General Dance Discussion > Is it possible to compete and "hate" your partner?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Larinda McRaven, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Okay, so lets just lay it out straight before we start. No gossiping. No names. And "hate" is a strong word so lets go easy on it.

    Do you think it is possible to have a succesful competitive partnership with someone you really really dislike.

    How about someone you have very little respect for their dancing?
     
  2. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Short term, yes. Long term, no.
     
  3. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Because long term you would come to un-hate them, or come to respect their dancing? Or because there would be no long term?
     
  4. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Most obviously the later, but the first two are possibilities as well.

    In the short term, if what you create together is getting endorsement from outside observers (ie, results), you can put your own feelings on hold for a while and see what you might accomplish. But in the long term, you can't deny yourself - either the situation grows to become one that works for you, or it falls apart.

    I think in the long term it's better to find someone you work well with, where the couple and their coaches feel they can grow together, even if it takes longer to get the specific external validation of results.
     
  5. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    I think it'd be easier with someone whom you dislike but whose dancing you respect, than vice versa, but either way, can't see it lasting long term, at least not for me.
     
  6. emeralddancer

    emeralddancer Active Member

    YES .... on several levels ...even long term.


    No .....not for all the tea in China.


    You can totally dislike someone on a personal level and STILL respect their dancing, their knowledge etc ... But you can not ever hope to do well if you do not respect them. Two different birds.
     
  7. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Well the disliking thing would be much easier to see past in the beginning, and overcome. Because at the top level it is all to easy to dislike your competittors out of sheer competitiveness. I know it is easy to displace your frustration onto your close rivals. I am FAR BETTER friends now with most of the smooth finalists from my time than I ever could have been 4 years ago.

    But to dance with someone whose dancing you don't respect means that you think it will change to something you can respect or that you can overlook the differences and ride to success on something else. That may be harder to achieve.
     
  8. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I don't know, there are more things to a successful partnership, especially at the top, than that. Two political camps joinging forces might be a very powerful factor, regardless of the internal dynamics of a partnership.

    AND, a successful partnership may have been founded on a couple that at one time respected each other, but over time, turned sour, yet the "couple" still exist and still can maintain a very very very high level of success. I know of MANY partnerships that operate successfully under those conditions.


    Also to note: Arguing while a couple practices (or competes) isn't the same thing. It is not neccessarily a sign of disrespect of the dancing or dislike of them, just misplaced frustration.
     
  9. emeralddancer

    emeralddancer Active Member

    true ... but even then if there is no respect ... AND you dislike each other .... there is no long term even for the political machine to work. I just see it disingrating over time, and it will show up eventually in the partners dancing together and ability to make it come off believeable or good. Eventually it will affect the whole. And no amount of manuevering of the political machine can repare that.

    Totally agree with this.

    Yep, agreed. I have seen this in action. ;)
     
  10. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    I do not compete but looking at it from the perspective of a business / work partnership, I'd say it is possible. A lot would depend on why you dislike them.

    No. I can work with people who I respect but despise. I cannot work with people I think are idiots.
     
  11. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Then there's the meaning of a word like 'hate'. Hate is not indifferent - instead, at some level it's perhaps an overwhelming frustration, a "this would work so well if only you weren't so [whatever]".
     
  12. Bella

    Bella New Member

    I too have seen successful partnerships that distaste each other. Let's define the bitterness here however... Words of disrepect? Name calling? Are those behaviors healthy in a long term partnership? Absolutely not. Sure you have founded respect for each other once, and hit obstacles that hindered that relationship, and you may stay together because you're placing high... Again, is it healthy for a partnership. Absolutely not. Would I stay with a top world dancer who disrespects me? Absolutely not.
     
  13. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
     
  14. Bella

    Bella New Member

    This is completely understandable. You're gonna bump heads with someone you spend so much time with. Maybe it's a sense of comfort partners remain, or perhaps high placements. However, verbal abuse (if you will) is not tolerable, not in my book.
     
  15. NielsenE

    NielsenE Active Member

    Well I've been on the other side of this one -- had a partner who didn't respect my dancing and was told that it would probably never be respectable in her opinion. The latter was more of a problem than the former for me. Since in the former case, it could motivate to improve/impress and get over it; in the latter it makes it feel hopeless.

    I would never want to put someone else through that, so no I don't think I could compete with someone who's dancing I disliked.

    Now in the case of someone who I personally didn't care too much for, but respected their dancing... probably depends if the things I disliked showed up in practice/competitions or not. (In my case I suspect it wouldn't work, but I can imagine situations where it could)
     
  16. Bella

    Bella New Member

    I'm adding to this. I've learned a valuable lesson recently. Absolutely I want to win and place high. Is that everything? Most of all, I want to dance, and dance well... and as I do, I'll do it hand in hand with my partner with pride and complete respect for the talent he delivers AND for the person he is.
     
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    L...I think the devil is in the details...IMO, it depends on what it is you don't like about them...and it depends on what it is about their dancing that you don 't respect...ie;...just as an example...if someone is an arrogant womanizer...hey, as long as he doesn't hit on me, it's all good... But if what I don't like about him is that he is unreliable, lazy, irresponsible...well, if you sign up for that you get what you deserve...as to their dancing, if it is a difference in schools of thought or politics...meh, maybe that can be overcome...if it requires you to dance a way that compromises your own integrity..well, only you can determine whether or not it is worth it....
     
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I will add that at one time I thought liking who I danced with was paramount but when the dancing starts stagnating, it can cause some fairly serious challenges to the liking part....I still think it is a bonus, but heck, life is messy...there are lots of people who go "up and down on my like-o-meter" on a fairly regular basis ;)...people just have to make a decision and go with it until they discern that it is time to make another decision
     
  19. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    Almost sounds like marriage. Though hopefully (though boviously not always) without the other decision part.
     
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    sometimes it feels like it...as well as divorce...
     

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