Dancers Anonymous > If Airlines Sold Paint

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Larinda McRaven, Apr 30, 2011.

  1. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member


    Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

    Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

    Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

    Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
    prices up to $200 a gallon.

    Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

    Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

    Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

    Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

    Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

    Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

    Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

    Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3
    weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday
    of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

    Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!

    Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

    Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

    Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
    only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by
    the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any
    more $12 paint.

    Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

    Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
    a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store
    with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you
    purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you

    Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have

    Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't
    use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the
    paint you already have.

    Customer: WHAT?

    Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom,
    hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do
    the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

    Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I
    already paid you for it!

    Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is
    used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of

    Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if
    I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

    Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the
    $200 paint.

    Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a
    liter" signs?

    Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-
    gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-
    gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels,
    some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

    Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

    Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for
    your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from
    someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall
    and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir,
    that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a

    Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

    Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which
    you started. A hallway is different.

    Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
    one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

    Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference
    on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it
    now, sir.

    Customer: You're insane!

    Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.
  2. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    It's actually worse than that.

    A can of paint might be available at several different prices. Just because it's available at a price doesn't mean that they'll sell it at that price. They might be hoping to find a willing buyer at one of the higher available prices.

    Then there are federal and international regulations regarding return of paint, exchanges of paint, and fees for same. There are restrictions on how prices can be labeled, changed, and advertised. There are taxes for various parts of the paint supply chain, and fees the paint companies need to pay in order to operate a paint store.

    Governments require paint companies to supply them with real-time information on who's buying paint, and to collect specific documents as proof.

    There are special agreements between paint companies to sell each others' paint. Sales of certain paints that are manufactured in one place but made in another are subject to international treaty agreements. There are giant paint cartels, each with several paint companies, trying to assure that between them they'll be able to guarantee that a cartel can give you all the colors of paint you might need.

    Most paint shipments are barely break-even transactions for paint customers.

    And, at the end of the day, you are after all free to wallpaper.

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