friends. Do help out less fortunate leads in the meanwhile :)
  14. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member

    In your average night club on your average Firiday/Saturday night, maybe about 15% of the guys will have the cojones to go up to girls they don't know and ask them to dance.
    Sitting, standing, doesn't matter.
    One assumes that if the girl is sittiing right next to the dance floor, she might be interested in dancing.
    Which may be so, but the question remains, is she interested in dancing with you?
    HUGE difference!
    Virtually any girl located in any part of the club will happily and immediately extract herself from whatever crowded, crammed barstool/table/people fortress she is entrenched in when Brad Pitt, the 6'5 Brain Surgeon Test Pilot Billionaire asks her to dance.
    And leave the 'protective' guy (whatever his role may be) right behind.
    Unless, perhaps, he's an unusually violent husband.
    (She does like her face the way it is, doesn't she?)

    One thing I find a trifle puzzling sometimes is that when there's a large group of ladies, they always position themselves - sitting or standing - in exactly such a way as to make the most attractive one the least accessible from the outside.
    Must be a sort of herd instinct.
  15. Follow these tips and you will make the Salsa dancing experience much more enjoyable.

    For Women

    1. Don’t turn down a dance, if possible say YES!
    2. Smile and enjoy every dance
    3. If no one is asking you to dance, ask them instead
    4. Be patient with the lead if they are less experienced than you
    5. No handbags while dancing
    6. Wear deodorant and remember hygiene is important.
  16. taylor1990

    taylor1990 New Member

    Don't give up the salsa, it's such a wonderful dance. As far as getting asked to dance, I usually find that the prettier/better you are, the more you intimidate people and the less people will actually ask you to dance. It's kind of ironic how you say you're black and you don't get asked to dance, because I find it's kind of the opposite here in NY. I'm probably the whitest person you'd ever see, and I find I usually have to prove to people that I CAN dance. I guess the stereotype around here is more that black/latin people are better dancers than white people. Maybe it's just a difference in location? (you said you're from the south right?) You're probably going to have to just keep asking guys until you really establish yourself in the dance community. If all else fails, move to NY. HAHA! Good luck!
  17. Don Silver

    Don Silver Member

    I'm curious if your situation has changed any since starting this thread?

    Salsa is certainly a social scene, and nothing beats making friends with others at the club. The words "Hi", "Hello", or similar greeting work wonders if you do it regularly. Simply say hi to a guy as you walk past him.

    Standing is critical, if I have to choose between two ladies I don't know, and one is sitting and the other standing by the floor, the standing lady will be selected unless there is another factor.

    If she is unknown, I also look at her shoes. You can be ultra attractive and I won't ask anybody without dance shoes unless I already have a connection with her.

    Also, find out if people at the club are on Facebook. Nothing beats sending a friend request, and then when they see you at the club you are not a total unknown. Social networking both in the clubs and on-line makes a huge difference.

    FWIW - I'm an older white guy, so I get a similar issue, where every new club I attend causes quite a few "no thank-you" responses. Guys my race/age are often weaker leads, and I get lumped into that group until I've been around a bit.

    I can't tell you how many ladies tell me weeks later than they accepted my first dance believing they were simply being nice and would endure 5 minutes of dancing with me because they didn't want to say no. I was turned down last night by a lady who later figured out I danced with all her friends regularly. (She was there early, they weren't around yet...)

    And I agree with many others... ask the stronger guys, AND ask them if they know other good leads they can introduce you to... Guys can't resist asking someone who was introduced by another decent lead. Find one or two of these guys, who know lots of others, and your fortune will change.

    After a dance with a decent lead, don't go off the floor, stay close to the edge after the tune... guys often ask follows coming off the floor. Don't walk off too fast and don't sit down.

    Let us know how it's going.

    (I've also written a few articles on getting started in clubs. I'll have to dig up the URLs...)
  18. Don Silver

    Don Silver Member

  19. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    If that be the case, then in the venues I frequented, you would have missed out on most of the truly great dancers that attended .

    I cant remember the last time I wore proper dance shoes ! ( not even for teaching )

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