Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by atk, Mar 19, 2007.
:uplaugh: Surely you jest...
No, not really. I have plenty of what Laura called hobby-friends or work-friends (and whom I refer to as my friends), but I don't have friendships which are that close. And I am not sure if I would like to have such relationship.
Well, it's still not easy to switch no matter how many lessons you take. But again... I'd say to focus on you. I guess with me is that I look at these people as business acquaintences more than anything. I've only kept in contact with one business associate that I worked with, but we also graduated college together. So, it was a different kind of relationship. Otherwise, nope... I tend not to go that way. I know enough in case I need references or whatever, but that's about it.
Now, when it comes to dance teachers, again... it's just a business. I wouldn't call them up to paint my bathroom (for I have to get mine done, but a professional is going to do it for me). I wouldn't even call them if I had to go to the E.R. It's not that kind of friendship. There are certain people in my life that would do anything for me, and those are people that are in neither of those categories.
And the way I see it is, would you feel guilty for not paying them to help you since you pay for them to teach you something else? What if you couldn't afford to pay them to help you with your bathroom? If you feel any kind of guilt, then it's probably more like a business relationship than anything else. And I just couldn't go that way, because I would feel as though I would have to pay them, but that's me though. Because again... I look at them more as a business acquaintence than anything else.
But it is how you look at things. I guess with me and the kind of experiences I've had made me learn how to look at people more closely if this makes sense.
it's all grey...compounded by the differences btwn the way that men and women define friendship as well...I mean most folks in a marriage can see that women tend to define a greater amt of intimacy as ideal...lots of guys think they are being a friend by doing VERY little...best approach is to talk about it if in question IMO...I take alot of lessons..I have no delusions about that being an important finanacial IV to pro...I also know that his pride would allow him to say goodbye to me in an instant if I tried to abuse that...we are friends...not tied at the hip friends...and definately not stable nor romantic...just two people muddling through our lives together counting on each other and forgiving each other...he's made us dinner once...he's a really good cook...I don't really care whether it looks like a friendship or not...given the amount of time...it just is...even when we don't like each other...but if I felt that he no longer had the same sorts of goals for my dancing that I have...it would break my heart, but I would move on...mercifully, he does....as for the friendship part...we have very different ways of being friends...but we are, even when we aren't...BOT...we take as many lessons as I can afford and/or which we can emotionally sustain given both of our tenuous grasps on being in the mood...but hey, it's coming out pretty well...and we are content
It sounds like exactly the right relationship at exactly the right time for you, fascination, and in the end that is all that anyone can ask for.
Ditto for me and TS. He's a good guy, and has been brilliant for my dancing. I'm glad that I can learn from him, and that he can share this phase of his career with me.
lol...except that only, due to my own instability, I change my mind weekly...but I am learning to ignore myself and so is he...we are finding a way....I am really happy that you have found that in TS...you certainly deserve that....
I'd help you paint your bathroom. I'm hiring a professional to do mine only because the whole house needs to get done. Otherwise, I have experience. I've painted two bedrooms, a bathroom, and part of the store I work at lol! I don't expect anything in return. Painting is relaxing to me... until you get high from the smell that is lol!
Actually, yes. (see, some of us are truly pathetic! ) I have a boss I've been with for 8 years now; she just bought out the business about 9 months ago and subsequently had to let our receptionist/scheduling clerk go when business became slow at the first of the year and she couldn't afford to pay the person. Now me and the other girl who is left are doing like 3 people's jobs (because we were short staffed even with the other lady there!). And the boss always talks about how we all have to work together to get thru this, and it will get better one day, and talks about loyalty, etc. And I'm sitting there thinking, I gave you 8 years! I dont owe you this; I'm miserable trying to do 3 people's jobs for the same pay(no raise for us this year!) while you try to pretend everything is hunky-dory...when all I would have to do is get a job with a bigger atty office in the city and make 10 thou a year more with alot less stress because I'd be doing my job and no one else's! Once I've finished moving and have gotten rid of that stress(gotta take one thing at a time here), I'm going after a new job. But, yes, I do feel guilty about it. And I know she's going to have hard feelings about it, and that she'll think I'm terrible for abandoning her after all these years, etc, which makes me feel more guilty about it. But like the dance teacher thing, it has to be done.
Incidentally, i CAN see where you are coming from in all this. And I totally wish I was like you and could do these things without feeling guilt about it at all, but I'm just not made that way (I'm a total wus; I admit it, lol!).
I actually currently need to do a lot of touching up to the paint in my bathroom.
Dont feel bad, you arent missing much IMO. I have one work friend, who I do nothing outside of work with and who would probably be better defined as an acquaintance. I have had two best friends over the years but they left me for boyfriends/husbands...why cant girls figure out they can have both friends AND a man?! Now I have a married couple as my close friends (maybe that will work better!), although we dont do much outside of dance. I've never had a group of friends, but then again, I'm not a group sort of person...too many people to try to keep happy (can you see a theme here?)...
I was in a similar situation with the college. My boss was loading loads of work on me, and I just couldn't do it any more. And then one day he said where work comes first and family comes second etc. Well, that did it for me. I am a family person. My work is not my home life I'm sorry. So, I ended up leaving after four years of being loyal. I don't think down about him at all, but I am still furious that he said that. I know he looked at me as his daughter as well as another girl, but he was not my father. I couldn't do it any more, so I put in my resignation.
To me... sometimes being close with bosses is toooo close for me. There are certain people that I am loyal to, but they do not include my bosses nor my teachers. And as far as dance teachers come, I don't owe them anything except what I pay for my lessons. And yeah... I've been through a lot, but to me... in the end... they are just teachers. I pay and think of them like how I pay my college teachers. I don't care for that kind of closeness. I'm not saying that I think down about my teacher or anything like that. I do care about him, but still... you can care about a person without it turning into this whole hoopla of an ordeal.
And there have been other times when I have been loyal only to find out they weren't being loyal to me. They were just putting on an act for whatever the reason. Mostly it was to get money. Its funny how loyal people can be when money is involved, and how all of the sudden things change when money isn't going into their pockets. But mostly I have found this out over the years through my personal experiences. Others may think differently if they've had better experiences than me. I just don't trust people when an exchange of money is involved (not meaning family etc.). Sorry. That's just me.
There's a saying that goes around the techie community where I live: you can love your job, but your job won't love you back. I guess because I worked for 13 years in a field where loyalty (going in both directions) meant nothing, it's easier for me to look at the student-teacher relationship in dancing the way I do. And also because I've just seen so many people over the years post about how their teacher isn't giving them what they need, and how there's this other teacher they could go to who is so much better, but they are afraid/loyal/don't want to hurt someone's feelings by moving on. Why spend money if don't feel like you're getting your money's worth?
When I told my old Pro/Am teacher that I was quitting to concentrate on dancing amateur with K., I wasn't cavalier about it. It did make me feel a little sad and shaky. But those feelings lasted for about a day before I told him and a couple of hours afterwards. It wasn't bad enough to spend days or weeks wondering if I should move on....
in any area...if you keep bumping your head up against something you don't like and you do nothing about it ...you really have to accept that you have chosen the predicament...yes some might justify staying in certain situations due to percieved lack of other good alternatives...but to stay in a situation that is untenable...you had better alter your expectations or prepare to be frustrated...it is virtual insanity to continue to expect things from people that you know aren't going to happen...and the agony at that point isn't even their fault any longer...there are exceptions...but not so many...so, where the two directions of this thread converge; if one desires to take more privates than one's pro is willing or able to commit to, one can either; 1)come to acceptance, 2) add-a-pro, 3) get a new pro, 4) issue an ultimatum and mean it, or 5) b*tch and whine incessantly or be made to feel unreasonable by said person who is too set in their way to change...
as for the initial question...I am curious as to why it was asked...IIRC it was b/c the OP wanted some idea of what would be a good plan for progress...and that I think has far too many variables for there to be anything that nears a pat answer...but it certainly is a good question and I hope the range of answers reinforces the acceptability of a number of paths
Well said...you are a beautiful voice of reason. Would love to meet you someday, F.
As soon as I decide on a color... I'll be painting my bathroom... leaning towards a yellow/goldish with perhaps some fun finish... hmmmm. I wonder who I could invite over to help? Tanya? I'll help you, if you'll help me...
Maybe someday I'll get around to remodel my bathroom. I think I'll hire someone for the job, though. But that's a subject for another thread.
that is so sweet...thanks...I am not hard to track down btw...pm me if you want my comp schedule...hug
Yeah sorry to get off the original post, but it was Laura that brought up the bathroom subject lol!!! Just kidding Laura.
But anyways, this thread has kind of gone off in three different ways lol. As far as the OP was concerned, it's basically what you can afford amongst other issues as in time and convenience etc. I vary at different times depending upon my circumstances at that time etc., and I think most people will agree with me on that one. There is no reason to feel bad about it as long as you are doing something that you love.
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